


Dark as Rain

by Scutter



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-27
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-16 09:22:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 60
Words: 144,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/860523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scutter/pseuds/Scutter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-game. Ultimecia has been defeated, but that doesn't mean the world is at peace. Garden begins planning its future. The SeeDs reflect on the struggles they have faced. And Squall begins to notice the 'attentions' of a good friend. But what's this? Seifer causing trouble? Surely not...</p><p>"Zell? You’re leaving?" Squall's voice holds just a hint of alarm, and I immediately launched into a denial.<br/>"No! It’s just an idea Cid’s been playing with. I haven’t said yes."<br/>"And you haven’t said no either?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this many years ago and it's posted on fanfiction.net, but they have rules about explicit content, so I'm reposting it here with all the explicit bits included. I'll be uploading it gradually, as I find the time.

**ZELL**

**SeeD POST-TRAUMATIC PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION**

**Please answer the following questions, in your own words. Please be as honest and complete as possible in your answers. There is no time limit.**

_Question 1. Have you ever purposely injured yourself?_

Does using myself as a diversion for a T-Rexaur attack count? Even though I was only doing it to give Squall a chance to cast _Aura_ on himself, but still...

**Yes.**

I smirk briefly at the paper. One down, 59 to go...

_Question 2. On a scale of one to ten, how easy is it for you to fall asleep at night, with one being the easiest, and ten, the most difficult._

Well, that really depends on whether I've taken the time to jerk off, after watching Squall work off his frustrations in the training centre, and I'm feeling nicely relaxed as a result, or if I'm stuck there in bed, breathless and with a raging hard-on, with a 12 year old teddy bear named Elvis as my most interesting bed-companion.

**Seven.**

_Question 3. Do you want children?_

Considering I'm fuck-arsed gay, and the likelihood of a natural conception is somewhere around 0.045%... 

**No.**

_Question 4. Did you want children prior to working for SeeD?_

Say what? Heck, before all this happened, I still was a child. In a lot of ways, I still am...

**No.**

How am I doin'? Shit... only four questions. This is taking forever.

_Question 5. Describe how you feel about the re-establishment of a Galbadian Military force._

Well, now that they're not being ruled by some crazed super-witch fashion victim... I guess they're as entitled to protecting themselves as anyone else. So long as they keep their shit on their own turf and don't go forcing it on Dollet, or Balamb or anything...

**Indifferent.**

_Question 6. Are you a vegetarian?_

Do Grat guts count? We're talking projectile splatter here, landing across your face from about 15 feet away, and you can't help swallowing just a little, cos let's face it, we still have to breath here, folks...

**No.**

_Question 7. Do you have difficulty relating to those you work with?_

Yeah, I have a problem getting my pants to fit every time I see Squall, especially that time I was heading into the male shower room, and he was... well... let's just say he was spending some quality time with himself, and I had to beat a hasty retreat before he figured out I was there and stopped speaking to me for the rest of his life. 

**I am very grateful for the companionship and support of my team mates.**

_Question 8. What time of the day do you most enjoy?_

The time when I'm alone in the shower with my head full of dirty little fantasies about a certain leather-clad demi-god and my fist between my legs.

Oh fuck, I can't write that... Why the hell do they make us do these stupid psyche exams anyway? Face it guys, we battled the worst form of evil known to mankind, we kicked her royal oversized ass, and now we all suffer from chronic nightmares, insomnia and delusional fantasies about our Commanders. Well, I suppose that last one could just be me...

Heck, I damn well hope it is...

I crumple the paper into a ball and toss it in the general direction of the trash can. Waste of fucking time anyway. I pull on my gloves, and drag my punching bag into the middle of the room, landing the first blow with a satisfying 'thud'. This is a much better way of evaluating my stress levels, if you ask me.

*

**SEIFER**

I don't regret it.

A lot of people would call me a bloody minded bastard for that little confession. A lot of other people would stick a knife in my back for it. For a lot of reasons, I can't blame them for that.

I was wrong. Might surprise some of you that I can admit that. But it's true. I got taken for the biggest, shit-arsed ride of my life, and I went willingly. It took me a long time to understand it. And it hurt like hell when I did. 

Ultimecia didn't care about me. She didn't care that I was her knight, didn't care that I would have gone to hell and back for her. Once she had what she wanted, I was nothing again. I landed face-down in the dirt, and I've got no one but myself to blame for it.

But I don't regret it.

You see, I had a dream. Do you know what that's like? To have one, mighty, overriding purpose to your whole life? My dream was to be her knight. I wanted to be someone important, someone worthwhile, and for a brief moment, even if it didn't last, I had that. I was her knight. Half the known world kneeled at my feet. I tortured people, I was feared, hated, revered like a god. It was soul-shaking, it was awe-inspiring and it was terrible. But to see the look in her eyes, just for those few moments when I stood beside her, as her knight, as the most valuable person in her world, it was worth it.

I'm ashamed of how much it cost me, before I figured out that it was over. 

I'm not talking about pride, or battle scars, or any of those so called nobilities. I nearly lost a friend, the best friend I've ever had, because of Ultimecia. After that last battle, in the Lunatic Pandora, Fujin got injured. Ultimecia left me high and dry after she vanished into time compression, all the spells and junctions I had going for me were worthless... and the Lunatic being what it was, we met quite a few nasty surprises on the way out. It was going okay, until I got slammed with a _Confuse_ just near the entrance, and Fu and Rajin were left to deal with a pair of Toramas on their own...

You know, there's only so much damage a _Curaga_ can fix.

It was damn hard to find a medical facility that would treat her, after that. Seems word spreads quickly after a dictator gets overthrown. With the whole mess of time compression, it's hard to say exactly when Ultimecia was defeated, but it didn't make any difference. No one would help the bastard who helped enslave half the world. 

Or the woman dying in his arms.

I can't thank Fisherman's Horizon enough for what they did. Granted, it took them a little while to believe that I wasn't there to cause trouble, but that didn't stop them treating Fujin. Just as well... we were starting to run low on _Regen_ spells...

If they hadn't helped her, I figure I'd just have laid down and died beside her.

I don't want much, anymore. Just me, my few friends, and to be left alone. The Horizon gives me all of that. Never thought I'd be happy to live such a simple life, and I do find myself wondering about it, sometimes. What it might have been like, if Ultimecia had won. Where we might all be...

Or not be. We might have all been sucked into time, might have vanished for all eternity... now there's a scary thought. I honestly can't say I'm sorry about the way things turned out. And Squall... Hell, they even talk about him here, where they're not supposed to care about all those over-glorified war-time heroes. If he thinks he can deal with all that publicity, then good luck to him.

Me, I'm happy living in relative obscurity here.

I've already achieved my ultimate dream. 

How can I regret that?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The results of the psych evaluations are in. The results are... interesting.

**IRVINE**

The SeeD lounge has been renovated. 

About time, too. That scratchy green rug never went down well with me. It always seemed too much like the color of Geezard vomit. Anyway, they obviously hired someone with taste this time, since the new carpet is deep red, and doesn't clash with the walls. They've ditched the cheap yellow chairs, too. Now we've got ourselves a couple of stylish black leather couches. Very nice... I settle into one of them, testing their texture carefully. Comfortable, suitably soft for snuggling... I approve. 

"Hey, who did the fix-up job! This is totally cool!"

Ah, the light of my life. And not a moment too late, since we were just considering all things snuggle-worthy. "Mornin' Sweetbuns," I call, twisting my head over the back of the couch. 

"Mornin' Irvy," she mimics my drawl perfectly, sashaying over to grace me with a peck on the lips. She hops gracefully over the arm of the couch, landing comfortably in my lap. "Is this the reason Cid called the meeting, or is there another one? Cos if this is it, I think it's totally cool!"

"YO!" Two guesses who that could be... "Talk about your fixer-upper! Heh, it looks like someone finally figured out how important we are! SeeDs like us need a cool place to chill!" 

"Mornin' Zell," I reply, returning my attention to the love-goddess in my lap. But alas, peace was not to be had.

"Holy shit! They got me a beanbag!" Zell throws himself down with a thud, forming what I swear will end up as a permanent butt-shaped depression in said beanbag. I'm surprised the thing didn't split open, the way he does that...

"Do you have any idea how many times I had to ask Cid for one of these! I can't believe he finally said yes!"

"Hi Quisty," Selphie calls to the older woman, who has managed to slip into the room during Zell's excitement. 

"Good morning, everyone," she replies, settling onto the opposite couch. Is it me, or does she seem more tired than usual... 

"Mornin' Gorgeous," I wink at her, and she responds with a long-suffering look, rather than the sharp retort I was expecting. Quistis has never tolerated my flirting well... which tells me something is definitely up.

"Ah, good morning everyone." Cid blusters into the room, quickly followed by Dr. Kadowaki. "I see we're all here... then we can get started."

"Hey no," Zell interrupts. "Squall's still not here."

"Yes, he is." Squall detaches himself from the wall he was leaning against, where he had been doing a superb impression of a Nothing.

"Woah!" Classic Zell double-take. Some things don't change. "Uh... hey. Didn't hear you come in," he mutters, turning red. Squall doesn't reply, as he takes a seat next to Quistis, and I feel pretty unsettled as I wonder if he's been in the room the entire time, or had managed to sneak in during our conversation... either way is pretty disturbing. Squall developed some pretty powerful skills on our trip through hell, both physical and magical... I hadn't realised just how skilled he's become, if he's managing to slip past all four of us at once. Zell plops down on his beanbag again, as Cid shuffles his papers.

"Now, the reason I called you all together," Cid begins, somehow managing to look completely absorbed by his stack of papers on the coffee table, "is regarding your psychiatric evaluations, after your dealings with Ultimecia. I know you requested that we discuss the results as a group... are you all still comfortable with that?" We all give our various forms of assent - after what we went through, keeping secrets between us just makes no sense - and Cid continues, "Good, good. Now, we've only done a preliminary assessment so far, but unfortunately..." He stutters for a moment, "...we've already run into a few problems... Ah, I think it best that I let Dr. Kadowaki explain."

"Thank you, Cid," Kadowaki gives us all a reassuring smile. We've all been wound up pretty tight over these tests. They could potentially mean the difference between us returning to active duty in SeeD, or spending the rest of our lives in padded cells... "I'll just emphasise again that these are only preliminary results. We still have to do a more thorough analysis of your answers. I'll go through them one by one, starting with... Selphie?"

"Hm?" Selphie's hopped off my lap in the meantime, and is now snuggling on the couch next to me... see, I told you snuggle-worthy couches were important. She looks just a touch nervous, and I pull her a little closer.

"Your preliminary results were very good." Selphie physically relaxes beside me. "There are a few understandable problems, such as your insomnia, but on the whole, you seem to be doing very well."

Selphie smiles warmly at the doctor. "Thank you. That's a relief."

"Well done, babe." I kiss the top of her head lightly.

"Quistis?" Kadowaki continues. "Now Quistis, your results were a little more complicated."

"I'd like to request four weeks of shore leave, effective immediately," Quistis interrupts.

Kadowaki was obviously not expecting this. "Ahh..." I honestly can't blame her for her lack of verbal fluency right now. More likely, she was expecting to have to wrench Quistis away from work with a crow bar. She's always been a little too dedicated to her job for her own good...

"Cid? Can we arrange that?" Kadowaki dodges gracefully. 

Cid seems equally as surprised, but he has had a little extra time to recover. "By all means, Quistis. We were rather hoping you would take some time off," he admits gently.

"Though, keeping in mind," Kadowaki cautions her, "that we'll need to be able to contact you when the rest of your results come through..."

"I won't go too far," Quistis interrupts again. "I was thinking of something like Balamb. Nothing too far, but still good for a change of scenery."

Kadowaki looks relieved. "That'll do nicely. Moving on then," Kadowaki continues. "Irvine?"

"Yes Ma'am?"

Kadowaki pauses, searching for a way to be diplomatic, it seems. Hmm... I wonder why? "Irvine, we're going to have to ask you to take another test. Your results for the first one were... inconclusive."

I allow myself a slight smirk. "I thought they expressed what I felt pretty clearly." 

Kadowaki seems to realise she doesn't have to be diplomatic with me, and gives me a dry look, as she hands over a second set of questions. "For Hyne's sake, Irvine, go take a cold shower before you do this one? Do you even know what you wrote for some of these questions?"

I shrug. "No idea." Honest. 

"Question 5, for example," Dr. Kadowaki shuffles through my test papers. "Describe how you feel about the re-establishment of a Galbadian Military force. Your answer was 'The sad fucks who run Galbadia are severely sexually deprived, and the whole world would benefit if someone gave those losers a blow up doll or a blow job or a sheep, so they could go spend their time doing something more interesting.' Or this one, Question 37: In a battle between a level 57 Wendigo, and a level 14 T-Rexaur, who would you consider to be the likely victor? Your answer: It depends if the T-rex is a lady, or a bloke, and if it's a lady, it would only win if she had got some good lovin' from her gentleman T-rex the night before. Then again, if she hadn't got any good lovin', she might just be pissed off enough to kill the Wendi anyway. Can I also just mention Question 19. I take it you know what that question was?" she asks, as I turn slightly pink. I nod vaguely.

"Your answer was really far, far more graphic than we needed. _Please_ don't do it again. We could actually have had you arrested and served a dishonorable discharge for what you claim to have done." Hell. She doesn't look like she's kidding.

"Yes Ma'am." I think, given the circumstances, I'll be much better off if I just shut my mouth now.

Kadowaki sighs silently, as she turns to the next set of papers. "Okay, next we have... Zell."

*

**ZELL**

Oh Shit.

"Zell, so far you've handed in three separate forms, each of which had answers for questions one through 7, and... uh... various drawings of..." She turns the page round a bit, then gives up. "...Of I don't even know what on the rest of it." She sighs. "You're having problems answering the questions, Zell?"

I shrug, in what I hope is a nonchalant way. "I just found it... kinda boring is all." Not fooling anyone.

"Zell, you understand how important these tests are?"

I can't help but scowl at that. "With respect, Doctor, it's been nearly two months since we got back from time compression. I really think that if any of us were gonna go jump off the observation deck or play basketball with a wendigo, we'd have done it by now."

Okay, so that didn't go down so well... 

She frowns her 'I'm really worried and I'm not giving up until I get what I want' frown. "Zell, I think you should come and see me privately after this meeting."

"Fuck, man..." At any other time, I would have been issued a warning for swearing at a superior officer. "Anything you wanna ask, do it here. I got nothin' ta hide from these guys." Hyne, how I wish that were true. 

More frowning. "Have you been sleeping properly?" she finally asks.

I shake my head in a vague, non-committal way. "Mostly." She seems to expect more. "Oh, like insomnia ain't a problem for anyone else here."

She seems willing to accept that for now. "Have you been eating?"

"Yeah." 

"Have you had trouble concentrating? I've noticed you've been spending more time in the training center than usual, and..." she pauses, appraising me shrewdly, "Hyne knows, you don't need the practice."

"I just..." Think of an excuse, think of an excuse... "It's weird, ya'know. For the last five months or so, we've been doing nothing but fighting, and running around after crazed lunatics in one form or another, and now we're back here and the war is all over, and we're supposed to be all enjoying the peace and relaxing and shit, but in reality, we're just doing a whole load of _nothing_." 

Well, that was surprisingly heartfelt for a hollow excuse...

Kadowaki seems to have read between the lines a bit more than I like. "You're feeling frustrated, then?" she clarifies.

"Hell, yeah..."

"And you're looking for something to fill in the gaps, to make life more exciting?"

"Exactly!"

"But you can't find a way to express yourself, because nothing you do matches the intensity you're looking for?"

We are still talking about the same thing, right? "That... pretty much covers it..."

Kadowaki pauses, and I'm not sure I like the way she's putting all this together. "Given how easily you've opened up just now, why have you had so much trouble putting that on paper?"

"..." Because as we both know, Dr. Kadowaki, the boredom and lack of battles ain't my biggest problem here. 

Truth is, it's the very idea that we'd be going live and uncut with the test results that meant I couldn't answer them. Sheesh, I can see that going down well... 'Zell, the results of your test show that you have an almost permanent hard-on for the Garden's resident hero, commander and personified arctic winter, who is now going to beat your brains out for what you suggested you'd like to do to him.' But on the flip side... there's no way I can just say straight out that I don't trust these guys enough to front up to them. We went to hell and back, we put our lives in each other's hands, and we gave each other a piece of our souls. Throwing that back in their faces just isn't something I can do.

"Zell, as much as I understand your frustrations, I still need some results for this test. I can't place you back into active duty until I have them. Now," Dr. Kadowaki hands me another set of questions, and levels me with a firm, but gentle stare. "This is your last chance. I'm sorry, Zell, but if you don't complete this set of questions, we're going to have to suspend you from active duty indefinitely."

I nod vaguely, my mind already supplying me with some nice graphics of what some of my answers will entail, and some rather less pleasant pictures of what Squall would do to me if he finds out. Followed by a nice little image of a padded cell, complete with puréed food fed to me with a plastic spoon. Man, I am so fucked...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crisis is brewing in Timber.

**SEIFER**

I’ve got a lot to thank Garden for. And I’m not talking about the war.

My whole life, Garden has been training me, training us, in skills they probably didn’t even realise they were teaching.

We never had much in the way of permanency. Even as children, as young as ten or eleven, Garden started taking students out on overnight training trips, field excursions, and the like. I got used to the idea of traveling, used to not having any one bed to come home to and sleep in at night. Bed was anywhere dry and warm, and home was anywhere that fed you.

Garden taught us to be independent. One day, on navigation training, we reached a camping ground about midday, then the instructor simply announced that we had to get ourselves home. It wasn’t like we were abandoned - the instructor stayed with us the whole time, made sure nothing attacked us, and no one got hurt. But finding our way home was up to us, and she made it quite clear that we weren’t going anywhere until one of us cadets took the lead. People paid a lot more attention to her class after that.

Garden taught us not to be pretentious. Not that we had a lot of opportunity, growing up in an orphanage. But Garden made sure we knew that even the most basic blessings were worth just as much as a great windfall. Sometimes more. Like the ham sandwiches in the cafeteria. I have no idea what they do to the ham, but it tastes more like plastic that the chairs do, but after coming in from a 32 hour patrol, soaking wet and so hungry your gut is tied in knots, those sandwiches seem like food fit for a king. I’ve never, in all my years there, seen any cadet turn them down after a training drill.

Which explains why I’m perfectly content here in the Horizon. Life has always been so much simpler when viewed from the very bottom of it. Food is food, water is water, a friend is anyone who’s not trying to kill you, and anywhere dry is a bed. What more could I ask for?

*  
 **SQUALL**

It’s not yet 0600, the sun is only just rising out the east windows, and I find myself thanking whatever higher powers care about that sort of thing that, for the first time in two months, SeeD has been summoned for a mission. Not that I particularly enjoy being dragged out of bed this early. It’s just better than lying in bed, thinking too much, waiting until the clock says it’s a decent hour to be awake, and the cafeteria is serving breakfast.

We trickle into the SeeD lounge, all of us wide awake and neatly dressed, despite only having crawled out of bed ten minutes earlier. Well, ok, _mostly_ awake... Irvine is trying to hide his yawning behind his hands. I don’t know whether to be surprised or not, the way we all leap back into this strict routine with hardly a second thought. Garden has spent a lot of effort trying to convince us that the war is over and we can relax now... I guess old habits die hard, though.

"Take a seat, everyone." Cid tells us, and we arrange ourselves around the couches again. Seems these little meetings are getting more familiar...

"I’m sorry everyone... I have some bad news."

Just a few short weeks ago, it would have been me sitting there, facing a group of shocked, curious and concerned faces, and wondering how to break this news gently. Cid tries, I’ve got to give him credit for that. The trouble is, he would start the conversation the exact same way if the cafeteria was out of bread rolls, or if Balamb had just fallen into the sea.

"We’ve received a mission request from Timber."

Okay, so this is most likely to be in the ‘Balamb in the Sea’ category.

"Most of you will know something of the situation in Timber from what’s been shown on the news, but let me take you through some recent history, in case you’ve missed anything. After Galbadia’s withdrawal from Timber, there have been numerous small resistance groups trying to take control, most of which were in operation before the recent war, though some new groups have emerged since then." Cid frowns, and readjusts his glasses, trying to avoid our apprehensive gazes, I expect. "Not that any of this is a bad thing in itself. If Timber is going to become a nation in its own right, it will need a leader, militant or democratic, it doesn’t really matter at this stage. We’ll have time to sort out democracy once order has been restabilised. What matters now, is that no one group is currently strong enough to form a viable ruling body. This has led to a great deal of debate and squabbling, which quickly degenerated into fighting and bloodshed." He looks up at us, and a strange emotion flickers across his eyes. Something like pride and... sorrow? "SeeD has been called in, not just to stop the fighting, but to adjudicate and instigate a ruling body. Our hope is to form an alliance between several of the bigger groups, and work out a solution that everyone can abide by."

"Sounds good in the short term," Irvine interjects from beneath his hat, "but what happens after we leave? Who’s to say they’re not gonna fall apart and start the fighting over again?" 

"Dollet Military has agreed to oversee the democratic election of a governing body, once SeeD has done its job. We’re very aware of the need to help Timber find its feet as a nation. Unfortunately, Dollet’s military force was badly depleted after the war, and what with repairs on their own front, they don’t have the numbers to pull Timber into order just now."

"So when are we heading out?" Zell is on his feet again, practically bouncing out the door.

Cid turns a slight shade of red. "Selphie and Irvine will be leaving for Timber first thing tomorrow." 

There’s a collective pause. Zell ceases his bounce, staring at Cid with eyes that say he knows exactly what’s going on, but damned if someone doesn’t have some explaining to do. "Say huh?"

"I’m sorry Zell, but neither you, nor Squall have passed your psyche tests yet. If, and only if Selphie and Irvine can’t complete the job on their own, will you be sent to assist. Until such a time occurs, you are officially suspended from active duty."

"Oh man!" The exclaimation is filled with disgust. Still amazes me how, when it takes me a good three days to change moods, Zell can go from buoyant to dejected in under three seconds.

"Hey, maybe we’ll get to catch up with Rin. She’s still in Timber, right?" As well as trying to put a positive spin on things, Selphie seems genuinely pleased by the idea.

"Hey, this ain’t gonna be a holiday trip, sweetheart. It’s gonna be rough and rugged out there." Irvine gently admonishes her.

"Actually," Cid interrupts, "I’m hoping Rinoa and her group will be able to help you. While they are one of the smaller resistance groups in Timber, they will have information on the situation there, which may prove invaluable to you. I believe you’re familiar enough with the area to track her down? I’m sending a second group of SeeDs to try and control the fighting. Your job will be primarily convincing the factions leaders to talk. Though, of course, your fighting skills will no doubt be useful in the process."

"Yes Sir," they both salute him.

That’s it. Briefing over. Two SeeDs, skilled as they are, being sent into a war zone with an unconfirmed rendezvous and minimal intelligence work. That alone should tell you how fucked up the world has become. Still, it strikes me that I have sent people on missions just as unlikely during my time as Commander. Reminds me how much I hated the job. It also reminds me why they chose me in the first place. Times like now, I’d be saying fuck the rules, Zell and I could go with them, psyche test or not. Seeing as they still think I’m a danger to myself, I guess that tells me why it’s not me saying that, and Cid gets to play it safe instead. Strange, how playing safe sometimes gets people killed.

*  
 **ZELL**

Hyne, I never realised how much I would miss it. You never think of that, when you’re covered from knee to elbow in caterchipillar goo, and are tired and cold and hungry. You never think ‘Gee, I’d miss this, if tomorrow, all the caterchipillars suddenly vanished. Just think, I’d never get to have a bath in their goo again.’ But seeing Irvine and Selphie get that assignment today, I suddenly saw it from the outside perspective. 

I miss the adrenaline. That detached, light-headed feeling you get whenever you know that in a few hours, you’re going to be heading out into a battle field, and pushing yourself beyond the limits. I could see it on their faces today. Not excitement, not joy, but a deep, soul-filling sense of purpose, of doing something only they can do, and actually making a difference with it.

Man, I miss that feeling.

Fuck. That stupid quiz is still sitting on my desk, some kind of proverbial key between me and my next mission. All I have to do is answer the questions...

Spill my soul onto paper, hand it to another human being and say ‘Here, rip my heart out’.

But fuck, I want another mission. I mean, what on earth does an elite mercenary specializing in short-range fighting do if he can’t fight?

I glance at the clock. There’s just under two hours before dinner. Plenty of time to answer sixty measly questions. I can do this. Sit at the desk, pick up the pen, answer the questions.

Fine. I can do this.

*

**ZELL**

I don’t believe I just did that.

Though I gotta say, self-preservation must have kicked in at some point, because I distinctly remember telling Kadowaki that I’d throw myself down the elevator shaft if she told any of the others about my results. 

It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Granted, it took me three hours, and I’ve now severely missed dinner... and then there was the whole toning-it-down thing, cos I _so_ don’t want to get another round of the lecture Irvine got... and then there was the two cold showers I had to take before I could go hand the thing to Kadowaki... not to mention the sleepless night I’ll no doubt be having tonight, compliments of my severely twisted imagination and the ‘ever so small’ glimpse of Squall’s butt I got in the shower room this morning...

I look down. Great. Shall we make that three cold showers? I reach down to adjust myself, relieve some of the pressure, and a better idea comes to mind - one that would go a long way in fixing that sleepless night...

I have to bite my lip as I slip my hand into my shorts. I close my eyes briefly, and that image of Squall flashes through my mind again - as if I wasn’t hard enough already - all warm and wet and absolutely carelessly muscular as he washed himself, his hands running over his skin... 

Okay, that’s it. The shorts have got to go.

The t-shirt, too, it seems, as I find myself flat on my back on my bed, naked as the day I was born, my hand working impatiently between my legs. Some days slower is better, but today, I’m tired of waiting. There’s been too much frustration, too much dancing around everything today. I’m hot, I’m aroused, and I’m at the end of my patience.

It doesn’t take long before I’m panting and gasping Squall’s name, my balls contracting as my cum splatters across my belly. And I hear a dim, ripping sound.

Shit. I glance down at the mess of mutilated sheet and thread still clutched in my other hand. I groan, and let my head fall back onto the pillow, too tired and drained to care just now. That’s the second set of sheets in as many weeks. Supplies isn’t gonna be happy about this...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Irvine and Selphie share some nighttime fun.

**SELPHIE**

We saw Quistis off to Balamb this morning. Irvine made a real effort not to flirt. Zell gave her this sweet little speech about how everyone would miss her. Squall actually showed up, which said more than any words he could have said would have. It was a strange feeling, seeing her boarding the transport to Balamb alone. It’s been so long since our little group has been separated.

Even stranger was the odd thought that occurred to me then, that there was a finite possibility that she wouldn’t be coming back to SeeD. She looked tired - drained and pale like I’ve never seen her before. Like even turning to wave to us, to smile as she did so took a tremendous effort of will.

Squall said there’s no way she wouldn’t be coming back. She was a fighter, just like the rest of us. And this was just another battle that she’d win, sooner or later. Giving up just isn’t in us, he said.

But I have to wonder about that. For Squall, that would make a lot of sense. I think I’d eat Irvine’s hat if Squall ever gave up his gunblade and settled back for the quiet life. But he doesn’t realise that other people are tired. 

Like me, right now. I poke my head out of my mound of sheets, and blink at the clock on the nightstand. 11:37. Okay, this is _so_ not good. We’re leaving at 0700 tomorrow, big important mission, very strenuous... I need to rest before it, right? Explain that to my hyperactive little brain, which won’t shut up with the thinking and go to sleep!

Of course, it doesn’t help that I forgot to shut the window until I went to bed, and now my room is too cold...

Though... there are other ways to get warm than by shivering by yourself... With that thought in mind, I wriggle out of bed, and am soon padding quietly down the hall to Irvine’s room. 

Though, he’s probably asleep right now... I pause, one hand poised to knock on his door. Much as he enjoys my company, he still probably wouldn’t be thrilled at being woken up in the middle of the night. So I guess I should go back to bed, right? I scowl down the corridor towards my door. But it’s so cold in my room... maybe if I just went in real quietly and curled up next to him, he wouldn’t even wake up? Or maybe...

"EEEEEEeeeeeeeee!!!" 

I shoot backwards, tripping over my own feet as the door slides open, revealing Irvine, leaning against the wall and wearing nothing more than a pair of pyjama bottoms. "Plannin’ on stayin’ out there all night, sweetheart?"

I pout at him. "I didn’t know you were awake," I mutter, picking myself up from the floor.

He shakes his head as I duck past him into the room. "Couldn’t sleep, what with all the hoohaa today," he tells me.

"Me neither. And with tomorrow as well, it’s a wonder my brain doesn’t start tap dancing out of my head." I make a vague gesture, as if that explains things better.

"It sucks, don’t it? Just when I was actually starting to believe we could relax, Cid throws this at us." He plops down on the edge of his bed, running his fingers through his hair.

"I was actually kinda excited about it," I admit softly.

He raises his eyebrows, in a ‘huh’ kind of expression. "Excited about babysitting a bunch of overgrown toddlers having a squabble?"

"No, I mean..." What do I mean, exactly? "It would be nice if everyone in the world could get along," I try to explain, "But seeing as they’re not going to, I like the idea that we can make a difference, and make life better, even if it’s just for a few people."

He gives me a faint, tired smile, and holds out a hand to me. I accept it, and sink onto the bed beside him. "You’re a gem, you know that?" He pulls me close against him, my silk pyjamas brushing his chest as he kisses me.

"I do my best," I tease him. My hands trace the muscles in his arms, then I entwine my fingers with his.

"Oh gods, Selph..." he murmurs into my neck. "Don’t we ever get to stop fighting? Won’t people ever stop trying to kill each other?"

"We never get to give up, Irvine," I tell him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. "No matter what happens, we have to keep trying to make a difference."

"How do you know that’s what we’re doing, and not just spilling blood?"

"We have to look at the big picture. Look at the results, not the details. And look on the bright side," I add, lifting his chin to look into his eyes. "Maybe we’ll get lucky, and the faction leaders will cooperate with us." Hey, stranger things have happened, right?

"Maybe," he concedes, and leans closer for a kiss.

*  
 **IRVINE**

Long minutes later, we’re sitting side by side on the bed, Selphie’s legs haphazardly flung over mine while I press one knee between hers. We break for air, finally, and she gives me a grin, and a wink. "See? I told you you’d get lucky."

Seems I haven't yet managed to come to terms with how lucky I am. It occurs to me that I have a goddess sitting in my lap, complete with heart of gold and unbreakable spirit. "I believe your exact words were that _we_ would get lucky," I remind her, running my fingers through her hair. 

Selphie is in no mood for talking, however, and with the way her hands keep wandering, I gotta say I'm having a hard time disagreeing with her. My hands don’t take long to find her thighs, and exploring higher is seemingly like a wonderful idea, when she suddenly pulls away.

Selphie, by the way, is an incorrigible tease, and I’m never sure whether what comes next will be fast and furious, or slow and subtle. I have to admit... either way suits me just fine.

With a sultry smile, she throws one leg over to straddle my thighs, and settles into my lap. She leans forward until her lips just brush mine, sucking and nibbling, but not quite letting me taste. Somewhere along the way, I have lost track of her hands, but one of hers finds one of mine now, bringing it up to her breast. I don’t need to be told what to do here, and to my delight, I actually manage to distract her enough to kiss her properly.

By the end of the kiss, though, she definitely has the upper hand. Hyne, she seems to be doing a combination of a strip tease and a lap dance... her bottom rubs against my thighs, hot and hypnotically rhythmic, while she runs her hands down her own chest, teasing a silk-covered nipple along the way...

She reaches down, and strips off her pyjama top slowly, and I'm rewarded with the slow sight of her full breasts tumbling straight towards my mouth. Gods, it’s like I’m holding a livewire, the way she moves against me, lavishly erotic sounds panted from her mouth as she presses closer against me.

My lips trail up her chest to her neck, where I can’t resist nibbling lightly before continuing upward, until her lips are against mine again and our tongues are wrapped around each others. 

"You like this, baby?" she murmurs against my lips, while her hands are busy playing with my nipples, her hips never ceasing their slow grind. 

"Mmnnnnnnuugg..."

Coherency doesn't seem too important just now. She picks up on my meaning just perfectly.

Her hands make short work of the drawstring on my pants, and I’m off guard enough to be surprised when her hand slips inside. Not quite what I was expecting next, after her little strip tease... but certainly nothing to complain about.

Then, before I catch up with that idea, she has slid off my lap and onto the floor, her hot, wet mouth engulfing me without preamble. Selphie’s never been shy about sex... but even so, _this_ is something she’s done only a handful of times in the space we’ve been together. Doesn’t stop her knowing how to do it well...

Oh Hyne. Oh Hyne oh Hyne oh GODS!! 

Have I mentioned how much of a tease Selphie can be? She pulls back, rolling gracefully to her feet while I grab ineffectually for her. She seems perfectly content to leave me like this for now, panting and unsatisfied as she takes her sweet time in sliding out of her pyjama pants, leaving them in a puddle on the floor. 

And just when I thought things couldn't get any more erotic, I realise what she is wearing underneath. Hyne, does she plan these things ahead of time? Black, lacy and with that sheer texture that reveals some, but leaves just enough to the imagination. And let me tell you, I have one heck of an imagination.

She's standing before me, looking at me with eyes that just dare me to touch. Well, I was never one to refuse a challenge...

I tumble to my knees before her and grip the edge of the fabric in my teeth, dragging her panties down to reveal the dark triangle of hair, and a heady, sweet scent that sends a throbbing straight to my groin. I glance up at her with a look of pure decadence, and wrap my arms around her hips, nuzzling her groin.

She's now as breathless as me, and has apparently grown tired of torturing me. She grabs my arms to haul me to my feet and shoves me back onto the bed, wasting no time in straddling me on her knees again. I grasp her hips firmly, guiding her down onto my engorged shaft quickly but gently.

"Aaaahhh!!" "NnnnnNNmmm..."

I stare up into her eyes as we rock together, speechless and panting. It’s so easy to get lost in her, so liberating, to let all the world fade away. And when I can no longer keep my eyes open, the heat boiling over in my groin, her mouth comes down over mine to keep me trapped within her, heart, mind and body.

She moans into my mouth as her body tightens around mine, everything hot and slick between us as I follow her over the edge, gasping her name.

I open my eyes several long minutes later, finding myself lying flat on the bed, Selphie sprawled atop me, my softening member still half inside her. She sits up, rocking her hips back to force me deeper inside her, then stretching languorously, her arms above her head, her breasts jutting out enticingly, encouraging me to reach for them.

"Again, baby?" she whispers breathlessly in my ear, rocking just slightly, her breasts brushing my chest.

My mouth finds her breasts, my hands, her bottom, and the ragged rhythm of our love-making begins again.

*  
 **RINOA**

Dust sprays down around me as yet another shell hits our paltry shelter. 

"Rinoa," Zone shouts to me through the dimness. "The rear wall just collapsed. We won’t be able to stay here for more than another hour."

I squint at him through the smoke and dust. He looks as tired as I feel, soot and dirt smudging his face and clothes... 

"Get the first squad and get out of here. The rest of us will follow you in half an hour," I shout back. "Head for the northern edge of town, we’ll rendezvous there."

He salutes me sharply, and vanishes back into the gloom. I peer out the gap in the wall again, at the street. The fighting seems to have turned to cross fire between two rival factions now, leaving my small group out of the way. For now. We came here hoping to make a move towards a cease fire - these two gangs have been warring for days now. And much as I hate to pull out without a solution, there’s no point in sticking around to get killed. We’re going to need a whole lot more support if we’re going to get this mess under control any time soon...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission in Timber goes horribly wrong.

**ZELL**

The heavy metal doors of the training center slide open with a clang, and I step through, breathing in the familiar smells of foliage and water, combined with the musty odour of Grat dust and the reek of T-rex sweat.

Not the kind of place most people would come to relax, eh? But strangely, this place does have that effect on me. As I start down the path towards the stream, I can feel the tension slipping away, replaced with the tight awareness and heightened senses of the battle field. Every sound in here seems amplified, not just from our skill levels, but from the dull echo created by the high metal walls.

Which is why, when it sounds from clear across the opposite side of the center, I am able to pick up on the familiar swish-and-report of a gunblade.

You know what they say about moths and flames? That’s me. 

As much as it’s near impossible to sneak up on Squall in ordinary moments, it’s not that difficult when he’s doing battle. His attention is completely focused on the T-rex in front of him - where, by all rights, it _should_ be - so he pays no attention to my tiny shufflings in the surrounding foliage.

Can you tell I’ve done this before? Not that I’m usually so secretive about it. It’s a pretty regular thing for me and Squall to hit the Center together, burning off our excess testosterone on a bunch of Grats and the occasional T-rexaur. Gives me plenty of opportunity to watch him in battle, all laser-like concentration and sweat and that boyish grin he never does at any other time. All in the name of *cough* improving my battle technique, of course.

Okay, that’s odd... He’s just standing there, _Lionheart_ resting with its tip on the ground... Doesn’t look like he’s been hit with a _Sleep_ or _Stop_...

What the fuck??

The T-rex swings around with a tail attack, Squall still just standing there like he’s looking at a nice view or something, until the Rex’s tail comes down right... in the empty space where Squall used to be. And now he’s standing a few metres away, not even looking at the Rex! What the hell is he playing at??

The Rex comes round again, going for a bite this time, and Squall darts off between his front legs, hitting his chest on the way past... with the _blunt_ side of his gunblade???

It finally dawns on me what he’s doing, and I don’t know whether to laugh, or scream at him for being such as idiot! He’s _teasing_ the bugger! You’d have to be either completely fucked up, or a _radically_ good fighter to want to piss of something as dangerous as a Rex...

The teasing’s working, by the looks of it. A few more blows, and the Rex practically has steam coming out of its nose. And it’s still no nearer to landing a blow on Squall...

Then, his whole stance changes, and before I can blink, Squall’s got this look of pure hatred twisted right across his face, and he flashes into a Renzokuken, rapid fire blows that leave little more than a red heap of steaming mush. And I’m left wondering what the hell the Rex did to deserve that.

I back quietly away, while he’s still distracted enough not to notice me, and exit the center via the route I came in. That, I gotta say, was one of the most bizarre and disturbing things I have seen since time compression. Something’s wrong here, man. And I don’t think I wanna find out what it is.

*  
 **SEIFER**

I knew it wouldn’t last forever, this little piece of paradise we had going here. The world’s much too fucked up to leave us alone forever. Never thought it would end the way it did, though. I always figured the world would come annoy us, not that she’d go out, looking for it. 

That’s not really fair, I guess. Just because I’ve given up putting up with other people’s shit, don’t mean she has to.

Word spreads quickly here, as much as anywhere else. This romantic little couple saw me and Rajin, heading back to the docks after she’d left, and gave me this look that said ‘See, even she doesn’t want anything to do with you. What a pitiful creature you are.’

I scared the shit out of them then. Pulled out Hyperion and shoved it in their faces, told them to go take a look at the real world some time, and stop being so narrow minded.

Surprised? What, you thought I’d be all nice and peace-loving now, no more being an arrogant bastard, is that it? I stay out of people’s way, and I don’t go looking for trouble. That doesn’t mean I take shit from anyone.

The house seems empty now. ‘Course, Rajin’s found the up side to this. Now he gets his own room, instead of having to share with me. I shrugged, and told him he could have it if he wanted it. Didn’t bother me either way.

So now I’m sitting here on the docks, watching the sun set and wondering where she is, what she’s doing.

I miss her.

But I find that I am not unhappy.

*  
 **ZELL**

A projected map of Timber floats in the center of Cid’s office, flashing red beacons that represent blocked roads or collapsed buildings are splattered across the whole city.

"Irvine and Selphie are located in the north-eastern area of the town, somewhere along this strip of road," Cid indicates on the map. "They became pinned down there when rebel factions began bombing the area with grenades. Unfortunately, it seems our assessment of the situation in Timber was greatly underestimated. The easiest route into the town will be through the northern entrance, here..." He lights up a section of the map, one that seems relatively free of red markers. "Your orders are simply to extract, and withdraw. A transport will be leaving in fifteen minutes. Meet them in the garage once you’re ready. Any questions?"

"What about Rinoa?" Squall asks. The fact that he’s mentioned her at all says he’s worried, even if the question comes out deadpan.

"They have been unable to make contact with her. We have no information on her status at this time."

I shake my head, and turn for the door, Squall close on my heals until Cid’s voice stops us in our tracks. 

"Squall?"

"Sir?" He turns around, while I hover by the door.

"Squall, as much as I know that this is important to you, I have to ask you not to go on this mission. Your psychiatric results have been very worrying so far, and Kadowaki has asked me to strongly recommend that you don’t engage in active duty for the moment. I won’t stop you, if you’re absolutely set on going. I’m simply requesting that you reconsider it. For your own safety."

To no one’s surprise, Squall shakes his head. "My friends are in trouble, Sir. I won’t leave them there."

Cid nods, not entirely unhappy with his reply, it seems. "I understand. Good luck to you both, then."

I can’t help but grin, as Squall and I board the elevator. It doesn’t occur to me for one moment, that we could fail in our task. All I know is that I’m heading out on a mission, to try and make a difference in a wounded world, and Squall is at my side. Together, I can just about believe we’re invincible. Just like old times, right?

*   
**HOURS LATER**

Blood. Everywhere, as I come bolting into Timber’s town square, there’s nothing but blood. And Squall. Squall and blood...

_Life_ , like a burst of rain from my lips, comes tumbling down around him, followed a heartbeat later by _Diablos_. And then ecstasy is running through my veins, all light and electric, as I cease to exist and the Dark Messenger drops into reality.

Moments without time later, I feel solid ground beneath my feet again, and I stumble back into reality. And the carnage is indeed horrific.

The square is now littered with bodies. I have no idea who came from which faction, and frankly, I don’t give a shit. Street war is meaningless at the best of times. When it’s supposed to be a solution to peace? That’s _beyond_ stupid.

Oh gods, no...

I can’t move my feet quick enough, _Life_ once more dragged from my lips as I collapse beside a motionless Squall. The magic drops around him, settling into the dust like confetti. 

His blood paints the ground around him. His life, more certainly than any spell or _item._

You see, there’s only so much damage curative magic can fix. It uses the body’s own resources to heal flesh; in effect, it just rearranges the molecules, proteins and whatnot, to seal a wound, or fuse a bone together. When the body has run out of resources, there’s nothing the magic can do... 

Fuck physics. I throw a plethora of spells at him, _Life, Full-life, Phoenix down..._

The air becomes positively flooded with magic, spells and items mixing in the air and coating the ground around us. I can only pray that something finds its mark, sooner or later...


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle in Timber is wrapped up. And Squall notices Zell behaving... oddly.

**SQUALL**

The slow, stabbing ache throughout my entire body tells me I’m being brought back from a KO. Then there’s a rushing sensation that will leave me disoriented until I can figure out which way is down. Light filters into my vision slowly, along with a deep lethargy which is not normally present. I think going back to sleep right now would be a real good...

"Squall?? Squall!!"

Huh?

"Wake up, damnit!"

A tingling sensation, and I know I’ve been hit with a _Cura_. I become slowly aware of pain. Large amounts of it, though I’m not sure where it’s coming from... and then I’m aware of cold... and hardness. Lying on the ground, I presume. Never was very comfortable.

"Squall!"

Zell’s voice again... it is Zell, right? I can’t remember who I was fighting with, before I was KOed. Was Zell there?

Then I feel something warm, and firm wrapped around me, and Zell’s lips press against mine, also warm, and firm. He smells nice, like leather and evergreen. Nicer than the smell of burnt blood and brick dust. Which may explain why it doesn’t even occur to me to object to him kissing me. Who knows, I may even have kissed him back.

"Squall, please..." I hear him whisper, his mouth next to my ear. "Wake up." Does waking up mean I have to leave this warmth?

Another _Cura_ , and I am able to gather the strength to force my eyes open. Startled green eyes come into focus, and I manage a groan to let him know I’m okay. 

"Thank Hyne, oh gods you scared the shit out of me..." The words tumble from his lips as, rather than letting me go, he pulls me closer, and I feel myself being lifted.

What the fuck? He’s _carrying_ me?

"Zell," I try to object, but it comes out as a gurgle, instead. I swallow, and try again. "Zell, put me down."

"No can do, babe," he returns, ducking as bricks above our heads explode in a volley of gun fire. He picks up his pace, darting down a side road, away from the gunfire. 

"Zell, I can walk on my own. I’m fine." 

He has stopped beside the next main street. He looks at the ground, avoiding my gaze as I struggle weakly, not loosening his grip for an instant. Even when I’m at full strength, he’s still stronger than me. "Then explain to me why it took me 12 _Lifes_ , 3 _Full Lifes_ and 4 _Phoenix Downs_ to wake you up again?" he asks. His voice is firm, but quiet.

"I..." I have no answer to that, but it seems he doesn’t expect one. He simply checks the street, throws me a small, worried smile, and darts out across the street, the burden of my weight not slowing him down one bit.

*  
 **ZELL**

So much for an easy trip through hell and back. 

Fuck, I woulda never imagined something as simple as fighting a bunch of street thugs could go this bad. They’re _civilians_. Okay, so they were civilians with a shit load of heavy artillery, but our fire-power should have been a match for theirs.

I just thank Hyne he’s alive... 

"Zell, you’re back! Are you okay? You’re not hurt as well, are you?"

I give Rinoa a warm, albeit weak smile, as I enter the small hospital room. This medical unit seems one of the few buildings in town still untouched by the fighting. "Nah, I’m okay. A bruise or two, but nothin’ serious." I sigh. "Just gettin’ a little dragged under by it all, I guess."

She frowns. "Squall’s okay, right? I mean, he’s..."

"He’s gonna be fine," I hastily reassure her. "They’re giving him a blood transfusion and a couple of _Cures_. You watch, he’ll be back on his feet, getting beat up again in no time." I just about manage a smile at the lame joke.

Rinoa doesn’t even manage that. "I can’t help thinking..."

"It’s not your fault," I tell her sternly. She peers up at me uncertainly. "It’s not." I slide over to sit beside her on the high medical bed. "Squall’s been going off half-cocked since he was 8 years old. If no one’s managed to stop him so far, there’s no reason you should now."

Cid was right. Getting into Timber wasn’t hard, the northern entrance was all but abandoned. It was once we got past the borders that the shit hit the fan. Halfway down the street Irvine and Selphie were supposedly on, we ran into Rinoa... literally. The poor girl was tucked up under a collapsed doorway, covered in dirt and mud and nursing one hell of a burn all down her left arm, right from the shoulder to between her wrist and elbow, blisters and grit all mixed in... She’s a tough little spark though, claimed she was just catching her breath before she headed for the medical unit, and Hyne knows, the look on her face, I’d just about believed it.

Squall told me to take her there, while he kept looking for the others. It never even occurred to me to refuse him. He’s the strongest fighter SeeD has ever seen. He could have taken on 20 of these guys, no problems.

Then, of course, I find out how wrong I am when I get back to Timber Square and...

But he’s gonna be okay.

"Watts dropped in while you were outside," Rinoa interrupts my thoughts, suddenly more cheerful. "Apparently Irvine and Selphie got themselves out of their hide out, and into some real work." She smirks, then sobers. "One of the main faction leaders was killed early this morning, a couple of hours before you arrived. Seems that sobered everyone up a bit, then once SeeD pitched in to deal with things, people were realising they need a solution, not more war, over and over again. The last Watts heard, Irvine had gotten three of the bigger factions to sit down together, and..." She shrugs, hopeful, but not optimistic. What was that saying? Hope for the best, but expect the worst? "There’s a chance we might actually get somewhere, this time."

I allow myself a grin at that, for the first time all day, it seems. 

*  
 **SQUALL**

"I understand you’re feeling a lot better, but you have to understand that curative magic can’t repair all the damage done to your body."

Oh Hyne, what now? All I want to do is go back to Garden and get on with my job. Why does that have to involve being told a heap of things I already know? 

The doctor frowns at me sternly. "Even though the magic repairs the physical damage, there are still some chemical imbalances in your body which will take time to correct themselves. It’s very important that you don’t over-exert yourself."

I wonder what he’d think if he knew what we’d been up to during the war. At the worst of it, we’d be dead two or three times in one day, then patched up with magic. Next day, we’d be back out again, fully junctioned, and tossing about more magic in a single battle than most people see in their lives. If we survived all that, I’m sure I can manage a three hour train trip now.

"...light exercise will be beneficial, but I suggest you remove your junctions once you return home."

As he rambles on, I wonder if it would be easier to shut up and wait for him to finish, or to tell him I know more about curative magic than he ever will and he’s wasting his breath.

"Yo, Squall!" Thank Hyne for small favours. "Hey, dude, Squall knows all that stuff," Zell says dismissively to the medic. "We know enough to write a book on it. It’s all okay, I’ll keep an eye on him."

Thankfully, the medic is willing to accept that, and leaves us in peace. 

"So, that was the ‘Thou shalt rest for a week’ speech, huh?" Zell burbles. "You plannin’ on taking any of that advice, or you just gonna get back into the swing of things like no one died?" Though he started the sentence jovially, by the end of it, he’s asking for a serious answer.

I don’t look at him, as I finish gathering my things. "I’m fine, Zell. Sitting around in bed won’t make me heal any faster, and SeeD needs all the help they can get right now."

*  
 **ZELL**

I had wondered, for a while, if he would remember that kiss from this morning. Seems a mixed blessing that he doesn’t. See, being KOed is a pretty screwed up feeling in the first place, and there’s something about _Life_ that messes with your memory, makes everything kinda fuzzy for a few minutes after you get back. What with that, and the GFs living in our heads, it’d be a miracle if he’d remembered anything more than a blur. 

Still... It’s not like I’m ever gonna get around to telling him how I feel, so how else is he ever gonna find out? Though even I’m not entirely sure if I want him to...

"SeeD is doing perfectly fine right now, and a damn sight better than they did during the war, when we were too busy running around after Adel to babysit them." He doesn’t respond, and I breath a small sigh. "Squall," I begin more gently, "I know you have this great big responsibility to Garden, and to SeeD to be their brave and noble Commander, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Think about it, the world is more at peace now than it has been in months. You know, I thought I wanted to get back into battle, after seeing Irvine and Selphie get all charged up about going, but... For fuck’s sake, Squall, we’re 17. We’ve got another fifty years to run around after monsters and get covered in goo. But this could well be the last chance we ever get to just be kids, and have fun and muck around like kids are supposed to, before we all have to actually grow up and live our lives like real people."

"We’re not kids, Zell," he snaps at me. "We’re not kids, we haven’t been since the war started, and fuck it, Zell, I haven’t known what being a kid is like since I was 5 years old!"

*  
 **SQUALL**

Damn him. He just stands there and looks at me, this kind of quizzical look in his eyes. "Then maybe it’s time you found out. Not on your own," he adds, when I flash him a glare. "I’d help you with that. And so would the others. Just try to _enjoy_ yourself."

I swear I don’t know what possesses me, but I find myself humoring him. "Okay, so what does a 17 year old kid do for fun, when half the world is in chaos and the other half is trying to put it back together?" I just had to ask... 

He shrugs. "If you want to get away from the chaos, how about Esthar? You couldn’t get a more organised city. How about you try getting to know your father?"

I scowl, as he smiles, and makes a hasty exit through the door. "Not too damn likely..."

*  
 **RINOA**

The medic is just finishing replacing the bandage on my arm when a brown head pokes around the door. I smile at Squall as he enters the room, waiting until the medic has given me instructions on changing the bandage, and left before he choses to speak.

"Are you going to be okay?"

It’s hard to tell, but I think he worries about me, since I left SeeD. He’s used to being there to protect me, and it must be unnerving for him to see me in danger, and not be able to do anything about it.

"I’ll be fine," I reply, reaching out to give his hand a reassuring squeeze. He smiles his tiny smile at me, and squeezes back in return, reminding me how very easy it would have been for me to stay in Garden after the war. But as much as I have come to know and love... yes, love Squall, Timber always had a bigger piece of my heart. And while I believe he would have willingly stayed with me, maybe even started a real relationship... I don’t think he holds the depth of feelings for me that I would want. It seems he and I work better as friends. Good friends, but nothing more. "And you?" I ask. "I heard you took a pretty bad hit yourself, back there."

He shrugs, classic Squall nonchalance. "I heal fast."

Then a thought occurs to me. "I heard Irvine and Selphie were in town, and I saw Zell earlier, but what about Quistis? Is she around somewhere?" As rarely as I get to catch up with these guys, I like to make the most of it when I can.

But Squall shakes his head. "She’s taking some time off." 

Strange, how Squall manages to tell me everything I need to know with a single sentence. Everyone had it rough, both during and after the war, and so I simply nod an acknowledgment. "Say hi to her from me, when you see her?"

Squall is about to reply, when he’s interrupted.

"Yo, Squall!" Zell bounces around the corner into the room. "Transport’s ready to go, whenever you are. Hey, Rinoa," he adds, seeing me. "Feeling better?"

"Much, thank you, Zell." I tell him warmly. 

"Hey Squall, you need help with anything? I know you’re gonna say you’re all healed and stuff," Zell rambles, as Squall attempts to answer, "but if there’s anything I can do, just say so, okay? I mean, for anything. It’s never too much effort."

"I’m fine."

I repress a sigh. Another mission, another day achieving the impossible, and he’s still no more talkative than he ever was.

Zell either doesn’t notice, or doesn’t care. He bounces in the doorway for a moment longer than necessary, a lopsided grin on his face. "Okay, well I’m just gonna go wait in the truck. I’m glad you’re okay. Whenever you’re ready."

He vanishes around the corner again, leaving me chuckling slightly, and Squall staring blankly after him.

"Irvine and Selphie are staying around a bit longer, to help Dollet keep things under control," Squall begins filling me in. "Apparently the three factions they got together insisted on it, rather than having a whole new bunch of people telling them what to do." I try to listen to him, but just for the moment, my mind is on other things.

*  
 **SQUALL**

She’s giving me a Look. Now, Rinoa’s pretty open about her emotions, so usually I can figure out what these looks mean, but I gotta say this time, I’m clueless. "What?" I ask finally, after a good five second pause.  
She sighs, and glances out the door. 

*  
 **RINOA**

What can I say? Telling him straight up will probably scare the shit out of him. Then again, subtlety never got very far with Squall... Maybe there’s a happy medium in there somewhere. At least, I can try?

He’s still looking at me with that curious, lost expression. "Are you aware of just how much he looks up to you?" I ask, finally.

He seems to consider this for a moment. "Yes, I..."

*  
 **SQUALL**

I suddenly remember warm, firm lips against my own, and the scent of evergreen and leather, and strong, muscular arms wrapped around me. "KO..." I whisper to myself. "I...didn’t remember..."

Then Rinoa’s last comment comes back to me in a rush. "Zell... he..." Slightly startled, I look at Rinoa, to see if she’s anywhere near the wavelength I’m on.

And the slow grin spreading across her face says she is.

I can feel my eyebrows furrowing into a frown of their own accord. "Really?" I ask meekly.

"Really," she replies happily.

"You mean...?" I gesture out the door vaguely, hoping she picks up on the question I can’t quite get my mind around asking.

She smiles one of her patented ‘You’re as dense as a brick, and I love you for it’ smiles. "Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed."

I nod vaguely. "Kinda hard to miss, when a guy kisses you," I mutter at the floor, turning slightly pink.

I hear a laugh at that, and look up quickly. "He kissed you? Am I missing something here?" She’s both delighted, and disbelieving.

"It’s a long story," I begin, when a beep sounds from outside. The transport must be wanting to leave. "Sorry, Rin, I have to go. I’ll fill you in some other time." She nods, and reaches out for a hug, which I happily give her. "Look after yourself," I tell her, before I let her go, and she tightens the hug briefly. 

"You too." I step away from her. "And Squall? Let me know how it goes with Zell."

"Right," I mutter, turning that damned shade of pink again. "See ya, Rin."

"Bye," she whispers, and I make a hasty exit to the waiting transport.

*

It’s so obvious, now I know what I’m looking at. His eyes automatically find mine, as I board the transport, the seat next to him is deliberately empty, his hand ‘accidentally’ brushes mine, as I sit down. Half the time, I don’t think even _he’s_ aware of what he’s doing.

Hyne, he is so obvious.

Now I’ve gotten over the initial shock, it doesn’t surprise me much that he has a crush on me. Little gestures, looks, circumstances, have all been leading up to this, even if I didn’t recognise it at the time. I guess that kinda had me primed for it, when it all came together. It actually makes a kind of sense now, and that takes a lot of the strangeness out.

Rather, what surprises me more that him having a crush on me, is the fairly unnerving realisation that I don’t mind.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team returns to Balamb, and there are some difficult decisions to be made.

**ZELL**

"We didn’t have much to do with the rest. Selphie and Irvine managed to organise a Care-taking Government for the time being. By the time they’d done that, Dollet Military had arrived, and I’m sure you’ve already had a report from them." Squall and I stand at attention in Cid’s office. It’s 1030 hours, less than a full day since we got back from Timber, and debriefing from the mission is just about over.

Cid nods, and thanks us. "A good job under difficult circumstances," he credits us, idly fiddling with the battle meters we handed in after we got back. Kadowaki wanted to record their data earlier this morning, before debriefing. "Thank you both for your help. You’ll both be returning to inactive duty status now."

"What?" Despite his habit of looking impassive about absolutely everything, Squall has somehow managed to convey his sense of surprise.

Cid gives him a stern look. "This was an emergency situation, Squall. You should be taking time off and recuperating. One errant mission doesn’t change that."

"You just said we completed a difficult mission well. Doesn’t that count for more than a piece of paper? We’ve just proved we can do it, Sir. What more do you need?"

Quite a speech, for someone as taciturn as Squall. Though, Cid’s next words are just about enough to knock my socks off...

"I was a fool to send you in the first place, Squall. With, or without any more emergencies, you won’t be going. It’s too big a risk."

"That’s ridiculous." Squall contradicts him. "You have no reason to keep us off duty." If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was almost angry.

Cid doesn’t even blink. "Then please explain to me how you managed to get KOed for a full fifteen minutes in a battle that should have been a walk in the park for you?"

Say what? Squall is as speechless as I am. Not that that’s an unusual state for him, but right now, I gotta say ‘huh?’

"Well, Squall? You’re the strongest fighter in SeeD, you have more experience than most military soldiers, and you’re junctioned to three extremely powerful GFs. How is it that you managed to get KOed in battle against civilians?"

Oooh shiiiiiiittt... I am _such_ a fucking IDIOT! It was all right there in front of me. I knew that Squall should have been able to ace that battle, I knew we had the power to kick some serious ass, fuck, even I managed to punch a big enough hole in the fight to get me and Squall outta there... Why the hell didn’t I stop to ask myself that before? I could throttle myself... I was too caught up in my whole little trip down hormone lane to look the bleeding obvious in the face! Gee, Squall woke up after I gave him a nice little round of tonsil hockey, so let’s wave good sense byebye, out the window it goes...

Kadowaki speaks up at this point. "Squall, there are some serious issues in your psyche test which need addressing before we can consider your returning to active duty of any kind."

"And you think they’re going to be resolved by locking me in my room until I go mad?"

"Squall, I don’t know what went wrong in your last battle, but until I find out, it would be completely irresponsible of me to allow you into a situation where you could get hurt again."

Wait a minute... seems I’ve heard this speech before. I had almost exactly the same conversation with Kadowaki about two weeks ago. And, despite my misgivings about his mental state right now, I have to say I agree with Squall on this one. Hyne knows, keeping _me_ off the battle field sent me crawling up the walls. There’s no reason it wouldn’t do the same to Squall. And as much as I’d like him to take time out and have a break right now... I think I’m just gonna have to understand Squall’s not that kind of guy. It’d be like asking me to sit still and read books for days on end... Not a pretty picture, by the end of it, if you get my drift. Besides which, if he doesn’t get out of here now and then, he’s just going to go get himself splattered against a wall by a T-Rexaur down in the training center... Though I don’t imagine Kadowaki needs to know about that one right now.

But a little voice in the back of my head is reminding me that I’m not exactly thrilled by Cid’s recent decision-making either, sending Irvine and Selphie off on their own. This whole mess could have been avoided by sending the four of us in the first place. Squall did some questionable things while he was Commander, but he always did them for a _very_ good reason, unlike Captain Cardigan, who seems too afraid of the red tape Garden is wrapped up in to do a real job of it. 

"I think you should reinstate Squall as Commander," I interrupt the argument. "He can do the job, he’s proven that, and keeping any of us locked away in our rooms for weeks isn’t going to help anyone, not us, and not Garden." I had said, back in Timber, that I was going to help Squall work through this, and I fucking meant it. 

Kadowaki sighs. "I understand your point, Zell, but Garden regulations would not allow it. Cid would never approve it, and the Garden Faculty isn’t likely to, either. It’s just too dangerous."

Too dangerous? In a burst of defiance, I wonder, after what we’ve been through, how anyone can have the _nerve_ to tell us something is too dangerous for us. Which may explain why I choose that moment to pull what is probably the single most stupid stunt in my entire career as a SeeD, and one that I’m absolutely amazed doesn’t get me fired.

I walk over to the intercom, calmly switching on the channel to address the whole of Garden. "Good morning Balamb Garden, could I have your attention, please," I announce, before Cid or Kadowaki realise what I’m doing. "We’re having a small issue of some considerable debate, here in Cid’s office, and we’d like your input." Kadowaki has turned, and is angrily crossing the room to switch the mic off. I hold up my hand in a stop gesture, adding a glare for good measure, then roll my fingers into a fist, warning enough, considering I’m wearing my Ehrgeiz. "Having returned from a successful mission in Timber," I continue into the mic, "Squall feels that Garden would benefit from his reinstatement as Commander. However, Garden Administration disagrees, and thinks that Squall’s considerable experience and skills are _not_ a good enough reason to reinstate him. So how about it, folks? Have your say in this important matter. The lines are now open, for you to let us know what _you_ think."

"It won’t make a difference, Zell," Kadowaki snaps at me as I switch off the mic. "Garden Administration is not going to be dictated to by a bunch of junior classmen."

"It’s the students, and the SeeDs that make Garden what it is. They should have just as much of a say in this as anyone. And frankly, if you’re going to be sending SeeDs out to risk their lives on missions, they should at least be doing it under the command of someone they trust." Okay, so now I’m in 100% rant mode... "Squall earned a hell of a lot of respect during the war, and people haven’t forgotten what he..." I trail off, as Kadowaki looks away to the window, and I slowly become aware of a dim roar, filtering up from the quad, and from the classrooms down the hall. Kadowaki reaches out and pushes open the window, and my jaw drops, as I join her and Cid, crowed by the narrow opening. 

The Quad is buzzing with students, jumping, cheering, and through the din, I can just make out what they’re chanting.

"Squall! Squall! Squall! Squall!!"

I glance back at Squall, still standing in the middle of the room like nothing is out of place... And I can’t really call it a smile, but a look of... satisfaction?... settles firmly onto his face. Can’t say I blame him. He’s just been validated in the most powerful way a soldier can be - He has the whole-hearted, unconditional support of his troops.

And Cid, it seems, has also realised this.

"Hmmph." He grumbles slightly, returning to his desk, after snapping the window closed. "Well then." He sighs, giving me a long frown that tells me I’ve won this one... but I should watch it from here on in. A few more moments of thought, and Cid declares, grudgingly, "Squall will be reinstated as Garden Commander, _on condition_ ," he emphasises, "that mission dispatches are run in agreement with me, and any major decisions are approved by the Garden Faculty. _No_ exceptions."

Squall, once again, isn’t the type to smile, but his mouth twitches just a little, and his eyes seem a touch brighter. "Agreed," he concedes. 

*  
 **SQUALL**

I’m surprised by how much I don’t dislike the idea of being back as Commander. I always viewed it before as a chore, a duty and a whole heap of responsibility that I wasn’t ready to deal with. I realise now that it’s more than that. It’s an honour, and it’s something I know I can do well. The only alternative would be leaving it to Cid, who has even less of an idea what to do than I do. I, at least, have the benefit of battle experience, and the perspective that comes from living the life demanded of SeeDs. But along with the sense of purpose, and the pressure of responsibility, I find I feel a warm protectiveness for Garden, the only home I’ve ever had. Having the chance to look after her is not something I wish to turn down.

And on the heels of that thought, while everything seems to be coming up roses, I glance across at Zell again, who seems to have turned his shadow boxing into a kind of victory dance. I’m kinda surprised he’d be so supportive of this, given what happened back in Timber. Then again... my KO wasn’t the only thing to happen in Timber. The sensation flashes through my mind again, of feeling safe and warm in his arms, and I can’t help but wonder what possibilities lie in that direction...

*  
 **ZELL**

The elevator dings it’s arrival, several minutes later, and Kadowaki and I board it, leaving Cid and Squall to discuss Garden’s return to full operation. Kadowaki waits until the doors have closed fully, before turning to me.

"Zell, I want you to know I looked through your test results while you were in Timber."

Oh shit. I can feel myself turning four shades of red, as I suddenly find the floor fascinating. "Uh huh?" I acknowledge her statement. 

I hear a faint chuckle from her. "Zell, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Frankly, I’m relieved by what you wrote. I was worried you had much more serious problems."

That gets my attention, and I snap my head up to look at her in disconcertion. "You don’t think it’s a problem that I have a crush on a guy who could make an arctic winter look like a holiday in the Bahamas?" 

"That’s not what I meant, Zell," she corrects me gently. "What I mean is that this is a problem that I can easily understand, and one that has several realistic solutions." She smiles reassuringly at me. "The good news is that you’ll be back on active duty within the week. I have no reason to keep you inactive once I file a preliminary report on your test. Though, I would like you to come by my office sometime in the next few days. I’d like to discuss a few issues surrounding your... attraction... to Squall. Until then, though," she smirks, as the elevator reaches the ground floor, "Try to leave the T-Rexaur population alone? You’ve taken out three of them in the past 18 hours. That’s more than most people deal with in a week." Winking at me, Kadowaki exits the elevator and heads for her office, leaving me blushing in her wake.

*  
 **IRVINE**

Seems a lot can change in a couple of days. It took us near on six days to get Timber settled down. Just when we thought we’d got an idea that worked, someone would pop up and demand some new terms, and we’d be back to the beginning. Eventually, though, we were able to hand things over to Dollet. They have a whole lot more in the way of diplomatic skills that us... I mean, I shoot things for a living. How on earth does that make me a political mediator?

Anyway, before we left, we got a chance to catch up with Rinoa. Her group was just as involved in the politics as anyone, though I gotta say they had some of the more equitable ideas for a Government, which didn’t leave a whole lot of time for social calls. Selphie seemed pretty buzzed by that, getting to spend some time just chatting, before we got the order to return to Garden.

And now we’re back, and I’m still trying to catch up with everything going on around here. Seems Squall’s somehow made it back as Commander, Hyne knows I thought he’d ditch that job as soon as possible... Garden has announced it’s intention to resume formal classes in the next couple of weeks, and there’s some banter about asking us Specialists to be instructors... Dunno how I feel about that. I can’t really see myself in charge of a bunch of rowdy kids, pretending to be responsible when I was probably the worst kind of student when I was back there. And lastly, possibly strangest of all, Zell is moping. 

Still, first thing that happened once Selphie and I had debriefed was we’re called to the SeeD lounge for a meeting. Hmm... Life can’t have changed that much. 

It’s a fairly motley crew, slouching around here today. Selphie’s sporting a black eye from an encounter in Timber - she disagreed with some resistance guy at the wrong moment. Still, the guy nearly wet himself after getting Exeter shoved up his nose, so I guess that makes it equal. Squall seems rather less indifferent than usual, which would be okay if he was glaring at people, but when he’s looking distant and wistful, it’s just plain unnerving. I’m not feeling too fantastic myself, after a week of sleeping with smoke up my nose and gravel in my underwear, and Zell, as I said, is moping. Cid and Kadowaki have also shown up, though it’s Squall who’s running the show this time.

Squall clears his throat, as we settle down on the couches, though there’s not much need to call for quiet. When the Lion has something to say, we’ve become accustomed to knowing that it’s worth listening to.

"Since I resumed office as Commander, some issues have been brought to my attention that I think you should know about. I’m telling you not just for your own information, but also to ask for your cooperation and support in a matter which may affect the whole of Garden, sooner or later." He pauses, choosing his words carefully. "Since Garden has announced its intention to resume teaching, we’ve received applications from a large number of people. Fujin was among the applicants. She has requested permission to return to Garden and complete her training as a SeeD. After consultation with Cid and the Garden Faculty, we have decided to accept her application." He pauses, letting this rather startling piece of news sink in before he hits us with anything more.

*  
 **ZELL**

"You gotta be shittin’ me." The first thing that comes to mind, not surprisingly, is also the first thing out of my mouth, but I can see the others are just as surprised as me.

"Zell, I know this is sudden..."

"Damn right," I interrupt him. "You couldn’t even discuss this with us before you went and made some huge decision? This affects all of us, Squall. We went through hell, and that pair of brain-fucked morons didn’t make it any easier!" I’m angry, and I’m not being fair, I know I’m not, but this just came _so far_ out of left field...

Squall sighs, and his forehead furrows into a frown again. "I’d like you all to remember that what happened with Seifer and Ultimecia was not Fujin or Rajin’s fault. They supported Seifer, and I understand that some people will have a problem with that, but Fujin’s actions were never a direct threat to Garden or to SeeD."

He looks at me, maybe expecting a reply, but I ain’t givin’ him one. I just fold my arms and glare back.

"I need you to understand that," he says firmly. "There are people within Garden who won’t take kindly to her returning, and that could cause a lot of trouble. You don’t have to like it," he interjects, when I go to argue, "but I do expect you to help keep the peace."

I don’t cease the glare. Squall thinks he can be an icy bastard most of the time? Fine. Then I can too.

He sighs, and looks away. "Irvine? No doubt you have an opinion?"

Irvine doesn’t reply straight away. It looks like he might be grinding his jaw, though the movement is kinda subtle... Finally, he shrugs. "I guess I’ll give it a go."

This is apparently a satisfactory reply. "Selphie?" Squall continues.

Selphie, by the looks of things, was trying to stay out of the firing line. "Uh... I, um... I’m okay with that," she finally says meekly.

"Thank you." At any other time, I might have been surprised at Squall thanking someone for anything. Now, I don’t really give a fuck.

*  
 **KADOWAKI**

I’m grateful for the quiet that settles around me, as I walk back into my office in the infirmary, the door sliding closed behind me. This has been one _long_ day. I’m just thankful that little meeting wasn’t any more explosive. Hyne knows, it could have been. I settle into my chair, absently picking up sheaf of papers from the drawer beside me.

**SeeD POST-TRAUMATIC PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION**   
_Name: Zell Dincht_   
**Please answer the following questions, in your own words. Please be as honest and complete as possible in your answers. There is no time limit.**

_Question 1. Have you ever purposely injured yourself?_

**Not specifically, though I have done some seriously stupid things in battle, like throwing myself in front of a Red Dragon when Squall was low on HP, so he could finish his Renzokuken and not get KOed.**

_Question 2. On a scale of one to ten, how easy is it for you to fall asleep at night, with one being the easiest, and ten, the most difficult._

**Some days, it would be a three. Those days are usually the ones where I got to spar with Squall in the Training Center. Other days are a seven. Those are the days when I still got to spar with Squall, but I didn’t get any time alone in the shower room, if you get my drift. Am I allowed to write that?**

_Question 3. Do you want children?_

**No. I’m gay. And completely in love with Squall, which doesn’t leave a lot of room for procreation.**

_Question 4. Did you want children prior to working for SeeD?_

**I never thought about it. I was too busy being a kid myself. Oh, and lusting after Squall, of course.**

_Question 5. Describe how you feel about the re-establishment of a Galbadian Military force._

**Galbadian Military was never the problem. Some crazy ultra-witch was, so since she’s out of the picture now, Galbadia should have their Government and Military back.**

_Question 6. Are you a vegetarian?_

**No. Humanity is currently at the top of the food chain, and I’m happy to keep her there.**

_Question 7. Do you have difficulty relating to those you work with?_

**Fuck, no. I’ve gotta be one of the luckiest guys in the world, working with a bunch of people as great at this. ‘Course, we have disagreements now and then, but everyone does. My biggest problem is trying to spend more time with Squall while trying to not look like I’m trying to spend more time with him. If that confused you, imagine how I feel.**

_Question 8. What time of the day do you most enjoy?_

**Morning, cos with any luck, Squall joins me in the training center, and I get to watch the hottest guy in Garden being sweaty and athletic for an hour or so.**

I can’t help but smile, despite the discomfort Zell must have felt answering these questions. Flipping through the pages, I reach the next exam sheet, and the smile leaves my face.

**SeeD POST-TRAUMATIC PSYCHIATRIC EVALUATION**   
_Name: Squall Leonhart_   
**Please answer the following questions, in your own words. Please be as honest and complete as possible in your answers. There is no time limit.**

_Question 1. Have you ever purposely injured yourself?_

**Yes. Fuck knows no one else can manage to hurt me, so I may as well do it to myself.**

_Question 2. On a scale of one to ten, how easy is it for you to fall asleep at night, with one being the easiest, and ten, the most difficult._

**I never slept properly in the first place. Why would I start now?**

_Question 3. Do you want children?_

**Anyone who wants to bring kids into a world as screwed up as this one needs their head examined. At best, the kids grow up to become cynical, jaded and largely disillusioned with the world. At worst... maybe their father abandons them for the sake of a bunch of people he doesn’t know and doesn’t really give a shit about. I’m not enough of a sadist to inflict that on some poor kid.**

_Question 4. Did you want children prior to working for SeeD?_

**Depends. Was the world a better place back then? Oops, no, it wasn’t. Bad luck.**

_Question 5. Describe how you feel about the re-establishment of a Galbadian Military force._

**If the rest of the world feels the need to have armies to go round killing people, why should Galbadia be any different. They’re going to do it, no matter what I think, so why does it matter?**

I sigh, and let the paper drop from my fingers. "Oh Squall," I whisper to myself, letting my head drop to rest in my hands. "I hope Zell tells you how he feels soon. For your sake, if not his."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Squall and Zell reach an understanding. In more ways than one.

**ZELL**  
I storm into the training center, lunging at the first Grat I see, and slam my fists into it as hard as I can. Amazingly, it recovers from this first attack, and sends its pod-like arms out to strike. I dodge easily, and send a fast strike to its body, both killing, and dismembering the beast in one go. It collapses to the ground in a heap of potato-ish flesh and steaming liquid, no doubt to end up as dinner for a wandering scavenger later. Damn Fujin. What the hell is she thinking, re-applying to Garden? Doesn’t she have the dignity to bow out gracefully?

A second Grat comes squirming out of the undergrowth, and is quickly sent the same way as the first. Fuck knows what’s gonna happen if Rajin comes sniffing back here as well. I _seriously_ don’t think I could stand the both of them.

A third Grat doesn’t show up quite fast enough, and unfortunately for it, a small palm tree is the closest thing within reach. I whirl around, landing a fast, solid kick to its mid section. A wrenching, cracking sound follows, and I watch in satisfaction as the top half of the tree topples, neatly folding itself in half by the splintered hinge I’ve created. Why the hell didn’t he talk to us first? This decision is way too big to just dump on us like this. I stalk off across the center, hoping to find a few more locals to work my frustrations off on.

*  
 **SQUALL**

Zell isn’t the type to hold a grudge, I remind myself, as I head for the training center. Most likely, he just needs to blow off some steam before he calms down. Maybe I’m being naïve, but I still expect him to see reason in this decision, even if he doesn’t _agree_ with it. 

Still, I remember, as I pause outside the center, he’s always hated Seifer. Since before I can remember, he and Seifer have always fought, Zell ending up running for Matron with a bleeding nose while Seifer would saunter away, keeping his back to us so we wouldn’t see the growing bruise that would become a black eye. Always was hard to say who won those fights. Zell could kick serious butt, even back then.

I don’t know how fair it is, asking him to forget about all that, and accept Fujin back here. I think it’s a necessary part of moving on, letting the war settle behind us, but does that mean I’m being fairer to Fujin than to Zell? Don’t I owe Zell more, after what we went through? I shake my head in disgust, and force myself forward into the Training Center. I’ve been through these arguments a dozen times already, running in the same narrow circles before I come back to the same decision. As much as I want to appease Zell, I have to look at the bigger picture. There’s an entire Garden full of students who need to put the war behind them. I’m hoping that by demonstrating that I can, they’ll follow my lead. 

Still, it all makes me wonder if I’m really ready to be Commander again, if I can’t even get my head around this one issue. 

Well, I was right about the blowing off steam part, at least. As I come across Zell, he’s exchanging blows with a particularly high level Grat... somewhere around 90, by the looks of it. He’s completely oblivious to me, though I stand just a few feet away from him. Not a good sign, considering his junction to Cerberus. He must be seriously pissed to be blocking the large dog’s _Alert_ , and letting me sneak up on him.

*  
 **ZELL**

The Grat I’m pulverizing finally concedes defeat with a squelchy whine, collapsing in a slightly quivering heap. I turn around, set to look for just a few more grats. Gotta say, I’m feeling better for a little physical exertion. Oh, I so didn’t need the mental image that just brought up. Squall and physical exertion in the same idea. _Hyne..._

Holy fuck! I leap a good foot and a half in the air as I turn around and see Squall behind me. Shit, things can’t be good if he’s managing to sneak up on me now. He’s standing at a respectful distance, apparently just waiting for me to acknowledge him. Well, screw him.

"Whatever you want, I don’t want to hear it," I snarl at him, stalking past to head further into the training center.

"Zell," he calls me back, his tone quiet, yet commanding.

I don’t know if it’s my years of training to follow orders, or just the fact that it’s _Squal_ that makes me stop and turn back to face him. "What?" I ask, irritated. "You going to tell me this is nothing personal, and you’re only doing what’s best for Garden?"

He’s cold expression softens almost imperceptibly . "Do I have to tell you that? Seems you already know why I’m doing this."

Damn him. Never could stay mad as Squall for long. He’s just too damned reasonable. At least, I tell myself that’s why... I sigh, and look away from him, swatting at a patch of dirt on my shorts. "You must know how much of a shock this is. It just came outta nowhere," I attempt to explain. 

"I know," he replies, his voice betraying just the slightest hint of an apology. "I know you hate Seifer. And you have a good reason to." I give him a look that says ‘damn right’. "Just... don’t let that get in the way. Fujin hasn’t done anything wrong."

Surprisingly, the first thought on my lips is ‘whatever’. It’s his decision, and there’s nothing I can do to change it. But I know there’s more to be said here before we sort this out. "Why does she have to come back here?" I demand, trying hard not to sound like a whiny brat. "We’re not short of good SeeD candidates. There must be a dozen capable kids out there just itching to take her place. Why can’t you just say ‘sorry, we’re full?’"

"Before the war, Fujin was a damn good student. She was top of her class half the time, and she had some real potential on the battle field. She’s got a good strong sense of loyalty, and an inate feel for justice. If she finishes her training, she’ll be an invaluable asset to SeeD." My jaw is on the floor. I never, in my life, thought Squall would have that much praise for anyone. "Besides which, keeping her away isn’t going to get us any further in trying to get the students to move beyond the war."

Okay, he’s got me there. "Yeah, so you have a point," I admit, grudgingly. "But couldn’t you have at least talked to us _before_ you made this decision?"

"At the risk of sounding arrogant and dictatorial," Squall says quietly, "it’s not your decision. It’s mine, and Cid’s. I value your opinions, all of you, but this wasn’t something I could give you a say in."

I can’t hold back a quirky smile. He’s right, and we both know it. And I’m glad to say I’m not above admitting it. "Fine, you win," I concede defeat, relieved that it doesn’t come out sounding bitter. Squall always was good at talking me down, when necessary.

*  
 **SQUALL**

I realise, as he stands there, grinning at me and rocking on his heels, that now is probably the only moment I’ll get today when Zell is quiet, and I can get a word in edgeways. 

So, I guess... it’s now or never.

"How long have you been attracted to me?" I ask succinctly.

*  
 **ZELL**

My stunned silence lasts for a good 30 seconds, before I make up for it by blurting out each and every thought that comes to mind. 

"How the hell did you find out, shit, it was me, wasn’t it, I did something, or said something, I mean it’s hardly surprising, it was bound to happen sooner or later, I mean how long can I expect to keep a secret like that, oh hell, it wasn’t Kadowaki was it, cos I never would have told her if I’d known she was going to say something, and I swear I never meant to make you uncomfortable..."

"Zell!" He interrupts, just forcefully enough to make me shut up. "You kissed me." It’s not an accusation. But then, it’s not an exultation, either. It’s just a statement, like ‘It’s 11 o’clock’ or ‘The soda is cold’. 

"Uh... yeah." Unfortunately, there is no excuse in the world that is going to sound even remotely plausible at this point. Maybe honesty is the best way to go then... "I didn’t think you’d remember that," I admit sheepishly. "I mean, the way _Life_ messes with your memory and all..."

"So you weren’t actually planning on telling me, then?" He says it as a statement, quietly. 

"I, uh... I figured it would make things kinda awkward." Suddenly, this is killing me. It never figures in the game plan, that one day your long-term wet dream of a crush actually _finds out_ about your dirty little secret - not only that, but he _confronts_ you about it, and seems perfectly determined to let you know what he thinks of it. I can only see this ending one of two ways - he flattens me... which is actually not looking that likely now, he’s too calm for that... or he never speaks to me again.

Okay, time to bail... "Look, Squall, this wasn’t supposed to happen. I would never have kissed you if I thought you’d remember it, fuck, I didn’t even know you were alive yet." Maybe he’s more pissed off than I realised. He’s walking towards me, and I have to stop myself from backing away. "I just don’t want things to be weird between us," I continue rambling, "and if you want to make like this never happened, than that’s okay, because I..."

Oh gods. 

He’s kissing me.

He’s really kissing me. His hands are either side of my face, his lips warm and moist over my own, and his tongue, just tasting the underside of my top lip...

He pulls away, and I’m pretty sure I’m doing a good impression of a fish, my mouth hanging open in a perfect ‘O’.

"I just wanted you to know it’s okay," he says, in the same tone he’d use if he was telling me a grat just vomited on his leather jacket.

"Uh huh," I reply dumbly. I gotta say, coherent thought is a little beyond me right now. It’s okay. He said it’s okay!

He’s blushing! 

*  
 **SQUALL**

What the HELL was I thinking?? I think that surprised me more than it did him. I’m fairly certain I’m blushing, but with any luck, Zell’s still too stunned to notice, and I’m suddenly grateful for the years of appearing indifferent that allow me to maintain some semblance of calm now.

"I have to go help Cid with the new teaching schedule now," I tell him, fighting down the urge to kiss him again. "I’ll see you later?" He nods, still grinning like a Cheshire cat, as I force myself to turn and leave. 

*  
 **IRVINE**

"...and it’ll be almost like old times. I mean, I know things have changed, but it’s nice, having a few more familiar faces around."

"Mm hmm," I murmur non-committally, as Selphie reaches up to kiss me again, pushing my long coat off my shoulders. I catch it before it hits the floor, allowing the kiss to continue a moment longer before I pull away to hang it in the closet.

"And frankly," she adds, slipping off her shoes and leaving them where they fall on the floor, "I think it’s cool that Squall invited her back without worrying about how she helped Seifer so much. Because it really wasn’t her fault, that he turned out to be all power-trippy and stuff." She turns toward the nightstand, dropping her watch, earrings and battle meter in a haphazard pile there, while I absently arrange her shoes more tidily.

"He didn’t invite her, Seph. She asked to come back," I mutter, sitting on the end of the bed to remove my boots. Somehow, I doubt she’s listening.

"I think she’s going to like being a SeeD. I mean, she’s already got all the battle experience she needs, she’ll just have a few classes in history and paramagic to attend, but that shouldn’t be too hard for her."

"I’m sure she’ll do just fine," I tell Selphie blandly, as she slides up close against me again, her kiss decidedly more heated this time around. I slide my arms around her shoulders, in a vain attempt to get her to stand still for a few minutes, but scant seconds go by before she pulls away again.

"I’m gonna go take a shower," she says, already stripping off clothing. "I’m tired of smelling like sweat and ash, and getting all the brick dust out of my hair is going to take an entire week." She turns her back to me, then winks over her shoulder, her shirt landing at my feet moments later as she saunters half-naked into the bathroom. 

I chuckle lightly to myself, as I reach down to pick up her shirt, running the fabric through my fingers before I toss it onto the end of my bed, and my fingers reach for my own shirt buttons. I sigh softly, as I slide my shirt off, tossing it beside hers on the end of the bed. No matter how optimistic we try to be, I think, staring at the open bathroom door, there are numerous people in Garden who are not going to take at all kindly to Fujin’s return. 

And as much as I’d deny it to Selphie and the others, to myself, I admit that I’m one of them.

Time enough to deal with that later, though. Selphie’s voice comes lilting through the door as she hums one of the tune’s from Balamb’s new radio station, the steady beat of the shower obscuring her voice only slightly. I close my eyes for a moment, and take a deep breath, then step forward into the bathroom, letting the tight frown relax from my face. I slide my pants off, and lay them over the railing before I join Selphie in the shower, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her warm, wet body against mine.

"Hey there, lover boy," she greets me. "I thought you’d never get your ass in here." She grins up at me, pulling my head down for a kiss, then pulling the band from my hair, letting it settle about my shoulders for a brief moment before it becomes soaked in the shower stream. Her hands trace hot paths down my back, her breasts bobbing enticingly as she washes me, and I her.

Sometime after she has washed my chest, and is moving lower, I still her hands, claiming her mouth with mine. I lift her effortlessly, her legs wrapping around my waist as I slide my hands under her thighs to support her. My head falls back as I slide into her hot, tight entrance, and I gratefully let all the world slip away, lost in the heat and strength of Selphie’s body against mine, and in the sound of her voice moaning my name, and in the mindless rhythm of our two bodies, slick against the shower screen.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zell and Squall... *ahem* get to know each other better. Pure smut, really.

**ZELL**

Man, that was weird. But also cool. Very, very cool. Hyne, I NEVER thought I would see the day where Squall would willingly kiss me. It was... oh Hyne, he smelled good. I’ve been playing that moment over and over in my head all afternoon. His gloved hands, touching my face, his hair lightly brushing my forehead... That moment alone could fuel enough wet dreams to last a month.

But now I gotta ask myself...what happens next? I mean, okay, so we kissed, but... what does that make us? Are we a couple, now? Or is that way too much to be reading into a single kiss? Is there going to be a whole in-between phase before we become a couple? Is that even what Squall wants? I mean, all he said was that it was okay, not that he wanted anything more. Okay, get a grip here. Squall doesn’t go round kissing people flippantly. Coming from him, it meant something, I’m pretty certain of that. But... now what?

*  
 **SQUALL**

I flick off the television, as a knock at my door calls for my attention. I check the clock on the wall as I head to the door. 9:26. Took him longer than I expected... if it actually is him.

I open the door, and he’s bouncing in the hallway, shadow boxing with the wall, as usual. I hadn’t realised, until I saw him there, not just that I _expected_ him to come by tonight, but that I had _hoped_ he would. He stops bouncing, as he sees me there, and grins, his excited eyes and open expression showing nothing of the nervousness I am feeling, and trying to hide.

*  
 **ZELL**

Just a ghost of a smile touches his lips, as he steps halfway into the hallway. "Zell," he greets me, and I wonder if it’s my imagination playing up, or if he really sounded slightly breathless.

"Hey," I reply, smiling my own fanged grin. I _think_ he looks happy to see me.

"Come in," he offers, his voice once more cool and controlled as he steps out of the doorway, and I happily follow him into the room. 

Squall’s room is similar to my own, except that he has fewer knick-knacks and personal touches. The layout is much like any of the premium suites in Garden - they moved us out of the single room dorms after the war. There’s a small kitchenette, a living room that’s big enough for a couch, a TV and a coffee table, and the bedroom, with ensuite.

He’s leaning against the back of the couch, arms folded, just waiting. 

"Uh, I, er..." One of the few times in my life where I _should_ have something to say, and I find myself speechless. Unfortunately, Squall’s not likely to help me out here. Hyne knows, he’s probably a heck of a lot more confused than I am. "You surprised me today," I finally admit quietly.

He suddenly looks uncomfortable, getting up from the couch to pace across the room. "Yeah, I..." He makes a sound that’s almost like a chuckle, though I can’t see his face to tell if he’s laughing or not. "I kinda surprised myself, too." His voice is filled with disbelief and just a touch of skepticism. He turns to face me, a slight frown creasing his scar. "I meant what I said, Zell," he tells me earnestly. "I... if you... It’s okay. If you want... I mean, if you like me..." Hyne, he looks so sincere, a hint of a flush touching his cheeks while he stares studiously at the carpet.

"I do." The admission is past my lips before I think about it.

He looks up at me, kind of nervous, perhaps, but bashfully pleased, as well. 

I edge closer to him, wanting to be nearer, yet not wanting to make him uncomfortable. He has always guarded his personal space jealously. "I have for quite a while," I embellish my response, testing the waters as to how he’ll react.

Shit, now he’s blushing... way to go Zell, embarrass the poor boy. Though, he’s not making any efforts to get away... Maybe it’s my hormones getting carried away, but even though I know it might be a bad idea, I step closer to him, just daring to run my fingers over his cheek. It’s an awkward, half-aborted movement, but he doesn’t stop me. "And what about you?" I ask softly. "What do you feel?"

Deer in headlights? Oh yeah... 

"I..." His breath hitches, the tiny smile quickly replaced with a frown. "I... it’s..."

He can’t answer. Not yet. I don’t push him. I just drift closer to him, and to my surprise, his hand comes up to my face, threading briefly through my hair, then moving down to trace my tattoo. He’s taken his gloves off, and I can feel the calluses on his fingers against my skin. Daringly, I lean forward until my lips brush against his, feather-weight and hesitant. "It’s okay," I whisper to him.

He looks up, then, meeting my gaze as his tongue nervously wets his lips, our faces only inches apart. 

"I... I want..." he tries to say, with a slight shake of his head. I wait patiently, hoping he’ll sort out his thoughts enough to form the sentence. "I like this."

Grinning like an idiot, I whisper against his lips "Me too, baby." Then I kiss him, properly, fully.

Hyne, this is like heaven. He smells fresh, and clean, and like leather. He’s not wearing his jacket, but the scent lingers on his skin. I tease his lips open gently, tasting his mouth, encouraging him to taste mine. Gods, he’s good at this... His lips suck and nibble gently at mine, I can hear his breathing, his hands are cupping my face again. 

My hands skim across the hard muscle under his shirt, running over his back, and then down to the belts of his pants.

He pulls back, when I reach them, looking into my eyes and breathing harder than usual. He seems to need confirmation of what I want, though I can see clearly that he wants it too. 

I kiss him, quickly but enthusiastically, and take his hand. I briefly consider... the couch is closer, but the bed would be more comfortable... though perhaps a little too presumptuous at this stage? Still holding our bodies close together, we take a few, fumbling steps towards the bedroom door.

"Do you... I mean, is this okay?" It’s hard to tell, but there’s a chance I could be rushing him here. "Do you want...?"

"Yeah," is his immediate and brief reply, and I don’t need any more encouragement. We head for the bedroom.

The bedroom is dark, but with the light from the living room, I can make out Squall’s shadow as he reaches over the bed to flick on the light on the nightstand. It lights the room in an orange glow, illuminating Squall’s hair like waves of fire, as he sits on the edge of the bed, looking every bit the innocent child, until I let my gaze drop to the straining pressure in his pants, and see the subtle rock of his hips against the bed, the light flexing of the muscles along his thighs. He reaches out a hand to me, which I accept, and pulls me down beside him 

*  
 **SQUALL**

I’ve only turned on the small lamp beside the bed, and before I can consider where the thought came from, I expect Zell to turn on the overhead light. To my slight surprise, though, he doesn’t. He just joins me on the bed, his mouth and hands on me immediately. And I realise, as I fall automatically into the pattern of kissing him, and exploring his body, that it was because _he_ always wanted the light on. My ex-lover, I remember with a sardonic chuckle, was a fierce and demanding creature in bed... and out of bed, I remind myself. Surprisingly little of our carnal activities ever happened between the sheets. But whenever we did manage to stumble into his dorm room - his, but never mine, I realise - he always insisted on leaving the lights on.

I catch myself, suddenly hearing Zell moan above me, as I kiss his neck. It’s a breathy, ardent sound, and I deliberately gentle my actions. He’s not like my ex. We have plenty of time to take this slower, and I tilt his chin to kiss him again, playfully apologetic for the rough work-up. He doesn’t seem to mind, his trademark grin edged with a hint of mischief as he thrusts against my hand again.

Everything here is so different, I’m amazed to discover. His voice, his scent, the way he moves... Zell, for one thing, is more muscular than my previous lover. Though my ex would throw a mighty and self-righteous tantrum if he ever heard me admit that little detail. I bite my tongue, forcing my his name away, the bitter taste of it erased with the gentle sweetness of Zell’s kisses.

*  
 **ZELL**

Squall roughly pushes my jacket off my shoulders, my wrists becoming momentarily trapped behind me until he tugs it away, dropping the heavy cloth on the floor. One of his arms has snaked around my waist, and as he pulls me against him, I take the time to wonder at his forwardness. He obviously know what he’s doing, and what he wants... but I find myself wondering if this is what I wanted. It’s not what I _expected_ , that’s for sure. But could this confident, unself-conscious Squall really be less delicious than the shy boy I was expecting? 

Then, before I have even finished that thought, he has slowed his motions, replacing the rough caresses with a gently stroke. Our lips part for long enough for me to look into his eyes, and I’m... pleased?... to find him slightly hesitant once again. For reasons I don’t want to look at too closely, I feel more relaxed when I’m more in control. I can’t keep the grin from my lips as I become aware that, for all his puppyish eyes and bashfulness, his hand is still busy teasing the prominent hardness between my legs... My eyes close and I moan as I push myself into his hot grasp.

Several long minutes, and a handful of breathless kisses later, he pulls back, a glint of mischief in his eyes. Fuck, for a glacier, Squall sure has a whole range of expressions up his sleeve.... 

Though nothing could have prepared me for the thought-numbing sight of him dipping his head down into my lap.

I swear my mouth is hanging open as he slowly kisses my stomach, then he reaches for the button of my shorts, teasing my hardness briefly before he pops the button, and lowers the zip.

Oh shit, what underwear am I wearing? I can’t even remember if I put any on this morning, but I swear to Hyne, if I’m wearing my pair of boxers with the yellow smiley faces on them, I will kill myself tomorrow... if I don’t die of embarrassment first. I stare transfixed as his hand slides into my shorts, massaging my cock until I’m rocking into his hand. What am I wearing? Concentrating right now is so hard... Mmm... delicious thought... no pun intended, of course... My aborted chuckle turns into a moan as his hand dips inside the elastic of my... dark blue boxers. Good. Boring, maybe, but at least respectable.

He pulls my cock out, holding it hot, and hard in his hand, and looks up at me then, his lips moist, his mouth open, and his tongue just showing. The faint beginnings of a smirk flutter across his lips, as his head bends downward again, but he hasn’t even touched his lips to the tip when I jerk back, rushing to hold his hand still from where it runs a steady rhythm up and down my length, from where I am far, far too close to the edge to let him suck me, delightful as the idea is. I want this to last longer, and I don’t want to disgrace myself, either. Not now, not this early. "Squall, no," I pant. He looks up, halfway between angry and hurt, young and boyish in a way I find irresistible, and I almost come in his hand, still hot and tight around me. "Oh hell, Squall, I want you to, I do so much, but," I attempt a smirk, possibly unsuccessful, "if you do, things are gonna be over here _real_ quickly."

He understands, his eyes giving me a last appreciative glance, before he releases me, and rises to sit beside me on the bed.

I don’t give him time to reconsider, as I lean forward and strip his shirt from him quickly, kissing his nipples as he frees his arms and wraps them around me again. I kiss him again, my hands finding his pants and undoing them. He leans down to kiss my neck, and I look down over his shoulder and back, perturbed, yet unsurprised at the network of battle scars I find there. Some faint and silvery, some more vicious, dark and jagged against his pale skin. The price we all pay for our heroism. I reach up to trace one of the more serious ones, and he shudders in my arms.

I pull back, brushing his hair back from his eyes, where it hangs boyishly, just catching the end of a grin, quickly hidden and denied. 

I slide onto the floor before Squall. And it occurs to me that it’s been a hell of a long time since I was last in this position, on my knees before an aroused and waiting male, and that I like it much better, this time. Never thought I’d be so privileged as to be doing this for someone I actually cared about, and to have them treat me as more than an object, to treat me, as Squall tenderly strokes my cheek, as something important.

He is beautiful, his light brown hair nestled between the black of his leather pants, and the pale skin of his abdomen. I bend to take his tip in my mouth, and am rewarded with a throaty groan.

Combined with the delicious sounds from his mouth and the delicate thrusting of his hips towards me, I’m turned on as hell here... One of my hands steadies me on Squall’s thigh, while my other hand sneaks downwards, cupping my own hardness as I begin to stroke myself in rhythm with my mouth on Squall. I see his abdomen contracting spasmodically, as I suck and lick his flesh, and don’t resist the urge to reach up, tracing my fingers across the solid, defined muscle.

*  
 **SQUALL**

I don’t realise my eyes are closed until I want to open them again, feeling a feathery light touch cross my abdomen. Panting, I peer down through the dim light to see...

Oh Hyne... as if the sight of his mouth around my cock wasn’t enough, he’s started stroking himself as well. His hips jerk rhythmically into his own hand, and before I have time to think about it, I’ve grabbed the back of his head, holding him still as I come, rapidly and forcefully, into his mouth.

*  
 **ZELL**

I get about a half-second warning before Squall’s orgasm, then surprisingly, only about another two seconds before my own. Hyne, I _never_ thought I would hear him scream my name in anything but a life-or-death situation...

I pull back, catching my breath briefly. From my vantage point on the floor, Squall has fallen back onto the bed, and looks comfortably immobile for the time being. I, on the other hand, am sweaty and sticky. I rise to me feet, with what I’m sure is a goofy grin firmly attached to my face, and pause, just before I head to the bathroom to clean up. Hyne, he’s beautiful lying there, relaxed and sated, and in a rare moment of dark pessimism, I wonder if I’ll ever get to see him like this again, or if this is my only chance to enjoy this piece of paradise, and I should savour it for all it’s worth.

*  
 **SQUALL**

An unbelievable lightness settles over me, as I lie there, watching Zell emerge from the bathroom. He has removed his shirt, lost somewhere on the floor between here and there, and he stands before me, unconsciously muscular and sleek. Perhaps I should move, but I don’t feel inclined yet, so I simply extend a hand to him, and he accepts it, and kneels on the bed beside me. 

And the slightly smug thought occurs to me; That was fucking fantastic. In a faint echo, I hear Seifer’s voice, younger and far away, telling me ‘It doesn’t get any better than me, sweetheart. You don’t know what you’re leaving behind.’ I had always harboured a nervous thought, ‘what if he’s right?’ What if I can’t feel anything beyond the sharp excitement and lustful desire that Seifer inspired in me. Is there nothing more? But I lie here now, feeling something warm, and still, deep within my soul, and I know that he was wrong. I don’t know what I feel for Zell, it’s too early to consider it. But as it grips a strangle hold around my throat, and my heart, as I lean up to kiss him, I know I like it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fujin arrives at Garden.

**ZELL**

"Aaahhhhh..."

"Mmmmm."

"Oh gods yes..." I rock harder into Squall’s mouth, and am rewarded when he picks up the pace, drawing another appreciative moan from me. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been in this position over the last few days, sprawled across Squall’s bed, or my own, or lounging on his couch while he kneels between my legs. Or, as I am now, pressed up against his kitchen counter, praying my knees will hold out for a few more minutes, or that Squall has the presence of mind to hold me up. That’s not to say Squall hasn’t had his share of the fun. Especially that time in the training center, when he asked me to take my gloves off so he could feel my skin against his cock, and then a T-rex pops up, me unarmed and him so hard he could barely see straight... Life with Squall, I have to say, is certain to be... interesting.

"Zell?"

"Zell?"

"Wha?!"

"Come and meet Fujin with me when she arrives?" His mouth slides down around me again the instant he stops talking.

"Huh?" I manage, the question melting into a groan.

"I want you to be there." Oh Hyne, where the fuck did he learn to do this? 

"Do you?" My tone is sardonic as I resist being persuaded by the fact that he has my cock in his mouth, and I try to assert some reason instead. Hyne, I’m so close... I reach out to cup the back of his head, pressing him forward into my groin. But he pulls back, levering himself against my hips to look up at me with serious eyes, and I know I’m not going to get to finish until I give him an answer, either way. I don’t think he’s enough of a bastard to refuse me if I say no...

"Please, Zell. You know this is important." 

I reach down to brush his hair from his eyes, and realise, for a moment, what a great burden it is that rests on his shoulders. With this seemingly insignificant decision, he’s attempting to shape a significant piece of the future of Garden.

"I’ll be there," I tell him, after a prolonged pause. Still not entirely happy about it... But fuck knows Squall’s worth the effort, if it’ll make his job a little easier.

The slight upward twitch of his lip couldn’t really be called a smile, but it brings a chuckle from me none-the-less, as my cock disappears into his mouth again, and I reach back to grab the counter, as my knees attempt to give way.

*  
 **SQUALL**

I stare resolutely at the concrete, as the transport from Balamb pulls up at Garden’s front gate. I daren’t look around at my friends’ faces. Zell, I already know, wears an expression of patient tolerance. Selphie, I expect, is bouncing on Irvine’s arm, delight written all over her face. I have no idea what Irvine is thinking right now, and frankly, I don’t want to delve into it too much. For the moment, he seems to be looking at the bigger picture and considering the good of Garden as a whole, which is enough for me.

The door of the transport opens, and Cid steps forward to greet Fujin as she treads carefully down the steps. She still walks with a slight limp - a remnant of her injuries from the war - and she seems to be using the excuse of watching her steps carefully to avoid meeting my gaze for the moment. Blocking out the last of my hesitation, I step up beside Cid, murmuring the customary welcome to her, and extending a handshake.

"Gratitude," she replies softly, so softly I have to strain to hear it, as she takes my hand. "ANTICIPATION," she says louder, daring to scan the faces behind me. 

Selphie, it seems, can constrain herself no longer, and bounces up to my side. "Welcome back to Garden," she burbles, shaking Fujin’s hand enthusiastically. "I know you must be nervous about all this, what with the welcoming committee and all," she gestures vaguely to the small group of Garden Faculty, as well as Irvine and Zell, hovering behind us, "but I’m really happy you’re here, and I think it’s great that you want to go back into training, and if you need anything, I’m always more than happy to help." Selphie grins, still bouncing slightly beside me. Heck, sometimes, I think she has more energy than Zell...

Finally, Fujin’s stiff mask cracks slightly. "GLAD TO BE BACK."

I glance behind me, deliberately keeping my expression neutral as I meet Zell’s gaze. He hesitates just a moment, then steps up beside me, also extending a hand to Fujin.

"Hey," he greets her benevolently. "Squall just wanted us to be here," he explains, gesturing to the welcoming committee, "just so you know that we’re here to help, if you get in any trouble round the place." Blunt, as usual, but strangely, it seems to work.

Fujin’s studious frown finally softens, and she turns a near-smile to me. "THOUGHTFUL," she compliments me, as I blush slightly at Zell’s oblivion to social etiquette.

"We’ve had to change your class schedule a little," I inform her. "A few of the instructors have been swapped around, to cope with the larger classes we’ll be running. If you’d like to stop by my office this afternoon, I can show you the changes. For now, though, I’ll let Selphie show you to your room."

Before Fujin can reply, Selphie has grabbed her bags, and her hand, and is hauling the startled woman off towards the front gate. "I’m sure everything will work out fine," I hear her babbling happily. "Just wait and see, and if anyone crosses you, I’m sure Squall will be more than happy to kick their ass, cos he puts on this big cold shoulder act, but he’s actually really happy to have you here. And so am I, for that matter..." Her voice fades out, as they disappear into Garden.

I stare at the ground again, trying desperately to hide the blush creeping up my cheeks.

"Well, that went rather well, don’t you think?" Cid comments chirpily. "I’m sure she’ll be no trouble at all, once she’s settled in. What do you think, Squall?"

Why does it matter what I think? It’s not Fujin who’s going to cause trouble, it’s the rest of the students in Garden. Anyone who lost a friend, a family member or even a pet in the war could potentially take it out on Fujin... "Whatever..."

*  
 **SEIFER**

He’s everywhere, now. In the news, in the street corner gossip, occasionally floating overhead in that giant palace I used to call a home. He’s even in my dreams, sometimes, though I thought I had gotten him out of _them_ a long time ago.

Squall. Commander Fucking Leonhart, the greatest hero of all time. Literally, all time.

I have to laugh at that, that the same guy who is now worshiped by women as a demi-god, and by men as a media-glamour idol, is the same young, fumbling boy who’s virginity I took, in a small room, in a cheap Balamb hotel.

Hearing what some of the women around here say about him, is just too funny. Why does a guy’s prowess in bed always have to be connected to the size of his dick? Shit, if that was true, Squall would be as big as a fucking stallion, if only half of what they said about him was true. No, he’s not that big. Not big enough to warrant a special mention of it. But did he know what to do with it? Fuck yeah...

I honestly think I was in love with him. Heck, it’d be hard not to fall for him. He was just so damned expressive. Or maybe he wasn’t and it just seemed that way because he was a fucking iceberg the rest of the time. I still close my eyes, and can perfectly picture the way he looked, up on the observation deck after curfew, pressed up against the cold metal decking, eyes squeezed closed, mouth open, panting my name. He’d smile at me, occasionally. Lying beside me after he’d come, while we caught our breath, and before his sense of self-discipline got in the way, he’d look like the kid he was supposed to be.

Never understood why he broke it off with me. There was no one else he was interested in, and I offered to hang around with him, even if he only wanted me for the sex. He still said no. I didn’t have to worry about being jealous though. He never hooked up with anyone else. Became even more of an icy bastard than he was before we got together. I honestly don’t think he’ll ever hook up with someone else.

If anyone else even wanted to get close, I know for damn sure he’d never let them in.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Classes resume at Garden, with a new generation of students.

**ZELL**

Okay, so she’s not that bad. Doesn’t mean I have to like her. And even if she’s not causing havoc and destruction, that doesn’t mean she’s going to do us any good. I look up, into Squall’s grey eyes, and realise I have to answer his question.

"Okay, okay, so she’s not that bad," I admit aloud. "It’s still gonna cause a shit load of trouble when the students get wind of this," I point out helpfully.

His calm, indifferent mask doesn’t change. "I know." 

"I hope you’ve got something up your sleeve to deal with that, cos even if Irvine and Selphie and me said we’d help out, we can’t follow her around 24/7 to make sure she doesn’t get in any trouble."

"Are you still okay with that?" he asks, his voice quiet, but firm. "Helping out, I mean?"

I shrug. "Heck, Squall, I said I’d help, and I intend to follow through on that. Just... don’t expect me to like her!"

He sighs, and stands up from his seat on my bed, moving to stare out the window instead. "You could give her a chance, you know."

"Hell no!" Once again, my mouth started working slightly before my brain caught up, and I know that my reply probably hurt Squall. "I’m sorry, Squall,’ I apologise hastily, "but why should I?"

*  
 **SQUALL**

I start to reply, to tell him why he should, or at least ask him to consider it, even in the absence of a reason, but he’s already taken off on a tangent.

"She’s been a pain in the ass for as long as I can remember, and even if she didn’t do as much damage as Seifer, she didn’t help us stop him either, even when he’d gone completely off the deep end! How could she not see what an arrogant, conceited, self-righteous bastard he was!? He was downright cruel, and he wasn’t even that good a fighter!"

Not a good fighter? Despite the fact that I lost to him in combat, and earned a scar to remind me of the fact for the rest of my life? Even if he was cheating at the time... If I were anyone else, I might have laughed at Zell’s strangely ironic denunciation of Seifer. But instead, I just listen patiently to his ranting about my former lover, determinedly ignoring the small ache in my chest. Still, moments like this remind me why I used to find the simple act of listening to people to be such a strain.

Maybe that was why I stayed with Seifer for so long. We didn’t talk. I didn’t give a shit about him, any conversation we had consisted of ‘how was your day, now let’s fuck.’ Life was simpler that way.

But Zell’s different, I remind myself. Seifer may have been happy just having my body, but Zell, I know, wants my mind as well, and my heart, and everything in between. 

I just can’t help wondering how much that’s going to cost me.

*  
 **SQUALL**

I feel an unmistakable wave of relief, as the shuttle slows to a halt outside Garden’s front gate. Seconds later, the electronic door slides open, and I feel a warm, relaxed, and most of all, genuine smile slip onto my face, for what seems like the first time in weeks.

Quistis pauses on the shuttle’s steps, her bag slung casually over her shoulder, and meets my gaze for only a second, before a similar expression lights up her own features. 

"Squall, I’m so glad to see you!" She walks sedately over to where I wait for her, then startles me slightly, when she envelops me in a warm hug. I’m not so adverse to physical contact now, though, and I remember I’m supposed to hug her back. "How are you?" she asks.

She seems to want a real reply, rather than the standard social fluff people churn out in such situations, and so I consider the question for a moment. "Good." I think that sums it up well. "What about you?"

Again, the brilliant smile. "Ooh, much more relaxed, I think." She winks at me, and gives me a shy little shrug. "A little time off can do wonders for a person. Has anything much changed around here?" She hands me her bag, which I obligingly take, as we begin to wander back into Garden.

"A few things have," I reply vaguely. In more ways than one, I think to myself, before filling her in on... most... of the details of the past few weeks - the mission in Timber, my reinstatement as Commander, and Garden’s plans to reopen in the near future.

Several minutes later, we have arrived at her suite, and I’m not surprised when she invites me in. Some things are better said behind closed doors. She drops her bag on the couch, and moves into the kitchen to make coffee, thus her back is towards me when I hear her voice, quietly admitting, "I missed Garden while I was away."

She doesn’t seem to know how to continue, and I let the silence stretch for a moment, not from a desire to let her talk, but rather, from a lack of knowing what to say.

She breathes a small sigh, the breath sounding slightly strangled. "I was terrified, after we got back from..." Her voice falters just a touch. "...From time compression. Not from what happened there, mind." She stops fussing in the kitchen and turns to face me, leaning not-quite-casually against the counter. "Maybe it sounds stupid, but... I was terrified that no one here would let me go. I thought I’d be trapped in Garden for the rest of my life, and people would always want me to be some war-hero, and I’d never get to chose anything else." She smiles sadly at me, and I remember, once again, why she and I became such good friends after the war. She has a way of seeing through people, past what they say into what they feel. I think, perhaps, she could always do that to me. "I’m not a fighter, Squall. I never was. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life dodging T-rexes and scraping green goo out of my hair. That’s why I had to get away from here, and see something else for a while. Just to prove that I could. The thing is, I never actually expected that I’d miss it," she adds sardonically. "Garden is my home." She gestures to the room in general, meaning to indicate the rooms and hallways far beyond these four walls, as well. "I don’t think I could ever leave it for good." She shakes her head, mainly to herself, I think.

I have a feeling that her statement was merely rhetorical, and she’s not actually asking me to solve the problem for her. Still... "I could reinstate you as an instructor."

She looks up, surprised. "Oh, you don’t have to do that..." she begins, perhaps thinking I was just feeling sorry for her, but I interrupt.

"Most of the others are instructing," I explain. I don’t have to elaborate on who ‘the others’ are. "We’re getting a whole pile of students in wanting to learn more about weapons and combat skills, after the war, so we’re each teaching an advanced combat class part time, between SeeD missions. If you wanted to, you could have a full-time class, instead." I wait patiently, as Quistis considers this idea.

Finally, a slow smile spreads across her face. "I think I’d like that," she replies quietly, but pleased.

Unfortunately, I have more news to tell her. "Fujin... reapplied to complete her training in Garden." I pause, giving that time to sink in. "She arrived here yesterday," I finish, when I don’t get any immediate reaction. Had I been speaking to anyone else, I wouldn’t have dared blurt that out quite so bluntly. Quistis, though, has always taken a more reasonable approach to things than our comrades, and I’m not disappointed this time, either. 

She frowns a little, turning back to finish making our coffee for a few quiet moments, while she sorts out her thoughts. "I assume," she says suddenly, turning to face me once again, "that you have some good reasons for accepting her?"

"I do," I reply, and briefly explain to her what I have already explained repeatedly to Zell, Irvine and Selphie, as well as outlining their various reactions to the news. This time, however, her reply surprises me.

"Just so that you know," she begins, seriously, "I don’t hold Seifer responsible for any of the war." The surprise must have shown on my face, despite my attempts to remain calm, as she hastily continues. "He was under Ultimecia’s control, and none of us really have any idea how much that changed him. Look at Rinoa, when she was possessed. She set Adel free, and caused a whole heap of trouble, but no one holds her responsible for that, so why should Seifer be any different?" 

I frown at that, wondering why, indeed, there is a difference, and realising, at the same time, that even I’m not quite sure how I feel about Seifer at the moment. I’ve spend so much time concentrating on Fujin that I hadn’t given my former rival and lover much thought at all.

"Seifer was an asshole, Squall," Quistis tells me bluntly, when I don’t reply. "Arrogant and rude and a whole lot of other adjectives I’m sure you’ve heard him called before. But he was not a murderer, or a dictator, and I for one refuse to believe that even he would have taken pleasure in seeing other people hurt or killed."

How’s that for an eye-opener. I had thought that _I_ was fairly liberal minded when it came to Seifer, but Quistis seems to have blown even my generosity out of the water.

I wonder briefly if I should tell Quistis about Zell and me. Hyne knows I can’t make any sense of it myself at the moment, and she might just be open-minded enough to handle being told that her Commander is fucking another man... But that naturally brings up the question, what would I tell her. Zell and me are... dating? We’re not. We don’t date, we don’t ‘go out’. We go down to the Training Center, get all hot and sweaty together, then beat a hasty retreat to one or the other of our rooms. We’re blowing each other on a regular basis? Somehow I don’t think she’d appreciate being told that little detail, all by itself. We’re boyfriends? I don’t know... are we? I can’t pretend it’s just sex, Zell’s made that quite plain. He... It’s not that he _wants_ me to talk to him, which I know he does, though he’d never force me to. It’s more that I know he listens when I do talk. And I don’t mean he hears like other people do, putting my words on a pedestal, because they came from the Lion, so they _must_ be right. He just listens to me, and weighs up what I say, mostly reasonable, and almost logically, and...

I glance up at Quistis, and see she’s watching me with a perplexed frown, and I realise it’s been a good few minutes since I said anything. "Sorry, I...was just..." I try to explain, but I can’t get any further than that.

She smiles patiently at me. Like I said, Quisty has a way of understanding people. "You have my support for anything you need with Fujin," she tells me, bringing my mind back to our previous conversation topic. "Let’s try and let Seifer’s ghost rest around here, shall we?

Somehow, I can’t quite manage to smile back.

*  
 **QUISTIS**

It may sound terribly snobbish of me, but I am utterly relieved that I don’t have to live in the dorms any more. After having my own room, and a decent portion of privacy, even for this short time, I have to wonder how I ever put up with the noise, the crowding, the constant presence of someone else in your room, in your cupboard, in your bathroom, moving your shampoo, borrowing your clothes, using your toothpaste... 

Today, the dorm hallways are once again crowded and chaotic, after a reasonable long period of relative quiet. The live-in students had of course stayed with Garden during it’s wartime activities, but any of the students with homes to go to had left several months ago, owing firstly to the war, and then to the slow rebuilding effort, which had turned instructors into mechanics and classrooms into conference rooms and workshops.

But today, it’s all starting up again. Hundreds of new applicants, and a large group of former students have arrived, ready for Garden’s official re-opening in three days time, and we’re now faced with the chaos of allocating rooms, uniforms and schedules to the 400-odd youngsters who are currently creating havoc and one terrible din throughout Garden.

"Heads up!!"

A football comes sailing down the corridor towards me, though I have no problem in reaching up to intercept it before it reaches its intended recipient. Lightening fast reflexes and a heavy speed junction have their uses... even in a dormitory hallway! 

I stride over to the blond haired youth who threw the ball... who is now looking rather sheepish, as he realises who I am. "Playtime doesn’t come until after your afternoon nap," I tell him firmly, "and ball games," I place the ball firmly back into his hands, "are confined to the Quad. Any questions?"

"No Ma’am." I suspect he would have snapped to attention, given the chance, but unfortunately, the new cadets haven’t yet been taught how to do that... He ducks his head, and scampers off in the direction of the registration booth.

"Well, you’re certainly a natural at that," I hear a voice behind me compliment me, and I can’t keep the smile from my face as I turn around. "Keep that up and Squall won’t get to have any fun scaring these kids into line." Zell is bouncing on his heels, smirking at me mischievously.

"Zell! It’s wonderful to see you again." I open my arms to him, and he happily steps forward for a hug, nearly squeezing the breath out of me in his enthusiasm. Hyne, I’d forgotten how strong he is...

"I heard you were coming back," he says, grinning widely at me, "Though I gotta say, I didn’t think you’d want to be back here right in the middle of this muck," he gestures to the hoards of teenagers careening about the corridors. 

"And miss the chance to be adored, worshiped and praised as the tremendous war-hero I’m not?" I ask, sardonically. "Never!"

Zell laughs. "Heck, if you thought the Trepies were bad, you should see some of this mob! I’ve had everything from being asked for my autograph to being offered a free blow job from my fan club, and that was just in the last half hour!"

As it is, I can hear the faint murmurings of the students in the hallway around us. No one is oblivious to our presence, and anyone who doesn’t know who we are would had to have been living in a hole in the ground for the past few months. Even if word didn’t spread far enough during the war, the media jumped on us so-called war heroes after it was over, splashing our pictures across every newspaper and magazine in the known world.

"I hope you didn’t take up that offer," I mutter to Zell, dodging a group of three girls who come racing around the corner towards us.

Zell snorts, and then chuckles at the idea. "Not much need for that sort of thing." He seems about to say something else, before suddenly changing his mind. His comment didn’t exactly make sense to me, but now, surrounded by over-eager ears and mouths that are likely to flap at any hint of a rumour, however small, is not the time or place to question what he means. 

Zell looks up then, at something over my shoulder, and grins as he calls, "Hey, Squall! Come down to see what havoc we’ve created?"

Squall almost smiles as he reaches our side. "Zell, Quistis. I was hoping one of you would be around. It seems to keep the chaos down... a... bit..." He trails off, as we look around, and realise that the entire hallway has gone dead silent. Half the students are staring studiously at the floor, or at their books, as they shuffle off to their assigned rooms. The other half are standing stock still, gaping at the Lion.

"Or _you_ could just wander the halls, and no one would dare put a foot wrong," Zell mutters, not unkindly, but rather, perplexed.

Squall closes his eyes briefly, then, apparently deciding to ignore the blatant stares, asks, "Have either of you seen Irvine or Selphie this morning?"

Zell shakes his head. "Last I heard, they said they were gonna lay low until the commotion was over."

"Meaning they’re holed up in Irvine’s room having mad bunny sex..." I hear Squall mutter, and I allow myself a small chuckle. "I’ll see you later then," he throws over his shoulder as he moves to leave. "And thanks for your help," he adds, walking with ease through the path between the students that seems to open magically before him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyone is happy about Fujin's return to Garden. Meanwhile, Squall and Zell try out some new bedroom games.

**ZELL**

Classroom 107... 108... 109. Right. I pause outside the doorway, just listening to the class inside without letting them know I’m there, and hoping that all is running smoothly...

Today is Fujin’s first class in _Items_. The class teaches students about not just the common _Items_ we use in battles, but the rarer ones, _Adamantine_ and _Megalixirs_ and the like, and gives guidelines for looking after GFs. The more advanced classes also teach how to refine _Items_ into magic or upgrade weapons.

So far so good. I can only hear the instructor’s voice... Merl, I think his name is...

"We will be having a short quiz at the end of the week. You will be expected to be fully versed in the various curative items, and bonus marks will be awarded for any of the GF curative items you happen to know, though we haven’t had our formal classes on these yet."

There’s a pause, and I’m about to leave the class in peace, when a student’s voice comes drifting through the open door.

"Instructor? Why are you testing us on something we haven’t covered yet? I mean, certain members of the class," he stresses the last few words carefully, "would have an unfair disadvantage over the rest of us." For all his innocent words, the boy’s tone is anything but friendly, and I decide to hang around a bit longer - I don’t know whether it’s extreme optimism, or just foolishness that makes me hope this will be settled peacefully.

Merl is no fool, though, and used to handling difficult situations - one of the reasons Fujin was placed into his class. 

"If you feel it’s that much of a disadvantage, Keiren, then I recommend you spend some time in the library, and learn the GF _Items_ yourself."

Again, there’s a moment’s silence, and I hold my breath, waiting.

"Do you want to repeat that, Keiren?"

Apparently, Keiren’s last comment was too low for me to hear from my post outside the door, but he doesn’t hesitate in repeating it - this time loud enough for the whole class to hear. "I said I don’t need to worry about being beaten by a traitor."

That was it - 0.4 seconds later, all hell breaks loose. I swear quietly to myself, then slip on my Ehrgeiz - I’m not in the habit of wandering the halls of Garden fully armed - and swing round the corner into the room, taking a quick appraisal of the situation there. Half the students are on their feet, yelling abuse at Merl and Fujin, and even at each other. A book comes sailing across the room, narrowly missing Merl, who wisely ducks for cover behind his chair. And Fujin is sitting quietly at her desk, is doing a damned good impression of Squall in full Indifference mode. 

The kid who threw the book has another one in hand, and before he can launch it in Fujin’s direction, I throw a _Stop_ at him. He freezes in place, hand in the air and mouth partly open, ready to yell his next comment, and the sharp scent of magic fills the air, thick and acrid in the confined space of the classroom.

That gets their attention... I may not make quite as striking a figure as Squall, but I’ve been given enough media attention to have made an impression, and the students are still surprised enough to see me there that they quiet down quickly, most of them returning sullenly to their seats.

"What the hell did you think you were doing?" I ask, not bothering to hide the disgust in my voice. "For fuck’s sake, you’re students of Garden, not a bunch of teenagers at a football match!" Okay, so I’m pissed off. But I figure Squall is the only person with enough rank to fire me outright, and he’s not likely to be too upset by a couple of cusses in front of the students. Hyne knows he’s said worse in my presence... albeit we were in private... "Garden expects more from its students than a bunch of louts kicking up a ruckus because you think you know better than the staff who run Garden, the same staff, I might add, who got Garden and all its students through a hell of a lot tougher situations than having a member of this class who happens to have been associated with someone that you don’t like."

One of the students is on his feet again. From his voice, I guess it to be Keiren. "Seifer was a traitor, and Garden should have put him out of his misery a long time ago. And anyone who supported him," he flings an arm to where Fujin is still sitting, impassively regarding the spectacle, "should burn in hell, just like he..."

Suddenly, Keiren turns slightly pale, and drops into his seat, the words choked back before they could form. The remaining murmurs in the room are instantly silenced, and though I neither hear him, nor turn around, I know exactly who just walked into the room behind me.

Fujin, ironically enough, is the only student in the room not afraid to meet Squall’s gaze, and I glance over my shoulder to him, waiting to see what he wants me to do. 

Squall’s gaze drifts almost lazily around the room, though I’m sure each of the students feel the weight of his eyes like a wendigo just sat on them. Finally, he looks back to me, then raises a slight eyebrow at the _Stopped_ student, still frozen at his desk. I can’t decide if it’s annoyance, or amusement in his eyes, but I blush furiously, and mumble the required _Esuna_. The room fills with the more refreshing scent of dew and evergreen, as the student flushes red, and sinks hastily into his seat.

"Instructor Haas?" Squall turns to Merl, who, I’m sure, is as much in awe of the Lion as the rest of the class, though he hides it well, under layers of respect and protocol. "A word outside?" Merl nods, and obediently follows Squall into the hallway. Immediately, a few nervous glances get passed around the room, so I move over to the instructor’s desk, sitting cross-legged on top of it, to keep an eye on them. Fortunately, they seem to get the message, and no one says a word as we wait for Squall and Merl to return.

Though I can’t hear what they’re saying outside, I can well imagine how the conversation might be going - Merl apologising fruitlessly, while Squall patiently tells him it wasn’t his fault... A few long minutes drag past, then finally, they step back into the room.

"Fujin has been reinstated into Garden," Squall begins without preamble, "after a careful review by myself, Headmaster Cid, and the entire Garden Faculty. She is a talented fighter, and has a significant amount of field battle experience. You could all learn a lot from her if you bothered to put aside your arrogant, self-righteous, and ignorant behaviour. I worked both with, and against Fujin during the war, and at no time did she perform any action which I consider to be a threat to Garden, or its principles. In any event, the war is now over. I expect you all to remember that."

Throughout his entire speech, Squall’s voice never rises above a normal, quiet speaking voice, completely belying any anger or resentment he might be feeling. From the reddened faces and averted eyes in the class, however, I can tell the words hit their mark. Squall then simply nods to Merl, and gestures for me to follow him out of the room.

Squall closes the door behind us, pausing just a moment to listen to the peace and quiet through the door before we head back towards his office. Though I’m not really expecting conversation from him, he speaks after only a few steps. 

"Using magic, in a classroom, against students?" He raises a cynical eyebrow at me, and as I glance at him, I know it’s amusement I see this time. "You do know I could have you suspended for that."

I know I shouldn’t have done it, but at the time, protecting Fujin had seemed more important than my own neck. "I figured they were exceptional circumstances," I mutter, turning red.

To my surprise, Squall puts a hand on my shoulder, and turns me to face him. "Thank you," he murmurs. "For stopping them." 

I manage a smirk, despite myself. "Hey, just doin’ my job." I don’t feel comfortable taking too much praise for my part in that little scene. Squall did a far better job than I did... "You could have just ordered them to leave her alone," I point out. Hyne knows they’d probably do anything the Lion asked them to do.

But Squall shakes his head, as we start walking again. "That would be beside the point. I want them to understand what this is about, and learn something from it, not just follow orders because they have to." He raises one hand to tiredly rub his eyes.

"You okay?" I dare to ask him. "You look kinda tired..." Goodness knows the last few weeks have been a strain on him.

"Yeah, just..." He looks away, and I think for a moment that he’s not going to give me any more of an answer than that, when he speaks again.

"Do I make you nervous?" he asks, a small frown creasing his scar.

I stop walking, and blink up at him. So that’s what’s upsetting him. We’ve all had our share of hero-worship and blatant adoration during the past weeks, and none of us have been comfortable with it, but Squall seems to have been hit the worst. People seem to have forgotten he’s human, and have started treating him like a demi-god or something. Forget annoying, it’s downright disturbing to see the way people fawn over him. Suddenly, I remember his question, and realise with concern that I actually have to think about it before I can answer. Eventually, I decide honesty is the best way to go. Squall has been waiting patiently for my reply, but now his eyes refuse to meet mine, so I step forward, sliding my arms loosely around his waist, until I’m close enough that he has to look at me. 

"There are times, in battle, or dealing with students, or even just in my room," I explain, "when I forget how strong I am, and I do something I didn’t know I could do, and I make _myself_ nervous." He nods slightly - it’s a feeling we all get from time to time, I think. "But I’m not afraid of you," I clarify for him, meeting his gaze unwaveringly. "A lot of people don’t understand the difference, but they’ll get used to it. Just wait until you start teaching, and your students will realise that you’re just an ordinary... well, you’re not quite an ordinary guy, are you..." I smirk to myself, at the subtle humour of my slip of the tongue. "My point is that people just need time to get used to this. And they will." 

Then, after checking that the hallway is indeed empty, I reach up to kiss him, and he starts just slightly, though he makes no attempt to move away. "Just like you will," I tell him, knowing he knows I’m referring to something else. He does smile, then, as I ease myself out of his grasp and move off down the hallway. "I’ll meet you for lunch?" I ask, as I go, and he nods, and the smile - really just an upward twitch of his lip - remains firmly in place.

*  
 **ZELL**

My first, and to date, only, experience with sex was not something anyone would want to brag about.

I was 14.

I was young, impressionable, and naïve.

I was damned lucky to have gotten away with what happened, as lightly as I did.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? I had just turned 14, not yet in Garden, and attending a local Balamb school. I was just about old enough to know that I wasn’t into girls, and just about curious enough to want to know what that meant. We’d done enough Sex-Ed in school to know that tab A went into slot B, and we’d heard enough from the older guys behind the toilets to know that all that was bullshit, and there was a whole lot more to sex than what some 50 year old guy taught us in a classroom.

We’d all heard about the ‘Queen Team’ - a bunch of guys at school who were, as the guys behind the toilets put it - pooftas. One way or another, I got myself caught up with them - they were the sort of crowd your parents always told you was the ‘wrong’ crowd. They graciously introduced me to the wonders of a blow job... and the rather less pleasant feeling of having your head held down while a bloke twice your size fucks your mouth so hard you want to vomit.

Most of the guys were older than me, and I guess it was inevitable that sooner or later, they’d want to try the real thing. The ringleader of the group called himself Buzz. I never found out what his real name was. One of the younger guys, Marlo, volunteered to be bottom. Being young and stupid, we didn’t know much about lube back then, but a bit of spit and polish would do, they said. Buzz wasn’t big, but seeing Marlo, smashed up again the packing crates out the back of Guisto’s Fruit Market with Buzz hammering into his backside, Marlo’s pants around his ankles and crying out in pain, was not a pretty site, nor one that I’ll ever forget. He was bleeding by the end of it, though he swore black and blue that he was fine.

Leave without having a go? And be branded not only a wuss, but too much of a wuss to even be a pansy?? Not on your life. I don’t know how the draw worked, but I ended up only having to be top. Even so, I can’t say I enjoyed the experience. I never went back there, after that. Two weeks later, I moved into Garden full time, so it wasn’t really an issue, but I can’t say I’m sorry to not have found out what would have happened if I hadn’t left.

Which, I suppose, would explain why I nearly ran screaming from the room when Squall suggested we go all the way...

*  
 **ZELL**

"I had to reschedule the SeeD exam for three weeks later. Most of our SeeDs are going to be in Timber next week, overseeing the elections for the new government."

I stuff the last of my hotdog into my mouth, wiping away the ketchup, and muttering around the ‘dog, "That should keep them busy for a while." I finish chewing, then ask, "We’ve got a team on the election candidates, right?" Hyne knows they’d need someone watching their backs. About a week ago, Dollet Military talked the respective factions into allowing a public election for the new Timber government. Still, there are a handful of freelance operators who would be more than willing to arrange an assassination or two... for the right price. Even the best efforts by SeeD and Dollet haven’t managed to mop up _all_ the trouble makers.

Squall nods to me, finishing his own dinner of lasagne. "Four SeeDs for the campaign, and another two heading out for the election day. I offered to go myself, but Dollet thinks that would cause more of a disturbance than a help, with the old ties between Timber and Galbadia. Anyway, the delay will give the SeeD candidates more time to prepare, which never hurts. There’s a couple of students in particular who I think will do well. Hopefully that’ll free up some of our older SeeDs to go to Trabia." Trabia took a heck of a lot more damage than Balamb Garden during the war, and despite the months they’ve had to repair, they’re still way behind both Balamb and Galbadia Gardens. 

Squall finishes his lasagna, wiping his mouth carefully, then tossing the crumpled napkin onto his tray. My eyes flicker between the napkin and his lips, when his tongue flicks out to wet the latter.

"So," I prevaricate, drawing patterns in the sauce on my tray with my knife. "You got any plans for the evening? There’s always a T-rex or two down in the training center that could use a thrashing," I suggest. What can I say? I haven’t yet used up my daily supply of energy, and I’m buzzing for some lively action... in one form or another.

But to my disappointment, Squall shakes his head. "No, I spent most of the day with the beginner gunblade class." Oooh, right... Since Squall was promoted to hero-status, gunblade specialist-wanna-be’s have been crawling out of the woodwork, all desperate to learn to use the weighty weapons. "Honestly, I can’t figure out if it’s more effort going through battle simulations with the advanced class, or trying to teach the beginners which way up to hold the blade." Finding an errant piece of sauce on his index finger, Squall elegantly licks it off. I blink, and have to remind myself to keep breathing, as his tongue caresses that single digit...

Despite his grumbling, I know Squall loves teaching his class. And contrary to popular opinion, he has more than enough patience for the junior class. He doesn’t put up with any shit from his students, but so long as they’re genuinely willing to learn, he’ll repeat a lesson as often as needed until they understand it.

"I was just going to go back to my room," Squall continues, stretching up behind him tiredly, his t-shirt stretching taut over the muscles of his chest, "and take a long, hot... shower." He looks up on the last word, his gaze deliberately meeting mine, his lips parted just slightly.

I stand corrected. I’m no longer disappointed, and I feel my heart rate increase suddenly, as I find myself whispering the words, "Want company?"

For all that this is one of the most clichéd moments in all of romantic history, I gotta say... It still works for me. A ghost of a smirk touches Squall’s lips, and he murmurs back, "I thought you’d never ask."

Within seconds, we’ve ditched our trays, and are heading out of the cafeteria together, forcing ourselves to hold back our enthusiasm to a sedate walk, rather than the headlong bolt I’m tempted with.

The hallways are still quite crowded on our way through - it’s still early in the evening - and we’re forced to maintain the casual stance until we reach the more private SeeD suites - unfortunately by which time, things have cooled off somewhat.

I follow Squall into his room, hovering by the door as he dumps his pile of security cards and keys on the coffee table, and carefully unstraps Lionheart from his side. Lionheart’s case is in his bedroom, and he disappears through the doorway to put the large weapon away safely. I gradually drift further into the room... wondering if I should follow him into the bedroom... or wait here... or maybe make us some coffee in the kitchen? Hyne, for all that we’re not exactly new to this, most of our previous ‘encounters’ have been pretty well spontaneous - an unexpected heated moment in one of our suites, or a willing gaze, down in the training center, tucked into a corner away from the local population. We’ve never taken the time to stop and think about this before... 

*  
 **SQUALL**

I turn around, after shutting Lionheart’s case, and am surprised to find that Zell isn’t standing beside me. Curious, I wander back into the main room. He’s still hovering by the door, bouncing on his toes, and I expect him at any minute to begin shadow boxing - something I now recognise to be a nervous habit. For an instant, I think he’s changed his mind, and doesn’t want to be here after all... but dismiss the idea in the next moment. The Zell I know has never had a problem with being decisive and knowing what he wants. Then, as he notices me standing there again, I recognise the bashful flitting of his eyes, and his slightly hitched breathing. I’ve seen the same expression a couple of times now, each time caught up in a burst of shyness - the first time he came in my mouth, the time I told him he was beautiful. It wasn’t flattery - Zell’s body is a masterfully sculpted piece of finely tuned machinery, and he has an absolutely unconscious grace and coordination that even I am envious of at times.

Though I’m not sure what’s bothering him this time. Slowly, I cross the room to where he stands, and run my fingers through his hair, down his tattoo. "What is it?" I ask quietly.

Zell leans into my hand, his eyes coming up to meet mine. "What are we, Squall?" he asks, a frown coming to rest on his normally cheerful face.

I don’t pretend to misunderstand him. It’s a question I’ve asked myself a dozen times over the past weeks... And it occurs to me suddenly, that I’ve never told Zell how I feel. He openly and honestly confessed his feelings that first day, in my room after I impulsively kissed him in the training center, but I have never admitted to returning any such feelings. Is it any wonder he’s having his doubts about it now?

But then... do even I know how I feel? 

It wasn’t that long ago... or maybe it was... that another young blonde was asking the same question, trying to force me to admit I wasn’t as much of a glacier as people claimed I was. Last time, though, I told Seifer the words he _didn’t_ want to hear. So what do I want to tell Zell, this time?

"Zell, I..." My voice sounds softer than I mean it to, and he seems to mistake the tone for one of an apology, as his face flushes, and he looks away. I reach out, and tilt his chin up. "Zell, look at me." He does, simple trust and acceptance leaking through his uncertain eyes. "I’m as lost in this as you are. But I want you here, Zell." I run my hand down to his hand, pulling it up, pressing it to my chest, over my heart. "I want you here," I repeat.

Zell’s trademark grin blossoms slowly across his face, and he reaches a hand up to grab the back of my neck, dragging me down for a fiery kiss. Getting out of our clothes suddenly seems terribly urgent, and we make a hasty rush for the bedroom, trying not to trip over as we shed boots, jackets and shirts along the way. 

*  
 **ZELL**

Squall has just ripped off my shorts, nearly tearing them in his haste to get them free from around my ankles, and is now stroking firmly between my legs. I’m rapidly losing the ability for coherent thought, when he suddenly stops, and pulls back, looking down at me with heated, yet serious eyes. "Zell?"

I reach up, brushing his hair from his eyes. "What is it, baby?"

"We could... I mean... If you..." He pauses, and takes a deep breath. "What I mean is," he tries again, "W...would you let me come inside you?"

It takes a good three seconds for the question to register.

Oh gods... ohgodsohgodsohgodsohgods... breathe Zell, breathe...

No doubt the look on my face says something is very wrong, as he frowns that strange, concerned looking frown he seems to have developed since he and I got together, and reaches up to stroke my face tenderly. "I’m sorry, I...I didn’t mean to... What’s wrong, Zell?"

I can’t manage to find my voice, and he has to take a guess. "If you don’t want to..."

"No!" I blurt out. "I mean... yes... I...uh... I mean I want to," I stutter, desperately trying to think of a way to explain. Hyne, I’m a seventeen year old male, it’s not like I haven’t considered the idea before... "I just..." I gesticulate vaguely, words failing me.

He has pulled back, and is sitting up on the bed, unabashedly naked, and erect. "Zell, have you ever done this before?" The question, while spoken gently, is tinged with skepticism and surprise.

My jaw opens and closes twice before I can spit the words out. "Not... not really. I mean... kind of, but..." Squall waits for more, so I finish, blushing furiously, "I’ve never been on the bottom before..." I hope that explains enough for now. Now isn’t the time to tell him the rest of the story.

Squall seems to consider this for a moment, then, he reaches over and fumbles around in the drawer beside his bed. He pulls out a tube, and I can guess what it is easily enough, but then, to my surprise, he hands it to me. But before I can voice my confusion, he rolls over onto his front, rising to his hands and knees, and throws a smirk over his shoulder at me. "Either way suits me," he says, his smirk turning to pure mischief - an expression I could quite get used to on Squall, as I feel my somewhat diminished erection return full force.

I’ve read enough since my fumbling attempts in Balamb to know what I’m supposed to do with this. Somehow, I just can’t get my mind around doing it to _Squall_. With my hands shaking, I somehow manage to get the cap off the tube and smear some of the contents onto my fingers. Then, as gently as I can, I press a single digit into Squall’s tight hole. If it’s cold, or painful, he doesn’t show it. He just lets out a low kind of sigh, and rocks back slightly onto my fingers.  
*  
 **SQUALL**

Hyne, it’s been a long time since I did this, but the sensations come rushing back at me, as familiar as the sensation of Lionheart in my hands, and as powerful - though now it’s the sing of pleasure in my veins, rather than the sharp rush of magic.

Finishing his work quickly, Zell pulls away from me, and I twist my neck so I can watching him smearing more lube on his own member. I smirk at the little frown of concentration, and his gasp at the cold fluid.

Then he’s kneeling up behind me, his hands resting lightly on my hips, his breath audible in the quiet of our room.  
*  
 **ZELL**

I rest my hands on his hips, though whether it’s to guide him, or steady myself, I couldn’t say. The tip of my cock brushes his buttocks, and he lets out a low mewl of anticipation, arching his back and delicately thrusting back towards me. 

I press forward, slowly, nervous, at first, then fascinated, as I watch my cock disappearing between his butt cheeks, and then I can’t stop my moan of delight, as I feel myself slip into him completely, his warm, tight walls all around me.

"Ah, gods, Squall!" I draw back, and thrust my hips forward again, remembering at the last minute to take it slowly, to be gentle...

Slowly doesn’t last for long, though, as he thrusts back against me. He’s intermittently making the most delicious moans, his breath coming harder and faster, the bed springs creaking just slightly beneath us.

Squall’s hand steals up to stroke himself, and I can’t last long, in this delicious heat, with Squall’s muscles tightening around me, and with a final buck of my hips, I come, inside Squall’s tight, warm body, dimly aware of his own cry of pleasure as he comes into his hand.

Long minutes later, I have collapsed beside Squall, both of us catching our breath, when he rolls towards me. He leans over and kisses me, once, then settles back against my shoulder, a faint, almost-smile flickering over his lips. The humid Balamb air strokes our bodies, slowly cooling us as the night settles in. 

I never stop for a moment to consider the idea that Squall must have done this before...

*  
 **QUISTIS**

The cafeteria is crowded with the lunch rush when I get there. I collect my tray from the counter, and scan the room for a seat... and realise that despite the squabbling over tables, and the crush of students in here, one person sits at a table alone, staring studiously into her tray as she eats.

I stride purposefully across the room, snagging a chair on my way through, and park myself at the near-empty table, directly opposite Fujin.

Her head snaps up at my arrival, but her frown of surprise quickly melts into a smile, as I give her one of my own, and she slides her tray slightly more towards her, to give me room to fit mine on the table. "Quistis, hello.

"Morning, Fujin," I reply cheerfully, and dig into the task of fighting the plastic wrapper off my sandwich. 

It was only a couple of days ago that I started having lunch with Fujin, but I’ve tried to make it a habit since then. It was a day not much different from this one, except that the main lunch time rush had ended, and there were a handful of empty tables to choose from. I was half way through my lunch, and Fujin wandered in, looking for all the world like a puppy that had been kicked once too many times - though instead of tucking her tail and running, I had a feeling Fujin was going to bite back. She looked up to find me watching her, and I could see the controlled rage, wondering what she thought I must be thinking about her, and sure she thought it was something bad. So I smiled, and offered her a seat, and she sat down, too surprised to be angry, and too nervous to be grateful.

"How have your classes been going?" Though it’s fruitless about half the time, I still attempt conversation with Fujin. I think she enjoys it, the times that she does reply. 

This time, I’m fortunate. "Classes good. Instructors good." She says, then pauses. "Students... not a problem."

I smile. "I heard Zell and Squall caused quite a stir last time they were around." I’m not sure if this is a topic I should be mentioning - goodness knows Fu doesn’t need to be reminded about it - but I’m curious as to her take on the situation.

Fujin doesn’t reply right away, frowning thoughtfully. Finally, she offers, "Zell. Enigma." 

That’s got me... "How do you mean?" I ask.

"Hates me," she elaborates. "Hates Seifer. Helps me."

"Any idea why," I ask, intrigued.

"Squall," Fujin replies succinctly, and returns to eating her lunch, while I am left to ponder what she means by this.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Insomnia. Lots of it.

**ZELL**

It’s quiet.

I guess it’s strange, that that’s the first thing I notice, when I wake up. Not that it’s dark - my internal clock says it’s still the middle of the night - or that I’m not in my own room - the clock on the nightstand gives off just enough light to make out the shadows of the room, Squall’s belongings scattered neatly across it, Lionheart’s case resting in the corner - but that it’s quiet.

I lift my head sleepily, peering over to the other side of Squall’s bed. The heavy rise of the sheets, and in the darkness, the hint of a mop of mused brown hair confirm my lover’s presence, but he’s almost completely silent in his slumber. Only the faintest rasp of his breath can be heard, even when I concentrate on the sound.

I can hear the hum of Garden’s motors, faintly. Here on the upper decks of Garden, the sound is fairly well muffled. There’s no wind tonight, no sound of trees rustling or the whistle of air across Garden’s hull.

I find myself wide awake suddenly, despite it being 2:47, by the nightstand clock, and I slip out of bed, careful not to wake Squall. The night’s air is cool on my skin, as I stand naked by the window, fiddling with the shutters until they silently slide open, allowing me a view of the still world outside Garden. Despite the cold night, the window has been left open a crack, and I press my face up to it, peering out into the darkness. Overhead, the clouds all but block out the moon, and the tangy scent of rain drifts in from the coast... we’ll be in for a storm, later.

I shiver, whether at that thought, or at the breeze, I don’t know, and I hastily close the shutters again, and slide back into the warm cocoon of the bed. Comfortable again, I let my thoughts drift for a while, feeling my limbs gradually become heavier, until I feel sleep creeping up on me again. The last thing I hear, before I fall asleep, is the patter of rain, starting up a steady rhythm on Garden’s hull. In my sleep-muddled brain, it somehow seems appropriate... the darkness... and the rain...

Rain to wake the squall.

*  
 **SEIFER**

Insomnia really bites.

I can’t count the number of nights I used to lie awake in Garden, too lost in thought to rest, or forcing myself to recite enemy stats to try and bore myself to sleep...

Fuck, it’s back again, isn’t it? 

Garden... Once again, Garden is back. Every time I think I’ve gotten it out of my head, something pops up again to remind me about it.

Even when I’d first come to FH, it was like that. Should have known I couldn’t escape it that easily...

For a few brief moments, there, I actually did believe I’d gotten away from it, and I could move on with my life. That was the day we were fishing on the pier, me, Rajin and Fujin. It felt good, laughing, after Fu shoved Rajin into the water. First time we’d really kicked back and enjoyed ourselves since Fujin recovered. 

And then Garden comes sailing past, like some giant victory parade, and it all comes crashing back in on me. This is your life. Run, run, as fast as you can...

Fujin said it was more like a long goodbye, than the lap of honor I assumed it to be. She thought Garden was saying farewell to the world, ‘We’ve done our bit and protected you thus far,’ it was saying, ‘now it’s your turn to look after yourselves.’

Fujin...

I haven’t yet had a decent night’s sleep, since she left. In the kitchen, I can hear Rajin fumbling about, getting himself a drink, or a snack, or just hanging around for the sake of being awake. In any other situation, I’d take Hyperion out and vent my frustrations on thinning the local wildlife. Not much of that around FH, though... It’s times like this, I miss the training center back in Garden. A ready supply of nasties, any time of the day or night...

Garden.

It’s fucking back again, isn’t it?

*  
 **IRVINE**

Hell, why can’t I get to sleep? Not like I’m not tired enough. I spent the entire day trying to get things together for my first Firearms class, writing a teaching plan, realising it was way too complicated for mere students, re-writing the plan, juggling _Pulse Ammo_ and scaring Selphie half to death... It’s the kind of stuff you don’t want to drop accidentally. Last time one of the students dropped one, it blasted a hole clean through the classroom floor. I can just see Squall being real impressed if that happened again, right after we’ve finally got all the interior repairs done.

Speaking of the resident icicle... _someone_ has been acting mighty strange lately. He and Zell were sitting in the caff eating dinner the other day, and I went over to have a chat, like I have done a thousand other times, and he looks up and gives me this glare, like I’d just walked in on him in the buff. Then the next second it was gone, and everything’s back to being hunky dory. Then halfway through dinner, he _smiles_. And I don’t mean that half-assed lip-twitch thing he does, either, I mean a real, genuine _smile_ , with teeth and all...

‘Spose I could ask Zell if he knows what’s going on there... he seems to have been hanging out with Squall a fair bit, lately, doing training and stuff. I ran into him in the corridor the other morning, coming out of Squall’s room. He said he’s just asked Squall to head down for some training before breakfast.

Funny thing is, I used to use that as an excuse when Selphie and me started... *ahem*... cohabiting.

Shit, I really just put those two thoughts together, didn’t I? Heck though, Squall is so not the type. I mean sure, he had a thing for Rinoa for a while, but that didn’t last too long, and even if he’s a heck of a lot more social these days, he’s still a loner at heart.

Then again, Zell certainly is the type. It’s been obvious he’s had a thing for Squall right since he joined Garden when he was 14.

I don’t believe I’m even thinking this. I _so_ seriously need some sleep...

*  
 **QUISTIS**

I had underestimated Fujin. I never doubted that she would make it, back here in Garden. The girl’s got the staying power of a behemoth. But I hadn’t expected her to be doing it the way she is. 

Fujin was never afraid to say what she thought, never afraid to fight for what she wanted, never the first to back down. But instead of facing the challenges of Garden head on like a freight train, she’s been strangely circumspect - quietly respectful to everyone around her, whether they’re wishing her good morning, or calling her a piece of gutter-filth. She seems to have focused herself completely on her goal - becoming a SeeD, and she’s happy to let the rest of the world revolve around that without her.

One thing hasn’t changed, though. She still doesn’t back down. Despite having more battle experience than most of the students, there are still a few of the guys in the advanced classes who could give her a run for her money. It took a heck of a lot of courage for her to stand her ground, faced with two combat specialists set on giving her a piece of their minds.

Still, the two guys weren’t nearly so brave when faced with _Save the Queen_ and _Strange Vision._

No matter how many times she gets knocked down, she gets right back up again.

I’m really starting to find myself admiring her...

*  
 **NARRATION**

Curled up under her blankets, in her single dorm room, Fujin slept peacefully.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laguna visits, much to Squall's disgust.

**SQUALL**

The swish and report of eight gunblades fills the quad. I walk up and down the row of students, lending a critical eye to their posture, their technique, and their concentration.

"Cadet Blake?" 

The young man snaps to attention. "Yes Comman... uh... Instructor Leonhart?"

I ignore his slip of the tongue. I’ve asked my students repeatedly, to call me Squall, or at the very least, Instructor Leonhart - I don’t need to be their Commander during classes - but some of them have yet to realise they don’t have to stand in awe of me.

"Try concentrating more on your aim, than on thrashing the target to death. The strongest blow in the world won’t do any good if you can’t hit your enemy."

"Yes Instructor!" The cadet snaps to attention again, and I repress a sigh, and move on - thankfully, to one of my favourite students.

"Cadet Ash?"

"Yessir?" The young woman doesn’t look up, focusing her concentration completely on her target. I pause a moment, as she swings, her blade landing directly over the X on her target block, the gun directly in position for a perfect shot, had she been using ammo.

"Well done," I compliment her, as she finally looks up.

"Thank you, sir."

"You’ll find you have more control over the blade if you slide your right hand lower," I tell her. 

She adjusts her grip accordingly, and smiles up at me. "Thank you, Squall." I repress a smile of my own, as I move on to the next student.

The class - now well into its second week - has been making good progress so far. Cadet Ash has been particularly pleasing - apparently, she had a private tutor in gunblade technique before she arrived here, but it’s not her technique that has impressed me the most. She has a sense of self-discipline most cadets take years to develop, and despite her lack of experience, she has an aptness for handling a gunblade that I haven’t seen since I fought Seifer. And, more noticeably, she is not afraid of me. The other cadets, I must admit, are doing well. Training is intense, with cadets expected to spend at least two hours a day in the exercise hall - in addition to their regular classes - not necessarily in gunblade practice, but working on general fitness, flexibility and strength. It takes some powerful muscles to fling the heavy gunblades around for extended battles.

Finally, I call the class together, getting them to sit on the steps by the stage and cool off while I speak. 

"Next week," I begin, "you will all have an exam, in which you’ll be required score at least 80%, before you’re given an entrance code to the training center. You’ll be expected to know the strengths and weaknesses of Grats and T-rexes, and to understand each of the status changes that they can inflict. If you pass, you’ll then be required to spend at least five hours in the training center each week. That can be spread over the week however you wish. I can’t stress enough how important it is that you don’t engage in any battles above your skill level."

I should have seen it coming. The day was simply going too well, it was too peaceful, the whole class was just being too easy today for something not to go terribly, horribly wrong.

"I don’t know about that, Squall!" a voice comes booming across the quad. "I always found battles more exciting when I was in over my head, adrenaline pumping, never knowing what could happen next!"

"That would be the case for someone who is out of his depth in a car park puddle..." I mutter. Why here? Why now!? And for that matter, why ever!

"Don’t worry, I know you have your safety regulations, and rules and things," Laguna continues - like rules ever mattered to him. "But every now and then, it’s worth crossing the boundaries, flying into battle on a wing and a prayer... Not that you shouldn’t listen to your instructor, mind..." He winks at my students, and I fight not to roll my eyes. Like they’re ever going to listen to me again with him filling their heads with crazed ideas about glorified battles...

"What are you doing here?" I ask him abruptly.

"Just here on a friendly, presidential tour of Garden," he says, still grinning at the class. "After all, Esthar is funding most of the repairs here. It’s only natural I’d be worried about you!"

The strange thing is, that’s most likely true. Where as most people who had donated thousands of Gil to rebuilding something as powerful as Garden would see it as their right to wander around and interfere as they wished, I can actually believe that Laguna would visit out of pure concern for our welfare. Not, I remind myself, that that makes it any more convenient. "Do you need someone to show you to your room?" I ask politely. Maybe he’s lost, and will leave me alone if I find someone else to occupy him.

"Nah, I know my way around Garden by now. Not that those goons from the Garden Faculty know that. It took me half an hour to tell them I could come and find you myself, instead of making you come all the way up to your office to meet me. It would have been very inconsiderate of them, dragging you away from your class like that." 

It is just possible that he’s not aware of the irony of his statement... "Laguna?"

"Yes, son?"

"I’m still in the middle of teaching my class." I point out, swiftly choosing to ignore his familial reference.

He looks vaguely surprised for a moment. "I can see that, sonny boy! I think it’s fantastic, you finally passing on some of that talent to some new blood." With that, he strides over to the class, still watching from the steps, and takes Cadet Ash’s gunblade, swinging it experimentally in the air. "Wow, it’s been a while since I used one of these. Kiros keeps telling me I should keep up the practice, but I never seem to find the time. Do you know..." Laguna begins, and I sigh, sensing a long, and arduous tangent in the making... "The last time I used one of these in real combat was one of those battles where you never know what’s coming next. I was up in the mountains... I don’t know which mountains, I can’t remember... but we were filming a movie, of all things, and suddenly, out of nowhere, a huge Red Dragon comes marching down the path..."

I sigh, and tune out his idle chatter, though I can see the class is utterly rapt in the tale. I know this story already - it was one of the times Ellone sent us back into the past - and I don’t need to hear it again with Laguna’s ridiculous embellishments.

"Kiros and Ward weren’t there to back me up that time," Laguna rambles on, "so I had to take care of the bugger by myself." 

I don’t know if it’s worth interrupting him, or if it would be easier to just wait until he’s finished. The class would probably stage a mutiny on me now, if I stopped him...

"I ran at him with a downstroke to his shoulder," Hyne, he’s acting it out now... leaping all over the training area, waving the damned blade... "And then gave him an uppercut to his face, then I jumped back for a high block, then went in for another low thrust..."

"LAGUNA!"

He looks up, stunned at my outburst. I’ve had just about enough of this. "I am trying," I say, very slowly, "to teach a class. While I know how much the class would love to hear about your adventures, now is not the time, or the place." How much more direct can I get?

"Okay, okay, you’re right," he concedes, much to my relief. "Who wants to come and show me what you’ve learned?"

Huh?

The entire class has raised their hands, and before I can figure out what the hell is going on, he has chosen one of the students - by blind luck, it’s Cadet Ash - and called her out the front. "How about you show me a right-handed stroke?" He instructs, handing back her gunblade, which she takes confidently, not at all put out by the weight of the blade.

"Okay, sir." 

Suddenly, Laguna bursts into a series of chortles. "Sir! Heck, if people are going to start calling me that, I’ll have to visit more often!" Hyne preserve us...

Cadet Ash swings the blade smoothly, landing a clean blow on the target.

"No gun?" Laguna queries.

"It’s a beginners’ class, Laguna," I mutter, not caring if he hears or not. "We don’t give them ammo for a couple of months yet." 

"Oh, well, no loss." He seems perfectly happy with the idea. "Now, see if you can do the same, left handed."

Most students favour either one side or the other, but Ash manages a very tolerable left-handed stroke, which, though it lacks finesse, still strikes the target accurately.

*  
 **LAGUNA**

"Wow, nice going!" For a beginner, she’s sure got a good eye... "Squall, are all your students this good?"

Squall’s frown lifts slightly. "Cadet Ash is one of the best," he replies softly. Damn closest he ever gets to expressing real emotion... gotta say it damn near breaks my heart to hear that soft almost-purr in his voice.

"Okay, who else?" I snap myself out of my brief reverie, choosing a young man from the class. "How about you show me a forward thrust?" It’s a slightly harder move, similar to the standard downstroke, but accompanied by a step forward, and the extension of the arms.

The student scowls, though. "We’ve been doing them all day," he complains, his tone already taking on the nasally tone of an unhappy toddler. "Can’t you show us one of those upper cut things you did? That was way cool!"

I glance at Squall, but he is not listening, so I decide to answer this one for myself.

"I suggest you listen to your instructor on that one," I tell him firmly. "Squall knows what he’s doing much better than I do, and when he thinks you’re ready to learn something new, he’ll teach it to you."

"But Squall’s boring," the young man mutters, low enough that only I can hear him.

I glance back to Squall, still staring boredly off into space. Thinking back to my own training with a gunblade, as much as I think classes should be fun, I know how important respect for one’s teacher is, over anything else. Maybe it’s time these kids learned that lesson again.

"Could I borrow your revolver for a moment?" I ask the young man, and he shrugs, and hands me the weapon. "Go sit down for a minute," I tell him, keeping my eye on him until he has.

Then, carefully eyeing off the distance between me and Squall, in a flash I bring up the gunblade, and take a smooth, centered, perfectly aimed strike at his head.

Squall has reacted before the blade gets halfway there. In a blur of motion, he has brought up his blade from where he was casually leaning on it, blocked and disarmed me, and sent the revolver spinning off to my right, damn near breaking my arm as the handle is wrenched from my grip. I hear a dull thunk, though I don’t follow its path with my eyes. 

I smirk, first at Squall, who is about to give me a lecture on what an idiot I am for doing that, and then at the class, who are staring, open mouthed at the still-quivering blade, firmly embedded in the hull of Garden. There’s a good chance that was the class’s first real demonstration of my son’s skills. "Squall knows what he’s doing," I repeat, a wide grin on my face. "Try to remember that."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang finds out about Squall and Zell's secret.

**IRVINE**

"Now, once you’ve all gotten your asses into gear and passes your marksmanship tests," I wander across the classroom, and lean against the front of the desk, "you’ll be issued with one, tres cool, standard issue _Valiant_." I pick up the weapon from where it sits on the desk, showing it to the class, who stare back like half-asleep lemmings. "It’s your normal, ordinary, low level weapon, but you’ll still find it a lot more powerful than the pistols you currently have. You’ll also need a fair whack of battle experience, so I suggest you all hustle your behinds down to the training center now and then, or you’ll find yourself getting left behind." Geez, getting this class interested is gonna be harder than waking the dead... "Before we go any further," I continue, picking up my instructors manual from the desk behind me, "I am required by Garden to warn you that," I flip to the page, and read, "Students are not to engage in any battle, magical draw or status-affecting activities until they have attended and been graded on the mandatory number of the respective classes. It is advised at all times that students do not engage in any battle with parameters beyond their individual experience and level." I put the book down, and look back to the class. "Now that we’ve got all the boring stuff out the way," I continue, "we can get on with the real lesson, and just before we get started, can I ask you, up the back there, Mr. I’m-wearing-a-baseball-cap-indoors, and Miss I-have-fabulous-hair, was that, or was that not, a note you just passed?"

The pair look up at me like a pair of deer in headlights. "No sir!" the young man replies, swiftly removing his baseball cap. The young woman, on the other hand, is unable to meet my gaze, and blushes down into her lap, where, I’m sure, said note is hiding. On second thought... Mr. I-no-longer-have-a-baseball-cap is looking rather red as well...

"Aw heck, sweetcheeks, it’s obvious she likes you," I tell the young man. "What’s your name, kid?"

There’s a pause. "Kenden, Sir." The kid is staring at me in disbelief.

"Well, Mr. Kenden, I usually find the most appropriate thing to do when a girl is getting her knickers in a twist over you, is to ask her out. What do you say, Miss...?"

"Davis, Sir." Confusion is the emotion of choice for young Miss Davis...

"Miss Davis. Would you, or would you not like to go on a romantic moonlit dinner with Mr Kenden here?"

"I...uh...Yeah, I guess I would..." She glances shyly at the young man again, who is now grinning widely.

"Well there you have it, Mr. Kenden. The girl of your dreams, just waiting for you to ask her out. However," I add, "I would greatly appreciate it if you waited until _after_ my class. Now please, pay attention."

"Y...yes sir!" The note, and the baseball cap, are swiftly stored under the desk.

"Now, there was an important lesson for all you lads in that one, so I hope you were taking notes," I tell the class seriously. Really, kids these days have absolutely no sense of appropriate audacity... "Now, moving on to the _main_ topic of today; ammunition. No gun in the world is worth shit without some heavy duty ammo. Ammunition is really a lot like dating," I tell them. Oh, this is going to be fun. Most of the class still haven’t figured out what just happened, and throwing this curveball has, at the very least, made them sit up and pay attention. "It’s all fairly obvious stuff," I continue, hoisting myself backwards to sit fully on the desk. "There’s a lot of different types of ammo, just like there’s a lot of different kinds of guys and girls out there, and each type of ammo has it’s own uses. First up," I reach back, and pull a handful of bullets out of one of the desk drawers, picking out a small, grey bullet to show the class, "we have _Normal Ammo_. This is your standard, run-of-the-mill ammunition, kinda like Miss Davis and Mr Kenden, up the back there. It’s good, solid ammo, it’ll get the job done, but it’s not real confident about itself, so it’s not gonna do anything spectacular."

There is a moment’s silence, then suddenly, a snort of repressed laughter sounds from the front row. I look up, and allow myself a chuckle, as half the class bursts into giggles - except for the pair of love-birds up the back, who are trying to hide behind their computer panels. 

"Thank Hyne this class actually has a sense of humor," I tell them dryly. "Moving on then," I hold up the slightly bigger, darker colored bullet, "we have _Shotgun Ammo_. This is a tricky kind of ammunition, it’s main difference from _Normal Ammo_ is that it will hit all your enemies. Girls, think of this one as kinda like the guy at that party, on a Saturday night, with the slick hair, and the tight pants, who you just know you should stay away from, cos by the end of the night, he’s going to have done every little hussy in the house. He’s the _Shotgun Ammo_ of the dating world."

So I have an unorthodox teaching method. My first rule of teaching - make the class fun. Heck, that’s probably where a lot of my instructors screwed up. But, however much some of the staff here would criticize my methods, I can guarantee my students will remember my lessons, not just for the length of the class, but for years to come.

"Next up, we’ve got _Demolition Ammo_." I toss the large, narrow-tipped bullet in the air. "Now, most of you aren’t going to be using this stuff for quite a while, but just so you know what it’s about, _Demolition Ammo_ is three times more powerful than _Normal Ammo_. Mr Kenden, would you stand up for a moment? Don’t be shy, I won’t bite." Cadet Kendon stands up slowly, glancing around nervously at the rest of the class. I pick out another student - by the looks of what’s squished behind his desk, he must be 6’ 2", 220 pounds at least... "Down the front here, what’s your name?"

"Branaghan, sir," his deep, bass voice replies.

"Mr Branaghan, please stand up." I smile at the class’s expressions, as Mr. Branaghan hauls himself to his feet. "Now everyone, please take note of the comparison. If Mr. Kendon is the _Normal Ammo_ of the class, then Mr. Branaghan would be our _Demolition Ammo_. Thank you gentlemen, please sit down."

I would kill to know what some of these kids are writing in their class manuals about this. "Our next type of ammunition" I pull out a sleek, silver tipped bullet, "is _Fast Ammo_. Mr. I-own-shares-in-the-hair-gel-company, what’s your name?"

"Andrews, Sir."

"Mr. Andrews is our model for _Fast Ammo_. Just from first appearances, he looks to me to be the type of guy who is very slick, very smooth, and moves from girl to girl _real_ quickly. Now the thing about _Fast Ammo_ ," I point out carefully, "is that, like any powerful weapon, it needs a more determined handler." Over at the side of the room is a young woman who, I am well aware, has not yet smiled once today. "Miss I-have-an-attitude-and-I’m-not-afraid-to-use-it, over at the side of the room, what’s your name?"

"Bailey, Sir."

"Mr. Andrews, would you like to go and sit in the conveniently empty seat beside Miss Bailey. I have a feeling Miss Bailey is just the type of woman you’ve been looking for. There you are, a perfect date for tonight."

I once said that there are two things that I know anything about, and that’s guns, and women, but even I know I’m pushing it with this one. To my surprise, though, Miss Bailey cracks her first smile for the day, and I figure I can’t have lost my touch too badly...

*  
 **ZELL**

"I couldn’t believe it! And then he starts telling them stories about how he defeated a red dragon single-handedly, with his trusty gunblade, because he’d been stupid enough to wander off without either Kiros or Ward to babysit him." Somehow, I doubt that was Laguna’s choice of words. To any casual observer in the cafeteria, Squall may as well be discussing the weather. He neither raises his voice, nor lets any of his anger leak out in his expression. His tone, however, let’s me know he’s on the way to being seriously pissed off. I push my casserole around my dinner plate, trying to think of something diplomatic to say.

"Hey, Laguna did some pretty cool stuff while he was a soldier," I offer in his defence. "The guy’s not a SeeD, Squall, but you could give him at least the credit he’s earned."

"I don’t care how good a soldier he was, Zell! I mind the fact that he insisted on bragging about it in the middle of my class!"

I’m not being insensitive to Squall’s irritation, but I really think it’s time those two put some of their differences aside. "He was just having some fun, Squall," I attempt to placate him.

"And next time I teach a class," Squall returns, "I have to convince them it’s enough fun to be doing sparing practice, and not regaling them with stories about my father, and jokes about what do you get if you cross a Red Dragon with a Behemoth."

Wow. He just called Laguna his father. I’ve not heard him refer to Laguna that way since... well... ever. Maybe, just maybe, he’s getting used to the idea.

I reach across the table and place my hand over his. It’s a discreet enough gesture that I don’t think anyone else will notice, and I’m privately pleased when he doesn’t pull away. "He’s different from you, Squall. Both of you run around, trying to make the other more like yourself, and if you keep it up, neither of you is going to get anywhere. Just try to accept him for the way he is, and maybe... maybe you’ll manage to find some common ground somewhere."

I suddenly feel a presence over my shoulder, and I smoothly pull my hand back.

"Well, speak of the devil," I hear Squall mutter, and turn around in my chair to see Laguna beaming down at us. 

"Hi there, boys!" He pulls up a chair, plonking himself down at our table. 

"Evening, Laguna," I reply, cheerfully but cautiously. Putting Squall and Laguna in a room together was never on the top of my list of good ideas... 

Laguna, of course, is either oblivious to the scowl on Squall’s face, or simply has become too accustomed to it to take any notice. "Have you heard about Squall’s gunblade class today?" he asks me, fidgeting in his chair with enthusiasm. "Of course, Squall’s probably told you all about it already," he interrupts himself, before I can get a word in. "Terrific students, they are, all young and eager to learn. Some of them have tremendous potential! Like that blond girl, Squall, she was fantastic! Have you started teaching yet, Zell?

"Not for another few weeks," I reply. "The students have to get through the basic self-defence classes before I get to teach them the more advanced stuff."

"Good, well, no hurry," Laguna declares. "I’m sure you’ll be as good as Squall when you get going, right Squall?"

Squall doesn’t look up from his dinner. "Whatever."

At that moment, we are saved from the inevitable awkward silence by a voice yelling across the cafeteria. "Laguna!" Kiros comes trotting over to our table. "Hyne, Laguna, I should put a leash on you! Cid’s been asking for a meeting with you for the past half an hour. Where have you been?" Despite his words, Kiros seems not the slightest bit perplexed by Laguna’s absence, and for a moment, I envy the years of comradeship that have led to their relaxed demeanor with each other.

Laguna grins up at his second in command. "I’ve been talking to my boy! Can’t Cid wait? We’ve got the rest of the week for business talk."

"I’m sorry," Kiros apologises, "but he said it was important." 

"Okay, okay, I’m coming!" Laguna gives in easily, getting up from his seat. "Beside, I know where I’m interrupting." He beams down at the two of us for a moment, but somehow, I miss the warning of what is coming next. Laguna finishes our conversation with the casual remark, "I’ll leave you two to your romantic little dinner."

Hang on... rewind and play that one again.

Unfortunately, Squall is slightly quicker than me on processing that one. "What the fuck are you talking about?" he demands, half way between indignant and angry.

Laguna looks almost crestfallen. "Well, I have been known to put two and two together and get twenty three," he murmurs thoughtfully. "But I could have sworn when I got here, you two were holding hands."

"Oh, that!" I blurt out. Hyne, I should have known I couldn’t get away with my little PDA that easily. "No we were... just... um..." Exchanging manicure stories? Yeah right...

"Don’t bother, Zell," Squall throws me an apologetic little glance. "It’d be like trying to call Angelo off the scent of a biscuit tin. Once he’s got his nose into something..." He turns to glare up at Laguna. "It’s none of your business," he says firmly.

"Well, I’m thrilled for you!" Laguna declares, obliviously. "It’s about time someone got through that shell of yours. You’ve been hiding away for far too long. Now you make sure you look after my boy, Zell!" He beams down at me again. 

"Y...yes sir!" I reply. Heck, what am I supposed to say?

Finally, Laguna turns to leave with Kiros, but as they leave the cafeteria, Laguna’s voice comes drifting back again. "Did you hear that, Kiros?? My boy’s in love!!" I can’t be certain, but I think I hear Kiros’s low reply, "Hyne preserve us..."

I glance at Squall, who is scowling fiercely down at his tray. In love? No, not yet, I don’t think. But give him time...

*  
 **IRVINE**

"Did you hear that, Kiros? My boy’s in love!"

I blink, as Selphie and I enter the cafeteria. Not the type of comment you hear everyday... not unless you’re attending one of my classes, at least. But Laguna seems genuinely delighted, practically hanging off Kiros’s arm as they pass us on their way out of the caff. Okay, so Laguna’s boy is... Hang on. 

Squall?

In love...

I stop in the middle of the caff, turning with half a mind to ask Laguna what the hell he was talking about, but he and Kiros have already rounded the corner into the corridor. So instead, I shoot a glance over to Squall’s table, where he and Zell are eating. Or at least, Squall is eating, scowling into his tray, and Zell has turned the most interesting shade of pink...

"Irvy? What is it?" Selphie, with her arm wrapped through mine, has come to a halt beside me.

"You just heard...?" I indicate over my shoulder, to where Laguna just left the room. 

Apparently, Selphie is one step ahead of me, for the moment. "Yeah, but what did he mean? Far as I know, Squall’s not interested in any girls, so I’m guessing he’s got it wrong." She shrugs in an adorably innocent way. But by now, my mind is ticking over far too quickly, as my previous thoughts come back to me, from my long nights of insomnia, that a certain couple... who now just happen to be sitting having dinner together... have been spending an awful lot of time together recently. Well, that would certainly explain a lot of things in a hurry. And I had thought Squall wasn’t the type...

Beside me, Selphie still seems blissfully confused, so I lead us over to Squall and Zell’s table, where Zell has managed to regain his composure, and Squall has returned to his normal expressionless self.

"Hey, guys." They look up, nodding their greetings as Selphie and I take our seats at the table. "I just saw Laguna leaving the caff," I begin, completely skipping the small talk and going right for the guts of the matter. "He mentioned something about a certain romantic situation happening right under our noses, that we were, somehow, unaware of?"

Zell, once again, seems to be becoming rather flushed. "Sometime Laguna doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut," he mutters, which tells me everything I need to know. A smirk slowly slinks its way onto my face.

"I don’t get it." Selphie states. "I didn’t have a clue Squall was interested in anyone!"

After a moment, it seems neither Squall nor Zell is willing to explain things, so I ask, just dripping with audacity, "So when were you two planning on letting the rest of us in on your little secret?" 

Before I can get an answer out of either of them, the penny drops for my sweet little love-goddess, and she squeals with delight. "Oh my goodness! You mean you two have been... I mean, you’re... like... together??" She’s literally bouncing out of her seat.

Zell peers up at Squall, then nods, ever so slightly, still trying to hide the blush rapidly turning from pink to crimson.

"That’s so exciting!" Selphie is practically exploding with delight... though I have to say, I’m pretty pleased for the pair of them as well. "Congratulations! I mean, wow! This is amazing!!" I sigh, exchanging a wink with Zell, and a smile with Squall. She’s going to be impossible to shut up for the rest of the night now...

Squall looks up at Zell, in the midst of Selphie’s enthusiastic approval, blatant exasperation, and just a hint of patient indulgence, coloring his expression. "Remind me to garrotte Laguna sometime, hmm?" he asks quietly, before silently returning to his dinner.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seifer decides to take an excursion out of FH.

**SQUALL**

It is mid afternoon. I’m lying on my side on my bed, on top of the duna, feeling the play of cool air over my skin, and the warmth of the bed beneath me, not yet cooled from its recent habitation.

Zell is lying on his belly next to me, his feet kicking idly in the air while he looks out the window, just visible from his position on the bed. We’re both completely naked. I have a slowly returning erection, watching the muscles of his shoulders and back ripple with his movements. He’s chatting idly about his combat class. He hasn’t started teaching yet, and is wondering how much he should put in the class. That’s the thing, when you’re a specialist. It’s not what to teach, but what not too. Most of the students here wouldn’t even understand the techniques we use, let alone be able to replicate them. 

My gaze wanders down to his backside, and the slight slickness between his butt cheeks that speaks of my recent possession of him there, and my erection hardens further.

His hair no longer stands in its spikes, but frames his face softly, his usual style having been eradicated by some rather vigorous bedtime play. I reach out a hand to trace a line down his back, from the junction of his neck to his hip. As my hand reaches the end of it’s path, he turns his head to look at me, his eyes flicking downward to my erection briefly before they return to my face, more mischief in them now than moments ago. 

"Now, I like the look of that," he mutters, sliding closer to kiss me.

His hand slides down my chest, and abdomen, to grasp my cock in a firm hand, stroking and squeezing rhythmically. My own hands start to wander, sliding around to cup his backside, pulling him closer until I can feel his own erection pressing against my thigh.

*  
 **ZELL**

Hyne, it still blows my mind, and I can do _this_ , to _him_. My mind keeps going back to that day in the training center, when he just stepped forward and kissed me, like it was the kind of thing he does every day. I spent years lusting, following, pathetically telling my self I was wasting my time over this taciturn, cold, and yet surprisingly sensitive young man, and he wipes out all my efforts at being subtle and impersonal with one kiss... Hyne, I love him...

As he pulls me closer, he lets out a breathy moan, which sends signals directly to my groin. I firmly believe there is no greater aphrodisiac in the world than knowing your partner is enjoying themselves...

Impatient suddenly, I pull my mouth from Squall’s and push him onto his back, smoothly stretching a leg over to straddle him. His cock is still slick from our earlier play, and I can feel the slip of moisture in my passage still, so I don’t hesitate, lowering myself down over his throbbing cock, while his eyes widen slightly, then flutter closed for a moment, as I slide down around him. A low groan escapes from deep in his throat and his hips involuntarily rise to meet mine.

I love watching his face, while we fuck. Now, his lips are parted, his eyes half-closed as he watches me moving above him. I squeeze myself around him slightly, loving the feel of his hardness rubbing against me. His hands come up to my hips, guiding me gently as I pump him within me, his hips rising restlessly beneath me again and again, his clear, grey eyes never leaving mine.

It took me a while to get used to this - letting him penetrate me. We’d been messing about for about a week, me dropping hints left, right and center that I’d like to try it, Squall being all chivalrous, and maneuvering himself into the bottom position again and again. In the end, I just came right out and told him what I wanted. Can’t say the entire thing went as smoothly as I might have liked, though. It took an entire tube of lube and about three different positions until we found one I was comfortable with... Then three false starts, while Squall offered to switch positions, and finally, one set of sheets, that he ripped out of frustration while I took my sweet time deciding whether I really wanted to do this, and he had to decide whether to lie there waiting for me to stop being a cock tease, or whether to run off to the bathroom and take care of it himself. Oh Hyne, it was incredible, though, feeling him pressed up inside me, his hips firm and solid between my legs, his hand sliding between us to stroke me... 

Back in the present, I realise I’ve started rocking harder against Squall, and he’s holding my hips tightly, thrusting up inside me. Hyne, it gets me off every time, feeling his powerful body beneath me, hearing him moan my name... _Hyne!_

"NnnaaaAA! Squall!" I fall forward, catching myself against his chest as I climax. He only grips me harder, as I release myself across his abdomen. He thrusts harder into me - I’m sure his fingers will leave bruises - and a few thrusts later, he is arching his back, crying out something incoherent, as I feel the hot rush of him within me again.

Somehow, as I collapse onto his chest, momentarily ignorant of our sticky, smelly state, it occurs to me that I like the idea of Squall marking my body, somehow claiming me as his own. Much the same way that I don’t object to the idea that my ass will be aching tomorrow. Despite the pain, it reminds me how lucky I am to have him. Beneath my cheek, I hear the faint rumble of a chuckle from Squall. Hyne, I wouldn’t give this up for anything.

*  
 **SEIFER**

I feel a moment’s apprehension, as I step off the bridge from FH onto Galbadian soil, and I tell myself that I’m being paranoid. Rajin and I finally snapped, being cooped up in FH for months, with nothing more interesting to hunt that an over sized thorn-fish. I know it’s kinda stupid, coming here, so close to Timber... heck, I don’t even know if this is Timber’s or Galbadia’s land any more. Doesn’t really matter, either way. Still, it feels kind of decadent now, but not in that satisfying way. It would be throwing a lot of effort back in FH’s face, if we get caught here. Even out in the wilderness, there aren’t many people likely to tolerate one verified, bastardised, ex-militant dictator.

Funny, that. Ruled the world once already, and I’m not even 18. Or am I now? Could well be I missed a birthday back in the debris of time. 

Rajin and I head north up the coast, away from the town, and further into the wilderness, where we’re likely to run into some suitable nasties. Just something to get the blood flowing. Raj was even more keen than me to get out and about. Not like he actually has a reason to stay locked up in FH, like I do.

One thing hasn’t changed since the war. There’s still a surplus of monsters in the world - no doubt the Lunar Cry is partly to thank for that. The afternoon wears on, and we hit a couple of geezards, a thrusteavis and a caterchipillar. Hardly arduous work... but then again, since I lost the aid of Ultimecia’s magic, simple tasks seem a little more... challenging. Still, I think, as Hyperion slices through the shiny, gelatinous body of the caterchi’, it doesn’t live up to the thrill of fighting for your life, even after all these months.

Hyne, I miss sparing with Squall. Now that was something to get the blood flowing. Probably no one else in the world understood a gunblade like he did. Fuck, I probably sound like a right pansy, right now, moping over my ex like some girl. 

Well, speak of the devil... just as the caterchi’ shudders to a slimy end, a high, feminine voice drifts our way, through the trees. "Raj!" I call softly, already backing away from the sound. He looks up from where he’s wiping the goo off his pants, and frowns as he hears the same voice I just heard. "Time to make ourselves scarce," I mutter, as he joins me, and we set a brisk pace, heading for the edge of the forest, and the railroad back to FH.

Then, piercing through the trees, loud and clear as a gunshot, one sound brings us to a dead halt. The scream of a young woman.

Growing up in Garden, you learn to tell the difference between screams. There’s the kind of scream where someone just dumped their friend into the Garden fountain. There’s the kind of scream where a cadet gets surprised by their first grat in the training center, before kicking its ass and getting covered in grat goo for the first time in their lives. 

And there’s the kind of scream that a person makes when they’re about to die.

Now some of you might think that dashing off into a battle, given my track record and current reputation in the world, would be a tad impulsive. I’d have to agree with you. But since when do I ever think things through? Instead, I just flip Hyperion out of its sheath, and take off towards the sound, Rajin thudding along behind me. 

Just at the edge of a clearing, we come up short on our prey - a huge geezard, cornering the woman against a rock outcrop. Now, I look at a geezard, and think ‘Who you lookin’ at?’ Civilians? They look at a geezard and see a grizzly, painful death. I didn’t think twice. Just vaulted up, off the top of the rock, and landed squarely, cleaving the geezard’s skull in two in one clean stroke. It was the most exciting thing I’d done all day. Shame the girl wasn’t in a fit state to appreciate the sight, either. I wear this trench coat for a reason, you know. It looks damn fancy, flared out behind me in a battle.

Okay, geezard’s dead, time for us to leave. Maybe leaving a girl quivering beside a rock after she’s nearly been killed isn’t the most considerate thing you can do, but shit, we’d done our job, and she wasn’t in any more danger. But, yet again, our quiet exit was interrupted.

"Becky? Becky! Thank goodness you’re okay! What the fuck was that thing?" A young man, no more than fifteen years old, comes dashing into the clearing, flinging himself at the girl, and dragging her away from the steaming heap that used to be a geezard. "Shit, Beck, I told you not to wander off on your own! Look what nearly happened! Hey, you! Wait up!"

I don’t ‘wait up’, hoping that the boy will get the message and leave us alone. Sadly, not everyone picks up on subtlety like you’d hope. He runs up, planting himself in front of us, like he has every right to block our way. "Hey, wait a sec, would ya! I just wanted to say thanks... for..." He frowns, and trails off, staring at the scar on my forehead intently.

"Hey, aren’t you..." Shit. Here it comes. "Aren’t you that guy who..." He pauses again, and I step around him, heading out of the forest again. Neither of us need the little confrontation that is about to happen. "In Galbadia. You were..." He doesn’t finish the sentence. It’s patently obvious he knows who I am. And what he thinks of me.

"Hey, don’t thank me, we were just tryin’ to help," I call nonchalantly back at him, knowing it will be pointless. He ducks past us again, planting himself more firmly in our path, arms crossed in what I’m sure he thinks is a threatening stance, and an ugly sneer across his pretty young face.

"Hey, who’s that? What’s goin’ on?" Great, reinforcements have arrived. The boy’s young friends have caught up to the clearing, wanting to know what’s going on. Strange, that they take more interest in me, than in Becky.

"Becky was attacked by a geezard," the boy announces, apparently appointing himself leader of this little scenario. "And this," he nods curtly at me, "is the scum that was a lap dog to the sorceress bitch." Lap dog? "The piece of shit that made our lives misery for months." Leader-boy finishes, triumphantly.

"The piece of shit that just saved your friend’s life," I point out, tactlessly.

"Saved her? You probably set that monster on her in the first place! Called it up out of the forest. It was probably drawn to scum like you!"

I smirk across at Rajin. "Now I have powers of divination, too," I comment sardonically. "Really, I never cease to amaze myself." Stupid people really, really piss me off.

"Damn right," Leader-boy sneers. "Now we’re gonna teach you what scum like you are good for."

"No," I correct him, in the voice of one pointing out the obvious. "Now, my friend and I are going to leave, and all you youngsters are going to be real sensible, and stand aside." I move to walk past him, but he reaches out, pushing me back. His friends have now formed a ring behind us, and are attempting to look intimidating.

"You should realise by now that a lot of people hate you," Leader-boy tells me, "And they’re not going to put up with you interfering in their lives any more. Sorceress bitch died, remember? Why didn’t you?" It’s not a question, so much as a warning. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Rajin take a step towards him, and I reach out quickly, pulling him back. Then I slide Hyperion out of its sheath, and smirk, as Leader-boy turns utterly white. We step past him, brushing him aside now like he was a feather, and head for the railroad bridge. Not everyone has got the message though, and one of his underlings makes a half-hearted sort of pursuit. 

Okay, I’ve had enough of this. A softly spoken word, a simple gesture, and a tangy scent fills the air, not unlike the smell of citrus. 

"Holy fucking mother of shit!" Underling-boy now sits about 5 feet in the air, thanks to one of my few remaining _Float_ spells. Harmless enough, but it makes a point. _There’s more where that came from._

Rajin and I turn and walk away. They don’t try to stop us again.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laguna is up to something... and he wants the gang to visit Esthar.

**KIRSTEN DAVIS**

Hyne, wandering about in the training center is more daunting than I realised. It’s only my second day since I passed my marksmanship test... which was actually easier than I expected... and I was given my first real weapon, one standard issue Valiant, and a pile of Normal Ammo, and told to ‘go get ’em!’ So now, I’m sneaking through the undergrowth like some Steve Irwin wanna-be. Looking for a grat... looking for a grat. Hmm... okay, grats are weak against ice and fire, and I can draw _Sleep_ and... _Confuse_? No, _Silence_. What the hell does _Silence_ do? 

I hold my Valiant tightly in front of me. Last time I tried this, I was so startled by a grat, I dropped the damn thing, and had to run away from the battle instead. Not a good look, on my battle meter, when it was only a level 2 grat. Still, they’re disgusting creatures, all covered in dust, and spitting slime everywhere... I certainly don’t envy the hand-combat specialists. I’m rooming with a girl called Silver, who’s going to be in that class, when it starts up. They actually have to _touch_ the monsters. How gross would that be? Zell’s going to be their instructor. I don’t envy them that, either. Heck, he’s as cute as any of the instructors, but he just seems kinda... intimidating, what with the tattoo and a heck of a lot of muscle everywhere. I guess they have to be a lot fitter for that class.

Oh shit! I just heard a roar! Grats don’t roar. T-rex... t-rex... can’t fight a T-rex... um... where can I hide?

Okay, Davis, hiding in the bushes is a stupid thing to be doing. And the rex isn’t getting any closer. What was that phrase again? Curiosity killed the cat? I’ve never seen a T-rex before, so call me curious. 

Looking for a t-rex... looking for a t-rex. Holy shit! That’s... Commander Leonhart!! I would have figured he’s way too skilled to need to come down here to practice! Still, while he’s here, I may as well watch, and learn something. Irvine always said, the next best thing to doing, is watching. Though I’m not entirely sure what context he meant it in...

Okay, T-rexes are vulnerable to... _Sleep_ status! So he should be casting a _Sleep_... he’s not casting a _Sleep_. Why isn’t he casting a _Sleep_? Maybe he wants more of a challenge? 

What the fuck? Since when is it a decent battle strategy to stand there while a T-rex beats the shit out of you? Maybe he’s _Stopped_? Is he _Stopped_? No, he wouldn’t be walking around the T-rex if he was _Stopped_. Think, Davis!

Holy Mother Fucking Hyne. He leaps into the air, spins and a vibrant circle of light sweeps out from his gunblade, slamming into the T-rex like a wall of fire. He lands, and before the rex can recover, he’s vanished off into the bushes. Shit, I’m getting out of here. A pissed off T-rex is not something I need to deal with.

Okay, so what the hell was that? Why the hell would someone want to take hits? If he can slam the thing that hard, why not just... oooooohh... Limit Break. Seriously, was that a limit break?? Irvine mentioned them... maybe I should ask him about it. That was totally cool. 

I want one.

*  
 **SQUALL**

I hear water running, as I wander into the communal shower rooms, just off the entrance of the Training Center. Even though we have our own ensuites in our quarters now, we still clean up after a training session in the shower block, to avoid spreading slime and debris through Garden’s hallways. Grat goo is a real pain to get out of the carpet...

Shedding my dusty, splattered uniform, I head into the cubicles, not surprised to see Zell showering, down the far end of the room. I saw him heading out of the Center a few minutes before me. From my vantage point, he appears to be soaping himself, and I feel myself harden. Who could possibly resist their warm, wet, soapy boyfriend in the shower? But as I draw nearer, it become obvious that Zell’s hand is busy in quite a different way than lathering soap.

Zell, as I have mentioned before, is junctioned to Cerberus. While we don’t normally wander around Garden with our junctions turned on, it’s more than likely that Zell is still junctioned, having just come out of a training session. He turns around as I step closer, offering me a grin, as I step into the stall next to his. His hand leaves his erection as I do, not snatched away in the guilty way of someone caught doing something naughty, but rather as if he has simply lost interest in what he was doing. Which, judging by the way his cock is still rock hard, I know is not the case.

"Don’t let me interrupt you," I tell him, giving him an appreciative glance. He blushes adorably, and grins. 

"Thought you’d be another half hour or so," he tells me, shaking water out of his eyes, but not returning to his task.

"No. Got a class to teach in a little while. Taking the specialists through the basics of ammunition. It seemed like a safer option that battle tactics, what with Laguna still wandering around." He grins at me, not bothering to repress a slight chuckle.

I’m leaning on the partition between my stall and his, and I tilt my head slightly, my gaze dropping momentarily to his still eager hard-on. "I meant it, Zell." He looks up at me, questioningly. "You don’t have to let me interrupt." I indicate his cock, which, I’m sure, is driving him nuts. Says something about his self-control that he can stand there and have a conversation with me with a raging boner.

His grin fades, and he stares at me, perhaps trying to work out if I’m joking or not. If the heat that suddenly floods the room is anything to go by, he’s realised I’m not.  
*  
 **ZELL**

I gape at Squall for what seems like forever, until I notice that my hand has moved, apparently of its own accord, heading downwards to grasp my aching cock. For a moment, I think I’m only doing this to get a reaction from Squall... but as he licks his lips and swallows harder than usual, I know that wasn’t the reaction I was expecting... but it was far more interesting than the embarrassed smirk I was expecting.

I pump myself in slow, even strokes, my gaze bashfully meets his the entire time. Gradually, his gaze drops, sliding down my chest, over my hip in a caress I can almost feel, to end up at the point where my hand meets my cock. He shifts his posture suddenly, and I grin, as I imagine he was suddenly reminded of how hard he has become. With the low wall between our stalls, I can only imagine what he currently looks like.

Suddenly, his gaze flicks up to mine, and I’m struck by how young he looks, with his hair boyishly flung back, wet from the shower, and unruly. He still wears Griever, on a chain around his neck. As I watch, a long gash on his shoulder closes itself quietly, and I smell the musty smell of a _Cura_.

Unconsciously, I sway towards him, my hand moving faster, and my breath unsteady, coming in gasps. He shifts position again, and I see the muscles in his arm flex, and move beneath his skin. "Squall..." The word is barely a whisper, and then I come, eyes closed, head thrown back as I yell my climax, my other hand flung out to steady myself on the wall.

I’ve barely finished when I feel hands on my shoulders, and his lips come down to cover mine in a warm, deep, possessive kiss.

"You’re beautiful," he tells me quietly, then turns me around to face the wall. I grin, as I feel his still-hard erection press up against the back of my thigh, and I spread my legs and press back against him, an invitation he quickly accepts.

His arms slide around my waist, and he holds me against him, as he breathes heavily in my ear, and undulates his hips against mine, until he moans my name into my ear, and spends himself inside my body. I feel so safe, wrapped in his arms. Can paradise possibly last forever?

*  
 **SQUALL**

"What do you want?!" He’s here. Again! In my office, poking through the few personal items I keep in this room, talking about the view from the window. He came to another of my gunblade classes this morning. Claimed he was just there to watch, that he’d sit quietly in the corner, but the second I turn my back, he’s up with the students, telling them stories, stopping their work. The students like him. Even I’m not dense enough to miss that. But Hyne, he’s annoying!!

"Zell’s a nice boy," Laguna declares suddenly, turning away from the view out the window. I almost shudder in horror. Hyne no, my father isn’t about to give me relationship advice, is he?? He seems to be waiting for a reply, which I refuse to give him. For once in his life, though, Laguna isn’t set on launching into a diatribe on his own opinions. Instead, he continues to stare at me, a quiet, almost thoughtful frown making him look older than he is.

"Yeah," I concede, at length. "He is." I can feel the slight blush rise to my cheeks as I say it. Strange, that such a simple statement could get such a reaction from me.

Laguna seems about to say something else, but changes his mind instead, and I’m not curious enough, or stupid enough, to ask what it was going to be. "I would say you’re lucky to have him," Laguna says finally, "But I never believed that luck had anything to do with who you end up loving. How’d you like to visit Esthar?"

"I don’t think so," I reply, without missing a beat. "I have Garden to run, the others have classes to teach, and we all have SeeD missions. Galbadia still hasn’t formed a stable government, and we’re getting a lot of reports of civil unrest."

"It’s been quite a while since you were there." He won’t let the idea go. "Maybe you should ask the others if they want to go, before you make up your mind."

"I said no..."

"You know, I was really impressed that you let Fujin come back to Garden. Do you realise how much your students look up to you, Squall? You’ve made a lot of people see that forgiving the past can be such a big part of the future. Does she get along well with the people here?"

Huh? Where the hell is he going with this? "Some of them. There’s still a lot of resentment hanging around. She’s been almost perfect, though. None of the trouble has been started by her, and she’s a model student." Somehow, conversation seems easier with him when we’re discussing the welfare of Garden.

"You know, I bet Rinoa would like to visit Esthar. Do you think you could send a message to her, find out if she’s free for a few days?"

"We’re not coming to Esthar..."

"And while you’re at it, why don’t you bring Fujin along too. It’d be like old times for the lot of you, all the old gang back together."

I stare at him for a minute. I can think of only two reasons why anyone would want all us specialists back in one place at the same time - to kill us, or to get us to fight something. I truly can’t decide which would be worse. "You coming back to Garden," I say to Laguna, with regret, not for the past, but for the future, and doubt, heavy in my voice. "It wasn’t just a social call. Was it?"

*  
 **SQUALL**

"Man, I just started my combat class yesterday. I’ve been working on this for weeks, and now we’re taking a ‘holiday’ to Esthar?" Zell bitches, to no one in particular, as he swings an overnight bag into the rear of the transport. 

"They’ll be fine, Zell," Irvine comments, from where he leans against the transport’s door, flicking Exeter’s safety on and off repeatedly. "You gave them enough to learn in the first lesson to keep them occupied for a month, at least." He flicks the safety back on a final time, before tucking the gun into its case, and loading it into the transport. 

Once Zell and Irvine have stowed their gear, Selphie moves into the space, flinging her bag and Strange Vision’s case in on top of the other bags, not bothering to arrange them neatly. "Why exactly are we going? And don’t give me that ‘It’s time to take a break shit’," she wags her finger at me pointedly, "Because I know it’s not true." 

I sigh softly. Shit, even despite what Laguna has told me, I could see there was more that he wasn’t telling me, and I hate the idea of leading my friends when not even I know where I’m going. "I’ll brief you on the way," I reply, hoping that will be enough to satisfy them for now. "I don’t think it’s something we should be talking about in the middle of the parking bay."

Quistis arrives at that moment, stepping sedately through the doors, and rearranging Selphie’s possessions, before placing her own bag in beside them. "Did you manage to get in contact with Rinoa?" she asks, joining the rest of us as we linger beside the transport.

I shake my head. "We haven’t heard back from Timber yet. Thankfully, things seem to have quieted down there a bit, but it’s still hard getting word through."

"Did Sir Laguna leave already?" Selphie burbles, as she climbs into the transport, dragging Irvine along behind her. "I barely got to see him while he was here."

"He left last night, in the Ragnarok," I tell them, climbing inside myself. "He wanted to get things organised before we arrive."

"Meaning he wanted to get Kiros to organise things for him," Irvine smirks, pulling Selphie into his lap, as they sit down.

Stepping away from her perch by the door, Fujin climbs into the transport last of all, silent as usual, and takes a seat next to Quistis, as the door slides closed.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Odine gets in on the act. But things don't go according to plan...

**LAGUNA**

"So... Odine wants to study the effects that time compression had on us?"

"That’s right."

"And Fujin is involved because...?"

"She was within the Lunatic Pandora when Time Compression occurred. Odine wants to know if she experienced any of its effects."

"..."

"..."

"You want to tell me what’s really going on here?"

"I’ve told you what’s going on here..."

"You’ve told me a bunch of half-truths. I know you’re hiding something, and I think it’s time you told me what it was."

"Squall, I know this is frustrating for you, but this really isn’t the time to discuss it."

"I just dragged my friends, some of the most skilled, and powerful people on the planet, and your allies, halfway across the world, to let some mad scientist run a couple dozen tests on them, and none of them have a clue why. They deserve more than that."

"They will be told everything once Odine has finished his research..."

"That could take years! Come on, Laguna, you know what Odine’s like."

"It’s not likely to take that long, Squall. Odine has..."

"Odine has what?"

"I really can’t discuss it now."

"I’m the Commander of Balamb Garden. And for what it’s worth, your son, Hyne help me... I don’t appreciate being kept in the dark about something this important."

"You were never fully reinstated as Garden’s Commander..."

"Don’t you dare drag me through petty specifics now!"

"I’m sorry, Squall. Try and enjoy Esthar while you’re here."

"Laguna..."

"You know there’s a fantastic weapons shop in the mall. You might enjoy some time off..."

"Laguna!"

"Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I hear Kiros calling."

"Laguna, come back here!!"

*  
 **ZELL**

What the fuck? I have to spend the day in Odine’s Lab, being prodded and poked like some lab rat? I don’t think so.

"It vill be perfectly painless..." Odine tells me, jittering restlessly around Laguna’s office. "Zere iz noszing to worry about."

"I don’t give a shit. I’m not spending the day being your guinea pig." I tell him bluntly. That loony has one too many loose screws for me to trust him with a probe and a few thousand volts of paramagical electricity.

"It iz perfectly safe."

"Like I’m going to believe that!" I’ve never trusted this guy. He’s way to interested in inventing all these machines and gadgets, without thinking about the consequences. Look what Ultimecia did with his machine that could take a person into the past.

"I must know zee answers!! I must find out vhere ve are going! It is all important!"

Hell, the little guy looks like he’s going to have a stroke. Face all red, jumping up and down like a spoiled child...

"Please, Zell." Squall looks nearly as dubious as I feel, leaning against the wall beside Kiros. Laguna, for his part, is sitting behind his desk, looking like he’s been told to eat a plate of slugs. "It’s important." Squall tells me, for the ninth time this morning. Maybe I’d feel a little better about this if everyone wasn’t looking like they were sending me to an early doom.

"I vill not touch you. You just must stand in ze machine, and it vill measure ze magic." Odine has calmed down a little, and is just bouncing slightly, rather than ranting in full tantrum mode.

Machine? What machine? "What the hell do you need to measure magic for? You know what it does, you invented the bloody junction system."

"I need to know if ze residues are from ze past, or from ze future, or if zey are just from you and your magic now. Ze residues vill tell me vhere, and when, and if it iz dangerous now."

"Say huh?"

"It iz perfectly safe..."

"Squall, what the fuck is going on?"

"Stop vith ze quvestions! Just stand in ze machine! Stand in ze machine!"

I stare at Squall for a long moment, but he refuses to meet my gaze. Then it occurs to me that maybe I’m talking to the wrong person here. I turn back to Laguna. "You want me to trust that?" I point meaningfully at Odine, who is nearly frothing at the mouth. "You tell us what the fuck is going on. You owe us that."

I thought so. Squall’s head snaps up, then he levels Laguna with a distrustful scowl. Plain as day, his expression says ‘See? I told you so.’ 

"Well?" I plunk down on a chair in front of Laguna, ignoring Odine’s rantings behind me. "Are we gonna play ball, or what?"

*  
 **ZELL**

I don’t believe I’m doing this. Not that I should be surprised. Laguna managed to talk Squall into coming to Esthar without knowing why, and Squall’s a heck of a lot more stubborn than I am. It shouldn’t surprise me that I’m now standing in a small metal cylinder, with Odine controlling a computer system the size of my quarters back in Garden, without a clue what I’m doing here. I guess Laguna made it as President of Esthar for a reason, right?

"Now you cast ze _Flare_ on ze potted plant, and ve vill measure ze paramagic residue, okies? Ve vill see if ze residue goes up when you use ze spell, or down, when you are not carrying ze spell any more, and ze magic is dissipated."

I frown, and can’t help asking, for the fifteenth time, "Are you sure this is safe?" In theory, of course, it should be. Paramagic is strangely focused, despite it’s potency. If _Flare_ is aimed at the plant, the plant will be thoroughly obliterated, but according to paramagic physics, nothing else will be damaged. Not the computers, the room, the floor... not even the pot the plant is sitting in. Still, I’ve never, in my life, cast such a powerful spell in such a confined space. Can’t help feeling just a little nervous.

"Why does it have to be a _Flare_? Can’t I just cast a _Water_ or something? I have some of them spare..."

"Stop it! Stop ze quvestions! Ze _Water_ is not potent enough! I cannot measure it! Ve need ze _Flare_! Cast ze _Flare_ now!"

"Okay, okay, geez... just don’t say I didn’t warn you..." A gesture, and a softly spoken word, and red magic swirls out, exploding in a flurry of ash, flame and potted dirt. "Holy shit!!" I leapt out of the machine, as the circuits around me begin to heat, glowing red before they start a slow, liquid side to pool on the floor. Not that I can see where I’m going, in the now smoke-filled room, and I crash into some console or other. Gee, hope I didn’t break anything. I can hear Odine’s cursing across the room, but I can’t see a thing, the thick smoke failing to clear in the tight confines of the room. Gradually, the air clears, as Odine manages to open a door or something, smoke settling like dust over every surface in the room. 

Right. Should have thought of that. All paramagic leaves a lingering scent, due to subtle changes in the chemical composition of the air around the spell. _Esuna_ smells of evergreen, _Cura_ is musty... and _Flare_? _Flare_ smells of smoke. Why? Because the bloody stuff is _made_ of smoke, you idiot! Even outside, it leaves a cloud of the stuff hanging over a battle field.

"It iz broken! It melted all over! You broke ze machine!"

Uh... would now be a good time to leave?

"All ze magic made ze machine go kaboom! Zere vas too much magic! It iz ruined!"

"Okay, well I’m just gonna leave you to... uh... fix it up, or something, okay?"

"Get out! Get out of ze beautiful lab! Get out!"

I don’t need to be told twice...


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls go shopping.

**QUISTIS**

"Ooh, look! They’ve got a _Force Armlet_! Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted one of these!!" Selphie crows with glee, snatching up the sparkling metallic ring. "Ooh, this is so cool!"

"Selphie, it’s 20 000 gil," I caution her, though I don’t expect her to take any notice. Despite the hefty price, a SeeD salary is usually more than enough to cover the cost of such extravagances - provided we don’t indulge ourselves too often. And we’ve all had plenty of time to collect the more essential items for battles, such as GF scrolls, or _Phoenix Downs_. Who knows, we may even have a _Mega Phoenix_ somewhere...

"Oh, bah," Selphie waves at me dismissively. "I’ve waited way to long to worry about price! Do you know how often they make one of these? It’s like, one per year, or something." 

Okay, a slight exaggeration, but she’s right. The Armlets are hard to come by, even in speciality stores like Esthar.

"They’ve got _Pet Houses_!!" Tucking the Armlet into her basket along side a few other rather distinctive Items, Selphie dashes off again, across the Pet Shop. I glance sideways at Fujin, dragged along to the shopping trip by an overzealous Selphie, and, perhaps, the threat of boredom over a day in the Palace with nothing better to do. But to my surprise, Fujin is smiling indulgently... that is to say, her mouth has the slightest curve to it, replacing the usual straight line of controlled indifference. She sees me looking at her then, and ducks her head bashfully, following Selphie across the store.

Selphie is now crowing over the small, gold-colored _Pet House_. Like most of the _Items_ here, the metal has been infused with paramagical properties. "Selphie, we hardly ever need these any more. With the type of battles we get into now, it’s been months since we did any significant damage to a GF."

Selphie looks up from inspecting her purchase. She shrugs sheepishly, fingering the object. "Yeah, I know, but... I wanna know I can look after them properly, even if nothing ever happens." I can’t help but smile. Selphie has always treated her GF more like children than paramagical beings of immense power. On the rare occasions when one of them has been KOed, she’s been almost frantic to revive them, apologising repeatedly to the creatures for hours afterwards. "Besides," she perks up again, "You never know when we’re going to get a mission, or some big battle or something, and need to use one of these things." She triumphantly dumps the gold box into her basket, and flounces off across the store, already searching out more bargains.

Half an hour later, we’ve finally managed to drag Selphie out of the Pet Shop, and into an items shop, for a little more practical shopping. I’m running low on _Remedies,_ and Squall asked me to pick him up some _Holy Water_. He used most of his on his last mission.

" _Remedy_?" Uh oh. Selphie is on to me. "Those things are WAY too expensive. All you need is a handful of _Soft, Eye Drops, Echo Screens_ and stuff, and you don’t need any _Remedies_."

I can’t help but laugh. Selphie is perfectly happy to spend 1000 gil on an Item she’ll probably never use, but she won’t let me spend the money on something I may need in every other battle.

" _Remedy_ , faster than status items."

I look up in surprise at Fujin, who is peering over my shoulder at my selection. She’s right. Remedies take about half the time in a battle to reverse status effects, and strangely, don’t leave the same bitter aftertaste as some of the status items. "That’s a valid reason for buying _Remedies_ ," I smirk at Selphie, and flounce away, in almost perfect Selphie-imitation. I chuckle, as I hear her indignant squawk behind me.

Fujin, for her part, is spending her currently meager salary on a couple of Tents. Figures, doesn’t it? SeeDs are overpaid for their work, but the rest of Garden has to live on a tight budget. Still, with any luck, it’ll only be a few more months until Fujin gets to take her own SeeD exam.

"Ooh, look! There’s the book store!!" Selphie is already bouncing for her next shopping adventure, even while she’s handing over the cash for her most recent selections. "Do you think there’s a new Weapons Monthly out yet?? I have to go check it out!!" Scarcely having grabbed her bags, Selphie darts off out of the store, leaving Fujin and I to pay for our shopping. 

I glance up at Fujin, wondering if she’s yet been exhausted by Selphie’s limitless supply of energy. Sometimes just watching her makes me tired, let alone trying to keep up. But Fujin is watching me with an unusual glint in her eye.

"Thank you," she murmurs, with the faintest of smiles. "Letting me come."

I smile back, and on impulse, sling an arm about her shoulder, as we leave the store. The uncharacteristic gesture surprises even me. Who knows... maybe Selphie is rubbing off on me.

*  
 **LAGUNA**

"Zees are interesting rezults..."

"Are we in danger?"

"It iz hard to say..."

"Are they in danger?"

"My predictions say... yes."

"..."

"Zere is all fog about zem. And all ze magic, it messes up my equvipment. Zere is more, more magic zan zere should be..."

"What about...you know...?"

"Ve cannot find her."

"What?"

"Ve have looked through ze residue in ze time stream left by Squvall and his friends, and ve have been unable to locate her."

"What does that mean?"

"My tests are not yet complete. I must do more tests. But wizout Seifer, ze tests vill never be complete."

"We have to find her."

"Zen bring me Seifer."

"...is there no other way?"

"Zis vill be difficult... I vill share dis information with ze Shumi. Zey may be able to help."

"She couldn’t have followed them through, could she?"

"Zere is all magic, all about zem. She could be anywhere."

"How dangerous is this?"

"Ve vill see."


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zell asks for some real answers, while the boys talk about guns.

**ZELL**

Squall doesn’t sulk. He’s never sulked. His solution to things was always to hit back, with all the strength he has, rather than to go hiding away in the dark, whether it was putting up with Seifer’s endless insults and teasing, or facing down a T-rex. He never backs away from a battle.

Which is why I was so surprised to find him lurking out in the gardens, behind the palace, after dark.

"Squall?" He raises his head briefly to acknowledge me, then returns to his silent perusal of the stone path. Must be a fascinating thing to stare at, in the middle of the night... I sigh. "Squall, whatcha doing out here?"

Silence ensues for a moment, then he mutters, "I heard about the explosion in Odine’s lab."

I choke back a chuckle. Really, it was almost funny, seeing Odine all red and bouncing around the lab in a style of temper tantrum I haven’t seen since Seifer was 5 years old. _Almost_ funny, because I also witnessed the damage to the lab, after the smoke cleared, and the electrical fire had been put out. "Oh, that," I manage to say.

"Are you okay?"

He knows perfectly well I’m okay, and it’s not like Squall to say the words just for the sake of making conversation, which makes me suspect he’s trying to say something else, and not quite knowing how.

"I’m fine," I answer cooperatively. "We just got a little more than we bargained for, that’s all." He pauses again, and I wait patiently. Experience has taught me that he will eventually find the words. It just takes him longer than the rest of us. People tend to miss out on that by being too impatient to wait him out.

"I’m sorry to be putting you through this."

The double take I feel coming on would be... uncouth. Squall just apologised? Even with me, that doesn’t happen very often, and it reminds me suddenly how little I actually know him... he can still surprise me with just two little words.

And finally, I ask the question that’s been bothering me all day, ever since Odine’s little slip of the tongue in the lab this morning. "Ve must find her!" he had shouted once, during my extended hesitation about letting him treat me like some paramagical guinea pig. 

"What’s going on?" I ask Squall, sliding round to stand in front of him - not an easy task considering he’s now standing in front of the railing by one of the garden’s numerous ponds. Fitting myself into the gap in between is rather an intimate task, especially when Squall chooses now to be difficult, and refuses to move back. With his groin suddenly pressed close against mine, I have trouble remembering what the question was. 

"I don’t know," he replies softly.

I can’t say for certain, but I think he’s lying. "Then why are we here?"

"Please, Zell, don’t make me tell you now." His head is hung low, and he looks utterly dejected. I’ve not seen him this burdened since he walked from FH to Esthar with an unconscious Rinoa on his back.

I could press him for more, and probably get the answers I want, I realise, as I stare at him. Or, I consider, I could let him do what he does best - lead us. And we follow him willingly, even when we don’t know where we’re going. Was it any different in the war? Should it be any different now?

I run my hand up his back, to his neck, and he lifts his face to me slowly, a deep sigh torn from him as he does. I lift my other hand as well, so that I’m cupping his face, and without preamble, I reach up and kiss him. 

It occurs to me, a second too late, that we’re in public. Despite the late hour, there are still others wandering the palace gardens - both palace officials and servants, gardeners and so forth. And we’re in plain sight of several of the palace windows, lit with night-time revelry. But for once, he doesn’t seem to care.

I wonder too, for a moment, if it’s because all of our friends already know what’s going on, or because he has simply ceased to give a shit what other people think. He said to me once before that it was time the world stopped looking to Garden to solve all its problems. Maybe he meant it was time people stop leaning on him. He is Garden, in a sense. He’s its commander, its nerve center, its heart and soul.

Then his hands slide lower down my back, and I remember to stop thinking.

*  
 **IRVINE**

"That was the rifle that had a double chamber, so you could fire Dark Ammo, and AP Ammo at the same time," Kiros tells me knowledgably.

"Oh for goodness sake, would you boys stop talking about guns!" Selphie huffs in annoyance. "You haven’t stopped since you got back!"

"That Grade 2 rifle, what was it, the ‘Effector’?" I continue, paying no heed to the complaint. "That was amazing! Absolutely beautiful!"

"That’s because Esthar soldiers would never put up with anything as ugly as Ulysses," Kiros teases me, though I know it’s actually true. With their technology, Esthar would never need to put up with something even slightly sub-standard. "They redesigned the chamber, so that they could have the same fire-power, but still handle the recoil."

"Hey, Ulysses was a perfectly good rifle!" I insist on defending the gun anyway. For the brief time that I used one, I became quite fond of it.

"It worked well, I don’t argue that," Kiros agrees. "But it was an ugly gun. Even you have to admit that."

"What are they talking about?" Quistis asks Selphie, as she wanders into the middle of the conversation.

"The boys spent the day at the Esthar War Museum," Selphie says, in exasperation. "Irvine wanted to perve at all the lovely guns."

"The weapons they have there are amazing!" I interject, whether Quistis wants to hear it or not. "The daft buggers who run the place had then all shoved in ‘antiques’, but some of these weapons are state of the art." 

"Or they would be, anywhere but Esthar," Kiros mutters.

Selphie sticks her fingers in her ears. "I am SO not listening to any more of this! I can’t hear you, lalalalala."

"You know, I don’t envy you," Kiros says, with a laugh, as he rises gracefully to leave the room. "After a perfectly good day out, you have to spend the evening with this bunch?" He gestures around the room to Quistis, Fujin and Selphie. "I guess we all have to be unlucky some times."

"Unlucky?" I snort at Kiros. "I get to spend the evening in the company of the three most beautiful women in Esthar, and you think I’m unlucky?"

Kiros grins at me, as he leaves the lounge. "The girls spent this morning shopping in the city. I’m sure they’ll just love the chance to tell you all about it." He winks at me. "Just don’t say I didn’t warn you." Then he is gone. Perhaps I should be more worried, but honestly, it’s been nearly three days since I got to spend any quality time with my little love-goddess - who now finds herself crawling into my lap, from one of the plush couches in the room. If hearing about a shopping trip is the price I have to pay, then so be it.

"Only three beautiful women?" A voice from the doorway inquires. "You crush my innocent little heart, Irvine Kinneas."

I look up, and chuckle at the sight that greets me. Ellone stands in the doorway, a gorgeous little pout bending her lower lip, but her eyes are full of mischief.

"My fair lady!" I declare, feigning distress about as well as she feigns dejection. "Forgive my neglect, I was so dazzled by the beauty around me that I forgot the most precious jewel of them all! Do come in, join us!" I pat the couch next to me suggestively, and earn myself a playful smack from Selphie.

Ellone, still giggling, steps further into the room, sliding into a easy chair. "I was actually looking for Squall. I haven’t seen him since he got here. Is he around?"

Selphie shakes her head. "No, he got in one of his moods this afternoon, and went off to be a grumpy-pants somewhere. He’s bound to show up in the morning, though."

Ellone looks around the room again. "Where’s Zell?"

Quistis answers, without having to think about it. "With Squall."

"Huh?" Ellone looks genuinely confused. "I thought you said Squall was off being moody?"

Quistis doesn’t reply for a moment, but instead, her gaze swings across to meet Selphie’s, then mine. In a moment of quiet understanding, I nod.

"Zell and Squall are a couple now," Quistis says without preamble.

Well fuck me, that was a bit blunt. I suppose I should know better, seeing as how Quistis has always had a knack for being direct and to the point, but I was expecting something more of a euphemism there.

"Oh." Ellone doesn’t sound shocked. More likely, the thought’s just taking a while to sink in. Then, a slow smile creeps across her face. "That’s... sweet." Then she giggles. "Poor Zell."

"Huh?" Selphie sits up. "Why poor Zell?"

"Can you imagine someone as energetic as Zell trying to deal with Squall being all monosyllabic all the time?? Hyne, I’d love to be a fly on the wall to see them together."

My chuckle suddenly turns into a choke. "Honestly, Elle, I think there are some things you’d rather NOT be a fly on the wall to see."

Her mouth drops open in indignation, as she realises my meaning, and throws a cushion across the room at me. "Irvine Kinneas, you get your mind out of the gutter! You know that’s not what I meant!"

"Heck, baby, you said it, not me," I counter.

Unable to come up with a response, Ellone sticks her tongue out at me. "I still think it’s sweet," she continues, after a moment. "All my friends," she gestures to the room in general, "settling down and falling in love. It’s adorable!"

"Not all of us," Selphie points out. "Quisty and Fu haven’t found any nice young men yet."

That same glint of mischief back in her eyes, Ellone winks at Quistis. "I just couldn’t help noticing that if they start sitting much closer to each other, they’d be doing perfectly fine without a man’s help."

Selphie erupts in a fit of giggles at this, but I can’t help noticing how, amid the laughter, Fujin turns just the slightest shade of pink. How interesting...

"What about you?" I ask Elle, teasingly. "Any ravishing young men on the sidelines yet?"

Ellone smirks at me. "If there ever are, Irvine, I’m sure you’ll be the first to hear about it."


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Squall and Laguna take a trip down memory lane.

**LAGUNA**

He’s brooding. It’s not hard to tell when Squall’s brooding, it’s something he seems to do for about 12 hours per day. And he’s doing it now. Tucked up in his seat, in the ‘Rok, refusing to look at me and brooding out the window.

Hyne, I don’t know how to deal with a teenage son, who’s powerful enough to rip a hole in my city if he so desires, and who simultaneously hates me. Okay, forget the rest of it, I don’t know how to deal with a teenage son. But despite knowing I’ve stuffed up 18 perfectly good years of his life, I keep clinging to the hope that one day, he’ll forgive me. Which is why we now find ourselves sitting in the ‘Rok, me trying to fill the silence in what I hope is a fatherly way, and him steadfastly ignoring me. We’re going sightseeing outside Esthar city.

At least, that’s the excuse I used to get Squall into the Ragnarok. It’s not fair, lying to him like this, but... Hyne, I’m at my wits end. What was I supposed to say? ‘Squall, come flying with me today so that I can rip your heart out by showing you your mother’s grave, in the hope that afterwards, you’ll forgive me for ignoring you for 18 years.’ That would surely have been a winner...

"The islands on the east coast are beautiful at sunset," I ramble on, banking the ‘Rok smoothly to the left. "They go all misty, and shimmery in the light. They’re beautiful from a distance, of course," I force a chuckle. "Get up close, and you’re in for a nasty surprise. The soldiers haven’t managed to get the monsters out that far under control yet."

Maybe I should have invited Zell along, too. At least then, Squall might say more than three words in the day. But... I’m not really sure how close those two have gotten, and it could well make Squall hate me all the more, showing something so private to a third party. So, I suppose, I just have to endure the silence. It seems a long time, since I finally managed to tell Squall about his mother. He’ll never mourn for her - even as fond of her as I was, I know it’s near on impossible to grieve for someone you’ve never met. But he did seem... if not interested, then... receptive, perhaps? There were those few times when he was thrown back into the past, when he got a few glimpses of the woman she was. Maybe that actually touched something, inside him. He even took a trip to Winhill, to see for himself what her life might have been like.

"We should visit the mountains, up north, sometime. I think you’d like them, all open wilderness and quiet spaces." Hyne, for all I know, Squall doesn’t give a shit about wide open spaces, and would rather spend his evenings in a strip joint. He is a healthy, teenage boy, after all.

I think suddenly, that this was a stupid idea. What the hell is it going to achieve, showing him the grave of a women he never knew, whose death condemned him to a life without a home, or a family, because his father was too scared to do anything about it? But then I realise that we’ve just crossed the Galbadian coastline, and Winhill is coming up slowly below us. I sigh, as I tilt the ship into a slow descent. Too late to back out now.

*  
 **SQUALL**

I pull myself out of my thoughts, as I realise the ‘Rok has started to descend. Goodness knows where we are. I know we’ve been traveling for too long to still be in Esthar, where Laguna _claimed_ we were going. Unless, of course, he’s managed to get himself lost over his own continent. There’s not much in the way of landmarks to see, as we descend. Sweeping grassy hills, with trees dotted here and there. Finally, Laguna sets us down in a gully between two hills.

"Come on, Squall. We’re here."

We step off the ramp, and I look around. Still nothing but grassy hills, and a faint, wandering walking track, snaking up the hillside before us. "Where’s here, exactly?" I ask, not knowing if I want an answer or not.

"A few miles outside Winhill," Laguna replies distractedly. He’s already making his way up the hillside, so I follow him. Winhill? Taking a little trip up memory lane, are we?

"Laguna, what are we doing here?" This time, I don’t keep the irritation out of my voice. I’m tired of putting up with this man’s whims and fancies, at the drop of a hat. He’s stopped, just below the crest of the hill, and I march a few steps closer, stopping several metres behind him. "Laguna?" He doesn’t reply. "Laguna?"

Suddenly, he turns to face me again. "Come up here, Squall. There’s something to show you." What the hell? Figuring that after all, I’ve come this far, I step up beside him and see a carefully carved, stone tablet, placed into the side of the hill. 

Two words, etched into the stone, make my world stop. ‘Raine Loire’.  
*  
I only notice time has passed when I realise it has grown darker, the sun sinking low in the western sky, just now dipping below the horizon. I’ve been sitting beside her grave for over two hours, my fingers with a will of their own, reaching out to trace the carved letters over and over.

I never met my mother. Thanks to Ellone’s little mind-trick, I did, however, get the chance to know her. It never really connected, though, even after I was told, that the woman who put up with mayhem and mischief from Laguna for so many months was also the woman who brought me into this world. What should I be feeling? Sorrow? How can I mourn a woman I never knew. Maybe I should mourn the fact that I never had the chance to know her, instead.

I run my fingers tiredly over my eyes, and remember, for the first time in nearly two hours, that my father is standing behind me. My father... and my mother, lying before me. My father.

Hyne, how I hate him...

*  
 **LAGUNA**

I’ve let the silence grow, exponentially, for nearly three hours. Finally, though, I think it’s time for me to say what I brought my son here to hear.

"Squall?" He’s been silent for so long, I’m not sure if he’ll hear me. But he turns, watching me carefully as I kneel down in the cool grass beside him.

"Every day of my life," I begin, hoping I’ll find the right words to explain this, "I wish for another chance with Raine. Another chance to tell her I love her, to tell her I’m sorry, to just spend time with her. I look at you," I tell him quietly, meeting his eyes, "and I’m beginning to wish for the same thing."

His eyes narrow, ever so imperceptibly, but I won’t be deterred. "I’ve been a lousy father to you, Squall. We both understand that." I sigh, trying to find the words to continue. "I’m not going to tell you you have to forgive me, or pretend that there’s nothing wrong, and I’m not going to pretend that I know how to be your father, or even that you need me for anything any more. I’m just telling you that you have a choice. Like I did, eighteen years ago. If you want to walk away from here and never speak to me again, that’s okay. I won’t stop you. So long as you understand that you have a choice, and it’s up to you, and no one else, to decide."

*  
 **SQUALL**

I have no answer for him. He smiles wanly at me, then turns and ambles back down the hill. I watch him, until he climbs the ramp back into the ‘Rok and disappears, and then I realise he doesn’t expect an answer. I don’t know whether to be relieved or insulted.

It’s then that I realise there is hot moisture sliding down my cheeks. I don’t wipe it away. To do so would acknowledge that fact that I’m crying. And I don’t cry. Ever.

It’s long minutes later that I turn away from the grave, and climb the ramp back into the Ragnarok. Laguna and I don’t speak to each other for the entire flight home.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quistis and Fujin spend some time together, while Zell helps Squall to *ahem* relax.

**QUISTIS**

"Tired?" I ask Fujin, as she lets me into her palace suite. She has a world-weary look about her, that seems to slow down her normally precise movements, as she enters the kitchen to make us both a drink.

She shakes her head though, paying more attention than is strictly necessary to mix soda and vodka. "Odine... annoying. Not tiring," she says, handing me my drink - one that I no longer have to ask for when I make these evening visits. Fujin has learnt my tastes surprisingly quickly... or maybe I’ve been visiting her more often than I had realised.

Today was Fujin’s day with the good Doctor. Each of us have been through the same treatment, being scanned, tested, probed and told to cast various spells in the vicinity of Odine’s lab. After the first little disaster with the _Flare_ , Odine agreed to tone down the intensity of the spells, and we now cast things like _Cura, Water_ or _Blizzard_ , obliterating, in the process, a host of potted plants, cacti, house ferns, and even a mushroom on one occasion.

Fujin has opened the sliding doors onto her balcony, and I follow her outside, appreciating the cool, night time air drifting in off the desert to the north. I carefully balance my glass on the railing, and run my hands tentatively over Fujin’s shoulders as she leans on the railing, then more firmly, beginning to massage her shoulders as I feel how knotted her muscles are. "Don’t you want to sit down?" I ask quietly. I know from firsthand experience how nerve-racking a day in the lab can be. 

But again, Fujin shakes her head. "Sitting all day. Want to... stretch muscles now."

I continue the massage in silence for a few minutes, before finally sliding around to stand beside Fu, reaching for my drink again. She is quiet for a long time, and I begin to wonder if she’s simply enjoying the view, or if I’m disturbing her with my presence. She’s never asked me to leave her room before, but there could always be a first time...

"Beautiful."

Her voice, so sudden out of the silence, startles me, and I look up at her questioningly.

"Beautiful view," she repeats, smiling at me.

"Yes," I breathe, turning back to the city. The night time lights have come on over dusk, and now, in the dim twilight, the entire city seems to glow. "It’s an amazing city."

"Not talking about the city."

"Hm?" I look up again, and see that Fujin is still watching me, her eyes suddenly more intent than they were mere moments ago. I am... not quite surprised when she reaches out a hand to brush a lock of my hair back from my face. 

"Thank you. Helping me, supporting me. Being a friend." She blushes, and turns back to the city, withdrawing her hand, but not before I see the slight tremor in it. Her hand settles on the railing, and, after a moment to think about what I’m doing, I reach out, placing my own hand over hers, our fingers fitting neatly over each others.

Fujin looks down at our hands, and then, apparently having found some courage, or audacity, looks up to meet my eyes again.

*  
 **ZELL**

One look at Squall, as I step into our shared suite, is enough to tell me something’s wrong. He’s pacing up and down the living room, gloved hands fingering Lion Heart’s hilt restlessly. His jacket hangs on the back of one of the couches, and his t-shirt does little to hide the nervous flexing of his muscles, as he paces. Not a good sign. When I get stressed and angsty, I take out a few round on my punching bag. Squall, on the other hand, keeps it all wound up inside, trying to work through things in his head, instead of with his body. Which is why I know, from experience, that asking him what’s wrong would be a waste of time. When he’s this wound up, there’s far too much going on in his head for him to get it out in words. Usually, I drag him down to the training center to work off the frustration. Here in Esthar, though, that’s unfortunately not an option. I repress a sigh, as I cross the room to meet him.

"Squall?" Though he’s aware of my presence before I say anything, he doesn’t stop to acknowledge me until I call his name. A relieved, glad little smile appears on his lips, and I can’t help but smile back.

"Zell." The word is breathed as a wistful sigh, sending messages straight to my groin, before his frown returns, his gaze flickers away from mine, and he fidgets with LionHeart, turning to pace across the room one more time.

Okay, baby, we gotta calm you down... And if the training center isn’t available, well, I think with a smirk, I’ll just have to find some other means of wearing you out. I have never before done what I’m contemplating now, and I imagine that one, is not both of us, is about to get seriously hurt. But Squall needs some good, solid, physical play right now, to burn off whatever nervous tension is keeping him in this cycle at the moment.

I smirk wryly. Seems my cock is one step ahead of me now, as it presses insistently against my shorts. Oh Hyne, I have got to stop staring at him like this, or I’ll end up coming in my pants.

Forcing myself out of my own reverie, I cross the room again, slipping up silently behind him just as he turns back to face me. Quick as lightning, and just as forceful, I grab him by the shoulders, slamming him back up against the wall behind him. Instantly, my mouth is on his, my hands nearly bruising his arms in an effort to keep them in place, my knee forcing its was insistently between his legs.

Despite the force I’m using, I’m pretty sure I’m not actually hurting Squall. I’ve said it before - we both get our kicks out of playing rough now and then.

Then, predictably, he fights back. We’ve been trained to react, when attacked, since we were mere children. And the sexual nature of this attack doesn’t deter his response at all. Too suddenly, he’s freed his arms from my restraint, and flipped me over backwards, one foot behind my ankle ensuring even my reflexes can’t stop me from tripping. Then he’s on top of me, LionHeart’s hilt jabbing into my side, as his hand reaches swiftly between my legs, and I cry out, as he bites down hard on my neck.

*  
 **SQUALL**

Zell’s hands come up to my shoulders, his fingers digging hard into my flesh before his hands fly down to my waist, ripping my t-shirt over my head in a fierce movement. I grind my hips into his in response, and taste blood, from where I just bit him.

Suddenly, I find myself on my back, and I’m amazed at how easily he has put me there - no doubt the product of Zell’s martial arts training. Zell is perched above me, his hips still rocking against mine, a feral grin on his face as he strips himself swiftly of his jacket and t-shirt. I moan, as I see the blood on his shoulder smear. Unable to resist, despite his weight on top of me, I reach up to kiss him, but he has other ideas. He slams me back down, my head hitting the carpeted floor with a thud. One of his hands comes down around my throat as his other hand opens his shorts, his cock jerked free with a quick movement. Lover or not, I can’t lie still while he chokes me, and my fist comes up automatically, connecting with his sternum, redirected at the last minutes from his throat. Hyne, does he know how dangerous this is?

He merely snarls at my attack, though, and I’m suddenly, vividly reminded of how much stronger than me he is. The thought, rather than being sobering, is hopelessly arousing, and I arch up into him, a load moan escaping my lips. 

He rapidly unbuttons my pants and rips them down to my knees, then tosses me over onto my front. My legs are spread as much as my pants will allow, and then, without preamble, he’s pushing into me, and I realise he’s slick and smooth despite the lack of preparation, and that he must have gotten lube from somewhere, and the pain is so delicious as I am forced to stretch for him.

Then he’s thrusting into me, forcefully, again and again, his weight pressed on my shoulders, holding me down, while I writhe against the floor, the thick carpet stroking my erection each time I push back against him. Just as I’m about to come, moaning his name, he jerks my hips up, so that I’m kneeling, forcing his cock as deep as it can go, and grasping my cock tightly as I come, screaming his name, into his hand.

We stay like that for only a moment, before my legs give out again, and we slide to the floor, Zell landing half on top of me, as I sprawl against the carpet. He’s still buried deep inside me as I gasp for air.

Finally, he moves off me, both of us sweaty and sticky. Lazily, I roll over, feeling a slight ache in my ass, and delighting in the feeling. Zell is watching me, a knowing smirk on his lips. "You okay, baby?"

Instead of answering, I drag him down for a kiss. He half collapses on me, his knee finding its way between my legs again. But before things can get much more interesting, he pushes himself up, supporting himself on his elbows as he leans over me. 

"Now then," he says, with another quick kiss. "What had you wearing a hole in the carpet when I came in?"

Hyne, he knows me so well.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laguna gives the gang some really, really bad news.

**IRVINE**

It’s strange, being in Esthar again. The last time we were here, we were deeply embedded in a war - one that we weren’t sure would ever end. It seemed so impossible, the last time we walked away from Esthar City, that we would ever be coming back again. 

It’s an amazingly different place, with this peace settled over the city.

Garden, too, is strangely different now. I didn’t get to spend any time in Balamb Garden before the war, so I can’t really compare it to back then, but compared to how it was in the war... There’s a strange mixture of determination and driving force, and a comfortable restfulness, which I can’t completely imagine was there before the fighting. Garden is now a fortress to her inhabitants, and they value her ever the more for it.

Teaching there, too, brings me peace. The children of today have a bold new future to look forward to. The same one we had, before we knew the war was going to happen, but we never took the time to sit back and realise it. I get the feeling that now, maybe, the students do realise, and go out into the world with eyes wide open.

Finally, here, in Esthar’s humming city, even after we have been fighting for so long, I can begin to believe that peace is possible.

*  
 **QUISTIS**

"Thank you all for coming," Laguna addresses the six of us promptly, as the last of us files into his office. "I know it’s been very disruptive to some of you to be dragged away from Garden for the past two weeks, and we all appreciate the effort, and your cooperation while you were here." He sighs, suddenly, deeply, and is disinclined to continue. "As you know," he finally drags on, "Odine has been studying the effects of time compression on you, to see if there have been any residual effects on you ability to use magic, or the effects that magic has on you. What we haven’t told you..." He is having trouble maintaining his voice above a mutter. "What we haven’t told you is that Odine was also doing another study." He pauses again. The room is dead silent during the pause.

"Various... events... occurred while you were within compressed time. Odine has been running scans on each of you to try and track the repercussions of those events, as they have affected the time-space continuum, back and forth throughout the past, and what will become the future. It will be no surprise to any of you, I’m sure, to know that we don’t yet have any definitive results for those tests, but I think we’ve held out on you long enough, and you all both deserve, and need, to know what’s going on, so that you can prepare yourselves for the events to come."

"As you all know, Ultimecia originally resided in the future. While she has been defeated in the present, and the past, the laws of cause and effect dictate that in order for us to have defeated her, she will rise again, or indeed, for the first time, in the future. Odine’s tests have been trying to ascertain when that will happen. I’m sorry everyone. The war is far from over. In fact, it has barely begun."

The news, when it sinks in, hits me like a fist in the gut. I’m going to throw up.

Beside me, Selphie suddenly sits down on the floor with a thump, though no one moves to help her.

"We killed her." Zell’s voice is almost unrecognisable. Like a five year old child, who has just been told his puppy died. Gone is the brash, determined young warrior. In his place stands a child whose world is crumbling around him. "We’ve already killed her. Why do we have to do it again?"

"I’m sorry." Laguna barely manages to force the words out. "I never, ever wanted to burden you with this. You’ve done enough... too much... already."

"But we’re the only ones who can, right?" Squall’s voice, for the first time in my life, scares me. Smooth and silky, like a cat about to pounce on its prey. But something so much more deadly than a cat. A panther... an anacondaur, even, about to strike. "Its so easy, isn’t it? To tell other people what needs to be done. Instead of doing something about it yourself." He falls silent again, and Laguna turns slightly whiter, his hands gripping the arms of his chair loosely, but protectively.

"That’s it, folks." It is Irvine, who spoke this time, bitterness heavy in his tone. "We’ve had our five minutes of peace. Hope you liked it. Honeymoon’s over." Without another word, he turns, and strides out of the room.

*  
 **ZELL**

"I thought I could leave. I thought I had a choice, but I didn’t. I’m just a puppet for Ultimecia to play with." Quistis’s words are absolutely devoid of emotion, which, rather than hiding her pain, speaks too clearly of the absolute desolation she is feeling.

"I can’t breathe..." Selphie is curled up on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest and rocking slightly. "I can’t breathe."

Irvine is sitting near her, but is unable to offer her any comfort, too caught up in his own version of hell to help Selphie out of hers. 

Squall stands silently by the window. We have been given clearance to leave Esthar, but none of us have so much as moved yet. Not even I dare to approach him now.

I feel calm. An almost unspeakable feeling, in this room full of chaos.

"Zell?" I’m not sure who called my name. Possibly Quistis, or maybe Fujin, on one of the rare occasions she chooses to speak.

"It could be worse," I find myself saying, without ever deciding that I would. "We still have each other. We don’t have to face this alone."

"But we still have to fight," Selphie murmurs, her tears stilled for the moment.

"We’ve been fighting our whole lives," I reply, surprising myself that I actually have something to say. "We grew up in an orphanage, we joined a pseudo-military playpen, we were taught to fight, to weather battles, and to stay strong until the end. Is it surprising when we’re now asked to fight? To use the skills we’ve been given for a greater good?"

"I doesn’t ever end though." It is Quistis who speaks now, her voice more broken than it was moments ago. "I can’t keep doing this."

"It doesn’t end," I agree. "Not until we do. That’s what life is about, Quisty. It’s a series of battles, all the way through, and it doesn’t end unless we lie back and give up, and say fine, you win, let me die. But that’s what the calm between the storms is for. To let us rest and recover our strength, ready for the next battle."

There is silence for a long moment. Then, I catch a small movement, out of the corner of my eye, and turn to see Fujin, nodding slowly. "Yes," she says, succinctly. "I agree."

I glance around the room. I can see that no one is entirely happy about my little speech, but even so, they are listening. I turn to see what Squall’s reaction was, and I’m only mildly surprised to see he has turned to look at me.

"Squall?"

His face is quiet, and calm, when he eventually speaks. "Let’s go home."


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Classes resume at Garden.

**SQUALL**

Dear Laguna. To Laguna. Dear Sir. Sir? Yeah, right.

**Dear Laguna.**

**Since I’ve had some time and space between us, I’ve thought about...** No. That won’t work. **After reflecting on the nature of the world, I think we should...** Nope. Not a chance. Lets try this again. 

**Since returning to Garden, I’ve had time to reflect on the issues you raised in Winhill.**

Fuck this. Words have never been sufficient for me to say what I mean. I toss the scrawled, rumpled piece of paper across my desk, to join a slowly growing pile there. I lean back against the wall of my office, the low hum of Garden’s motors vibrating up through the walls to take away just a little of my tension.

It would be cliché to think that I can forgive my father for a life time of neglect and estrangement just because I said goodbye to my mother. It’s not that simple. Of course, nothing is ever that simple. But it does make me think.

If Laguna was to die now, would I regret not getting to know him better? I can’t relate to him as a father - Cid was more a father to me than Laguna ever could be. I can’t relate to him as a friend. He’s not the type of friend I would ever choose for myself... we are too dissimilar. Can I respect him as an authority figure? Hard to imagine... I don’t pretend to know the workings of politics, but I can’t see how he ever made it as President of Esthar.

I used to brush him aside, in the thought that he was too... immature, too comical, not nearly serious enough for me to relate to him in any capacity, so why bother trying. But then, look at my relationship with Zell. There was a time when I dismissed him as brash, uncouth and childish. It took the swallowing of a lot of pride, and daring to look below the surface to find something much deeper, and richer in him. Could there possibly be something similar in Laguna? In my... father?

I don’t know if I can ever forgive the past. It has done too much damage to me, caused too much pain.. But the future? Maybe... just maybe... we can do something about the future.

*  
 **ZELL**

_This_ is the calm between the storms? I’m standing outside my classroom, watching through the open door at a class that hasn’t realised I’m there yet. Stan is shadow boxing - not something I could complain about, except that he’s aiming his air-punches at other students. Not to hit them, just to piss them off. Silver is juggling screws. She’s not half bad at it, either. Nick is throwing paper aeroplanes, complete with engine sounds and shouted warnings at the room, when they’re about to crash into things. "May day, May day, clear the landing site!"

Calm? No, not really. But hell, I wouldn’t have it any other way. As much as they’re a somewhat outlandish group, I am _so_ glad to have my class back.

"Woah, hey, people!" I call, as I enter the room. "Come on, take a seat. Play time’s over... Woah, shit! I mean... heh, sorry." Still not too good on that cursing in front of the students bit... "Silver, what happened?" I ask, as the slender brunette slides into her seat. Coloring the side of her face in a nasty purple bruise.

She shrugs. "Nothing important, Instructor."

"Hell, if it’s damaging one of my students it’s important," I tell her firmly. "You seen Kadowaki about that?"

This earns me a scowl. "Come on, it’s just a bruise," she says, dismissively. If my time with Squall has taught me anything, it’s the value of silence, and I put that knowledge to good use now, giving Silver a long pause to reconsider her answer. "Oh, hell... I was just fighting a Grat in the Training Center. I wasn’t quick enough, that’s all. Copped one across the face. It’s no big deal."

"Have you tried a _Cure_ on that? Or a _Potion_?" I ask impatiently.

"No," she returns, for once looking me dead in the eye. "I thought I’d leave it there, to remind me to be quicker, next time."

*  
 **SILVER JEROME**

Leave it, Zell, leave it... Hyne, it’s hard enough sitting in your class having a crush on you without you turning all caring on me. ‘Cos Hyne, coming onto my Instructor would be _so_ uncool...

"When class is over, you get your ass down to the infirmary, alright? I don’t need any heroics from my students." 

Fuck... "Yes, Instructor," I reply, avoiding his gaze.

"All right, the rest of you... Just so you don’t get thinking that being a physical combat specialist means you don’t have to know anything about magic... Today we’re gonna go through a bunch of status changes, and talk about how they’re gonna affect your battle skills."

Hyne, he has got to be the most unconventional Instructor I’ve ever known. My other instructors, for my Items class, and Garden History, are real tightwads. No talking, even in study sessions, no comparing answers, no _sneezing_ without their say so... Zell’s different though. I spent a whole hour sitting _on top_ of my desk last lesson, and he didn’t even blink. We have these great big class discussions, where people ended up yelling and cursing at each other, and he just says "That’s cool, keep talking, you’re all learning something."

" _Blind_ is not a real powerful spell, but it’s real annoying at the wrong time." Oh shit, he’s started already. "If you choose to carry on the battle _Blinded_ , there’s a couple of things you can do to still hit your opponent. Don’t go rushing into anything, you’ll just miss. Sound, and touch, are gonna be your most useful senses. Some enemies make a lot of noise... you’ve all heard what a Grat sound like. Noisy little buggers. Other enemies you can detect by feel - something like a Bomb puts out a heck of a lot of heat. In a couple of weeks time, we’ll be having one of our classes where you’ll each be blindfolded, and asked to spar with a partner. Sounds scary, right? It’s good practice, though, and believe me, you’ll thank me when you’re out in a real battle field." 

What’s that old saying? Love is blind? ‘Reckon _Eyedrops_ would cure what I’ve got?

"Confuse is a nasty thing to be hit with. Believe me, the first few times you get hit with it, and you end up striking your allies, you come out of the battle feeling like shit, no matter who wins. Just remember, it’s not your fault. Everyone does it, every one feels shitty afterwards, then in the end, you learn that’s just the way the dice lands."

"Instructor?" Great. Stan is going to ask some stupid question again... "Can you get hit with more than one status change at once?"

"Yes, you can..." Zell begins.

"Read the manual, you dork," Nick interrupts. Hyne, I’d have thought he’d learnt not to do that by now...

"Down the front, give me twenty push ups," Zell snaps, without a pause. "Stan, the answer is yes. Moving on," he continues, apparently ignoring Nick, on the floor in front of him, but we all know he’s keeping careful count while he talks. "Sleep is a very useful status to cast, but you gotta remember that once you go hitting something under Sleep, it’s just gonna wake right up again. That’s why it’s always a good idea to have at least a few magic spells stocked, unless you want to do all your battles the hard way. Nineteen, twenty, thank you, Nick. Now please repeat to me what I told you in our first class."

Nick blushes, despite having done this at least five times by now. "The classroom is just another battle arena. We may compete, challenge and engage in combat with each other, but we will always respect our opponents."

"Thank you, Nick, please sit down. Moving on, we have _Haste_. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking _Haste_ makes a battle easier. You move faster, you get more hits in... In hand-to-hand combat, it’s different. My advice - don’t try using _Haste_ until you know your moves to perfection. If you go into a sequence at that speed without knowing exactly what you’re doing, you’re gonna get seriously hurt."

"Does anyone ever really know what they’re doing?" The question tumbles past my lips before I think about it, and I panic for a moment, thinking that Zell will know I’m not referring to combat skills... But Zell merely smirks in reply. Hyne, he’s gorgeous when he does that.

*  
 **SQUALL**

"Shit! Zell!"

Hyne above... his mouth is around my cock, my pants flung across the room somewhere. He is shirtless, but his shorts still hang off his hips, undone and partly open. 

In the background, the repetitive beat of music pumps into the room, from the video-game consol. We were killing time this afternoon, dragging out some old car racing game from Garden’s archives to race the computerized cars around the track. Now, they chase each other in a continuous replay. Mine was a black convertible, Zell’s, a sleek yellow number. Strange, how we remember details like that at odd moments. He pauses his ministrations for a moment, shifting to a more comfortable position as he sits between my legs on the floor, and glances up at me with a smirk, as I idly protest the interruption.

"Harder, baby?" he inquires innocently.

"Fuck, yeah..." I let my head fall back to the carpet, my hips thrusting minutely towards him as he resumes his attentions.

I’d just beaten him in the race for the fifth time in a row. I can’t really say how I got from sitting beside him, the consoles in our hands, to sprawling across the floor, naked as the day I was born, Zell perched above me. He may have muttered something about revenge, as he tackled me, the game controllers tossed haphazardly out of our way. Revenge? "Oh Hyne... Zell!" 

Whatever.

One of his hands crawls up my thigh now, pressing until I bend my knee and yield to him. Then, while his tongue is still swirling around the head of my cock, I feel one of his fingers pressing at my entrance. "Oh, fuck, lube!" I protest loudly. 

He pulls away from my groin, and stares at me in a defiant challenge. "I thought you liked it rough, baby." The statement is just dripping with audacity, daring me to... 

"You little..." I snarl. I don’t finish the sentence, as I lunge for Zell, tackling him in what turns into a full on wrestle. More and more of our foreplay is becoming this, and I have to wonder how much of it is about sex, and how much is about something deeper, and more instinctive. The need to fight. The will to fight, to keep fighting, no matter the outcome.

Finally, Zell has me pinned to the floor... though whether it’s because he won, or because I wanted him to win is another question... and he reaches into his shorts pocket for the lube I knew he had somewhere. Keeping me pinned with one hand, he undoes the cap with his teeth, and carelessly smears some onto his member. Then, once again, without preparation, he pushes into me, and I scream at the searing, painful, burning ecstasy of it. 

In a moment of absurdity, I wonder what a sight I must make. The Commander of Balamb Garden, sprawled on the floor, legs spread, begging for release like a whore.

There is only one other person on earth who has seen me like this before, and his face swims through my head, as I come into Zell’s hand, and cry Zell’s name.

Seifer...


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More classes.

**SQUALL**

"Good morning, class." The students stop chatting, and stand to attention as I come down the steps into the quad. "You will have noticed, on each of your training blocks this morning, there was a box of ammunition. If anyone hasn’t picked theirs up yet, please get it now." I refrain from smirking, as no one moves. The class has been chomping at the bit to get their hands on live ammo for weeks. This particular lesson should have happened a week ago, but for the interruption of Esthar, and I’m not at all surprised now to find the class equipped before I arrived. "I trust you all remember how to load your Revolvers. If anyone has any questions, please ask. I don’t want any unnecessary injuries happening.

"Today we’ll be heading down to the training center. It’s the only area of Garden where live ammunition is permitted. If you’re ever training in the quad from now on, it is essential that you _unload_ your Revolver first, whether or not you intend to pull the trigger. Any failure to do so will result in your immediate suspension, and possible expulsion from Garden. Is that clear?"

I wait until I’ve had an acknowledgment from everyone before I continue. "Please keep in mind that learning the correct timing to pull the trigger takes a lot of practice. It can be quite frustrating at first, so try not to get too discouraged if you can’t get it today. The most important thing is to try a few different techniques, and see which one you prefer.

"The same rules as usual apply in the training center. Do not engage in battle with a T-rexaur, and while you have the opportunity to draw some magic, try to spend most of your time fighting, not drawing. If you run out of cures or potions, withdraw from the Center immediately. I will be in the Center with you, if you have any questions, or need any help. Remember, today’s practice is about your technique, not about how many Grats you can kill. And yes, I will be checking all of your battle meters after the session. You have two hours, after which, I’d like everyone to meet back here for a debriefing. Any questions?"

"Commander? I mean, Sir... Instructor... sorry."

"Yes, Cadet Blake?"

"Would you like us working in teams, or individually?"

"Either way, as you prefer," I reply.

"Yes Sir."

"Cadet Blake?" I interrupt, as the class starts to move out of the quad.

"Yes sir?"

"Do me a favour?" I ask, surprising myself with my own flippant mood. "Call me Squall?" I suggest lightly. "Just once?"

There’s a prolonged pause. "Yes... Squall." The expression on his face is priceless, and I pause, looking around pointedly.

"The world didn’t end, did it?" I ask, after a pause. Hyne, I just know I have been spending too much time with Zell.

Finally, for the first time since he started the class, Blake cracks a smile. "No sir... Sq...Squall."

"Come on," I wave him out of the quad. "We’ve got work to do."

*  
 **SQUALL**

"Please hand in your battle meter, and fill in these forms." I slide a pile of papers to Fujin, which ask her to specify her weapon type, level of experience, GF compatibilities, and a handful of other information required for her SeeD final exam. While she’s busy, I turn to the computer consol, plugging in the small black box for a full read out of her battle experience over the past weeks. Perching in his chair beside me, Cid scans through the information with me, occasionally bobbing his head encouragingly, as he finds a statistic he likes.

Finally, he turns back to Fujin, waiting patiently in her chair. "Well, these statistics are very encouraging!" Cid declares happily. "We also have the results of your written test. All your marks were more than adequate to pass, though you may be interested to know that the section on status changes was your weakest point. Other than that, I think everything’s set for you to take your exam. Right, Squall?"

I don’t reply for a moment, still scanning the files of information from the battle meter. Not having ever been in battle himself, I’d expect the information here means a lot more to me than it does to Cid. I’m not interested so much in the bottom line numbers - how many kills, average battle times and so forth, which interest Cid, but rather in the _how_ of a battle. Which magic was used, when was it used, when was a physical attack chosen over a magical one? And an interesting thing catches my attention.

"Fujin? You haven’t Limit Breaked since you got back to Garden. Not that it’s a problem for your exam, but did you have a reason for that?" She doesn’t reply. "Fujin?"

"Being overcautious," she replies, finally. "Last time I was KOed... Nearly didn’t recover."

"Oh, well, I think we can forgive her for that!" Cid chuckles lightly at me. He and I both know the story of what happened after Fujin’s last battle in the Lunatic, and how slow her recovery was. 

I nod, knowing better than to push the issue now. "Okay, well, we’ve covered everything then." I stand up, remembering at the last second to return the salute that Fujin offers me. Still feels shitty, having my friends salute me... 

"I’ll be over in my office if you need me," Cid calls, as he leaves the room, and Fujin turns to follow.

"Fujin?" I call at the last moment, when I’m certain Cid is beyond hearing. She turns, and I wave her forward, and wait until the door has slid shut again. "You’re a damn good fighter, and you know how to handle a limit break. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I have trouble believing that you’d let a ghost from the past stop you performing at your best now. Is there something else I should know about?"

"You..." She shakes her head. "Over protective."

I almost smile. "That’s my job," I tell her, wryly. "Why won’t you let your HP fall into a Limit Break?"

"Can get killed, Limit Breaking," she begins, hesitantly. "Get killed, someone else revives you."

"And?" I prompt her gently, when she stops.

"Don’t trust anyone."

I don’t believe it. She won’t let herself be KOed, because she doesn’t believe the other students would revive her?? "Shit. Fujin, I’m sorry." It always amazes me, no matter how much I do, that there’s still so much I don’t know about Garden. "I... I should have..."

"No. SeeD is... different. SeeDs look after each other. Students... don’t know that yet."

Even so, I feel I’ve failed her in some horrific way. "Is there anything I can..."

She shakes her head quickly. "Let me take the exam. That’s all."

I nod. "You’ll need to stay on Garden grounds from now on," I tell her, though I’m sure she already knows. "The exam will take place as soon as we get an appropriate dispatch."

Fujin nods, and turns to leave the room. "Looking forward to it," I hear her murmur, as she goes.

*  
 **IRVINE**

"But if you’ve got monsters and machines together, then _Shotgun Ammo_ would take out the monsters at the same time as weakening the machine, even if it won’t take out the machine all together." Mr. Kendon is on his feet now, pushing his point firmly. This discussion has been going on for nearly ten minutes now, when it was supposed to be a simple example. I’ve been giving the class some battle scenarios, specifying enemy types, numbers and available ammunition, and asking them how they would handle the battle. It’ll probably be one of the few times they get the chance to think about battle techniques, before they’re out there, having to make split second decisions. 

"But Shotgun Ammo don’t do jack against some of those heavily armoured dudes," Mr. Andrews interrupts, "So you’d be quicker just taking out the monsters with something else, and using _AP Ammo_ on the mech."

"But then you’re just standing there for a while, while the mech hammers you!"

"Is that necessarily a bad thing?" I interrupt to ask the class.

"Fuck, yeah!" Kendon replies.

"Mr. Kendon, would you please watch your language." Crudeness in my class is fine. Disrespect is not.

"Man, I’m just trying to make a point," he insists, but I think this has gone far enough.

"Come on, Sweetcheeks, you’ve made your point. Now sit down. Next scenario," I tell them. "You’re fighting a group of soldiers, ordinary folk, no special armour. There’s six of them there this time. And let’s pretend, for arguments sake, that you’ve just used up your last round of _Shotgun Ammo_. What are you gonna choose now?" 

" _Normal Ammo_ ," a baritone voice speaks up.

"Mr. Branaghan says _Normal Ammo_. Can you explain why you would choose this, Mr. Branaghan?"

"They’re ordinary soldiers. It’s a waste of more powerful ammo using it to take down an easy target."

"Mr. Branaghan thinks foot soldiers are an easy target. What does the rest of the class think?"

"I’d rephrase that, and say they’re a simple target, but not necessarily an easy one," Miss Davis interjects. "They have numerous weaknesses, and aren’t particularly fast, but in large numbers, you got a problem. I’d use _Demolition Ammo_ , cos then you can take them out in one or two hits each, but it’s still quite a lot of hits, by the time you add it all up."

"I’d use both," a third voice speaks up, and I raise an eyebrow at Miss Bailey. 

"Oh? Miss Bailey would use both. Why’s that?"

"First couple of hits, _Demolition Ammo_ is probably a good choice. Evens the odds faster. But then, once you’ve only got two or three left, like Branaghan said, it’s a waste of powerful ammo. Still, you gotta remember that foot soldiers are sometimes helped by machines and stuff, so you gotta think, each time, whether it’s worth taking the time to change ammo cartridges, when there could be more nasties just around the corner."

Wow. I’m impressed. "That was a nicely in depth answer, Miss Bailey. Thank you." I look back at the class. "Does any one have any comments on this idea?"


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laguna receives a letter.

**SQUALL**

I try not to pace, as I wait for Cid to arrive at the front gate. Before me stand six SeeDs, and the three SeeD candidates attempting their final exam today, Fujin among them. The other candidates are fidgeting nervously, but Fujin shows no signs of apprehension, whether or not she is feeling it. Cid arrives moments later, and I begin my briefing without preamble. They all know why they're here, and are eager to get on with the task. 

"We received a mission dispatch four hours ago, from Centra. After the Lunar Cry, scientists from Esthar and Dollet formed a research team, and set up a lab on the Centra continent. Their purpose was to study, document, and if possible, preserve samples of life forms. Their belief was that numerous species came down in the Lunar Cry, which have not been seen on earth for centuries, if not longer. 

"To a great extent, they were correct, and they've had a great deal of success so far. About a week ago, their project hit a snag. They've encountered an unknown life form, apparently far more powerful than the standard monsters that inhabit the area. This creature has been damaging their equipment, and their labs. It has broken through the outer security barriers three times. As yet, the scientists have been unable to identify it, or stop it. 

"We have almost no information on the creature, other than that it is possibly a fire elemental. We don't know how intelligent it is, how dangerous it is, or if it poses a threat to the personnel in the research center. Thus far, its attacks have been at night, and whether by design, or coincidence, it has avoided human contact. Your task is to identify the creature, find out as much information about it as possible, and if it is deemed to be dangerous, neutralise it. You will rendezvous with the research team when you arrive in Centra, to be briefed on all the information they've gathered. 

"Candidates for the SeeD exam, these six members of SeeD will be running this operation, headed by Martin." The senior SeeD acknowledges the group with a nod. "Your job is to follow their orders, do the best you can, and if you should happen to fail, SeeD will complete the mission. They always do. "Good luck out there, everyone," I add, almost as an afterthought. "Dismissed." 

*  
 **LAGUNA**

Meanwhile, halfway across the globe... **Dear Laguna,**

**Since returning to Garden, I have had time to reflect on the issues you raised in Winhill. I can't pretend to forget the past, it has left too great a mark on me.**

**But neither, now that I have considered it, can I ignore the future. To pretend that my future is out of my hands would be to turn as blind an eye to events as you did eighteen years ago, and I could not stand the hypocrisy, to say that neither of us had learnt anything from the past.**

**I have come to accept that you are my father, but before I can accept you also as a friend, I need to know more of who you are. Perhaps, through a venture into mutual understanding, we can find out if we can rebuild what was lost.**

I have to put the letter down, unable to read any more as tears flood into my eyes. After his silent departure from Esthar, I had given my son up for lost. To say this letter fulfils my wildest dreams would be... a significant understatement.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Problems are brewing in FH.

**LAGUNA**

"Zis makes no sense."

"Uh huh."

"Ze readings are off ze scale. Look, see?"

"Oh. That’s bad."

"You misunderstand. Ze readings are not off ze top of ze scale. Zey are so small zey don’t even show up."

"Oh. That’s good."

"Laguna! You is paying more attention to your desk zan to me! Zis is futile!"

"What? Oh, sorry Odine..." Reluctantly, I put down Squall’s letter. Hyne, I’ve read it so many times I’ve damn near memorised it by now. Then, on second thought, I file it safely in a drawer. Less of a distraction that way. "You were saying?"

"Zere are no readings here."

"So... you want Garden back here to do more tests?"

"Ze tests are finished. Ze Shumi have seen ze results, and zey agree."

"So what does this mean?"

"Ze future has become disconnected from ze past. Zere is nossing more ve can do. All ze tests have been futile. All ze marvellous equvipment! All futile!"

*  
 **SQUALL**

Since returning from Esthar, I had somehow expected there to be more unrest in the world. Paranoia, perhaps? Somehow, knowing that the world will once again fall into chaos in the future makes the current world situation seem much less stable. But things have been unusually quiet, I note, as I scan through the latest influx of SeeD reports. Dollet has been repairing some structural damage, left over from the war, and is becoming quite a successful city, on the industry side of things. Galbadia is still having a few internal squabbles, but with both Dollet and Esthar playing a peace keeping role, nothing has lately escalated into a serious conflict. Reports from the SeeD presence in Balamb confirm that everything on our own borders is as quiet as usual. 

Outside, I notice, it has begun to rain. Heavily. Thick, black clouds, dumping their burden over Garden, and the surrounding land. Dark rain. Somehow, it is appropriate for my mood. The automatic lights come on in my office suddenly, activated by the lack of daylight - something I hadn’t noticed until just a moment ago. 

Trabia Garden is almost fully rebuilt now, I’m pleased to read, and plans are underway for it to resume teaching within the month. They are short of instructors, of course... it will take a long time for Trabia to fully recover from the missile attack. But they are nothing if not resilient, and plan to continue life from where they left off.

Finally, the last report of the day catches my attention. **‘Balamb SeeD: Civil unrest in FH. Multiple public confrontations occurring, with disturbing regularity. Cause unknown, but suspicious. No action required at present. Will monitor situation.’**

Civil unrest? Odd, for a place a peace-loving as FH...

*  
 **QUISTIS**

We finally got word this afternoon that the SeeD mission to Centra was on its way home. Four days, they’ve been gone. Four days of me being worried sick, and at the same time, telling myself I’m overreacting. Facing an unknown foe has never been an enjoyable task... and with the threat of Ultimecia hanging over our heads, I can’t help but wonder...

Apparently, though, that wasn’t what the mission encountered. Their report, for as much as I was privy to, said that they had successfully completed the mission, the lab was fully functional again, and they were bringing an interesting specimen back to Garden... I can only wonder what that means.

Still, I must admit that I’ve had other things on my mind than a rogue monster. I decided to do something a little special for Fujin’s return to Garden. A few days before our return from Esthar was something of a turning point in our relationship. We both managed to be a lot more honest about what we wanted from each other... and became a lot closer as a result. Tonight, not being a great romantic myself, I decided to go with one of the old classics - wine, flowers, candlelight across her quarters... all that’s missing now is the lady herself.

And not a moment too soon, I think, as I hear the electronic beep of the door’s access code. I grab the two glasses of wine, and turn to lean casually against the counter.

Fujin takes one step into the room, then stops dead, her overnight bag sliding slowly from her grasp as she looks around. She’s almost as good at Squall at hiding her emotions, sometimes, but tonight, her surprise, and, I’m happy to say, her pleasure at the sight, are more than evident. 

"Welcome back." I step toward her, offering one of the glasses, then reaching down to pick up her bag for her. "Are you tired?"

"No." She shakes her head, still looking a little dazed as I guide her onto the balcony. "Slept on the way back," she explains further. She offers me a shy smile, perhaps overwhelmed by the sudden attention, and I lean in to kiss her. Shyness forgotten, she kisses me back, and I taste wine on her lips.

"Tough battle?" I ask, with forced casualness. 

But Fujin smirks at me. "Curiosity?" she asks, momentarily slipping back into her old speech pattern. "Intrigue?"

Refusing to take the bait, I slip an arm around her waist. "I missed you," I say, instead.

"You want to know what it was," she replies, not letting the topic go. I wait, and she smiles knowingly, then continues. "It was a GF." As I feel my jaw drop, she continues, "A fire elemental. ‘Vesuvius’. SeeD has it now, studying it, talking to it. The battle was long, not difficult. It kept running away." Another smirk, then she drains her wine glass. One dark red drop still stains her lips, and I lean forward to lick it away, the action soon leading to a much more intimate embrace, her mouth pressed against mine as she fumbles to put down her glass, then her arms come about my waist.

At length, we break the kiss, Fujin bending her head to nibble my neck. "Missed me?" she asks again, in a teasing tone, and with a laugh, I grab her hand, and hastily set my half-full glass next to her empty one, and dash back into the room with her, tumbling us both onto her immaculately made bed.

What follows is a lot faster and more energetic than our previous love-making. Clothing shed is tossed out of the way, landing wherever it may. Her open mouth captures my breast, and her warm skin, pressing against mine sends shivers down my spine as I arch up into her touch. I turn to muffle a half-giggle, half-cry in the pillow as she opens my pants, her hand reaching inside while her lips nibble their way down my abdomen, pausing for a gentle bite above my panties. And then soon, even these scraps of clothing are lost somewhere on the floor. I find myself grateful that the walls are insulated, when her tongue dips between my legs, her fingers tracing tantalising patterns on my inner thighs.  
*

It is sometime later that I reflect, the thoughts dripping through my mind hazily, that Fujin has the softest hair of anyone I’ve known. She lies with her head resting on my chest, her hair fluttering against my skin in the slight breeze through the open balcony door. Suddenly, interrupting our post-coital musings, a welcome voice comes over the PA system. "The results of the latest SeeD exam have been finalised. Those who passed the exam include Robin, Godfrey, and Fujin. Congratulations."

I swivel myself around in the bed, until I’m face to face with Fujin. "Congratulations, baby," I whisper, brushing her hair from where it hangs in her eyes.

A slow growing smile appears on her face, as though she is barely letting herself accept the news. Then suddenly, the stern, serious young woman before me is transformed into a giggling child again. "I passed! I passed, I passed, I passed!! Yahoo!!" I find myself pounced on by a very enthusiastic girlfriend, and I join her laughter, as a tickle-fest ensues.

*  
 **SQUALL**

I sit at my desk, head bowed over my hands in despair. I should have known it was too good to be true. Scarcely an hour has passed since I read the first report from FH, and now my computer beeps every few minutes signalling a new message, the content getting more and more disturbing as it begins to clog lines of communication. I can only hope my friends are up to another battle... albeit a lot sooner than we had expected.

**‘Galbadia Garden: Urgent message to Balamb Garden. Seifer has been found to be residing in FH. Request instructions.’**

**‘Balamb SeeD: A number of personnel, both students and SeeDs from Galbadia Garden have appeared, and are contributing to the public unrest. Request permission to detain trouble-makers.’**

**‘Mayor of FH: There are students from Galbadia Garden causing a ruckus in FH Town Square. Any advice, or influence that you have over the situation would be much appreciated.’**

**‘Dollet Military: Civil unrest has been reported in Fisherman’s Horizon. Public brawling becoming more violent. We are responding to a request from the Mayor of FH to assist.’**

**‘Mayor of FH: The situation here has become quite serious. I’ve noticed a lot of people shouting about Seifer. I understand that he caused some problems in the past, but I wish to remind you that FH is a neutral, and peace loving society, and Seifer has done nothing of late to warrant this level of aggression. Your assistance here would be appreciated. In a non-combat capacity, of course.’**

**‘Trabia: Your dog Seifer is living in FH. The bastard should be gelded. Garden should have put the son of a bitch out of his misery a long time ago. It’s about time someone did it for you.’**

**‘Mayor of FH: Hyne, Balamb! Soldiers in Galbadian uniform have showed up! People here are killing each other! Come and do something! Urgent request for military assistance!’**

**‘Balamb SeeD: Urgent report. Balamb SeeD has engaged combat faculties in FH. However, the situation is likely to escalate beyond control within the hour. Request urgent assistance.’**

**‘Timber: Be warned, Balamb Garden. Hand over Seifer, or FH burns.’**

**‘FH: Seifer here. Well, Squall? You going to honor that promise you made me? Or do I have to dig myself out of this one?’**

"Headmaster Cid, and Lieutenant Xu, please come to my office immediately. Nida, set Garden on a course for Fisherman’s Horizon. Departure; immediate. All SeeDs are to prepare for combat on arrival at FH. Please assemble in the Quad a.s.a.p. to be briefed on the situation. All students are to return to their quarters immediately, and remain there until further notification. This facility is now on High Alert."

Shutting off the PA system, I turn to stare out the window, as I feel Garden’s motors hum into life, as Nida obeys the instructions. The rain is coming down full force now, whipped into blustering torrents by the wind. Far off in the distance, I see the first forks of lightening split the sky.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Squall manages to catch up with Seifer. What is going on in FH?

**SQUALL**

"It gets more complicated," I explain to eight worried faces, as my friends, Xu, Cid and Edea listen anxiously in my office. "There are several factions that we have to worry about, and it’s not entirely clear who is on which side. As far as the reports indicate, the residents of FH are being terrorised as an angry mob loots the town, in search of Seifer. From what I’ve heard, via the Mayor of FH, the rioters are demanding anything from a court trial on a charge of war crimes, to a public hanging, to evisceration on sight. The trouble makers consist of Galbadian soldiers, Timber rebels, students and SeeDs from Galbadia Garden, and, unfortunately, some students from Trabia Garden." I hold my breath, as I wait for Selphie to respond to this news. She has never fully relinquished her ties to her home Garden.

As predicted, she is infuriated. "What the hell are they doing? Garden has never _prided_ itself on force or aggression! It’s supposed to protect people, not bloody well go rioting! They should know that!"

"Alright, sweetness," Irvine puts a firm hand on her shoulder. "Let’s hear the rest, ok?"

"There is some better news," I continue, trying to reassure Selphie. "There is also a faction of Trabia students attempting to calm the riots. It’s not clear how many are on each side, but some of them, at least, are doing whatever they can to help. There’s also several teams from Dollet Military en route to engage in riot control, and, somewhat surprisingly, a lot of the residents from FH are fighting back, not just to defend their homes, but also, apparently, in direct defence of Seifer. Rumor has it he’s made quite an impression there, and people are willing to defend him. Several messages have been sent to Esthar from both myself, and the Mayor, but we haven’t yet received any replies." I refrain from mentioning how disturbed I am by the silence from the powerful continent. "The downside is that no one has yet been able to figure out exactly what caused this, or why it’s happening at this particular time."

Fujin speaks up next, voicing a question a lot of people were probably asking themselves. "Seifer?"

Succinctly put, as always, I think to myself. "They haven’t found him," I reply, equally as concise. I can’t help a slight smirk, at my next piece of news. "Would you believe me if I said he was hiding?"

"Rajin?" Fujin asks again, without missing a beat.

"Likewise, or so I expect. He’s not likely to be far from Seifer, wherever he is," I reply confidently. One thing I have always admired was Rajin and Fujin’s unshakeable loyalty.

"So what’s the plan?" I am surprised, much to my disconcertion, to see it is Zell who voiced the question. Somehow I expected something more antagonistic from him.

"ETA at FH is four hours. The majority of SeeD, including a team consisting of Selphie, Irvine and Zell will advance into FH and control the rioting. Trouble makers on either side are to be arrested or immobilised. You’ll be given a list of acceptable magic you can use on them. Please keep in mind that some of these people are civilians. Only use as much force as is necessary. Fujin, Quistis and myself will attempt to locate Seifer. Hopefully, he can shed some light on what caused this, and maybe give us some ideas on how to resolve it. Fujin, would I be correct in assuming you can give us an advantage in locating him?" 

"Affirmative."

"What about Ultimecia?" Irvine’s question renders the room absolutely silent, and I feel my stomach turn at the idea.

"As yet, I’ve heard nothing to indicate her presence or involvement. No monsters, no unexplained magic, no suspicious characters. Currently, the plan is to cross that bridge when, and if we come to it."

*  
 **SQUALL**

It had occurred to me on the way out here that FH would be a nightmare to get into. Seeing it in front of me doesn’t lift my spirits. The long, narrow metal arm of the docking bay stretches out from the second floor observation deck to the elevator designed to transport visitors into FH. Right. Only three serious problems with this. Firstly, the narrow path will severely limit SeeD mobility until we hit the city proper, secondly, the fighting has not been confined to the city, and brawls are breaking out on the narrow path - not only blocking SeeD passage to the city, but any fighting on the overpass risks a deadly fall over the edge, the thirdly, the elevator is out of business.

"Alright SeeDs," I address the group assembled in the second floor hallway. All are heavily armed, junctioned and ready for battle. Looking over their stern faces before me, I could almost pity anyone standing in their way... "It’s going to be a rough and thorny path down to the railroad. Stay in your teams, and look after your team mates as first priority. As you know, the elevator has been damaged by grenades, so the first group out will lodge grappling hooks down the elevator shaft. I want a permanent team of firearms handlers at the top of the shaft to cover passage down into the city, but only fire if it is absolutely necessary. We’re here to subdue and capture, not to kill. Move out."

As the hallway empties, I feel Fujin and Quistis moving to stand beside me. I frown at that - this is one of the few times when I have fought without Zell there watching my back. It’s the first time in living memory that I don’t _want_ him there. I glance over to my comrades, as the last of the SeeDs leaves the stairs up to the observation deck. No words are necessary - all I give them is a simple glance that says ‘Ready?’ Dual nods are enough of a reply, and we move out, into the salty air of the Horizon.

Urgent cries fill the air outside, some close by, others muted by distance. Thankfully, the overpass has been cleared by the waves of SeeDs ahead of us, and we have only a few _Stopped_ bodies to bypass. It takes scant minutes to reach the elevator, where we half climb-half slide down into the city, and like flicking a switch, the entire scene changes.

Dozens of SeeDs are engaged in combat, the smell of magic heavy in the air. It’s impossible to identify all the scents, with the jumble of _Stops, Sleeps, Slows_ and even the odd _Dispel_ , but the overall effect is to create a scent which, strangely, is a lot like burnt mud. Once we reach the railroad, Fujin wordlessly turns right, down the tracks instead of into the city center where most of the SeeDs are headed. We haven’t discussed where Seifer may be - I want absolutely minimal risk that anyone else will find him before we do, and so, the less said about it, the better. Instead, Quistis and I merely follow, as Fujin leads us like a hound on the scent of a fox.

Avoiding battles as we progress is neither possible, nor desirable. As far as anyone else knows, we’re just another team in a peacekeeping effort. Avoiding combat would draw almost as much attention to ourselves as waving a banner. Even so, I find myself snarling in impatience as we’re confronted by yet another Galbadian troop, this one, unfortunately, equipped with Magic.

Before the first spell can be cast, however, a military crew from Dollet dashes out of hiding, surrounding the rebels, and clearly outnumbering them. "Nice day for a jog, eh, Commander?" the Dolletian Captain greets me, grinning, as his troops disarm the Galbadians. I offer him a grateful salute.

"Much obliged, Captain" I reply, already moving beyond the averted battle. "Good luck to you." 

Given the density of people in this sector, I don’t bother sheathing LionHeart again, and then wonder why I didn’t think of this sooner, as we pass into the small shopping center virtually unhampered. The paramagical blue glow of the gunblade issues a warning that even one of my glares can’t match, and more than one group of rebels baulks at the sight of us.

Suddenly, Fujin pulls up short, scanning the street around us furtively. Unbeknown to me, she has been working overtime already, scanning the surroundings, much more familiar to her than to me, for telltale clues as to Seifer’s whereabouts. She pauses for a moment, then with a cry, plunges us right into battle with a faction from Timber, untrained but determined. Even so, the battle is over in less than a minute, half a dozen _Stops_ doing their work easily.

Without pausing, Fujin darts up the ramp to a store entrance way, kicking the door open without hesitation, then slamming it shut behind us as we crowd into the room.

The interior of the shop - a bar, I realise, as my eyes adjust to the gloom - is surprisingly untouched, as if this is one of the few places in the town not yet reached by the chaos outside. Only one table has been upturned... Just as I bring LionHeart up into fighting stance, ready to tackle the shadow lurking behind the table, a shaken voice calls out of the darkness, "Fujin! Thank Hyne, I hoped that was you!" Fujin places a gentle hand on my forearm, and I let LionHeart drop, frowning as a man I can only assume to be the bartender crawls out from behind the table. "Uh..." He seems at a loss for words suddenly, eyes flitting nervously over to Quistis and myself. 

"They’re with me," Fujin mutters concisely.

"Oh... well I suppose that’s all right then," he stutters, still clearly nervous as hell. Mercifully, I sheath LionHeart, the room becoming noticeably dimmer without its glow. "If you’re looking for a break from the battle, there’s fresh water in the cellar," he tells Fujin deliberately. "Please, help yourself."

I look sharply to Fujin, feeling a frown settle over my face again. But her nod of acquiescence is just too slow for it to be natural, and, trusting her to know what she’s doing, I don’t argue, as she leads us down a narrow flight of stairs, to a door at the bottom, wedged firmly shut when she tries to open it.

Stepping back for a moment, Fujin knocks softly instead. "Water!" she demands, and somehow, I’m not surprised to hear a scraping sound from beyond the door, like a chair, or box being dragged out the way. Seconds later, Fujin tries the door again, and this time, it opens easily.

I find my eyes need no time to adjust to the light, though it’s brighter than the shrouded room upstairs, and as much as I was expecting to see him there, I freeze, on the bottom step, as fierce, cold eyes regard me from a low seat inside the room. It’s like looking at a ghost from the past... his humourless smirk, his face, his body, all exactly as I remember them. And the scar, a mirror to my own... Hyne, it’s been a long time.

"Well, Squall," he drawls, running his gaze up over me, from heavy, worn boots, to carelessly windswept hair, in a caress I can almost feel. "Seems like you get to keep that promise after all."

*  
 **KIRSTEN DAVIS**

As far as dorm rooms go, they’re not bad. Pretty comfortable bed, regulation sheets that are nice and soft, instead of having that scratchy feel. A closet that’s actually big enough to put stuff in, rather than that stupid size where the boxes you have just won’t fit inside. But, in the end... it’s still a dorm room. As in, not somewhere designed to have cadets spend a lot of their time. Hence the reason that after four hours cooped up in here, we’re going stir crazy with boredom.

Oh, and the other thing about dorm rooms? They’re not designed to fit 5 people into one at once. But that’s where we find ourselves, me, Justine ‘Teen’ Bailey, and Ulrick Andrews, more often known as Rick, from Irvine’s class, Silver Jerome, from Zell’s Combat Class, and Dominic Blake, a friend of Andrews’, who’s becoming a gunblade specialist. With the dorms all on top of each other, it’s not hard to get to know the other specialists, even the ones not in your classes. Every now and then, as well, they throw all us specialists in a room together and give us a joint class. Usually on stuff like Sorceress magic, or Global politics, the kind of shit we’re all going to have to get our hands dirty with, no matter our area of expertise.

"You reckon anyone’s going to die today?" Bailey suddenly pipes up, from her beanbag. 

"Huh? Hey, morbid much?" I reply. Geez, what a cheerful train of thought… Then again, there’s not much left we haven’t talked about. Everything from ‘how much does a SeeD get paid?’ to the weather... which was actually a pretty interesting conversation, given the ripper of a storm that hit, as Garden was leaving Balamb.

"No, it’s just... I know that the SeeDs have been ordered not to hurt anyone, just detain and immobilise, or whatever. But what if the others, the bad guys, decide they want to take SeeD out? What would a SeeD be thinking? ‘Oh shit, he’s going to kill me, but I can’t defend myself, now what?’"

"That’s why peace keeping is such a shitty job," Andrews mutters, from where he is cuddled up behind Bailey. "Everything we’ve been taught so far is ‘how to kill things most effectively’. Must be a pain in the ass to then be told to go out and fight, but not kill anything."

"AnyONE," Silver corrects, blandly, from where she is perched on the table, her only other option being to sit on the floor. Like I said, dorms weren’t made to be very comfortable, unless you’re asleep in them.

"Do we get any lessons on that? Like "How to be Diplomatic in Battle 101’?" Andrews continues, after conceding to Silver.

"Ask Irvine," I reply. "I reckon they’d give us something like that if we asked for it. Shit, a couple more weeks, or months, and it’s going to be us out there. I wouldn’t want to go into that without knowing something about it."

"We should all have a word to our instructors," Blake says. He, being the last one into the room, is sitting on the floor, but he’s snagged a pillow from one of the beds to make it a little more comfortable. "Squall could probably organise a joint lecture on it, so we all get to hear it."

"Man, that still rocks me," Silver drawls, swinging her legs happily. "You get to be taught by The Lion. That must be so cool."

"Ha!" Blake chortles. "It’s pretty scary. I mean, besides the reputation and all, we’ve actually seen him handle a gunblade. I would NOT want to see him get pissed off with that thing."

"Hey, speaking of Squall, where’s his number one fan today? Wasn’t she gonna come join us?" Andrews points out.

"Who, Ash? Oh heck, man who knows," Blake replies flippantly. "She’s probably off with her head buried in a book or something. You know her. Never takes her head out of her ass long enough to look at the real world."

"Where as look at us," Bailey shoots back, without missing a beat. "Five of us locked in a tiny room drinking coffee for 5 hours. We’re really achieving things here!" Despite the sarcasm in her words, there’s no sting in her tone, and the irony of it draws a laugh from all of us.

"Speaking of which, where’s Kendon?" Blake asks me innocently.

"Don’t know, don’t care," I explain lightly. "We split, and he found someone taller, blonder and more annoying." Despite the trashy way Kendon broke up with me, I wasn’t sorry to see him go. After getting to know him, I realised he was a little too much into his own self-image to actually give a shit who I was. "Like Irvine said," I shrug, " _Normal Ammo_. It ain’t gonna do anything spectacular," I finish, imitating the cowboy’s drawl perfectly.

"Man, I can’t believe Irvine that day," Bailey laughs. "Took us all for a ride for a while."

"And I," I throw back, "can’t believe you and Rick are still together, Mr. Fast Ammo."

Andrews smirks, and reaches around Bailey to pull her closer to him. "Yeah, well like he said. Bein’ _Fast Ammo_ means Teen’s gotta keep up with me."

"I believe what he said was that you needed a firm kick in the ass," Bailey mutters, accepting the hug at the same time.

"You reckon the rumours are true?" Blake asks, after a minute or two of silence. He’s staring out the window at the growing storm clouds that seem to have followed us all the way from Balamb.

"Which rumors?" Bailey asks, getting up for more coffee. She fills her cup, then offers around the pot. "This is Garden, remember? There’s enough rumors in this place to keep a tabloid in business permanently."

"About the Commander," Blake explains, suddenly uncomfortable using the Lion’s name. "Him and Zell. Y’know?"

"Who cares," Andrews replies. "Even if there is anything, whatever it is, it goes on behind closed doors."

"Not all of it," Blake mutters.

"What? You’ve seen something?" Bailey asks, sceptically. "Given who they are, it’s not likely anyone would catch them off guard, know what I mean?" 

"I haven’t seen anything," Blake concedes, "But someone has..."

"Hey, I don’t think we should be gossiping about our instructors," Silver snaps suddenly. "Garden’s supposed to be a respectable institution, and rumors like that have no place here."

With a scowl, Silver turns to stare out the window, bring our attention back to the growing storm outside. Is it me, or does she seem a little more upset than necessary?

*  
 **SQUALL**

"Something must have set this off." Hyne, it’s like trying to reason with a two year old. "To my knowledge, no one even knew you were here. We can’t go from secrecy and privacy to civil war in a single day for no reason." Behind me, Quistis and Rajin have taken seats on the boxes lining the walls, while Fujin perches near Seifer, who sits on the room’s single chair.

"I didn’t invite this, Squall," he snarls back at me. "Even I can see what the world thinks of me, and believe me, I’m not enjoying it. But I’ve done no one any harm since we came to the Horizon."

I close my eyes, and take a deep breath, and stop pacing to stand directly in front of him. "Then how do I get them to stop?"

Staring up at me from his seat, not two feet away from me, my mind supplies an image suddenly of a time that seems so long ago, when Seifer was in a position very similar. A little younger, a little prettier, with his hand, and mouth, between my legs. I banish the image quickly, as I realise, for the first time, why I have been so nervous about finding Seifer. His breath hitches for a split second, and I recognise that he’s caught on to what Fujin, Rajin and Quistis have missed. Yes. I still care about you, Seifer. I dragged Garden halfway across a planet to stop a war. But I brought myself here for you. Just for you.

He glances behind me, apparently exchanging some silent idea with Rajin, and then meets my eyes again. "There was... one... incident..." he amends, then falls into silence again. Hyne, this is going to be like wringing blood from a stone.  
*

"You cast a _Float_ on him? Hyne, Seif, what where you thinking?" I barely notice as the old endearment slips out.

"I was thinking that he was fifteen years old, half my size, and rooting for a fight. What did you want me to do? Chuck a couple of _Flares_ at him, and see if the little pile of ashes had any attitude left?"

"Okay, okay." I hold up my hands in protest. "Where exactly was this?"

"A couple of miles north of Timber. A little wilderness area. Real pretty for a picnic," he smirks ironically.

"Rajin?" I turn around to face him briefly. "Anything else I should know?"

"It’s like he said, y’know. Punk kids, causing trouble, y’know?"

"Yeah..." I turn back to Seifer. "Why didn’t you tell me when it happened?" 

"Oh fuck, like you’re my father now? Shit, they were a couple of kids, and I didn’t do anything to them. How the hell was I supposed to know this would happen?" He gestures up the stairs, as if to encompass the havoc across the entire city.

"So this has been brewing for what, three... four months?"

"This has been brewing since the war ended, Squall," he snarls. Suddenly, he leaps to his feet, tossing the chair across the room. "This has been brewing ever since Ultimecia sucked a bunch of derelict hero-wanna-be's into Time Compression so they could beat the shit out of her, and she could leave me stranded _here_ , of all places, with jack-shit in the way of _Magic_ to help me and my friends out. ‘What happens to my loyal followers if I’m NOT the all powerful being I claim to be? Oh gee, I guess I didn’t think of THAT when I was taking over the world’."

He slumps down on a crate near the door, and takes to glaring at me sullenly. I don’t ask whether he blames her, for what happened, or if he blames me, or perhaps himself, for where he is today. I don’t ask what I should do next, or ask him where he’ll spend the night – here, or in some other hole. I simply stand up, gesturing Fujin and Quistis out of the room, as I make to follow them. "We’ve got a riot to stop, and a city to protect," I tell him softly. "Once we’ve got it under control, I’ll go see the Mayor, and find out where he stands on all this. Then we’ll just have to take it from there."

He doesn’t reply for a moment, and then, "You ever been scared, Squall?"

Scared? A dozen images flash through my mind in that instant. Lying beneath Seifer, terrified I would never feel a real emotion in my life. Lying above Zell, terrified I would hurt this brazen, reckless creature with my carelessness. Standing before my father, terrified of the pain he could inflict... again... if I let him in. Standing before Ultimecia, wondering what life would have been like... if she had chosen me... instead of Seifer. Scared? "Yeah," I tell him firmly. "I have." He nods, and waves me to the door.

"She’s coming back," I tell him as an afterthought, as I reach the stairs. 

"Huh?"

"Ultimecia. Some time in the future." I repeat. "She’s coming back."

Seifer sneers at me in disdain. "No, she’s not." I open my mouth to argue, but he beats me to it. "I was her knight, baby. Her General. Her right hand. If she was coming back, I’d know about it. And she ain’t."

I don’t reply, slowly trudging up the stairs with this new weight of information in my head. As I step out into the street, the heavy clouds finally break, and it begins to rain.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Squall attempts to address the problems in FH.

**SQUALL**

It brings back a lot of memories, seeing Seifer again. But strangely, not all of them are of Seifer. Rather, it brings to mind a whole series of comparisons; ifs, buts and maybes, as my mind can’t help comparing the past 6 months or so, with the years I spent in Seifer’s bed.

I can’t remember when things started getting rougher between me and Zell, whether it was him, or me that started things down that path. Until today, I hadn’t realised how like Seifer I can be. Rough, demanding, impatient. Zell has always been… energetic. But there’s a subtle difference there that suddenly begins to haunt me, and I resolve to change it back, when I next see Zell.

That’s not to say Seifer wasn’t hot in bed. Passionate, I would call it, and I close my eyes for a moment, as we walk back through the quieted streets of FH.

Trying to remember why I said yes, that day in Balamb. We were young, still just students with any ideas of becoming SeeDs far off in our minds. A day off led to a trip to Balamb, in search of some new entertainment, or, in Seifer’s case, the chance to cause some mischief. A dozen or more students would have been around town that day. Then evening came, and the rest of the students drifted home, before it got too dark to walk the path back to Garden.

"Hey Squall?"

I paused at the town gates, waiting for Seifer to catch up. Ahead of us, the last of the students were disappearing round a curve in the road. He stood silently, expectantly, in front of me for a long moment, until I turned away to the road again, having lost interest in his silent challenge. Or, I would have turned away. But he reached out a hand to grab my shoulder, pulling me forcibly back through the gate. "I got a little invitation for you," he muttered softly. If I had been paying more attention at the time, I would have noticed the tremor in his voice, and the way his eyes said he wasn’t nearly as sure of himself as he would have people believe. I didn’t reply, but stood waiting for him to get on with whatever was keeping me here, in the rapidly fading light.

"You’ve been watching me all day," he purred finally, tired of waiting for me to play this game. "Don’t think I haven’t noticed. I always turn around and find you staring at me." I didn’t bother to deny it – even back then, Seifer fascinated me. Confident, loud, brash. Everything I wasn’t. And I didn’t bother to point out that he, too, had been watching me. 

"What say we go do something about that?" he murmured into my ear, turning me slowly back towards the town… and towards the hotel. "There’s a quiet little room on the second floor of the hotel with your name on it," he continued, while I didn’t bother to protest. "A cosy little bed, just big enough for two." His hand reached down to squeeze my ass briefly, and it was only at that point that I really figured out what he was asking. He wanted to sleep with me. Though I was at a loss to understand why he would choose me, instead of one of the girls who were always following him around.

He brought us to a halt, when we got to the hotel doors, but didn’t go inside. "So… do you want to?"

This time, my silence would not be enough. I realised that he was asking for my permission, my acceptance at the very least, if not my willing participation in an act that was supposed to be important, or something. I also realised something else. 

I was hard.

I still don’t know exactly what led me to agree… whether it was that simple detail, that his leg pressed against my length felt better than I could have imagined, or whether it was a chance to hold on to some of what I so admired in him, his arrogant, brazen impulsiveness. Or whether I agreed because I caught a hint of his reasons for asking, rather than just considering my reasons for answering…

To this day, I can only speculate on why he asked me up to the room that night. Why it was me he chose. There were plenty of other people, both male and female, who would have eagerly said yes to the outgoing youth. Perhaps, one day, I’ll be able to ask him why. Perhaps one day I’ll care enough to try.

Either way, I found myself nodding. "Yeah," I replied, taciturn as always, and then it was me, dragging him up the flight of stairs and fidgeting impatiently as he fumbled to get the key into the lock.

Later, it would be his room, instead of the hotel room. But the game was always the same. One of us would make the demand, or the challenge, and the other would rise to the bait. It wasn’t always him, either. I could be just as voracious, just as demanding as my arrogant lover. All behind closed doors, of course, while in public view, we became ever more wary of each other, the challenges spilling out into the class room and the battle field until most of Garden had us labelled bitter enemies. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Where as Zell and I… heck, even I’ve heard some of the rumors running around Garden about us two. Seems we haven’t been as discreet as we thought we were… or perhaps, Irvine had a hand in making those rumors fly. He’s never been one for discretion, and if a student had a suspicion, it wouldn’t take long to get an answer from the resident love-god. That’s not to say Irvine can’t be trusted. He as loyal a friend as I’ve ever had. On issues of love, though, he simply doesn’t see that there is anything to hide… and were it not for the politics that sometimes get in the way, I would agree with him. 

But my point here is that all the rumors are heading in the right direction. Zell and I were close friends before we ever jumped into bed together, and no one disputes that our friendship comes first, with sex a distant second.

I’m jolted from my thoughts, suddenly, as voices intrude and I realise that we’ve arrived back at the docking bay where Garden is waiting for us. Irvine, Selphie and Zell approach my group returning from the city center, and we exchange the required number of salutes, before getting on with the real business.  
*  
 **ZELL**

"80% of the city has been secured, Commander," Irvine begins his report, getting only that far before he gives up the disciplined pretence and relaxes into his usual role. "It was like squirting a water gun at a bonfire for a while there, Squall. Took a little while for word to get out that SeeD was here, and SeeD was serious, baby! Still, once people figured out we weren’t pulling any punches, most folk packed up and went home. We arrested about 100 people, but most of them have been real quiet since then."

"Which has nothing to do with the fact that Irvine put half of them to sleep," Selphie interjects happily.

"There’s still little bits of brawling on the outskirts, but we got a couple of teams out, clearing that up. The mayor knows you’re here, and he’s ready to see you, whenever you’re available. And we did have to resort to physical combat with a couple of punks from the Galbadian army, but once we had them under control, we patched them right up with a few _Curas_ , so no harm, no foul."

"Thank you, all of you," Squall says, to the group at large. "Irvine, send a message to Xu. Once the last of the rioters have been controlled, she can let the students out of the dorms, but no one, and I mean no one, is to leave Garden premises. After that, come and join us at the Mayor’s house."

"Yes sir!" Irvine salutes casually, and saunters off to find Xu. As the rest of us head down the hill to the Mayor’s house, I sidle up to Squall. He gives me a strange little smile as I reach him, that I don’t quite understand. "Did you find…?" I ask, as quietly as I can, knowing he knows what I’m asking. Who knows what ears are listening right now.

"Yeah," he replies, barely turning his head as we walk. 

"And?"

He sighs, very softly. "He didn’t do anything," he admits finally. "I kind of feel like we’re up against a brick wall here. Let’s see what the mayor’s got to say about it."  
*  
 **SQUALL**

"I still hold to my original opinion," the Mayor declares, resolutely. "We accepted Seifer into this city under certain conditions. To my knowledge, Seifer has kept those conditions, and until it is proven otherwise, I see no reason to evict him. And furthermore," he continues, "These people should be shown that there are better ways to do things than by resorting to violence. Garden must see to it that these trouble makers are put away. After all, Seifer was one of your students. Isn’t it your duty to protect him?"

I pause, at that, carefully considering his words for a long moment. "Garden didn’t come here to form a dictatorship over the global justice system. We protected the world for a short time, but that is not our role anymore. I will not wield Garden’s muscle simply to satisfy a small handful of people. Some of the people here have very genuine concerns about Seifer’s future, and despite the inappropriate way they expressed those fears, we can’t just ignore them. Further more," I add, to the Mayor’s dismay, "Seifer is no longer a student of Garden. We are no longer accountable for his actions, or responsible for his safety. People grow up and move on, sir. Garden isn’t going to protect them forever."

The Mayor, predictably, is not happy. "What about my city?"

"This time, sir," I say carefully, "I agree with you. Violence is not the answer. We will find a resolution to this problem. We will do so peacefully, and diplomatically. Now if you’ll excuse us," I rise to leave, followed by my comrades, "I believe we have work to do."

*  
 **SQUALL**

It’s dark outside by the time we all stumble back into my office, sometime past 2200 hours.

"Thank you everyone for your help today. I know it’s been a long day, but we still have some questions to find answers to. I think the sooner we do, the better." Okay, so it wasn’t the most elegant speech ever, but I’m tired, and horny, and I’ve used up my word quota for the day. "These aren’t decisions I can make on my own, so any and all input you have would be appreciated. As I said to the mayor, Garden is not here to hand down judgments on Seifer. We have neither the wisdom, nor the resources to tell the rest of the world what they should think. We do, however, need a permanent solution. There’s only one path I can think of which will bring us the result we need. It’s an option that’s fraught with difficulties, but I think it’s also the most likely to reach a permanent solution, so we don’t find ourselves back here in a month, doing this all over again. What I propose is to hold a public forum. Each of the factions we dealt with today will have the opportunity to raise their concerns, and then, as a joint community, we allow the forum to decide what Seifer’s fate will be. The idea here would be to get specific cooperation from each of the major players – Galbadia, Balamb, Trabia and Esthar – to uphold law enforcement on their own shores, and if we ensure this is a diplomatic process, I hope we’ll minimise any splinter groups that might be tempted to form."

"We’d need Seifer’s cooperation, first of all," Quistis points out. "There’s no point passing laws on his behaviour or jurisdiction if he won’t hold to them."

"A very good point, Quistis. We’ll also need the cooperation of the respective national governments, which may be fairly difficult to secure."

"Any word from Esthar yet?"

"Absolute silence. If I didn’t know better, I’d say they’d shut themselves away from the rest of the world again." This time, I don’t bother hiding the concern in my voice. "We are going to keep trying, but at this stage, I don’t know what to expect. And to answer one of the questions I know you all have," I pre-empt them, "there have been no signs of any involvement from Ultimecia. Currently this seems to be a completely unrelated situation." I refrain from mentioning my unusual conversation with Seifer this afternoon on the subject, and also remind myself to speak to Odine about it… if we ever hear from them again. "One of the major difficulties in running a public forum will be maintaining security," I continue. "We don’t need a repeat of today’s events, and there’s going to be a lot of hot tempers running around. What is just as important," I tell them sternly, "is that Garden is to maintain a diplomatic silence over these issues. We are here as peace keepers. We are not here as representatives of any nation, district or institution, and I firmly believe that Garden should not have any political role in this debate." I pause for a long moment, giving everyone the chance to comment, or disagree, should they wish to.

"We know more about Seifer than most of the world," Zell begins, cautiously. Hyne knows, he and I have had enough arguments over our current course of action in the past day or so. I can tell he doesn’t want to start another one right now. "Wouldn’t that put us in a better position to determine what should be done, rather than a worse one?"

"I see your point," I return, just as carefully. "But almost everyone in this room has some fairly strong biases about Seifer, both from experience on the battle field, and from an emotional standpoint. I think those emotions would mean that making objective statements about the current situation would be extremely difficult."

"I agree," Irvine speaks up. "No matter how objective we tried to be, we would still end up putting our own wishes into the argument. So I think you’re right, it would be best to avoid it all together."

I glance at Zell, waiting for his approval, or lack thereof. Thankfully, though, he nods, seemingly not upset about the decision.

"We do have one other option, which again, would need cooperation not just from Seifer, but from all of you, and at this point, I strongly encourage any comments you may have. If a resolution can’t be reached, or we can’t get global support on that decision, Garden would have the option of offering Seifer asylum. If he was to come and live in Garden, we can easily uphold any legal matters surrounding him, and also protect him."

A snort of disbelief comes instantly from Zell, but he manages to hold his tongue before he says whatever is on his mind… though I’m sure I could guess what it would be. 

"Short of saying that’s the most shit idea I’ve heard all day," Irvine drawls tiredly, "how about we wait and see if it becomes necessary, and talk about it then?"

"Agreed," I concur easily. Perhaps, in a slightly different situation, I would have pushed the issue. But I’ve argued enough with Zell of late, I don’t much like the idea myself, and I’m tired. "Try and get some sleep, everyone. We’ve got a long day tomorrow. Dismissed." As they trickle out of the room, no one bothers stopping to salute, and I feel more gratified than I have all day.

*  
 **ZELL**

Squall doesn’t busy himself at his desk, as the others leave the room. Rather, he looks tired, chin resting lightly on his hands as he watches them leave. Though I do notice the faint beginnings of a smile. Lazily rising from my own seat, I wander over to his side of the room. "Tired?" I ask lightly, expecting the idea to be immediately denied. But again, he doesn’t turn back to his work, as I’d expect him to, instead pushing his chair away from his desk, rising to wrap his arms around me in a loose hug. Despite the firm leather of his pants, I can feel him pressing against me, and I realise the reason for his strange mood. He’s horny, baby.

I chuckle lightly into his jacket, and return the hug. "How about," I suggest, half in play and half in something much more serious, "we don’t talk about any of this for the rest of the night?"

He tilts his head down to kiss my forehead, and growls out a low "Agreed," before taking my hand, and leading me from the room, barely remembering to switch off the light on the way out.

I don’t quite know what to expect, once we get to his suite. Lately, Squall’s been kinda tense and restless, spending more time trying to burn off energy than kick back and enjoy the sex. I can’t pinpoint his mood tonight, either. He seems at once angsty and peaceful, confused and purposeful.

The moment we are through his suite door, though, he stops, and turns to kiss me, in a slow, thorough way he hasn’t done for a long time. By the end of it, I’m breathless, damn near sagging against him when he finally pulls away. He smiles at me, a young, innocent, and almost apologetic smile, and turns to guide me slowly into his bedroom.

Shedding our clothes takes a long time, beginning with the careful removal of our respective weapons, complete with powering down junctions and disengaging magic spells. Then sliding out of our jackets, kissing my way up his abdomen as I slip his shirt off. It’s been two weeks or more – a surprisingly long time, in our relationship, since we bothered to get completely naked, and I realise I’ve missed it, as I see his sculpted legs and smooth muscles bared for my inspection. And the slight bashfulness I always feel as he slides my shorts off, and reaches between my legs. My breath hitches in my throat, and he smiles at me again, that young, almost innocent expression, before he leans in to nibble down my shoulder, and it occurs to me where I’ve seen that expression before. Not since the first time we did this, when he would declare his innocence with eyes and smile, and tempt mischief and chaos with his hand between my legs. The endless contradiction that is Squall Leonhart, self-effacing hero of the known world.

I have no more time to think on it, though, as he tumbles me backward onto the bed. A brief kiss to my lips, and then he disappears from view, and I feel a warm, firm, sure hand stroking me again, and then a hot wetness sucking my cock into his mouth. My fingers run down into his hair, delighting in the feel of the soft strands tumbling over my skin, the tangy scent of him drifting over the room.

I realise I’ve missed this, the more tender side of Squall. And just when I think it doesn’t get any better, I feel a firm vibration down my length. Oh Hyne… he’s purring. I moan something incoherent, knowing I’m not going to last much longer, my hand gripping the sheets spasmodically until I feel a hand over mine. Squall’s fingers slide into mine as I come, hips jerking towards his mouth, and I feel him swallow around me.

"Hyne… Squall…"

He isn’t done though, and gently raises and spreads my legs. I grin a tired, one-fanged grin up at him as I feel a slick finger probing my entrance, rubbing and stroking, preparing me more carefully than he has for some time. And finally, he slides his body up against mine, and I feel his hard, hot member sliding into me. I’m in for more surprises tonight, though. He’s barely seated himself within me when his arms come up around my waist and shoulder, and he lifts me, with no more effort than he lifts his gunblade, though I’m sure I’m twice as heavy… I feel a cool surface against my back. Oh Hyne. He’s taking me against a fucking wall, baby.

This is paradise, feeling him rubbing me, sliding in and out. I let my head fall back against the wall, his hard body pressed up against me, and tighten my legs around his hips. He groans into my neck, picking up his pace. Just as he tenses against me, moaning my name, I come again, hot and wet between us, then collapse into Squall’s arms, at once grateful for the wall against my back.

I feel him smile against my shoulder, as he carries me back to the bed. Then he’s gone, returning moments later with a warm, damp towel, cleaning both of us while I fight to stay awake for a few minutes longer. Finally, I feel him slip into bed beside me, and I turn to settle warmly against his shoulder.

Sleep does not come as quickly as I expected, though, and some minutes later, I feel him shift against me, his lips brushing my ear for a moment. Then, a gentle sigh, and soft words, spoken for my hearing, or just for his own comfort, I don’t know.

"I love you, Zell."


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The public conference begins to FH, to discuss Seifer.

**SQUALL**

I dreamed of my mother last night. In her house in Winhill, caring for Ellone, when she was still a baby. I remember that she looked up at me, in the dream, from staring at the screaming child in her arms. Expectation dictates that she give me some life-altering message at this point; Forgive Laguna, perhaps. Or advice on how to save the world again, this time, from its own sense of justice. But no, the voices from beyond the grave remained silent. In all honesty, I would keep them that way. She just looked at me, holding a screaming child that was no longer Ellone, and smiled that knowing smile a mother has, an answer to all questions, in the eyes of her adoring child. 

Then I woke up this morning, with Zell in my arms, not quite sure whether it was his scent I was smelling, or the comforting odours of Raine's house, as I remember them from the 'dreamworld', and then, for a moment, feeling both scents slipping away, as I woke up properly, to a fanged grin and hot breakfast coffee.

I've replayed the dream a hundred times since then, still not sure if there's some hidden message in it, if perhaps Ellone has something to say, once again, or if it was merely the ramblings of an over-tired mind. And still, the silence from Esthar endures.

"Squall?"

"Yes?" I look up at Quistis calmly, hoping she has only just arrived, and hasn't been calling me for the past five minutes.

Luck, it seems, is on my side. "We've had to post two teams outside the hall," Quistis tells me soberly, indicating the schematic map of FH Townhall, and surrounding area, on the desk before me. "There were some minor scuffles between opposing factions out there, until we boosted security. It's under control now, but I thought you should know."

"Thank you," I reply, distractedly, once again scanning the interior of the hall for the SeeDs I know are posted at strategic points. "Tell Nida to move his team closer to the rear doors," I instruct Quistis. "There are too many people crowding the entrance, they need to be moved up into the hall." 

"Yes sir," she replies automatically, and moves off through the growing crowd. We opened the doors of the Town Hall at 0830 hours this morning. Word was sent out to the town that we were holding a public conference, to answer the problems surrounding Seifer, and, as predicted, people have shown up in their hundreds. Now, at just after 0930, the hall is almost full, with more people arriving at the doors every minute. By the time we begin the conference, I expect there to be over a thousand people here.

"Hey, Squall?"

"Zell." I smile up at my boyfriend, for perhaps the first time today. Despite the chaos, the crowding, and the tension in the air, he is still grinning, as bright eyed as he always is, be it facing down a Behemoth, or snacking on the hot dogs in the cafeteria.

"You'll never believe this," he announces happily. "I just got word from Timber. Guess who is on her royal way to Fisherman's Horizon?" 

I smirk, knowing the jab isn't meant seriously. Rinoa became a good friend to all of us, before she left for Timber, the last time. "Rinoa's coming?" I confirm.

"That's right, baby." Zell is bouncing from foot to foot now, the closest he can get to shadow boxing right now, considering the pile of paperwork in his hands. "She says she'll talk to the forum if we want, to try and explain the whole sorceress deal, given that most of the people here wouldn't know what magic was if it smacked them in the face."

"I'm glad," I reply, knowing I need no further embellishment to tell him how relieved I really am. "It's been a long time since we saw her."

"Oh, hey, I gotta go," Zell quickens his bounce momentarily, checking his watch. "We've been talking to Trabia Garden about all this, and we're expecting a reply any minute. Here," He thrusts a sheet of paper at me. "This is a print out of what the Dolletian Government said about the forum. So far, they've agreed to uphold any regulations made by the forum, providing they don't contradict existing Dollet Law. It's all looking good. I'll keep you posted," he finishes, dashing out of the hall again, as I quickly scan through the print out.

"Excuse me, Commander?"

Peace and quiet a little too short lived? "Yes Xu?"

"The last of the civilians are moving into the hall now, Sir. We'll be ready to start in just a few minutes. Irvine and Selphie are on their way. They were delayed by a small brawl on the edge of the town square. Other than that, SeeDs have been posted on all the exits, and one team is outside making sure the area is secure. Is there anything else you need?"

"No, that'll be all," I dismiss Xu. A small sigh, and a pause pass before I’m happy that there are no other immediate interruptions, and I turn my eyes back to the print out from Dollet. My mind, though, drifts off to a very different place. A crying Ellone, even in a dream, can't bode well. And again, the idea springs up, that there is some hidden message here that I should be paying attention to. The dull clang of the rear door shutting brings me back to the present, yet again, and I take a deep breath. It’s time to get things started.

*  
 **SQUALL**

The acrid, tarry scent of _Stops_ lingers in the air. Absolute silence covers the people in the hall, the quiet crackling of static electricity the only sound.

Behind me, Seifer stands unhurt, but clearly shaken from the near-stampede that just occurred on his entrance to the town hall. Hovering in the air above us, the vibrant, electric silhouette of Quezacotl sits, a ball of lightening ready to be hurled at any opposition. I have no idea where Zell learnt to hold back a GF once it had been summoned, but I can only imagine that in the void of a summons, wherever that is, he is fighting Quez back with everything he has.

Satisfied that the message to back off has gotten through to the crowd, I mutter a Dispel, and am grateful to see Quez disperse her own electricity, and vanish back into the void, Zell appearing, somewhat breathlessly, on the stage beside me. He looks somewhat shaken, but I don’t have time to see if he’s alright at the moment.

"This is a forum to discuss Seifer’s future. As such, Seifer has every right to be here," I address the crowd, in a tone of voice that says I will tolerate absolutely no opposition. " This is to be a civilised discussion, and we will not tolerate any disturbances. SeeD will maintain its peace-keeping role in Fisherman’s Horizon for the duration of the forum, and anyone causing trouble, in, or out, of the town hall, will be forcibly removed from the forum, and the city, and will not be re-admitted at any time." Those in the crowd on their feet slowly sit down again, the panicked silence giving way to the calmer murmurs that dwell in any large gathering of people.

Behind me, Seifer, and the rest of the SeeDs on the stage take their seats again, and I return to explaining the running of the forum. "Each faction will be invited to speak. I suggest you spend the next three days discussing your positions carefully, and nominate a spokesperson for each of your groups. Each group will be given two, and only two opportunities to speak - once, to outline your concerns regarding Seifer’s position, and a second time, to rebut any comments made by other groups, and suggest solutions to any of the concerns raised, be it your own, or those of other groups. There will be no time limit on any group’s speaking time, but I ask you all to be as clear and concise as possible. For the next three days, the Town Hall is off limits to anyone without pre-arranged admittance, from myself or the Mayor of FH. Seifer will be held in detention inside Garden until the forum begins. If you have any questions in the mean time, please direct them through Garden, or the Mayor. We will begin the forum at 0900, in three days time."

The SeeDs guarding the doors stand to attention again, as the crowd begins filling out the doors. Thankfully, though, there are no arguments this time around, the occasional raised voice the only disturbance to the general murmur of people in motion.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The students want to know more about Seifer.

**SQUALL**   
The almost rhythmic swish-and-clang of gunblade practice is hypnotic, echoing across the quad. The gunblade specialists have become remarkably skilled in the past weeks. Having mastered the basic moves of gunblade sparring, we moved on to more advanced techniques, turns, blocks, and first in the classroom, then down in the training center, the basics of combining magical attacks with physical ones. Nothing seems to phase them, though. Each lesson is snapped up and devoured with more energy than the last, and after the last weekly review of their battle meters, I was beyond impressed at their rate of progress. In the quiet of a few days before the FH forum begins, I should be spending the time teaching them something new. I’ll have little time to teach in the weeks coming up, and they need something new to practice. Unfortunately, I simply can’t keep my mind on the task. My students, predictably, aren’t helping.

"Instructor?"

I look up, realising I’ve been staring at the wall, rather than watching my students practice. "Yes, Blake?" Cadet Blake and his partner have stopped sparring, though I haven’t the energy to reprimand them for it. 

"If Ultimecia is dead, then is Seifer still her knight?"

I sigh. It’s the ninth time someone has stopped to ask questions today. How do I answer that? It’s not that the answer is difficult - more that it’s the wrong question. Ultimecia isn’t dead, not in the full sense, and so yes, Seifer is, and will always be her knight. "If a sorceress dies," I explain carefully, "then her knight has failed in his ultimate reason for existing - to protect the sorceress. So in effect, he’s no longer her knight, but not because the sorceress is dead. It’s more like he’s been fired for doing a bad job." 

"Right," he replies, clearly confused. Barely thirty seconds have passed before the next voice speaks up. 

"Squall?"

"Ash?" I reply, curtly. 

"Did people like Seifer before he became Ultimecia’s knight? I mean, there’s a lot of people who hate him, but there’s a bunch of people defending him as well, so I was just wondering what he was like before the war..." she trails off.

Oh Hyne, Ash, you have no idea, do you? The question, born out of simple curiosity, unleashes an onslaught of memories. Suddenly, all I can see is my final training fight with Seifer, out on the stormy outcrop behind Garden, when we scarred each other’s faces permanently. Years, almost a lifetime, we spent fighting against each other, and now, suddenly, we’re trying to work together, to reach a common goal - Seifer’s salvation. 

"He was... kinda different, before the war." I begin to reply, until I notice that the entire class has stopped to listen. Now is not the time for a gunblade lesson, I realise, belatedly. The students are just as wound up as the rest of Garden, and no one is in the mood to concentrate. 

"I’ll make you a deal," I tell them, amenably. "You practice without asking any more questions for the next twenty minutes, and we can spend the rest of the class talking about whatever you like." Thankfully, they agree immediately, and once again the quad is filled with the sounds of gunblade fighting.

All too quickly, the twenty minutes is up, but it’s given me time enough to find an answer to Ash’s question. I take a seat on the steps, and wait until everyone has replaced their gunblades in their respective cases and seated themselves around me. Strange, but without even being told, my students have learnt to take a great deal of care over their gunblades. No one ever comes to class without the blade being clean and polished, the weapons are never left without being placed in either a case, or a hip sheath.

"Cadet Ash asked me what Seifer was like before the war."

"Squall?" Ash interrupts me. "If we all have to call you Squall, then can you call us by our first names?"

Not so very long ago, I realise, I wouldn’t have cared what they called me. I would have called than all ‘Cadet Ash’ or ‘Cadet Blake’, simply because that was the way Garden Faculty told us to address students. And I would _never_ have stopped a class just to talk. I guess Seifer’s not the only one who’s changed since the war... or perhaps, I consider, it’s since I hooked up with Zell?

"Katelyn," I amend my previous statement, "asked me about Seifer. It’s not that simple a question though, because I’m guessing none of you know much about what he was like during, or after the war, either. Before the war, Seifer was proud, arrogant, very, very selfish... While these aren’t particularly pleasant qualities, they don’t make him an _evil_ person. During the war, he changed. He became cold, vicious, disregarding anyone else’s welfare but his own. I can’t explain why, from what I know of Seifer, but I can say that it was... out of character. There’s a lot of debate about just how much influence Ultimecia had over Seifer’s thoughts and behaviour, and we don’t know how much of a choice he had in some of his actions..."

Time drifts on, and as I explain more, more questions arise. From what Fujin has told me, and from my brief dealings with him in FH, I have noticed some distinct changes in Seifer since the war ended. He’s still very much Seifer - arrogant, selfish, and no more likely to think before he acts than he ever was. But there are changes, too. He’s less confident, quieter, and there’s a touch of sorrow around him, an aura almost, that reminds me constantly that he has lost something - someone - he loved. He seems older - as, I expect, we all do, if I could step back and look at my friends for long enough to see them unbiasedly. It makes me wonder... in a year’s time, two years, three... what will the young faces before me look like? How much will they have aged, in a time when, by rights, they should still be only slightly more than children? 

*  
 **IRVINE**

"But what if there are children, fighting along side the adults?" Mr. Branaghan asks. "In civil war, sometimes there are. So, do you kill them, too, or leave them alone?" 

The class started out as Battle Psychology 101, aka ‘How to outwit, outsmart and out-think any opponent’. It quickly turned into a debate on how to deal with one’s own emotional standpoint in a battle. Which, I suppose, is just as much a battle psychology issue as how smart a behemoth is, so I haven’t tried to get the class back on subject as yet.

"Well... you tell me," I drawl lazily. "What would you do?" There’s a pause, and I remind him promptly, "You’re dead."

"What?"

"You hesitate in a battle, and you die, Mr. Branaghan. Let’s try this again, you’re in a battle against civilians, and a twelve year old child sidles up to you, waving a machine gun. What do you do?"

"Kill him," comes the instant reply.

"An adequate response, Mr. Branaghan. That’s the point here. We’ll never cover, in this class room, every possible scenario that you’ll get your ass into, in your lifetime. You can’t have ready, prepared answers to all the questions you’ll have in a battle. The thing to remember is that you must make a decision, and do _something_ , because doing nothing will only get you killed. Now, let’s talk about whether this was the right decision or not."

"Is there ever a _right_ decision?" Miss Bailey asks, from the side of the room.

By now, the class has learnt that I’m not going to give them all the answers, and they have to discuss it amongst themselves. "I think, in some cases, there is," Mr. Kenden speaks up. "Say you’re taking a walk between Balamb and Garden, and a monster pops up and attacks you. What do you do? Kill it, it’s obvious. But in a lot of other cases, there’s not gonna be a clear answer."

"I guess that’s the point with Seifer," Miss Davis blurts out. "A lot of people are trying to come to a quick decision about him, but when you step back and look at the bigger picture, there’s a whole lot more things to think about."

Hyne, I knew this would come up sooner or later. "Okay folks," I interrupt curtly. "We’re not here to talk about Seifer. That’s what the forum in FH is for. You’re free to talk about how much of a bastard you do or don’t think he is in your own time, but lets get back to the lesson."

*  
 **SILVER JEROME**

"Instructor Dincht?"

Zell turns to smile at me. "It’s been weeks now since any of you called me anything but ‘Zell’. Which, I’m guessing, means... you want something."

I grin, in what I hope is a charming way. "We, I mean, me and some of the specialists from the other classes, were talking about the whole peace-keeping deal in FH. Can we have a lesson on that one day? Because we’re not actually taught any of the diplomatic side to killing people at the moment." From around the room, I hear various voices of agreement.

The rumours about Zell and the Commander are still drifting around Garden, but with less momentum now. No one has seen anything suspicious, and I’ve gone out of my way to see what they get up to in public - eating in the cafeteria, and so forth. I figure, if it’s in broad daylight, in a public place, it can’t possibly be called spying. 

As far as I can tell, they’re just friends, and comrades. Which means Zell is available for other... pursuits.

"Diplomatic Reasoning in Battle? Heck, man, that’s heavy. People spend _years_ on that stuff."

"Yeah, but we still need to know something about it."

Zell cringes, and makes a non-committal sound. "That’d be like asking you to explain the entire junctioning system in five minutes. It just can’t be done." He must be able to see how disappointed I am, as he continues, "I’ll try talking to Squall about it, but don’t hold your breath, ok?"

I manage a half-convincing nod. "Okay."

"What do you think he’ll say?" Stan asks, as eager as the rest of us for a quick answer.

Zell laughs, putting his hands on his hips in that ‘stern but happy’ gesture he does regularly. His teeth show, adorably pointy and mischievous, and I feel my gut flip. "Man, if I knew what Squall was thinking all the time, I wouldn’t have to bother asking him. And life would be a hell of a lot less interesting," he adds, half under his breath. He stretches his arms out in front, muscles rippling under his skin as he does. "Gimme a couple of days, and I’ll see what I can do. There’s a lot going on right now."

I wonder... student-instructor relationships are generally frowned upon in Garden, but not strictly forbidden. Maybe it would be worth trying something... sometime.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut. Really, this whole chapter is just smut.

**IRVINE**

I meet Selphie’s eyes in a flash of panic, which quickly melts away into embarrassment, shame, and irritation. 

"What... I... uh..." she stammers. Really, Sephie? Couldn’t have put it better myself. I scowl, and pull away from her, standing up and reaching for my shirt, where it lies abandoned on the end of the bed. 

"Irvine?"

"Maybe we should leave this for some other time?" I suggest lightly, managing to trip over the words as I say them. I keep my head down, avoiding her gaze. Hyne, this has NEVER happened to me...

"Irvine Kinneas, don’t you DARE leave!" she commands loudly, causing me to start. My head snaps up, meeting her eyes in surprise. She’s sitting on the bed, arms folded across her naked chest defiantly. She runs out of steam awfully quickly after that, but thankfully, the outburst has managed to stop me in my tracks. "I just..." she gesticulates vaguely. "Don’t just _leave_ ," she pouts adorably. Sighing, I let the shirt drop back to the floor, skirting nervously around the bed to sit on the end.

We sit in a tense, thick silence for a long couple of minutes. "I’ve just got too much on my mind," I explain, finally. It’s less than a day until the FH forum begins, and Seifer’s fate - as well as our own - has been weighing on everyone’s minds. Privately, I see this as just one more reason to hate him. Hyne knows I get to spend little enough time alone with Selphie as it is, and now I can’t even get it up in the time we do get?

"Then we should get things off your mind," she resolves simply.

"Selphie," I sigh loudly, "it’s not that simple. I can’t just..."

"I know," she interrupts, a smirkish little grin spreading across her face. "You just need to relax a little." She leans forward onto her hands and knees, and crawls slowly across the bed towards me. "You’re eighteen, you’re in bed with a gorgeous, naked young woman, and," she adds, mischievously, "you’ve _never_ had a problem before. Not even," she pauses, to lean down and kiss my left nipple, "when we were blocked in by a pair of T-rexes at the back end of the training center. As I recall, we managed to have quite a lot of fun that time." She smirks at me, and bends down to lick my right nipple, adding a tiny bite at the end. 

"In case you hadn’t noticed, they were mating, at the time," I point out drolly.

"You know," Selphie continues, innocently pretending that her hand isn’t working its way beneath my waist line. "We really should have more classes on that, monster life cycles, and all," she tells me seriously. "I never knew T-rexes could drop their tails like lizards do. It surprised the hell out of me." Her hand is wedged rather firmly, as she hasn’t bothered to undo my pants on the way down. "And the way the female ate the male’s tail, after they were done? _That_ was gross. They really should warn people about that."

"I don’t think they were expecting people to be re-enacting T-rex mating rituals in the middle of the... aaahhHH!" Oh Hyne, she’s managed to wrap her hand around my balls, and is squeezing them just the right amount to... "Nngh... Selphie..."

She giggles, and uses her other hand to unzip my pants, leaning forward to make her breasts bob in that oh, so enticing way she has... "On the other hand," she giggles again, "I thought the part where I got to eat _your_ ‘tail’ was rather... entertaining."

"Hyne..." I reach down to hold her wrist firmly, pressing myself against her hand. I barely notice when she reaches behind her, fumbling loudly in the nightstand. I certainly notice when she brings her hand back up, dangling... oh Hyne, a pair of handcuffs? 

She regards them innocently, her first hand still stroking me inside my pants. "Think these’ll get your mind off things?" 

*  
 **ZELL**

"I didn’t know you could talk to a GF when they were summoned."

I shrug, trying to find words to explain the void to Squall. "You can talk to them when they’re not summoned, right? So I just figured, why would it be any different? Now, I’m in reality, and Quez is in the void. And when I summon her, she comes into reality, so I go into the void. It’s the same place, we’ve just swapped sides. So I just talk to her, and tell her not to finish the Thunder Storm. Course, it’s not that simple, ‘cos her whole reason for existing is to throw lightening around, so getting her to understand why she shouldn’t is kinda like explaining to someone who’s never used a GF that GFs live in the void, and the void is a place where nothing exists. It... makes no sense, on so many levels."

I really can’t explain it any better than that. I’ve only ever managed to make that trick work with Quez. Some of the other GFs, like Cerberus, I wouldn’t dare try it on. I can just imagine, trying to have an argument with the giant dog in the void – clearly his territory, not mine - and losing. Kind of a scary idea...

Squall has lapsed into a prolonged silence, apparently considering the idea, when he suddenly frowns, and peers at my waist. "What are they...?" He cocks his head to the side, then raises one eyebrow. "Mr Grumpy?"

"What?" I glance down, and blush. "Oh hell..." Squall came in to ask me about Quez just as I was about to hit the shower. As a result, I’m already shirtless, and now, my very dorky, completely embarrassing Mr. Grumpy boxer shorts are poking out the top of my shorts. I shrug bashfully, not wanting to have to explain now.

"I haven’t seen them before, have I?" There’s a distinct twist to the side of his mouth, the closest to a grin that Squall ever gets. He reaches out and grips the waistband of my shorts, pulling me closer to him and peeling my shorts down just slightly, to get a better look. 

"Not if I’ve had anything to do with it," I mutter, wriggling in his arms. In reply, he slips his hands down behind my buttocks, and pulls me closer. 

"They’re cute," he smirks, lips just grazing my neck, one hand suddenly occupied in working its way down the back of my shorts. Oh Hyne... maybe that shower’s gonna have to wait a bit longer...

*  
 **SQUALL**

I groan softly, clutching the pillow tighter as Zell quickens his pace. His hands clench down on my hips, and his answering moan drifts jaggedly across the room. I thrust awkwardly back against him, his weight above me preventing me from moving too far. Hazily, I feel his feet scrabbling for purchase on the sheets, and he pauses for a moment, pressing deeper inside me... oh fuck, I feel so full... I arch back onto him. He kisses my shoulder then, and I feel his half-moan, half-laugh against my skin. "Oh gods..." His voice is deep and husky, and he's suddenly moving again, twice as fast, the bed rocking with each movement. I feel his hand, trying to reach beneath me, but, deciding to be difficult just this once, I refuse to move. "Squall..." comes his half-hearted protest, while his pace slows a touch. By way of reply, I clench around his length, drawing an incoherent cry from him. His hips jerk once, twice, and then I feel the hot rush of him within me. But instead of the satisfying weight pressing down on me that I expect to follow, he instead pulls out of me, carefully, and slides around onto his side to face me. Still lying on my belly, I tilt my head to look at him, offering a lazy smirk as my only explanation. "You're being facetious," he tells me firmly, breathlessly, pushing me onto my back, and reaching between my legs, where I'm still hard as a rock.

He’s right, I shrug mentally. And why stop now? I grab his hips, and jerk him up on top of me. He reflexively swings one leg over my thighs to straddle me. "What...?" he starts to say, until he sees the tube of lube in my hands. "Oh, no you don’t..." he protests, grabbing for the tube, but I’m too quick, and already have some smeared onto my hand as he snatches the tube away. The gel is cool on my cock, but it does nothing to slow my arousal. I have to sit halfway up to pull Zell onto his knees, his entrance now poised just above my swollen shaft. Despite his protests, he’s not resisting, but I won’t push things any further. The decision, as always, is ultimately his. Even as the thought crosses my mind, hinting at things darker and less pleasant, from a long time ago, he is pressing back into my cock, his arms looped around my shoulders and a warm smile glowing in his eyes, though his face remains serious. "Man, what is with you today?" he asks, bemused, then neither of us is able to speak any longer, as he envelops me completely, hotly, tightly...

As soon as I'm deeply within him, I pull him towards me, grasping him around the waist while I roll us both over swiftly. Only his presently relaxed state allows me to complete the move - normally his reflexes would prevent it. Once perched above him, I start a fast pace, confidently aiming for his prostate, until he is rapidly, and unwillingly, hard again. For the third time tonight.

Finally, the sound of his moans, and the hot, tight hold around my cock is too much, and I spill myself into him, collapsing in a boneless heap of incoherent ecstasy.

Sweat drips into my eyes, but I ignore it, too lost, for the moment, in the white noise of Zell’s contented breathing.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Fisherman's Horizon, the forum gets underway.

**ZELL**

There are some days when waking up is the absolute worst feeling in the world. The instant I snap into consciousness, my brain kicks into overdrive, slamming me full force with the weight of what is happening today. Oh yeah, I think, as I snuggle my pillow harder, in denial. The forum starts today. Which means I have to spend the day being diplomatic and polite and try not to think about the fact that I’m stuck in a room with a psychotic killer who should have died long ago.

So I don’t like Seifer, okay? And no matter what angle I see it from, I still have a good reason not to. He chose to become Ultimecia’s knight, for no better reason that his own power trip. And yeah, she lost the war. So as far as I’m concerned, go us, baby! If the rest of the world wants to forgive him, that’s their business. 

I sigh into my pillow, consciously making my tense muscles relax. Now, of course, it’s my business as well, thanks to me being all wrapped up in Garden and Squall. Mmm, now there’s a nice thought. I stretch sleepily, and groan, feeling a soreness in my ass, and remembering the very thorough fucking I received last night. 

I pry my eyes open, and am faintly surprised by the dimness of the room. The orange glow of sunrise is only just starting to filter through the blinds, and in the half-light, I can make out the silhouette of Squall, still sleeping heavily beside me. His breathing is slow, and regular, just too quiet to be called a snore, but I’m well aware of how quickly he can be wide awake and on his feet, if necessary.

I sigh again, turning to lie on my side to face him, feeling pensive, then, without even thinking about it, I lean up to kiss him softly. He doesn’t stir, and it seems suddenly strange and significant, that he has become so used to my being here that strange sounds and sensations in the middle of the night don’t bother him at all. I wrap an arm around his dawn-cooled chest, settling down to wait for morning, and the turmoil of the forum to arrive.

*  
 **SQUALL**

"I am General Borrs, representing the national of Dollet," the General addresses the gathered crowd, so numerous that they have filled every aisle in the Town Hall and are spilling out the doors. "During the war, the Dolletian army had numerous dealings with the Galbadian army, acting under Ultimecia’s control, and in a few instances, with Seifer and Ultimecia directly. We come here today not with accusations or denials, support or condemnation. Rather, we come here with questions. There have been numerous speculations on the nature of the sorceress’s possession of people, namely other sorceresses, which, we believe, raises the most pertinent point in this debate. How many of his own actions was Seifer responsible for? It has been said that he chose his own path in joining Ultimecia, and so should be punished for his role in the war. It has been said that he was coerced, threatened, or bribed into his role. It has been said that he was merely a puppet for Ultimecia, with no free will of his own."

I look up sharply at Seifer at that comment. Seated on the far side of the stage from myself, he doesn’t appear the slightest bit upset by the comment, watching the debate calmly, as he has been for much of the morning. This, though, raises a question that not even I have fully considered. Was Seifer responsible for what he did? He senses me watching him, looking up and meeting my gaze with a raised eyebrow, and my breath catches. It’s a look he’s given me a hundred times before, one that in the past has invariably been accompanied by the words, spoken, or rather purred, in an acidic tone - ‘You know you want it, baby’. No matter my protests, he was always right - I did want what he had to give, erotic delights and a way out of my own cold indifference. And even if I hadn’t wanted it, I would have gotten it anyway. Now, I realise with irritation, my body still responds to the subtle cue, my rising desire quickly stamped on by my sense of propriety and dignity. I maintain the stare, irritated, but unperturbed by my body’s betraying reaction, and to my surprise, he looks away quickly.

I frown, suddenly struck by the deeper implications of that. I’m sitting not two feet away from my current lover, I have just rejected, and been rejected by, my former lover, and Zell is completely unaware of the subtle subtext being written in the lines of this forum. Seifer, for the first time all day, looks slightly shaken, and it again reminds me how much unwanted power I have accumulated, when I can rattle my arch nemesis and scourge of the known world with just a look, when an entire planet of people screaming for justice cannot. But my inner voice, call it a conscience, a soul, whatever, is suddenly concerned about Zell. He has a right to know about this - me and Seifer. The sooner the better. I don’t expect it to be a smooth journey, but perhaps, it would untangle a few of the issues that stand between us - not so much because I support Seifer, but because Zell has never been able to understand _why_. Perhaps it’s time I explained it.

"We believe that to fully explore an appropriate end for Seifer, be it punishment, or acquittal, we need to answer these questions, to determine exactly how much responsibility Seifer holds for these events. That is the question we pose today, to Seifer, to SeeD, and to those who were directly involved in the war." The General turns to me. "Commander Leonhart? I understand that Esthar has not replied to your summons to this forum?"

I leave my perusal of Seifer at that, rising to my feet, and deciding that I very much dislike the sneer of disdain that the General is giving me. "General Borrs, let me remind you that I have no more power to _summon_ Esthar than I do to turn the tide. They are an independent, and, might I add, a powerful nation. I have requested, on five separate occasions, their presence here, or a response regarding this matter, and by way of their continued silence, I understand that they have declined."

"That is unfortunate," the General replies, and I have a hard time deciding if he’s being sarcastic or not. "I believe they would have had insightful information into the workings of the sorceresses, and the Lunatic Pandora."

"If Esthar decides they wish to have a role in this forum, you will have ample opportunity to ask them," I tell him firmly. "If not, then we will have to continue proceedings without the benefit of their wisdom."

"Thank you, Commander," the General replies, returning to his diplomatic politeness. "I have no further comments." He leaves the stage with a confident, self-assured stride.

"We’ll take a 30 minutes recess," I announce. "Please be back in the hall by 1200 hours to continue proceedings." Instantly, a roar of voices fills the hall, opinions held in check for the past two hours let loose in a flurry of emotions and hot tempers.  
*

It’s a relief to slip off into the small alcove behind the stage. Someone has supplied the room with coffee and cake, providing us more with an escape from the hostile public presence outside that with refreshment. Seifer, by my command, has joined us back here, so that we don’t have to keep an eye on any public unrest for the moment, but he’s keeping mostly to himself, Rajin as an ever present shadow beside him. SeeD maintains its presence in the hall, to diffuse any arguments between factions, but back here, for the moment, it’s quiet and peaceful.

I am surprised, and grateful, when Zell appears at my elbow. "You were right," he mutters amiably, inhaling his cake enthusiastically. "You know, for keeping Garden and SeeD out of the forum. It’s getting way too hot out there as it is." I manage to offer him a smile, albeit a pensive one. "I know it’s hard, making all these decisions, and getting people to work together," he continues, "but you do a good job. I just thought you should know that..." 

I stop, my coffee mug halfway to my lips. Then I feel a more genuine smile of relief and gratitude steal across my lips, and I reach out to cup the back of his neck. Thankfully, there aren’t many people around, and I lean in, placing a soft, affectionate kiss on his forehead before letting him go again. Actions, rather than words, have always expressed my sentiments best, and Zell knows me well enough to understand that. He blushes a delicious pink shade, busying himself with eating for the moment. Not even I have gotten used to my little displays of affection in public, so it’s no wonder it still catches him by surprise.

"Cid wanted Garden to get involved, have its say in the final decision," I continue the thread of the conversation. "We spent nearly three hours discussing it." 

"He didn’t want to back down, huh?" Zell doesn’t seem surprised. 

"Neither did I," I reply, deadpan. "Cid’s raised him - raised all of us - since we were only a couple of years old. Must be breaking his heart to see this happening. In the end, he realised that he’s got a heavy bias going in Seifer’s favour, and that it made sense for us to sit this one out."

"Like I said," Zell murmurs, as Xu enters the room to call us back to the forum. "You do a good job of this."   
*

"Would the spokesperson for Trabia Garden please come to the stage and present your case." To my surprise, I see not one, but two people climbing the steps to the microphone. 

"We apologise for the inconvenience," the first addresses me, when they arrive. "We have a difficult situation here, in that there are two groups within Trabia Garden, one opposed to Seifer, and one in support of him. Accordingly, we request that both sides be allowed to speak, as we each have unique, and conflicting concerns."

"Granted," I agree quickly, and I’m grateful to see they’ve already decided which of them will speak first. I return to my seat, and take a cautionary glance down the hall to where Selphie is guarding the rear doors. This could get interesting...

"I represent one half of Trabia Garden’s population," the first speaker begins. "We have been designated the name Trabia Alpha. Our group considers Almasy’s continuing presence in Fisherman’s Horizon to be a threat to the peace and security of the world. Garden, from its very invention, was created to protect the world from the Sorceress Ultimecia. We believe that this is not limited to the Sorceress herself, but to her continuing influence in the world. During the war, Ultimecia was capable of possessing various people. We believe that if she were to have survived, in any attenuated or altered form, Almasy would be one of those most likely to allow the continuation of her legacy, and is perhaps still under her control, despite her apparent defeat."

The speaker goes on, making occasional valid points, but spending much of her time discussing more and more speculative, and outlandish claims. There are varied murmurs of agreement or disagreement from the crowd, but no one has yet become disruptive enough to be removed. Up the back of the hall, I see Selphie becoming more and more angry, and upset, until Irvine places a restraining hand on her shoulder. He mutters something in her ear, which, I can tell even from this distance, makes her smile, and slings an arm over her shoulder. Finally, it’s time for the second speaker to make his address.

"I represent the other half of Trabia Garden, Trabia Beta. While we agree that Garden was created to protect the world from the Sorceress, our role in the world has changed since her defeat. Garden has long prided itself on principles of justice and equality, and we cannot, to any degree, allow a man to be condemned for the actions of someone else. Seifer, by his own power, could have achieved nothing on an equal scale with what Ultimecia achieved. It was by _her_ power that he utilised powerful magical spells and effects, it was by _her_ power that the armies of Galbadia were mobilised, it was by _her_ power that the Lunatic Pandora was used to wreck such havoc on our world. Whether or not Seifer had a primary role in these events, it is ridiculous to think that he continues to be a threat to this world. We have looked in detail into his skills, both in combat, and in the paramagical, and they have been found to be little more than the ordinary skills achieved by any SeeD..."

I listen carefully, as the speaker drones on, scanning the faces in the crowd for reactions, either good or bad, from each of the factions. It is clear, even from a distance, when some of those in the room disagree vehemently with what is being said, and I find my battle instincts kick in sharply, and my heart rate rise a notch. Hyne, there is _far_ too much hate in this room. 

There’s no way, no matter how good our security is, that we’re going to get through this unscathed.

*  
 **KATELYN ASH**

I tap in my entrance code to the training center, and wait for the heavy metal doors to slide open. The scents of the center are slowly becoming familiar, but I still fail to believe I’ll ever really get used to the musky, charred smells of grats and t-rexes. Not to mention the overlaying scent of decomposing flesh, left from the other students’ battles.

I skirt around the shallow pool quietly, hoping to get a little further into the center before facing a monster. It gets more and more tempting, every time I come down here... strictly speaking, we’re still forbidden from fighting a t-rex, but facing grats, even the higher levels, up to 15 or 20, over and over again is just... boring. Still, with the battle meter recording everything I do, I can’t realistically confront a t-rex without just running away again. 

Then, an idea occurs to me, one I know I shouldn’t even be considering. But... I check my stocked magic... I have plenty of _Sleep_. And I’ve got nearly twice as much time in the training center clocked as the rest of the class. So it should be possible... I glance around, and am both happy, and nervous, to see the immediate area completely deserted of other students.

What the hell... I slip my battle meter off my arm, placing the small device carefully on a post to keep it safe. The flashing light indicating the ‘recording’ status blinks off, and I take a deep breath, stepping away cautiously into the undergrowth. A faint grunting to my left leads me to what I’m looking for, and a few tense minutes later, I push through the bushes, sighting a T-rex resting beside a clump of trees. Okay, Ash. Now or never. I dash forward, revolver drawn, taking my first blow to the back of the Rex before it even knows I’m there, pulling the trigger in perfect timing, I congratulate myself quietly. The huge beast, suddenly a lot bigger up close, lets out a roar, turning on me angrily. I’m ready though, I tell myself, and utter the incantation of a _Sleep_ spell. The magic swirls around the Rex, but instead of sending it into slumber, it continues to stare at me, pawing the ground menacingly. What the fuck? The spell missed?? Oh fuck... 

I dash at the Rex for a second slash, landing a solid blow to its abdomen, again pulling the trigger perfectly. That isn’t going to cut it though, and I feel at once the air forced from my lungs as the monster’s massive tail sweeps round, throwing me a good 15 feet, and I’m instantly assaulted with the lethargy of a critically low HP.

The Rex comes for me again before I can even stand up, but this time, I see it coming, and roll backwards, landing on my feet. I take one last look at the infuriated monster before I turn and bolt.

Hiding in the bushes some distance away, I desperately try to regain my breath. Shit, that was intense... I glance down at my HP readout... Holy fuck! 25!?! Okay Ash, don’t panic... there’s a potion in your pocket. I reach for the small bottle, fingers fumbling with the stopper, and cringe at the sour taste. Slowly, my head clears and stops spinning, and this time, I opt for a _Cure_ instead. Why didn’t I think of that in the first place... it’s a much more pleasant sensation than the sour, syrupy feel of a potion sliding down your throat.

_Hyne!_

By luck, or some subconscious will, I realise that I’m sitting almost where I left off, my battle meter sitting on the wooden post, and I reach for it eagerly, slipping it back onto my wrist, the tiny light starting to flash obediently. Man, that was only a level 2 Rex. And I’m level 11! So I should have been able to kick its ass! Or at least put it to sleep. Hyne... I bang my head softly against a handy tree trunk. I am so stupid. No wonder the instructors spend hours telling us not to fight a T-rex, if that’s what they’re capable of!

Suddenly, I hear voices, coming from a way off, and I duck away into the undergrowth, certain that I still look disheveled and bruised from crawling through a bush backwards. I’m not in the mood to answer any questions about why.

"...tired of fighting Grats. Even the land outside Garden is more interesting, with the bite bugs and stuff."

I smirk to myself. Well, at least I’m not the only one who was bored with the Training Center.

"Well, I know a certain someone who would agree with you. The rest of us _mere mortals_ are still struggling to kill a level 16 Grat," a second voice laughs. I can recognise it now. It’s Silver, from Zell’s Combat Class. Her voice gets muffled for a moment, then I can hear it again. "...though, that girl has some serious issues. I heard she had over 200 hours logged in the Training Center. The rest of us barely have 100."

"Oh, come on, Silver. Since when have you believed any of the rumours around Garden?"

"It’s not the rumours, Dom. Katelyn’s gonna burn herself out." Huh? They’re talking about me? Now I know I don’t want to be listening to this, but short of leaping out of the bushes with a friendly "Hello, I was just hiding in the bushes because I was... um... killing a grat? How are you?" there’s not much I can do about it.

"I’d agree with you there," Blake answers. "Hyne, she’s carrying a chip on her shoulder the size of Centra! Ever since she got here, she’s been trying to be better than the rest of us. The first few lessons, it was fine, she’d had some bigwig trainer from the academy. But now, we’re all leaning the same stuff, and we’re learning it off the Lion, man! It’s a level playing field, but she just keeps competing with everyone."

"She is kinda snobbish..." Silver mutters, then, thankfully, they disappear behind a bed of bushes, and I can’t hear them any more. I’m grateful I’m sitting down, as I feel suddenly light headed and nauseous. I’m a snob?

I just... I wanted to be like Squall. I wanted to be as brave, and as strong, and as confident in battle as he is, and I was willing to put in as much work as I had to to get there. I never realised that I... I kinda forgot about the people I was working with, on the way there. Fighting back tears, I sheath my gunblade, and make a dash for the training center exit.

*  
 **SQUALL**

It’s hardly a surprise that the SeeD lounge is busy tonight. Everyone is worked up from the long day in FH, and what’s more, Seifer has picked tonight to come out of hiding, stoically minding his own business in the lounge, but pissing some people off, none-the-less, just by being there. I’m sure he realises that little detail, but by the same token, I’m sure he doesn’t care.

Selphie is curled up on one of the far couches, talking in hushed tones with Irvine, no doubt venting her frustration, and disappointment, over the Trabia faction’s speech today. Quistis seems to be trying to keep me and Zell apart, a noble gesture on her part, as I’m sure the entire Garden could sense the tension between us right now – the afternoon brought out a few of Zell’s pet hates regarding Seifer’s role in the war, and he spent dinner glaring at me, and keeping suspiciously quiet - but it frustrates me none the less. Tonight, in particular, I wanted to spend some time with him, and try to smooth out some of our problems. Thanks to Quistis’s intervention, I have a hard time getting within three feet of him.

"Seemed like a good idea to me," I hear Zell comment from the couch opposite me, not bothering to keep his voice down as he talks to Quistis. "Hanging him would solve a lot of problems." He glances up at Seifer defiantly, knowing full well that the arrogant man heard his comment.

"You’re right, Zell," Seifer agrees flippantly, from where he slouches comfortably on a couch, boots resting neglectfully on the coffee table. "I wish they would. It would at least get me away from the media attention." He shrugs, and takes a deep swallow from his glass – some strong liqueur, no doubt.

"Seifer!" I snap at him, my irritation spilling out in a rare moment. His carefree attitude in the midst of this precarious situation is infuriating. "You’re not helping. People are working their guts out to help you, and a little appreciation wouldn’t hurt."

Seifer chuckles, a soft, almost strangled sound. "They’re going to rip me apart, no matter what." Finally it dawns on me, that for all his bravado and audacity, deep down, he’s terrified, and it strikes a surprisingly tender cord within me.

"You could stay here," I offer, not knowing what his reaction will be. "If things go badly at the forum, you could stay in Garden. We could protect you..."

"No," he’s answered, before I even finish posing the question. "I won’t stay locked in a cage by choice, Squall. Not even a cage as comfortable as Garden. Believe me when I say I would rather die..." 

Hyne... I shake my head. That was the reason for the unquenchable chemistry between us, so long ago. In some ways, we were so, so similar.

"Besides," Seifer murmurs, taking another mouthful of alcohol. "It’s not going to go badly. You’ll make sure of that." He doesn’t look at me, keeping his eyes on his glass. "What is Garden’s point of view on where I should end up?" he asks, when I don’t respond.

Somewhere during the conversation, Zell has escaped from Quistis’s side, and moves to sit beside me on the couch. I meet his eyes for a second, offering him a hopeful half-smile. "Garden doesn’t have a point of view," I reply. "We’re acting as a mediator for this forum, Seifer. We’re not here to tell the world what to do."

He seems faintly surprised at that. "I guess that promise didn’t mean much, then."

"Promise?" Hyne, Zell chooses _this_ moment to interrupt? "What promise?"

I decide to ignore him for now, knowing I could never explain it in few enough words... or in front of the entire group. "I promised to help you, if you ever needed it, Seifer. I didn’t promise to rule the world for you."

From the corner of my eyes, I see Zell look up at me sharply. "When the hell did you promise that?"

"A long time ago, little chicken," Seifer sneers.

"Enough, Seifer!" I snarl at him. I have no patience for this kind of dispute tonight. Then, I feel Zell’s hand on my leg, and realise I have calmed a little even before I knew it was there. My breathing slows a touch, and I relax back into the chair just a fraction. Seifer, unfortunately, also notices.

His eyebrows lift practically to his hairline, and a definite smirk appears on his lips. "Oh, I see..." he snickers. "I take it you and Zell are a little _closer_ than when I left?"

"Mind your own business," Zell snarls back, before I can get a word out. Oh, Hyne help me. Don’t let me get stuck between my two lovers...

Suddenly, Seifer’s expression darkens, and I hear in the back of my head, the words echoing as if he had just spoken them, an identical expression of rage and betrayal then, as now, plastered to his face. "It doesn’t get any better than me, Squall. This is all you have. This is all you’ll _ever_ have." I can taste the arrogance of the words, and, like déjà vu in reverse, I can almost see what is about to pan out before me. 

"So tell me, Squall," Seifer drawls, and I feel my gut freeze at the tone of his voice. An icy warning flares up in my eyes, a warning I already know comes to late, destined to be ignored in a flurry of blind jealousy. Oh Hyne, no... "Honestly, now. Is he better than me?"

*  
 **ZELL**

I refuse to take my hand off Squall, even when... or perhaps _especially_ when Seifer is mocking us.

"So tell me, Squall," the fallen knight drawls. "Honestly, now. Is he better than me?"

"Seifer..." The Lion rarely raises his voice in threat, but this is as close to a roar as I have ever heard from him, the word laced with the promise of a slow, painful death. And I haven’t yet worked out why.

And then his words, his tone, the conceited smirk on his face all come together in a blinding rush. I know the answer that my mind is supplying, but I just can’t get it to make sense. "You’ve got to be joking..." I murmur in disbelief. Squall doesn’t reply, doesn’t look at me, doesn’t move. "You..." My voice catches in my throat, before it bursts forth in a painful exclamation. "And _Seifer???_ " 

"Zell..."

"No!" It's not a denial. It's a warning, as he moves just a fraction towards me, and I find myself on my feet, backing away, step after step, to increase the distance between us. "You fucked Seifer?!"

"It was a long time ago, Zell." His voice, if I had been paying more attention, cracked slightly as he said my name.

Hyne, I can't breathe... 

*  
 **RINOA**

I stand, silently stunned in the doorway of the SeeD lounge. I heard the beginning of the argument from the hallway, but my shock, and concern at the confessions I just heard are nothing compared to the hell that breaks loose next.

Zell lashes out, his voice laced with bitterness and sarcasm. "It’s no wonder you were so keen to protect him, you son-of-a-bitch, when you’ve been givin’ it to him up the ass for Hyne knows how long! Must be real hard, seeing your lover go on trial in front of the entire world."

"There was nothing between me and Seifer, Zell..."

"You just admitted it, you fuckwit!"

"It didn’t mean anything! Zell, I never loved Seifer. We never had a relationship, I never gave a shit about him, Zell, we just had sex!"

Seifer leaps to his feet. "You lying piece of filth! You wanted it, baby," he snarls from between clenched teeth. "You were so hot for me, you practically begged for it!"

"You were the one who begged, Sei." Squall replies, with no malice for the moment, apparently just stating a simple fact. "If you’d thought about it for just one minute, you’d have realised that."

"You worshipped the ground I walked on, Squall!" Seifer yells back. "You never managed to turn me down."

"You narcissistic asshole!"

"Leave him out of it, Squall," Zell forces his way back into the conversation. "This is about _you. You’re_ the asshole who spent Hyne knows how many months, sleeping with me, talking to me, sharing my fucking _toothbrush_ , and you never had the decency to tell me that you used to play around in Seifer’s bed? I trusted you, Squall. I trusted you with my life, my soul, and my body, and none of it meant _shit_ to you, did it?" In a burst of temper, Zell whirls around, slamming his fist into the wall. Plasterboard and plastic sheeting crumble beneath his fist, rending a sizeable dent in the wall.

"It wouldn’t have made a difference!" Squall snaps back. Hyne, for someone as taciturn as Squall, he’s sure getting his share of the conversation… "You hate Seifer. You’ve always hated Seifer, and no matter what I said about it, you were fucking well determined to _keep_ hating Seifer. The reason you’ve been hating him for the past three months has nothing to do with Ultimecia, or Fisherman’s Horizon. You hate him because you’ve always hated him, ever since we were children, ever since a couple of six year olds had their first fist fight out on the beach behind the lighthouse. I’m tired of it, Zell." Squall loses his momentum quite suddenly, his voice slipping down into a soft, almost pleading whisper. "I’m tired of being a halfway point between any current world crisis and your traumatic childhood." The room is quiet for a moment, lost in the white noise of Squall’s labored breathing. I could be wrong, but I think he’s holding back tears.

Zell’s gentle, heartbroken voice breaks the quiet. "And what about me, Squall. Do you feel anything for me? Or am I just another easy lay?"

*  
 **IRVINE**

No one – _no one_ – who has witnessed any part of Squall’s relationship with Zell over the past months, could possibly believe that Zell didn’t mean a lot to the icy, stoic, stubborn SeeD. I’ve seen every single barrier he ever put up come crumbling down around Zell’s cheerful optimism and soulful persistence. I’ve seen Squall light up in ways I could never have imagined. I’ve seen a charming, humorous, insightful young man emerge from the icy shell that used to say nothing more than a frosty _whatever_. 

But with that blow, with the absolute lack of faith, be it in his own worth, or in the integrity of his lover, that Zell just displayed, I imagine I can see every barrier, every fortress of Squall’s impressive arsenal come rising back up from the ground, forming layers of protection around him in an almost tangible cocoon.

He doesn’t reply to Zell’s question; inside, I’m sure, he’s still reeling from the shock. But on the outside, a calm, icy storm silently declares _‘Whatever’_. 

Beneath my arm, I feel Selphie shudder, and I glance down, finding her eyes wide, hand poised over her mouth in shock. Just for an excuse, to stop looking at Squall, and at Zell, and at the bastard in the corner who started this, I lean down and bury my head in her hair, whispering too quietly for the room to hear, "Hold on, love." I’m not entirely sure, just yet, whether The Lion and his vibrant lover are going to come to blows.

Rinoa is the one to break the deadlock, in the end. She steps away from the door, where she’s been motionless since the argument started, and lays a light hand on Zell’s arm. "Zell… honey," she tries, but her hand is violently flung away. 

"Don’t touch me." His voice is cool, rough and venomous. He slowly backs away, and I hear the creak of leather gloves as his fist clenches tightly, before he turns and stalks out of the room.

Seifer, hesitantly, rises from his seat and steps towards Squall. "Squall? Babe…"

Quick as lightening, Seifer ducks, lunging for the safety of a couch, and I whip my head around to see Squall’s fist embedded in the wall, where Seifer’s head was a split second ago. Nonchalantly, he removes his fist from the cracked plaster, paying no more attention to the dent left than Zell did, and I think Seifer exceptionally lucky that Squall wasn’t junctioned, or he would have been a hell of a lot quicker. Then again, I can’t resist the thought, I wouldn’t have minded seeing Seifer get a good thrashing.

"You ungrateful, worthless piece of trash." I can barely recognise Squall’s voice, so distorted by rage and disgust. "I have supported you through more fucked up situations than I care to remember, I gave you more time and effort than anyone else on the planet, and I am moving heaven and earth to try to keep you safe now. You have never so much as said thank you, even once, never mind repaying anything I gave you, and I have _never_ held that against you. But today, for the first time, you have given me a reason to hate you."

Leaving Seifer in a quivering heap on the edge of the couch, Squall stalks out of the door, not even caring as Rinoa scuttles backwards to get out of his way, her face as much a picture of perfect shock as the rest of us.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout of Zell's discovery.

**RINOA**

I scuttle backwards out of Squall’s way, nearly tripping over the coffee table in the process. There’s an awkward silence in the room. Irvine clears his throat quietly. Seifer is still sitting on the couch, turned quite pale after Squall’s… um… reaction. Quistis has her hand to her brow, avoiding looking at anyone. Finally, Fujin mutters a distinct, "Not smart, Seifer."

For my part, I’m at a loss. I arrived too late to see who started the little riot I just witnessed, and I’m not above asking for an explanation. "Um… could someone fill me in on…" I glance at Seifer, and know my current choice of words would go down badly. "…on what just happened?" 

"Man, Rinoa…" Irvine groans tiredly. "Where do we start?"

"When did they get together?" I ask, trying to make it easier for him.

"Don’t know exactly, they weren’t real open-like about it," he prevaricates. "Must be going on five or six months, by now."

I quickly do the math in my head… that would mean they got together only a few weeks after I last saw them, in Timber. I guess that chat in the medical bay actually did some good then… "And they’ve been close? For all that time?"

Irvine nods. He glances at Seifer, then seems to decide to ignore him, continuing, "You know Squall," he shrugs. "He’s never gonna win any prizes for being open and sympathetic, but… man, he’s changed, Rin. I mean, you must have spoken to him on the phone, at least."

"I… could tell the difference," I agree, with a sad smile. 

"He… he started being human for once. I don’t know what went on outta sight of the rest of us, but Zell… he reached something inside, that the rest of us could never get to."

"And the argument they just had… was it sudden, or something that’s been building for a while?"

Irvine shakes his head. "Everyone’s been climbing the walls since Casanova here," he nods his head at Seifer, "got himself into trouble with an entire planet. Zell’s been crying for his blood, Squall’s been all supportive and shit, and I guess we all just found out _why_ ," he sneers at Seifer, "and even though they’ve been holding it together well enough, no one’s really been happy."

"And how did _this_ ," I gesture to the room, complete with two new holes in the walls, "start?"

Irvine lets out a chuckle, which ends as a growl. "We can thank the knight in shining armour for that one," he snarls at Seifer.

"Irvine!" Selphie snaps at her boyfriend. "Seifer’s not the only one to blame here. Squall should have told Zell about this ages ago!"

I see Irvine start to snap back, and interrupt quickly. "Hang on, please," I hold up my hands in protest. "Let’s not deal out all the blame now, I just… I’m gonna go talk to Squall, and I just need to know what happened first. That’s all, I don’t want to start any more arguments."

Irvine shrugs, with forced nonchalance. "Squall never told Zell he and Seifer used to do the horizontal mambo, Seifer decided to be a shit and get all jealous and competitive, so he spilled the beans in probably the most tactless way imaginable, and Zell hit the roof. Simple enough for ya?" Despite the sardonic tone, I don’t think he’s trying to be nasty. Tempers are just running particularly high in here right now.

"Thank you, I’ll see if I can track Squall down." I head for the door, but am interrupted before I get there, by a cool, arrogant voice.

"Haven’t seen you in nearly a year, and I don’t even get a hello?" Seifer’s looking more confident now, arm slung over the back of the couch, one ankle resting on his knee. 

Once, we had a close friendship, Seifer and I. Right now, though, it’s too easy to blame him, at least in part, for causing a lot of pain to two of my closest friends. I smile warmly at the fallen knight, trying hard not to let it become a smirk. "Well, the last time I saw you," I reply sweetly, "you were trying to kill me." His grin vanishes instantly, and I hurry out of the room, before the worry, and panic, and the touch of sadistic humour I’m feeling can bubble out of me in either tears, or laughter.

*  
 **RINOA**

Finding Squall in Garden is not as hard as it might sound. There are only a few places he would go, where he wouldn’t be disturbed. When he wasn’t in the training center, his quarters, or his office, I put on my thinking cap, and came up with one thought - the library. Quiet, few people around, this time of night, not an obvious place to look...

Sure enough, when I step quietly into the back annex, behind the rows of shelves, I find him, sitting at one of the computer consoles - not doing anything important, but to an untrained eye, still looking busy enough to not be disturbed.

I don’t announce myself, as I walk up behind him - Squall’s instincts are trained enough to recognise me just by my footsteps, and I can tell, by the sudden drop of his shoulders, that he knows I’m there.

I take a seat beside him, and regard him in silence for a minute or two. I know better than to wait for him to speak; he’s honed the ability to ignore silence far better than I could pretend to. Rather, I’m allowing him time to collect his thoughts. He already knows what I’m going to ask, and will inevitably have trouble putting the chaos of his thoughts into words.

Finally, I reach out, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Squall?"

"I was going to tell him," he declares suddenly, startling me. "Tonight, if I ever got the chance..." I wince at the ragged pain in his voice. "He had no right, Rin!" He looks up at me, at last, flushed and anguished. 

He lapses into silence then, and I feel the need to fill it. "Squall, Seifer got one hell of a surprise there, and he..."

"Not Seifer," he cuts me off. "Zell."

"What?"

"He’s not..." Squall seems to choke on the words, but forces them out anyway. "He’s not just an easy lay..."

"Oh Hyne...I know, Squall." I have never found a sight more heart wrenching than seeing this man in pain. Helplessly, I draw him into a hug, not sure whether he’ll accept it, but thankfully, he leans in towards me, letting his head rest on my shoulder for a brief moment before pulling away again.

Quite suddenly, and unceremoniously, Squall has recovered control of himself. I see the quiet anger that has risen again, displacing his hurt for the time being. "He refuses to look at the bigger picture," he says firmly, but softly. "Hyne, I..." His voice cracks slightly, but he stalls for only a second before he continues, voice steady again, "I’m trying to save a planet, Rinoa, not sort out some squabble over a juvenile infatuation."

Juvenile? Does he mean Zell? Seifer? Or himself? That opens up a lot of possibilities. Has he dismissed Seifer’s relationship with him as a blind crush on Seifer’s part? Or was it that he was infatuated with Seifer? It wouldn’t be completely out of character for Squall, there’s a lot that goes on below the surface that most people never see. Or could it be, Hyne forbid, that he’s dismissed Zell’s attraction to him as a juvenile infatuation? If that’s the case, he’s in a lot more trouble than I first imagined. And Zell’s going to be the one to suffer for it. "And what about you, Squall? Are you looking at the big picture?"

I flinch, as he turns his icy glare on me. Been a while since I earned one of them, but I manage to bear it tolerably well. "Seriously Squall," I persist. "Could you be letting your feelings for Seifer cloud your judgment?"

He looks at me, perplexed. "I don’t have any feelings for Seifer. That’s the point."

"And you don’t care that he feels anything for you." It’s a statement, not a question, and Squall is still dense enough to miss the insult. Funny. I’m trying to call him a heartless bastard, when that’s what he prides himself for being. I open my mouth to ask if he feels anything for Zell, then think better of it at the last moment. It’s the kind of question that’s going to lock me out of his thoughts for the rest of the night. Instead, I shift the focus of the conversation slightly. "Do you regret it?" I ask quietly.

"Regret what?"

"Sleeping with Seifer."

He has to think about that for a moment. "I... no, I don’t. There’s no reason why I should. It was sex, we were two kids with raging hormones, who got together to relieve some tension. Why does it matter, Rin?" he asks, abruptly. "Why does it matter who I’ve had before Zell? It’s none of his business!"

Oh Hyne, you’ve come far, Squall, learning about your emotions, and other people’s. But even now, you still have so far to go. "That’s something you’re going to have to ask Zell," I reply aloud.

*  
 **IRVINE**

"I can’t see why you keep blaming him. Squall should have said something." Selphie insists, arms folded as she regards me from across the bedroom.

"Like what? ‘Sorry Zell, I used to sleep with the one guy in the world you truly hate?’" I shrug off my coat and sling it over a chair, not bothering, for once, to hang it up. "How the hell is that supposed to bring their relationship any closer?" The bed sits between us, a passive mediator to our ongoing argument.

She frowns imploringly at me. "It’s called _honesty_ , Irvine. And I think you..."

"Squall fucked up," I interject, irritably. "And in an ideal world, it would be perfectly fine to tell your lover about every ex you’ve ever had." I can’t help adding the barb, knowing it took a long time for Selphie to get over my own history. "But Seifer had no right to be as much of a spoilt little shit as he was. Whether or not Squall made a mistake, that had to be the cruelest way Zell could have found out about it."

"Did you ever think that maybe Seifer deserved a little more honesty as well? Think Squall was ever up front about what he felt for Seifer?"

I shrug in an exaggerated, incredulous motion. "Like I care!" Hyne, I know that statement will cost me, but my temper has control of me for the moment. "Seifer’s never deserved anything more than..."

"Don’t you dare give me a running tirade on Seifer’s faults again, Kinneas!" She’s fuming now. "He’s a human being, just like the rest of us, and you could show a little decency by acknowledging that!"

"Human? _That_ ," I fling my hand in the general direction of the door, "Is nothing more than burnt out twisted psycho who takes pleasure in other people’s misery. He's a murderer!"

She gasps, suddenly at a loss for words, but I’m too angry to pay much attention to her sudden change of attitude until she speaks, her voice so scared and sad, and so somber it almost breaks my heart. "So are we..." she whispers, her eyes fixed on mine.

That snaps it. For fear of slapping her, I spin on my heal and storm out of the room.

*  
 **IRVINE**

How could she? How could she even think that, never mind saying it? She thinks we’re on par with that hell-fiend? She said that we were just as bad as him. Just for comparison? We saved a planet, liberated mankind and disabled the greatest threat to the world since the last lunar cry. Seifer, on the other hand, enslaved a nation and worshiped a psychotic power-witch. Any similarities?

I don’t believe she said that.

I’ve been wandering the halls for a good hour now, no particular direction in mind, but for the fourth time, I find myself in front of our door again. I sigh deeply, running my hand absently down the door, caught in two minds as to whether I should go back inside, or head off for another lap of Garden. Reason prevails finally - I’m going to have to do this sooner or later - and I tap in the entrance code. The door slides open obediently.

She’s sitting on the bed, when I enter the bedroom, her back to me and her head down. I breathe a soft sigh at the sight, and step closer, gently sliding down to sit behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. "I'm sorry," I whisper against her hair.

She shivers once, then leans back, resting her head against my shoulder. She stays like this only for a moment though, moving presently to twist in my grasp, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and burying her face against my neck. "I don’t want to argue with you," she mutters against my skin.

I tighten my hold on her, echoing her sentiments with my body, if not my words. No matter how much we disagree, neither of us is willing to let Seifer come between us. Our relationship - our friendship - is too important for that.

Finally, I release her, puling away just enough to be able to look at her. "Do you really believe that?" I ask seriously. "That we’re as bad as Seifer?"

She shakes her head, shuffling to get more comfortable. "It’s not that simple," she admits introspectively. "We killed people, Irvine. Soldiers died fighting us for no better reason than that they were ordered to. Seifer did that too. Admittedly," she amends her statement, "he did it for the wrong reasons, but we both did it. And honestly, Irvy, when we came up on a squad of Galbadian soldiers, did we ever stop to think twice about what we were doing? Or did we just charge ahead with the belief that we were _right_?"

I think I understand what she’s saying. And a part of it, for her as much as for the rest of us, is wound up in the idea of guilt, that there is vengeance due to us for our role in the deaths of so many people. But despite understanding her point, I can’t answer her. In the bigger picture, I still believe that we were right. But... "We should never let ourselves forget the price paid for the goals we set out to achieve."

It’s not exactly an agreement, but it gets us half way there, to understanding each others perspectives. "Every one deserves a second chance, Irvy," she says, her opinion unchanged, though the expression of it is a little more moderated this time. "And if _we_ do, then so does Seifer. And Squall. And Zell."

I give her a final tight squeeze, then I stand, moving towards the door. "I’m gonna go talk to Zell," I tell her, picking up her implied meaning. Seifer, Squall and Zell have all hurt each other, and to move on, they all need to give each other a second chance. Maybe it’s time they looked at the bigger picture.

She smiles wistfully. "Good luck."

*  
 **SEIFER**

"Quistis?"

I look up, as Fujin breaks a silence that has been running for about ten minutes now.

"Please, leave us alone? Need to talk to Seifer."

Quistis looks mildly pained by the idea, and I fight back a smirk, not wanting to draw any more wrath down on me right now. Despite mellowing, since she hooked up with Quistis the sex bunny, Fujin hasn’t lost any of her tactless straightforwardness. Quistis gets up and leaves wordlessly, leaving me to bear Fujin’s disapproving stare, and Rajin’s silent confusion.

"So you and Squall were, like... y’know?" he clarifies for himself. "Always thought you were enemies, y’know?"

"Is this as much of a surprise to you?" I snap angrily at Fujin, tired of waiting for her to tell me I screwed up.

"No," she replies succinctly, refusing to rise to the bait. "Always known. The way you look at him. Something you can’t have."

Well fuck, I didn’t know I was that obvious. "Well?" I snap, when she doesn’t continue. 

"Very dumb, Seifer," she murmurs quietly. "You can’t have him."

"Oh for fucks sake, Fujin, he’s fucking the chicken. What was I..."

"No. He’s _in love_ with Zell," she says, blunt as ever, "He’s never going to be in love with you. Ever."

Her words hit me like a bucket of ice. Deep down, I know that’s what I was trying to do. Get Zell out of the way, so that I could... so I could delude myself into thinking that one day, I’d get Squall back. Time to face facts, Seifer. I lost Squall the moment he stood naked by my bed, a year and a half ago, and told me the game was over.

"Can have friendship, or nothing. Your choice." Fujin cautions me. "But for friendship, fix what you broke."

Excuse me? I have to go behind enemy lines, and encourage Chicken-wuss to leap back into bed with my ex-lover, the Ice Prince? No. Fucking. Way.

*  
 **ZELL**

"No, Irvine!" Shell-shocked is the only possible way I could describe it, and I’m unleashing that outrage on Irvine. "There’s no way I’m setting foot in the same room as him!"

"What about the forum tomorrow? You’ll have to at least see him then." Irvine is attempting to reason with me, I think. He came barging in here about 10 minutes ago, under some stupid pretence that he was worried about me, but now he’s just trying to get me to go talk to Squall, and apologise, or admit that I was wrong, or some shit like that. I have no problem in reminding him that Squall is the asshole here.

"The forum that Squall is running because he’s still got a hard-on for a mass murderer? I’m not going." And Hyne help anyone who tries to make me, I add silently.

"Zell," he says, his voice clipped and impatient. Then, he shoves his hands down in the pockets of his coat. He’d normally be playing with his cowboy hat, except he doesn’t have it on. "Do you remember Ultimecia’s castle?" What the hell? Talk about a change of direction... 

"The Omega weapon?" he continues. "Pulling up on that first boss with no magic, no GFs, no items... Quite a ride, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess," I mumble out a reply. I can’t decide if he’s trying to distract me, or torture me with the nightmares I know I’m going to have for the next week, what with the images that memory just conjured up. Hyne, that Castle was revolting...

"And we kicked its ass, that Boss. And the rest of them. Do you remember what that felt like, Zell? Fighting along side, people you entrusted your life to, people you would give your life for. People you knew so well you knew what spell, or what attack they would use next, before they moved."

I want to shoot back some acerbic comment, but the fire dies on my tongue before I can get it out. I can’t meet his eyes.

"Think about it, Zell. The six of us... you and me, Selphie, Rin, Quistis... And Squall. We went to Hell and back. And not one of us wavered, not for a second. These people are the closest friends you will ever have. There’s nothing on earth to compare with it."

It makes my blood boil, and the implied accusation. None of us wavered in Time Compression. And Irvine is trying to blame me now, for breaking the circle, for doubting.

"Squall is the asshole here, Irvine! He lied to me, he betrayed me, and he’s a two-timing, deceitful whore, and you want ME to swallow this shit and face the music? No _fucking_ way! Don’t you _dare_ come in here and tell me this is MY fault."

"I’m not blaming you," he interrupts quickly. "I know that Squall screwed up, Zell. But before today, he’s saved your life a thousand times. He has trusted you, more than..."

"It doesn’t mean anything, Irvine! He didn’t trust me enough to tell me about Seifer! It’s not like he didn’t have a chance! I spilled my soul to him, I never held back from him, I..." It’s too painful to continue, remembering everything we’ve been through together, the mutual hurts from the war, the anxiety of waiting for other people to relax around us again, the nightmares, the disappointments, the victories... My throat constricts, and I can barely breath around the lump that’s formed there.

"He cares about you."

"It was just sex..." I gasp out.

"You can’t believe that!"

"Well he didn’t exactly _deny_ it, did he!?"

"Zell, he was in shock!"

"He said it himself. He’s tired of me. He’s tired of looking after me, he’s tired of putting up with my _childish_ little problems."

*  
 **IRVINE**

I’m rendered speechless, as Squall’s words come back to me, as they must have done to Zell a thousand times tonight. ‘I’m tired of it, Zell. I’m tired of being a halfway point between any current world crisis and your traumatic childhood.’

Hyne, after the shit Squall puts Laguna through, to then throw this at Zell?? The poor man constantly gets crucified as the cause of Squall’s own less-than-ideal childhood. Zell’s right, he had no reason to through that curve-ball at Zell.

"Zell, I..." I try, to apologise, or empathise, or _something_ , but I don’t get the chance.

"Get out."

"What?"

"Until you’re going to stop chanting his virtues like some drugged-up parrot, you can get the hell out of my room."  
*  
 **ZELL**

I’m being unfair, and I know it. But there’s simply too much for me to deal with right now, and I’m not ready to look at any of it in a rational way. Hyne, it just hurts so _much_! Thankfully, Irvine doesn’t argue the point any more. After the door shuts behind him, I slide to the floor beside the couch, hot, angry tears flooding down my face.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The forum resumes and the students decide to cause some trouble.

**IRVINE**

I force my eyes open, against the heavy weights that seem to be forcing them shut, and stare up through the darkness at the woman swaying and thrusting above me. We’re having sex, I realise. But I can’t tell who the woman is. I know it should be Selphie, but somehow, I know it’s not, and I want to tell her to stop, that she shouldn’t be here, but I can’t find my voice. A stab of guilt rushes through me. I shouldn’t be enjoying this, but I am.

She reaches out to me, and for a blind moment, I panic, thinking she’s going to choke me. But she reaches out with her nails, instead, and runs them down my chest. Hard. Oh Hyne, it hurts! I can feel blood, slipping in rivulets down my chest. I writhe beneath her, ashamed at the way it makes me more aroused, and trying desperately to free myself from her grip, but I can’t move my arms. I twist around, managing to see my hands, pinned above me head. For a moment, they’re tied together with a scarf, but seconds later, I look again, to find myself handcuffed to the bed.

What the fuck? I look up again, only to find that it’s now Selphie, perched above me, and I can feel myself slip in and out of her tight passage as she rides me, leaving me breathless. She leans forward, her breasts, instead of hanging free to my view, are covered by a short, tight top, and Selphie has a gleam in her eye. I look down to where her hand is caressing my chest, and see she has a knife clasped in her fist. Her smile becomes a sneer, and she raises the knife to my throat.

"Ahh, no!" I bolt upright in bed, hands clawing at my throat for the now non-existent blade. My eyes come into focus slowly, as I wake up fully, painfully aware of the full erection tenting the sheets, and equally aware that I don’t find it the least bit arousing. A shudder runs down my back. Selphie, thankfully, is still fast asleep beside me, as naked beneath the sheets as I. 

I take a deep breath, trying to slow my frantic heart rate, and not succeeding. Fuck, it’s been a long time since I last had a nightmare that vivid. Or one that didn’t involve a Lunar Cry monster, in some context. So what’s the deal with the claw-wielding psycho-bitch? A name, like acid, appears on my tongue, but I can’t tell if I was actually dreaming of... Ultimecia... or if I’ve just named the apparition out of my own fears and superstitions. 

I doubt I’m going to get any more sleep tonight.

*  
 **LAGUNA**

I raise one eyebrow, as a flashing message pops up on the screen again. It’s labeled ‘Urgent’, and the ID tag shows it’s from Garden. Again. I rub my bleary, sleep-deprived eyes and sigh, waiting until the screen before me focuses again. Even though I could bet my year’s salary on what the message says, I open the file anyway, skim through the request for Esthar to attend the forum in FH, and hit ‘delete’.

Sorry Squall. Esthar has nothing to do with Seifer’s fate, beyond killing him, if he returns to Ultimecia’s side when she rises again. Even though I know my son will only hate me all the more for my refusal to get involved in this situation, I refuse to risk the peace, stability and wellbeing of my people over a battle we have no right to be participants in. We’ve known Seifer’s whereabouts since the war ended. If we were going to try to inflict any particular ill on him, we would have done it months ago.

"Laguna! Laguna, ve must go!" Odine comes hurtling into my office, sheets of paper scattering behind him in his self-created breeze. "Ve must go to Sqvall! I have ze answers! Ve must go now!"

I look up in only mild surprise. Figures. I spend the better part of two weeks refusing to go near FH, and now Odine declares that we must rush with all haste to meet the fury of my ice-bound son. I fight back the hysterical laugh I feel bubbling up, and blame my eccentricity on the fact that I’ve been awake for 36 hours now.

"Really?" I stall, trying to figure out if I missed something here, or if Odine is being his usual erratic self. "Why’s that?"

"I have ze answers! See!" He thrusts the sheets of paper onto my desk. "Here, see!" He jabs at one of the diagrams spider-webbing their way across the pages, and I have to take it on pure faith that he can tell what all the lines mean. "Ze time lines come togezer here. Zis is ven all ze SeeDs come to Esthar before ze Lunar Cry. Zen here, zey all diverge to zis point, zis time compression, and zen zey all stop! Only von continues, here, to Garden! You see!?"

Hyne. The figures blur before me, and I know I have to get some sleep before any of this starts making the slightest bit of sense. The last few days have been a nightmare, preparing the Esthar Army for the battle with Ultimecia that Odine declared was imminent, apologising to the army when Odine admitted his calculations were off, spending hours at a time in conferences with the Shumi, who sent a delegation to Esthar, to enlist their help in working out Odine’s rambled research, and finally, worrying, as I turned down request after request for help or support from FH. Squall was never anything other than polite and diplomatic in his messages. Perhaps it’s his complacency that I fear. His anger, at least, would mean that I still matter to him.

"Ve must go! Ve must tell Sqvall!" Odine’s nearly purple with excitement, and I know from experience that he will get what he wants, no matter how long it takes. I decide to cut the process short, this time. "Fine, we’ll go to FH," I mutter, too tired to bother regretting the words. "Tomorrow morning," I add, suppressing a yawn. "Get all your results ready, so we can tell Squall." Tell Squall what, I wonder? Maybe in the light of day, Odine’s diagrams will make more sense. For now, I lower my head onto my desk, knowing that Kiros will come and put me to bed in an hour or so, and I can get in a decent nap before then.

*  
 **SEIFER**

The Ice Prince is ignoring me. I’ve lost track of who’s speaking to the forum right now. Squall has been staring at the speaker for the past half an hour, and I honestly can’t tell if he’s listening, or just avoiding me.

Zell isn’t beside the Lion. Now the chicken is stationed half way down the hall, in Crowd Control. I smirk at that idea. As far as I’m concerned, the further away Zell is from Squall, the better. Even if Squall is ignoring me.

Hyne, shit! I duck my eyes quickly, when I see Rinoa glaring at me. She’s taken Zell’s old seat beside Squall, and even without knowing she’s a sorceress, the look she’s giving me could freeze hell. I’m sure, if she wanted to, she could be perfectly spiteful in exacting a revenge against me, turn me into a Geezard egg, or a Bite Bug. Rumour has it she’s gotten bloody good at using her sorceress powers. Okay, so she’s not in the realm of Ultimecia’s power, but then again, I’ve never pissed her off quite as much as I have this time. Ultimecia, when I failed her at anything, was efficient in carrying out any threat or punishment she chose. She was well studied in the art of causing pain. I barely manage to repress a shudder at the memories.

"Would the representative for Fisherman’s Horizon please step up to the stage." I startle, as I hear Squall’s voice resonating across the hall. I hadn’t noticed him stand up. The sound washes over me in a familiar, comfortable way, and I watch him return to his seat, all cat-like beauty and power and grace. Hyne, there is no way I’m gonna walk away from him again. I know damn well what I lost last time, and fuck me, but I want it back.

I watch with feigned interest, as the Mayor of FH hurries up the steps and begins his speech eagerly. I force my mind to stay put for the moment, and actually listen to what he’s saying. I figure I owe him that much. The Mayor has done more for me than any one else in recent memory, and the least I can do is acknowledge his efforts to help me. It’s a relief when he finally steps down, looking pleased with the response from the crowd. His arguments consist mainly of the rationale that I’ve done no harm since I came to FH, and people have no right to be interfering with my life, when I’m not interfering with theirs. Emotional sap, maybe, but it’s a sentiment echoed by at least 80% of the resident population of FH. I should make an effort one day to thank him...

*  
 **JUSTINE BAILEY**

It’s the first time we’ve ever disobeyed a direct order. And it feels as alive, and invigorating, and forbidden as Irvine told us it would. Being a SeeD, Irvine had told us, that strange day, is a delicate balance between following orders, and thinking for one’s self. And he said that sooner or later, we’d be in a situation where our sense of morality or justice would demand one course of action, and our orders would demand another. One day, he said, we would disobey an order for the first time, and it would feel so damn good that we’d spend the better part of a month reminding ourselves not to do it again. That is, if we got away with it. If we don’t we’ll spend a month on suspension, cursing the threads of independence that block our way to greatness. His words, not mine. It happened sooner than we all thought it would, and we’ve brought along some stragglers for the ride.

"Bailey! Come on!" Ash waves me forward, and we dash together, past the rear guard of the town hall, and into the FH forum. Silver, Dominic, and Kirsten are already crouched by the wall ahead of me, and Rick brings up the rear. The clamour of shouting and cursing from the crowd that gave us our entrance into the hall calms down quickly, the SeeDs around the hall wasting no time in expelling trouble makers, and the six of us cadets settle down unnoticed beside the wall, to watch the forum’s progress. 

All the undergraduate students of Garden were specifically ordered not to leave Garden premises during the forum. Rumours in Garden stretch from daily riots in the town square, to the rise of a new sorceress, right through to SeeDs being attacked and people dying. Asking our instructors what’s going on hasn’t gotten us anywhere, so this morning, we finally decided to go see for ourselves. Okay, so it’s not exactly the moral high ground that Irvine suggested it would be, but it’s also something more than just idle curiosity. It feels like this single issue has colored more of our learning about what it’s like to be a SeeD than any other. For some of the Garden staff, it’s become an all encompassing battle for justice.

I was surprised when Ash, of all people, came up with the plan to get us out of Garden. The past few days, she’s seemed really different, making a real effort to be friendly to the rest of us. I’d love to know what changed her... She came up with an idea the rest of us had overlooked. The exit into FH is via the second floor observation deck. There is still a way out, though, through the front gate. Normally, it would be pointless going that way, as most of the area below the gate is flooded, Garden being sat in the ocean, and in order to get back onto the shore, you have to climb up some sharp rocks and metal girders and stuff. Not the kind of thing you’d do on an ordinary day, but for someone trying to sneak out? It was perfect. And, more to the point, it wasn’t guarded by the Garden Faculty, them probably thinking no one would want to go out that way.

Getting into the Town Hall was the next hardest bit, but thanks to the raucous crowd, we picked our moment, when the SeeDs guarding the doors were distracted, and blended into the crowd.

"Would the representative from Timber please come forward and make your address." My eyes snap to the front of the hall as I hear Commander Leonhart’s voice. We knew, of course, that he would be here, but it still gets my heart racing, to think he could discover us at any moment. Hyne, some of his skills are rumored on being near supernatural - speed, luck, spirit... I expect he could know _anything_ going on in the room, if he wanted to.

"I represent the people of Timber," the speaker starts. "We have several very serious concerns regarding Seifer’s activities, and evidence which we believe contradicts the theory that he has not been interfering in people’s lives outside of Fisherman’s Horizon." It’s gonna be a bummer to have missed a whole chunk of the forum, and I guess we’re gonna have to be on our toes to follow all the arguments being laid down, without having heard all the history before it. "Several of the young adults from Timber encountered Seifer, _on Timber territory_ , on a day approximately three months ago. It’s not entirely clear what his activities on this day were intended to be _before_ he met the party of youths, but after he encountered them, he proceeded to threaten several of their number..."  
*  
 **SILVER JEROME**

When we left Garden, the most important thing on my mind was finding out what the hell is going on in our world, and whether the doomsday rumours flying around Garden were valid or not. But now, crouched on the floor inside the hall, I’m almost ashamed to admit that my attention has wandered off in a completely different direction.

Zell is guarding the side doors, standing in uniform, at attention, next to two other SeeDs. Hyne, he looks good enough to eat! The sleeves of his uniform are rolled up, showing off his totally muscley arms, and he’s got this entirely serious look on his face - pretty different from the relaxed smile that he wears almost constantly in our classes. It gets me thinking, you know... being a SeeD is a huge responsibility. It must be pretty heavy if even Zell can be so somber. In classes, even when someone’s pissed him off, he’s always got the best sense of humour. One more reason why I’ve got such a crush on him - you just gotta admire a guy who can keep his cool like that.

Up on the stage, I see Squall glance in Zell’s direction, and I can’t help remembering the rumours again, that the Commander and my instructor were having some hankypanky together. And once again, I find it hard to believe. Zell hasn’t shown the slightest interest in the Commander, for the whole time we’ve been here, and Squall doesn’t spare more than a passing glance at Zell. If they were serious about each other, wouldn’t Zell be up on stage somewhere, keeping the Lion company?


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of Zell's students try to cause trouble. And succeed.

**SILVER JEROME**

"Okay folks, I know it’s late," Zell announces, rubbing his arms in the cool, ocean air of the Quad, "and I know you’ve all had a long day sitting around in your dorm rooms... Well actually," he grins lopsidedly, "I know that some of you have been pissing about in FH, but let’s overlook that, shall we?"

I gulp, and try vainly not to blush. Busted...

He sighs, apparently prepared to indulge us. "Look, I know you’re all dying of curiosity to know what’s going on at the forum, but realistically, we don’t have the time or resources to keep every student in Garden up-to-date. Please, just be patient, and you’ll all hear about the important bits. And don’t," he adds pleadingly, "go messing about in FH again. I got my ear chewed off by the Commander about students in my class disrespecting orders."

Fuck. Okay, so the original plan to get Zell to notice me _didn’t_ include getting his ass busted. Bad move, Jerome. I don’t beat the blush this time, and I keep my head down, knowing I just turned bright red.

"Alright, while we’ve got a half hour or so to ourselves, we’re gonna run through the combat sequences you should all have been practicing." He instantly livens up, punching his own palm with his fist. "Split into pairs, and each pair is gonna have a five minute sparing round. I want you each to use at least three of the sequences you’ve been taught in the five minutes, and yes, you will be graded on this."

Hyne. Other classes get a pop quiz. We get to beat the shit out of each other. How the hell am I supposed to concentrate with Zell watching my every move? 

Then again... a wicked idea springs to mind. Oh, Silver, you just insist on playing with fire, don’t you?

Stan and I pair ourselves up together - we’ve been practicing together, and we’re used to each other’s sparring technique by now. We watch some of the other students, using the time to do some quick warm ups and stretches, and then Stan and I are up next. It’s cool in the Quad - the sun has just set and a breeze is coming in off the ocean - but with the adrenalin pumping, I’m not feeling the cold. Following my earlier impulse, I shrug off my jacket, knowing full well that underneath, I’m only wearing a half-length singlet top. It stops just above my belly button, and I saunter deliberately over to where Stan is waiting. After months of training, both my arms and stomach are tightly toned, and my top clings just a little too tightly to my chest. Any red-blooded male shouldn’t have any trouble noticing that.

I assume my starting position, and flick my hair innocently over my shoulder. Obvious? Heck, it’s not often I have Zell’s undivided attention, and I intend to take full advantage of it.

*  
 **ZELL**

I watch carefully as Silver and Stan go through their sequences. Doing well, I’ll admit, though privately, I can tell Silver’s moves are slower than they should be, and I find myself absently analysing the openings she leaves in her defence posture.

"Hold on, hold on," I interrupt her, after three minutes of the fight. "You’re letting your guard down too often. Your right arm’s fine," I explain, as she attempts to correct her posture. "It should be protecting your abdomen." I glance at the expanse of bare skin above her pants, and notice a faded bruise. "And I’ve already warned you about leaving injuries unattended," I caution her in passing. She smiles coyly, but before she can mutter the excuse I know is coming, I simply raise an eyebrow, and she concedes the point. "But you left hand should be higher," I continue, gently grasping her wrist, directing her movements, "up here to protect your face."

She grins at me, and flips her hair out of her eyes again. I will never understand how women fight with all that hair everywhere. Must be a female thing...

"Thanks, Zell," she utters breathlessly, and I’m abashed to find her tone suddenly reminding me of an amorous Squall. There’s just a hint of a husky purr in her voice that I haven’t heard since Squall and I last... I am so _not_ going there, I remind myself harshly. Hyne, and I thought the class was doing so well at keeping my mind _off_ the Ice-prick.

Ignoring the sudden increase in my heart rate, I step back, with perhaps more haste than strictly necessary, and tell Stan and Silver to pick up where they left off.

*  
 **SILVER**

I manage not to smirk, as Zell practically stumbles backwards, telling me and Stan to continue the round. Okay, so he wasn’t happy about the bruise on my side, but the fact that he noticed totally confirms that he was checking me out. And he had no problem getting up close and personal, when he touched my arm like that. Satisfied - for now - I decide to leave the poor guy alone for the rest of the lesson. I’ve managed to get his attention, I think smugly. We can leave the rest for later.

*  
 **ZELL**

I storm into my quarters, barely managing to put down the grading sheets on the coffee table without crumpling them then slamming my fists into my punching bag as hard as I can. My fury is short lived though, and only a few punches later, I find myself breathless, clinging to the bag while I rest my forehead against the cool leather. My lack of breath has nothing to do with physical exertion, though.

I close my eyes and grip the bag tighter, finally letting out the frustration I’ve been holding back since Silver inadvertently reminded me so clearly of what I no longer have - Squall, in my bed, between my thighs. I wince at that image, suddenly acutely aware of the erection throbbing in my shorts. Hyne, it’s been barely 48 hours since we last had sex, and I’m already losing it?

Somehow, I managed to force myself into attending the forum today, despite my threats to boycott it. I take my SeeD responsibilities seriously, baby, and that includes obeying my Commander. Even when I’m not speaking to my lover. Oh, sorry. Ex-lover.

"Damn it," I whisper to myself, against the leather of my punching bag. No matter how much of a bastard he is, my body just isn’t dealing with the idea of no Squall ever again. And I am NOT in the mood to spend another sleepless night fantasizing about how good Squall was in bed, how he knew just where to touch me, how good he felt, penetrating me, stroking me...

"Fuck," I mutter, shoving the punching bag out of the way and heading into the bedroom. I strip off my jacket and t-shirt on the way, kick off my shoes beside the bed, and flop down on my back, hands already snapping open my fly. My head rolls back involuntarily as I grip my own cock, and I inhale harshly.

My pillow still smells of him. The scent brings me to a sudden halt, and I deliberately turn my head to inhale the scent. Leather, and rain, and something that’s indescribably _Squall_. I run my hand slowly up my erection, teasing the head like Squall used to do with his tongue when he blew me. I run my hand back down, squeezing as I remember what is was like to enter him, his muscles spasming around me, his body so hot, and tight... I gasp, and begin to pump myself faster. My mind supplies an image of his body, all hard muscles and tawny, cat-like strength, and a moan escapes my lips. I imagine I can feel him, narrow hips resting tautly between my thighs, his voice making that low purr as he whispers hot obscenities in my ear. I barely notice the tears that spill from my eyes, running down to wet the pillow that still smells of Squall. I cry out finally, chocking on the sound as I come, hard, over my own body. In my own hand. Without Squall to hold me while I catch my breath.

I lie there for a while, in my own cum, relishing the temporary post-bliss numbness in my mind. Eventually though, thought returns, and I find myself remembering, harshly, just what made Squall so fucking good in bed. He spent a year or two dicking around with Seifer, getting all the bloody practice he could want. Smug, self-righteous little coward that he is. 

Almost like a whisper, I remember his voice suddenly, telling me that he loved me, and I quickly banish the thought. It’s easier, angrier, and more comfortable to believe that he was lying, that he didn’t realise what he was saying, that he just muttered the endearment without it meaning anything... any thing rather than consider the idea that he meant it, that I could have kept him, and that my being alone is my own fault.

Hyne, if there’s any justice in the world, he’s suffering because of this. Maybe, if I’ve managed to hurt him half as much as he hurt me, he’ll figure out that he deserves the pain.

It is so much easier to hate him without a hard on.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riona picks a fight with Seifer.

**SEIFER**

"What the hell do you think you’re doing?"

I raise an eyebrow at Rinoa, pretending for all the world that she’s not the second most powerful sorceress in Garden, and that I’m not floored by the fact that she just stormed into my quarters without so much as a hello before she started laying into me.

"Could you be a bit more specific?" I ask facetiously.

"You," she storms over to me, stabbing a finger at my chest, "leave Squall and Zell alone."

"I haven’t done..."

"I saw exactly the way you were looking at Squall today," she interrupts my protests, "and if you think for one second that you’re going to get away with screwing things up for them, you’re in for a nasty surprise!"

"Last time I looked, they were screwing things up for themselves, sweetheart," I reply casually. "If they can’t hold things together between them, you can hardly go blaming me for it all."

"Don’t you dare play the innocent, Seifer. You’re deliberately making things harder..."

"I am not responsibly for Squall’s fuck ups!" I yell back, suddenly deciding it’s time to reassert myself. "Whether or not they stay together or break up, or decide they want to beat the shit out of each other is _their_ decision, not mine! But don’t expect me to just stand back and leave the pieces on the ground, Rinoa. If Squall’s split with Zell, he’s fair game, and don’t think for one second you have some moral high ground in warning me off him. I love him, Rin," I admit, firmly and coolly. "And if Zell’s too much of an idiot to admit the same, that’s not my problem."

The sound of Rinoa’s hand connecting with my cheek doesn’t register until I feel the sharp sting, delayed by the pure shock of being slapped by my ex-girlfriend. Hyne, she’s developed a good arm since I last saw her.

*  
 **SILVER JEROME**

I’m not sure whether it was the shouting that first attracted my attention, or if I just happened to wander this way down the halls, but now I’m well within hearing range, and my curiosity has the better of me. I edge quietly closer, the voices muffled, but still audible even through the closed dorm room door.

I finally get close enough to make out the words, and my heart leaps into my throat when I hear a sharp crack, and then a woman’s irate voice; "Squall. Loves. Zell. You conceited asshole! Pull your head out of your ass for just one second, and look at them together! Do you have any idea how much they went through to work things out between them? And then you go throwing a wrench into the works, and you don’t even have the decency to be ashamed about it!"

I back away in horror, having heard enough, and too much all at once. I don’t know who the people having the conversation are, but it doesn’t change anything. 

Hyne, I’m so stupid! Zell’s in love with Squall! The rumours were true! 

I spin around and run as fast as I can back to my dorm room, hoping I don’t crash into a wall or doorway as I’m blinded by my tears.

*  
 **JUSTINE BAILEY**

I’m not shy, I scold myself, as I splash cold water over my face, blinking fuzzily at the bathroom mirror. I’m not bashful, I’m not coy, and I’m NOT nervous. I take a deep breath, calmly letting it out, then ruining the effect by breaking into a fit of giggles. On impulse, I tug the hair elastic from my braid, and let my hair, normally held back in a severe, practical style, flow loosely around my shoulders. The giggles recede, replaced by a small, knowing little smile, and I take another breath, doing better with this one, and managing to calm myself a bit. One more breath, and I manage to feel composed. 

I take a critical look in the mirror, slightly surprised at the mature, elegant, and surprisingly attractive (I silently congratulate myself) young woman who looks back. Hyne, I think, sardonically, my mood switching for the fifth time in two minutes. I bet Irvine never had this in mind when he set me and Rick up together.

I gotta say, I had my doubts when he did it. I assumed he was just kidding, that first lesson we had, when he stuck Ulrick ‘Fast Ammo’ Andrews in the seat next to me. I hadn’t come all the way to Balamb Garden from Dollet Military Academy to flirt with some hormone driven penis-on-legs. Rick surprised me after the class, though. He approached me in the hall, and I expected some cheap shot, something along the lines of ‘So what time should I pick you up, sweetheart.’

What he actually said was a bit different. "I don’t know what Irvine’s deal is, but since he suggested it, would you like to go out tonight? I don’t... I mean, it doesn’t have to be a _date_ , as such, but I’d really like it if you’d just hang out, and have dinner with me?"

It was the most decent thing a guy had ever said to me. So I said yes.

Like so many things around here, looks can be deceiving, and Rick’s ‘Fast Ammo’ look was nothing more than a party-time image. That night, he managed to surprise me again. As I found out, over a slice of geezard pie, he was from a large family from the coast near Timber, joined Garden out of a sense of honour and duty, so that he could make the world a better place for his two younger sisters, and was rather good at intellectual conversation.

It’s hard to tell whether Irvine was surprised or not, the way he looked at us when we arrived at the next class, my hand entwined in Rick’s, but I’m pretty sure he was pleased about it.

And tonight, I drag myself back to the present, feeling the butterflies flutter into action again in my stomach, we’re going to do something very special. I smile at myself one last time in the bathroom mirror, take three steps towards the door, turn back and grab a hairbrush, dragging it through my hair a few times, then put it down and march myself out into the hallway, back to my dorm room.

Rick is sitting on the bed when I come in, leaning back against the wall and flicking through an old issue of Weapons Monthly. He looks up quickly when I come in, drops the magazine on the floor beside the bed and stands up. "Hey," he murmurs, as he comes over to hug me, running his fingers lightly over my hair. "This is nice," he tells me, picking up a few strands and kissing them.

I smile up at him, sure that I’m blushing by now, and lean up on my toes to give him a soft kiss. Then I step past him, taking his hand in mine, and lead him to the bed.

"Nervous?" he asks coyly, sitting down beside me, and I manage to muster a mildly disapproving look, humour acting as a buffer to my not-entirely-stable confidence. 

"No, not at all," I reply indignantly, once again losing any chance I had of being convincing by laughing at my own silliness. He chuckles back, and reaches out to brush a lock of hair behind my ear. There’s an awkward few seconds, when neither of us knows quite where to start, and then he leans forward, tilting my chin slightly so he can kiss me.

I lose track of time easily after that, learning what Rick’s mouth and hands can do to me, and finding out, to my greater delight, just where to touch him to make him squirm! Almost before I know it, I’m pealing off my top, and Rick’s eyes are roving across my breasts, his hands following gently, to slip my bra off, and I hear the most delicious rumbling groan from his throat. My hands reach almost audaciously for his belt buckle, and he stops for a second, looking mildly surprised. Confidence having been firmly restored by his thoroughly pleasurable attentions, I smirk mischievously at him, and deliberately continue what I’m doing.

Hyne above, he doesn’t wear any underwear? How could I possibly have missed that? Rick chuckles at my expression, taking my hand gently in his and leading me to touch him. I’m rapidly encouraged by his expression, and the incoherent sounds he makes, and it’s not long before the rest of our clothes have been shed, and we’re both ready for something more.

Forgetting not to be nervous, I swivel myself around to lie on my back, and feel my heart thumping in my chest as Rick rearranges himself so he’s leaning over me. Blushing like crazy, I spread my legs a little, and getting the idea, he moves out of the way, settling himself between my legs. Hyne, as much as I trust him, and I want this, I never expected it to feel so... vulnerable.

But Rick has been nothing but careful and considerate all evening, and that doesn’t change now. He reaches down to stroke my thighs, gradually daring to brush the curls between my legs, then down, into my folds. 

I’m tired of waiting, I decide suddenly, and reach up to tug him down over me, kissing him hard. He pulls back after a moment, smiling that tender little smile he’s got, and lowers himself between my legs. For a moment I feel nothing, and then there’s a hot, hard pressure pushing into me, and I think ‘this is it, this is really it,’ and it hurts for just a second... I can’t help the little cry that bursts from my throat, and I don’t know if it’s because it hurt, or because it feels good, or just because we’re finally doing it, and I don’t have to wait any more. I look up at Rick, and he tries to smile at me, his face all red, then he’s thrusting into me harder and faster.

Ah, Hyne, it feels good... I pull him down on top of me, wrapping my arms around his back and shoulders, feeling the muscles there bunch and flex. I hook one leg over his thigh, and I moan again, as it changes the pressure within me.

Suddenly, he’s kissing me hard, and just as I feel him come, I feel my own pleasure suddenly spiral to a bursting point, and I dig my nails into his back, harder than I know I should, and climax around him.

Some time later, I’m laying on my side, my head resting on Rick’s chest listening to his heartbeat. He bends his head down to kiss my forehead softly, and mutters a sleepy "Love you, Teen."

I smile against his chest. "Love you too," I murmur.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Squall and Zell both have difficult decisions to make.

**SQUALL**

"As you all know, the Revolver is the least powerful gunblade in its class. It’s not the only beginner weapon though. What we’re going to be discussing in the next few lessons are the other classes of gunblade. One some of you may have heard of is the Hyperion. By this time next week, I’d like you to have researched in the library what the other classes of gunblades are, their respective strengths and weaknesses, and if you can manage it, know something about how they upgrade." I hold back a sigh, and glance at the clock again. 21:53. We haven’t quite finished the hour, but I’ve just about run out of patience. "Make sure you revise your Revolver upgrade items, we’ll be having a test next lesson. That’ll do us for today." 

My students look noticeably relieved at the early dismissal, and I can’t really blame them for not being as enthusiastic as usual about the class. Fitting teaching, and my duties as Commander in around the forum has been difficult, and no one really appreciates these evening classes. Least of all me. 

Hyne, I can barely keep my mind on the class. All I want to do is lock myself in my room, and try to figure out what the hell is going on with Zell. And more importantly, what is supposed to happen next. Why is Zell so hung up on what Seifer has done in the past? Is it over between us? Can we make up? Do I even want to make up?

"Cadet Ash?" I force myself to speak before she leaves the room, despite the urge to just let her go, and grab some time alone for myself. I can’t though. There’s one more issue I have to deal with before I can go hide for the rest of the evening.

"Yes sir?" She stops halfway to the door.

"Could I see you for a minute?"

"Sure," she replies, moving to stand by my desk to wait for the rest of the class to leave. Even after we’re alone, I find it hard to start. This is a conversation I just don’t want to be having.

"Katelyn, I..." I stop again, and let out a soft sigh. Oh Hyne, why me? "I’ve been looking through the Training Center logs, to keep track your progress, and I... noticed a discrepancy between the times you were logged in to the center, and the recordings on your battle meter. The meter was switched off for a good ten minutes while you were supposedly inside the center. Can you explain that discrepancy?" There are a variety of offences that can cause a student to be suspended, or even expelled from Garden, anything from misuse of magic, to failing to properly care for a GF, or, in this case, failing to be properly equipped for battle, including weapons, junctions and, of course, a battle meter.

There’s a distinctly uncomfortable silence, Ash’s eyes flicking over my desk and the floor rapidly. "No sir," she whispers, finally.

"Please, Katelyn," I murmur softly. "If I’m going to be able to help you out here, I need you to tell me what happened." Tell me the meter got ripped off your arm by a Grat, I plead silently. Tell me it malfunctioned, and you didn’t notice. Tell me the entire fucking Garden computer was on the fritz, just don’t tell me you disobeyed Garden regulations.

"I’m sorry sir," she says again, her voice trembling. "I can’t explain it." Hyne, I can feel my entire chest constrict. The only reason I can think of that she wouldn’t tell me what happened is because it would get her into more trouble than she’s already in. And I don’t even want to think about what that means she was doing in the training center.

"I’m sorry, Cadet Ash," I mutter in resignation. "I have no alternative but to suspend you for the disregard of Garden regulations and the possible compromise of student safety. Please hand in your weapon and battle meter, any _Items_ you have with you, and disengage all junctions until further notice."

It’s hard to tell, but she just might have tears in her eyes. If this is making me feel like shit, I can only begin to imagine what it’s doing to her. Without a word, she unstraps her revolver and leans it against the desk, then slips the battle meter off her wrist, placing it on the desk, along with two potions, one phoenix down and an M-stone piece.

"You’ll be confined to Garden premises until the Garden Faculty reviews your case. That of course excludes any access to the Training Center. And by the way," I add sternly. "I do know where you were today." In fact, every single one of my group of friends had been aware of the students’ presence in the Town Hall within minutes of them arriving. "I would suggest that if you want to have a chance of staying in Garden, you don’t pull any more stunts like that."

"Yes sir," she agrees meekly, and quickly leaves the room, her head down all the way.

I let my head drop into my hands, staying seated at the desk while I gather my thoughts. Fighting with Zell, students disobeying orders on mass, and now, I have just suspended my best student. Hyne, this week is going from bad to worse. I don’t even want to imagine what’s going to happen next.

*  
 **ZELL**

"You wanted to see me sir?" I ask, poking my head into Cid’s office. 

"Zell, good morning," he greets me happily. "Please, come in and sit down."

Cid, along with the rest of SeeD, has the day off today. Squall called a day-long adjournment to the forum to allow the respective factions to meet privately and discuss the arguments that have been brought out so far. But work doesn’t stop when the forum does, I found out quickly enough, when I was called to Cid’s office early this morning.

"Zell, this is Commander Bridges, and Lieutenant Davidson, from Galbadia Garden. Gentlemen, Zell Dincht, our hand combat specialist." We rise, and go through the required formal greetings, all the while I’m becoming more curious as to what the heck I’m doing here.

"Zell, Commander Bridges has been taking the opportunity of our combined presence here to discuss with me some of the long term plans for Garden. I mean the entire institute of Garden, including Trabia," he clarifies. "We have some common goals, despite our differences, and it’s become clear both to the Commander and to myself that we must work together, if we’re to achieve those goals."

Okay, this is fantastic political lubricant, but what does it have to do with me? Rather than blurting out the question, though, I let Cid carry on his speech. I’ve learnt a little something about diplomacy since I started dating Squall. Oh fuck, I so didn’t need to go there...

"You’re probably wondering how this relates to you," Cid continues with a smile. "Commander Bridges has expressed concern over a relative lack of specialist training in Galbadia Garden. While they have a powerful SeeD contingent, they lack the refined fighting skills that Balamb Garden has acquired." Suddenly, I have a nasty feeling I know where this is going. "I’ll let Commander Bridges fill you in on his ideas," Cid finishes.

Bridges sits forward in his seat, suddenly reminding me very much of a used car salesman. All enthusiasm and eagerness, with perhaps not quite enough patience. "What we’re proposing, with your agreement, of course," Bridges begins, "is to employ, or ‘borrow’, if I may use the term," he says with a fake chuckle, "some of Balamb Garden’s staff to train our own instructors in the finer points of combat. The idea would be to train up enough of our own staff so that we can run our own classes, rather than just pinching all of Balamb’s instructors," he says congenially. Oh Hyne, he’s going for the hard sell here... "We have a number of instructors who have expressed a particular desire to learn hand to hand combat, hence our interest in you." Is he trying to flatter me? I can’t tell... "It would be a temporary position, lasting about six months at first, but if you found you enjoyed it in Galbadia Garden, I’m sure a position would be open for you to remain with us full time. Headmaster Cid has fully approved the program, and it’s really up to you, to consider if you’d like to join us."

The first thought in my head is also the first one out of my mouth. "Does Squall know about this?" It surprises me, briefly, that I should still feel such loyalty to Squall - not just as Commander, but as a friend and comrade - that I should care whether underhanded dealings are going on behind his back. No matter how I look at it, Squall’s still so far under my skin.

"We, er, haven’t discussed it with Commander Leonhart yet," Cid stutters. "I felt he had enough to worry about with Seifer and the forum without putting more pressure on him over this."

"I’m going to have to think about it," I reply shortly. Hyne, there are way to many issues to deal with here. But in the front of my mind is the sudden, and alarming realisation that I could so easily say yes, right here, right now. Squall’s shown no hint of wanting to patch things up between us, Seifer is still running around Garden, screwing things up, and I have very, very little reason to want to be here right now. But more than wanting to leave Balamb Garden, I realise that I want to leave _Garden_. All of it, the fighting, the training, the constant, horrible reminder of all the pain that we’ve gone through in the past, which seems to be serving no better purpose than to help us get through the pain of the future. I could curl up in some little shop in Balamb, by the sea, and make little metal sculptures to sell to tourists for the rest of my life. No more junctions or being hit in the face by Grats or trying to rinse slime out of my hair...

But I can’t leave Garden. When Ultimecia rises again, I can’t live my life anywhere but fighting for the freedom of innocent people. I couldn’t stand to know that I hadn’t done everything I could to stop her. Maybe heading to Galbadia Garden is a good idea... bringing new SeeDs up to speed with advanced combat manoeuvres. Sounds like a terrific way to prepare for Ultimecia’s coming. But I can’t leave Balamb Garden, not until the forum is over. Seifer still has a role to play in the war, past or future, and I can’t walk away from this until I know what it is.

"I... can’t make any decisions until the forum is over," I tell Bridges. "I’ll have a think about it, though, and I’ll be sure to let you know when I make up my mind. It’s a very tempting offer," I add, honestly. Even if I can’t get away from my destiny, maybe I can put some distance between me and the cause of my heartache. 

Hyne, I still love him.


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellone??? Really?! Irvine can't quite believe what's happening...  
> Also, Laguna shows up at the worst possible moment.

**IRVINE**

" _Demolition ammo... Demolition ammo..._ Where’s that page..." I mutter to myself, flicking through yet another regulation manual. "Here we go... Not to be used in a standard issue pistol... well duh... Not to be used whilst employing fire-based _Items_. Sounds fair. Not to be used on external weapons range, only for use inside training center or in field combat. What about students, you stupid book?"

I hear a laugh from the doorway, surprised, then delighted as I see Ellone leaning in the doorway of the library study annex.

"Tell me they haven’t driven you that far up the wall, Irvine!" She chuckles happily, and I give her a blank look. "I think you’ll find there _are_ regulations against shooting students," she clarifies with a smirk.

"Oh." I suddenly see the funny side of what I had been saying. "No, no, actually wondering if I’m allowed to give them advanced ammo to play with. They’re getting... shall we say ‘restless’... with _Normal Ammo_."

"You mean your sparkling wit and charm aren’t enough to keep them entertained any more? Irvine Kinneas, I’m shocked!" She declares with mock disgust, coming forward to lean against the desk I’m using. I notice in passing that her skirt rides up her thighs just a little higher than could be considered decent, and mentally slap myself for the thought. 

"What are you doing here?" I ask, thankful for a distraction from my argument with the regulation book. "Not every day we’re graced with visits from the beautiful women of Esthar." 

"Laguna decided it was time for another visit. I just hitched a ride. He said he was going to find Squall, but goodness knows if he got lost on the way. Speaking of which," she continues, "how’s my kid brother? Gotten himself into any more trouble?" she asks lightly, but her smile fades as my face turns white at her question. 

"Uh, Elle..."

"Oh Hyne, what’s he done now?" she asks, a worried frown creasing her flawless skin.

"Kind of a long story, and I’ll spare you the details, because trust me, you just don’t want to know. The short version? Squall and Zell had a huge fight, ripped each other’s hearts and souls to pieces, and have barely spoken to each other ever since. Which, on top of the hell raining down around FH, has just made this a merry little place to be," I finish sardonically.

"Maybe I should talk to him..." she starts, but I cut her off quickly.

"We’ve tried. Me, Selphie, Rinoa, even Fujin stuck her neck out once and promptly got her head bitten off. Believe me, Elle, there’s nothing you can do." I stand from the desk, and toss the regulation manual on a stack of books waiting to be shelved. Suddenly, I don’t feel like any more study right now. I head for the door, but she stops me half way.

"Thank you," she touches my arm lightly. "For looking out for them. I know it must be hard on the rest of you," she looks down, her fingers playing awkwardly over my coat sleeve. She sways toward me just a fraction more, but something in her stance, the almost-casual way her chest rises as she breathes, the way her hips flex just ever so slightly, suddenly rings some bells in my mind. "When he gets pissed off, things can get... kinda out of control." Her hand is still on my bicep, and an insidious thought creeps into my head, responding to the gentle stroke of her fingers that I can feel even through the leather.

_"All SeeDs report to the Observation deck in full combat attire immediately. All other personnel are to remain in their quarters until further notice."_

We both jump at the sudden interruption to the quiet moment, and then my hand automatically reaches for Exeter, strapped reassuringly to my side.

"What...?" Ellone asks, perplexed.

"Probably another riot in FH," I tell her calmly. "Garden’s probably going to be locked down for a while, so how about I take you to the infirmary, and Kadowaki can keep you out of trouble, hm?" I’ll head up to FH after that, I decide, telling myself that an extra few minutes won’t make too much difference. 

She grins, predictably. While she’s not a particularly vagrant spirit herself, we both know trouble has a habit of finding Ellone. "Okay."

*  
 **SQUALL**

‘It can’t possibly get any...’ I can’t even bear to finish the sentence in my head, let alone say it out loud. ‘Worse’ would have been the last word, but I know to even think the phrase would be to tempt fate, because if there’s anything I’ve learnt over the past weeks and months, is that it can _always_ get worse. So, here I am, sitting in my office, pretending that I’m working when I’m actually just taking a breather from all the chaos outside my door, and inside my head.

I toss Katelyn’s battle meter in my hands repeatedly, the familiar feel of the little round disc strangely comforting, even though I know the information stored on it caused me to lose my best student. Goodness knows whether Garden Faculty will let her finish her training or not.

‘They were more lenient than this with Seifer...’ my mind supplies helpfully. A fluent, rapid string of curses flows from my mouth as I hurl the meter at the opposite wall. Irritatingly, it doesn’t shatter into a pile of springs and computer chips, as I had hoped it would. They make those things tough enough to get stomped on by a T-rex. Why should I be able to break one? Seifer, once again, haunting my thoughts. Hyne, if I hate him as much as I keep telling myself I do, why is it that every time I think about him for more than five seconds, I end up with an erection?

I refuse to acknowledge the sudden lump in my lap, pressing stubbornly against the leather of my pants, until I suddenly hear something that cools my libido faster, and more effectively than any cold shower ever could.

"Hello, son."

Hyne, no.

*  
 **LAGUNA**

Hyne, he just about takes my breath away. And not in the pleasant way that some people do that. He turns to face me, and I suppose his last letter to me has raised my expectations somewhat. Hyne knows he’s not going to jump up with a smile and a hug, but I was expecting some sort of improvement from his usual cool scowl. A cursory nod and a "How are you?" maybe? Instead, I find myself fixed with a glare that I haven’t seen in nearly 6 months.

Squall regards me with cool indifference, subtle disdain and an anger which I thought we had managed to work past weeks ago. After seeing him in Winhill, with nothing less that _tears_ running down his face, it breaks my heart to see him shut up like a bank vault after closing time.

"We have something we need to discuss," I prompt him, when he seems set on ignoring me. I feel an unexpected shiver run down my spine as I feel the cold, sodden weight of his gaze. 

"It’s about time you got here," he mutters, without the slightest hint of emotion. "People have been crying out for Esthar’s _‘voice of reason’_ in this whole mess, and all I can keep telling them is that I don’t know what’s happening."

Hyne, and I thought Zell had done so much for him. It’s hard to imagine the hyperactive blond putting up with this ‘indifference’ shit from Squall... but then again, maybe they’ve had a fight or something...

"I’m not here to talk about Seifer," I dismiss quickly, stepping forward to take a seat in front of his desk. Despite my misgivings, even I can recognise that I have to get my head out of my ass at some point, and Ultimecia seems worth the effort. "Squall, some things were said last time you were in Esthar which have changed..."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He snarls, suddenly on his feet before me. "We have a global crisis going on right now! I have neither the time, nor patience to put up with whatever your latest whim is. Why the hell haven’t you got involved in sorting out this mess by now?"

"You seem perfectly capable of running the show here," I point out, not bothering to keep the pride from my voice. Truth is, I’m impressed by how well he’s been keeping this mess under control. "But we’ve had more important things to think about, with Odine’s research, and the Shumi..."

"I’m amazed Esthar has held itself together as long as it has, with you popping up when and wherever you feel like it!" Did I say I didn’t like his indifference? I think even that was preferable to becoming the sudden target of his anger unleashed. "All you ever do is bury your head in the sand, and pretend the problem doesn’t exist!"

Hyne, he can be a stubborn bastard at times, and the intended barb hits its target. "Squall! I am not a punching bag you can use whenever you have issues that throw back to your traumatic childhood. I’m trying to get a handle on the possible future of Ultimecia, and the potential for global destruction, and you’re upset about an old childhood playmate?"

"This is not about Seifer’s... Ultimecia? What about Ultimecia?" His rant is cut short, as he finally realises what I’m talking about.

"We’ve been doing some research," I explain, thankful I can finally get a word in. "Odine has..."

"SQUALL!" A young man in uniform comes hurtling into the room, almost crashing into me. "Squall, fucking hell, you gotta get down into FH... It’s a massacre down there!"

*  
 **IRVINE**

"Dr. Kadowaki," I greet the doctor politely, and she fixes me with a firm stare. "Irvine Kinneas, I thought I heard a call for you to report to duty?"

"On my way, Doc," I reply congenially. "Trouble is, I picked up a bit of riffraff on the way," I nod cheekily to Ellone. "Would you be able to take her under your wing until lock-down finishes?"

"Sorry Irvine, but I can’t help you," she replies apologetically. "The infirmary has been full to overflowing since that last riot in FH. I couldn’t even offer you a seat to sit on, Ellie."

"Ah heck, no problem," I drawl back. "I’ll just find a shoe box to stick her in until I get back." I wink at Kadowaki, then lead Ellone back down the hall. 

"You’re not actually going to stick me in a supply closet or anything, are you?" Ellone says dubiously, a glint of mischief in her eyes. 

"How about," I murmur slyly, "I let you enjoy the opulence of SeeD luxury for a few hours. I’ve got this great little set up, comes complete with delectable afternoon refreshments, a sofa just made for two and a rather fantastic sound system."

There’s a moment’s pause, then she says, dryly, "You’re going to let me stay in your quarters."

"You got it, sweetheart," I grin down at her, leading her towards the elevator. Garden’s central hall is mostly deserted by now, in the time we took to visit Dr. Kadowaki. The odd student is still wandering back to their quarters looking as bored as possible. No doubt they’re not looking forward to yet another afternoon of watching wallpaper fade.

The SeeD suites are on the second floor, and we make our way out of the elevator promptly, not very surprised by the silence on this level either. Knowing Squall, SeeD would have been mobilized as quickly and efficiently as possible.

What does come as a complete surprise is the pod like arm that comes swinging past my head, and the sudden roar from Ifrit sounding inside my head, behind my temples. He arrives a split second after I activate my junctions, a summons barely necessary as he leaps to my defence. Just before I check out of reality, I glimpse the Grat loitering in the hallway around the corner, and then it’s all darkness and timelessness as I take Ifrit’s place in the void.

A little overzealous perhaps, I think, when I re-emerge into the hall, regarding the dusting of ashes that used to be a grat. But then I reflect on Ifrit’s very potent outrage at being attacked in our home, in the one place that’s supposed to be safe and comfortable all the time, and perhaps his reaction isn’t so surprising.

Suddenly chilled by the insidious silence of the hallway, in this place that should have been the safest on earth, I grab a very stunned Ellone’s hand, and almost drag her down the hallway into my quarters. "The doors are pretty much bomb-proof," I tell her, rummaging through a draw for extra ammo. "Keep it locked, and don’t open it until I come back. I have absolutely no idea where that thing came from, or if there’s more of them out there." I glance at her, worry and outrage radiating from me, I’m sure. She nods her agreement, and I march back to the door, pocketing ammunition cartridges on the way.

It’s only as I turn to throw a careless goodbye to her that I realise just how pale she looks. Hyne, if I was caught by surprise by that thing, what the hell did it do to her?

"Elle?" I call softly, and her head snaps round as if dragged from a trance suddenly. She seems to fumble for a reply, but nothing makes it past her lips, and I cross the room back to her side, the adrenalin rush subsiding in a surge of compassion. It’s so easy to forget, again and again, how different a grat attack looks to a civilian than to a battle-hardened SeeD. I pull her towards me, into a gentle hug, and I’m relieved when she relaxes into my arms, her breath escaping in a rush. I pull back, looking down at her tenderly. "You’re okay," I tell her seriously. "Nothing short of a GF or Squall’s Renzokuken could break through that door."

"What about a T-rex?" she wonders, and I shake my head. 

"Not even a T-rex." She manages a wobbly, half-smile, and returns my hug, and my eyes widen as I realise exactly which parts of our bodies have been pushed into contact. Her breasts press firmly against my chest, and her hip presses rather intimately against my thigh. She can’t possibly be doing it deliberately, I remind myself. She’s always carried an indefinable air of innocence about her. But if she keeps this up, she’s going to find out just how innocent I’m not!

"I... uh...I should get going," I tell her softly, and slightly more breathlessly than I would have liked. Hyne, this is wrong, this is so very wrong.

Then, just as I’m about to lay all the blame for this at my own feet and curse myself as a male slut, she reaches up behind my neck and pulls my head down to meet her lips.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The disaster in FH goes from bad to worse.

**SQUALL**

"SQUALL!" Nida comes hurtling into the room, almost crashing into Laguna. "Squall, fucking hell, you gotta get down into FH... It’s a massacre down there!"

I’m on my feet, hand on LionHeart’s hilt in a flash. "What? Who?" 

"Monsters!" he gasps breathlessly. "There are monsters tearing up the city! Everyone’s panicking, and people are getting killed all over the place and the SeeDs down there tried to take care of them, but there’s just more and more of them."

I flip the switch on the PA system, and bark out, "All SeeDs report to the Observation deck in full combat attire immediately. All other personnel are to remain in their quarters until further notice." 

Flipping the switch off, I dash for the door, and I’m surprised at the sudden flash of relief I feel when Laguna leaps to his feet, gun in hand, and declares, "Looks like you could use a hand, son."

I’m not surprised, when I step into the hall outside my office, to see Kiros and Ward waiting there, and the five of us make it to the Obs deck in record time. Monsters? There are no monsters in FH, I find myself thinking. The whole fucking city is surrounded by ocean. Where the hell could monsters come from? There’s been human intervention involved in this somewhere, that much is clear. But who would risk an entire city just to get back at one man? Unless... Oh Hyne... Ultimecia... 

There are a few SeeDs already on the deck by the time we arrive, with more streaming through the narrow doorway. Quistis, Selphie and Fujin arrive quickly, and I’m grateful to see Rinoa hot on their heels. She seems to realise how I feel, as she gives me a nod, and a warm, telling smile. And then my mood shifts into a darker place again, as Zell appears.

I keep my instructions as brief as possible, sending the SeeDs out with simple instructions - seek and destroy, whilst minimising civilian casualties. My friends file out into FH along with the rest of SeeD, and I notice, as something twists in my chest, that Zell completely ignores me as he passes. Laguna, Kiros and Ward are waiting for me at the overpass, and I move to follow them, when a tall, blond figure arrives at the deck entrance. 

"Squall?"

His arrogant smirk is the same as ever, Hyperion resting over his shoulder. Rajin appears beside him, also prepared for battle, and I feel a betraying buzz of excitement in my belly, which I tell myself is due to adrenalin, when I know it’s actually because of the rival-come-lover standing before me.

"I heard your little speech," Seifer says smoothly. "I figured you could use some help. I think I still know how to use one of these." He swings Hyperion off his shoulder, and I can see from the way he moves that he hasn’t lost any of his deadly gracefulness.

"Stay out of it, Seifer," I reply softly. "You can’t help here."

"This is my city," he tells me sharply. "And to hell with you if you try and stop me defending it."

"Let him come, Squall," Laguna speaks up from behind me. "Public opinion couldn’t get any lower about him, and who knows... letting him help out might actually improve things."

I remain silent for a long moment, then reluctantly nod. "Fine. But you stay with me," I tell Seifer firmly. "But you set one foot out of line and I’ll..."

"You’ll what, Squall?"

I glare at him, but finally have to look away in defeat. We both know that any threats I make will be hollow. "Just stay out of trouble, alright?" I unsheathe LionHeart, and with a sigh that almost sounds tired, I follow Laguna down into the chaos below.

*  
 **NARRATOR**

An hour earlier...

In the construction tunnels below Fisherman’s Horizon, two figures crept stealthily towards a large metal grate. The grate covered the entrance to an undersea tunnel, used long ago as a passage of transport to the Esthar coastline, but left forgotten and unused since the over-sea railway bridge had provided a more pleasant form of transport. Though now, even the bridge was falling into disrepair.

Years of neglect had left a pitiful structure, with crumbling brickwork and rusting girders. The near end emerged beneath the FH train station, while at the far end, it opened onto Esthar’s deserted plains beside the old railway bridge. For years, the tunnel had remained empty, used as a nesting site for bats, or a breeding ground for mice. Now, though, as the two figures fumbled with the rusted old lock, the tunnel was alive and active! Days of baiting, trapping and luring monsters up the old line had paid off, and now, several hundred angry, confused and hungry monsters clawed at the grate, desperate to rush towards the light which glinted down between the crumbling girders of the old train station. For where there was light, the monsters knew, there was food.

Finally, the rusted lock gave way to the conspirators efforts, and they dashed off to the side, into a protected alcove, to be ignored and forgotten as wave upon wave of monsters surged through the opened grate, hurtling towards the unsuspecting population above them. 

Finally, the mass of creatures subsided, and one of the two secretive figures tapped a code into a small, handheld communicator. "Gamma One, this is Alpha One. Do you copy?" A crackling reply came to the affirmative, and the figure spoke again. "Phase one complete. We are proceeding to phase two. You are clear to begin phase three at your discretion. Over." Again, the crackling reply came, and then the communicator was switched off.

Finally, the black-clad man thought. Seifer had caused too much trouble for too long, and this ridiculous forum was getting them no where. If Garden and SeeD wouldn’t take care of their own rubbish, well then it was up to someone else to do it for them. The figure hurried over to a second grate, and had to force himself not to flinch at the harsh roar which echoed out of the recess in the tunnel wall. Still, he couldn’t help but smirk in pride at the huge Boss his faction had created. Truly a piece of genius. The metal door swung open, and the two figures dashed to safety behind the cage as the Boss lumbered out into freedom.

But instead of stomping away towards the light, the huge beast turned back, drawn perhaps to the shuffling sounds of creatures in the dark, or perhaps to the fleshy smell that indicated food. Dual screams filled the tunnel as the Boss surged forward, quicker than one would dream such a bulky creature could move, and then the screams were cut short, and a hideous silence took its place.  
*  
A hundred feet above the abandoned tunnels, the recipient of the call smirked happily, then crept out of his hiding place beside Garden’s training center doors. With a furtive glance over his shoulder, he began fiddling with the electronic panel which controlled the doors. Minutes passed, and then, to his delight, the doors slid open with a hushed clang. A small blow torch was quickly employed in just the right places, and a computer chip stealthily removed. The electronic countdown, indicating the imminent closure of the doors, went suddenly blank, and the heavy, T-rex-proof barrier which separated Garden from its deadly captive fauna, remained silently open.

*  
 **IRVINE**

I only feel Ellone’s lips on mine for a second before I jerk backwards, overcome with surprise for only a split second before I manage to regain a semblance of ‘cool’. She looks bereft, and very slightly peeved. "Ellone, I..." What am I supposed to say here? For all my knowledge about women, I don’t have a lot of experience at turning them down. She blushes adorably, and fidgets with her hands.

"Ellone, I gotta go." I say apologetically. She nods, not meeting my gaze.

"And _this_ ," I add, firmly, knowing she understands what I’m referring to, "doesn’t happen again."

"Sorry," she whispers, still not looking at me.

"Keep the door locked," I remind her one last time, then I slip cautiously out into the hallway.

It takes me a good 30 seconds to fight down a wave of nausea after I hear the door slid shut behind me. Never, since Selphie and I finally got together have I felt as tempted to stray as I just did. And with Squall’s adopted _sister_ , no less? Another wave of self-disgust rises up within me. I take a deep breath, and push the idea into the back of my mind for the moment. There are other things to be worrying about right now. 

Like how the hell did a grat get to be in the middle of Garden? A shuffling sound from down the hall gets my attention, and I ease along the wall, just in time to see a second grat, puddling down the stairs from the observation deck. Hyne, there are monsters in FH? That must be what Squall’s announcement was about. So they’re coming in from outside? Not if I’ve got anything to do with it. I pull Exeter out of its holster, and sprint for the obs deck, intent on a meeting with Mr. Green and Poddy.

*  
 **KIRSTEN DAVIS**

Hyne! Just when I thought it might turn out to be an ordinary day, for once. Just as we’re all sitting down for a coffee and a gossip, Squall’s voice comes barking over the PA system. _"All SeeDs report to the Observation deck in full combat attire immediately. All other personnel are to remain in their quarters until further notice."_ The voice cuts off abruptly, without even bothering to repeat the message. Despite the apparent urgency, though, it’s hard to get excited about it. We’ve been through so many of these little exercises lately, it’s hard to remember why we used to feel so nervous and panicky … especially when it probably means we’ll be cooped up in the dorms for 12 hours or so…

I sigh, sloshing my coffee lazily into a paper cup, so I can take it back to the dorms without the lunch ladies complaining about us stealing their cups again. "Come on, guys," I muster the group, equally as lazily. "Time for another round of ‘let’s see how many people we can squish into a dorm room’." I swear, every time we do this, we pick up more strays. Today, Ash and Stan Bruckel, one of Silver’s class mates have joined us. 

On the way back to the dorms, it’s obvious that the other students share our opinion – no one is in a hurry to get where they’re going, some students deliberately dropping by the library, or the cafeteria on the way to the dorms, to drop off books, or collect one last coffee before lockdown.

"Oh Hyne, I left Viper’s case in the caf…" Blake curses suddenly, stopping just as we enter the dorm wing. "I’m just gonna go back and grab it. I’ll meet you in Kirsten’s room, okay?"

"I’ll come with you," Silver offers quickly, and dashes after Blake.

"Viper?" Bailey asks sceptically, when Blake and Silver have retreated down the hallway.

"His gunblade," Ash supplies. "We, I mean, the whole class, decided to name them. Since Squall calls his _LionHeart_ , we thought it was kinda a neat idea."

Bailey lets out a snort, but to my surprise, Andrews grins a slow grin. "That’s kinda cool… You reckon Irvine would let us name these?" He flips his Valiant from its holster, aiming in jest at the light fitting on the ceiling. Even unloaded, we’re forbidden from ever aiming them at another student.

Bailey sighs, and gives me along-suffering look. "Boy and their toys," she mutters, taking my hand and making a big production of dragging me to safety down the hallway. I’m laughing too much to enter the security code on the door, and I have to do it twice before the door slides open. As the rest of the group stumbles inside, I remember to leave it unlocked, to let Blake and Silver in later.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monsters are loose in Garden. What are the students going to do?

**SQUALL**

I can see why Nida called this a massacre. Civilians lie in pools of blood, littering the ground. Soldiers from Galbadia and Dollet can be seen fighting all manner of monsters, but they’re overwhelmed by the sheer numbers. SeeDs from Galbadia, Trabia and Balamb alike have joined the fight, but even they are being out classed by higher level monsters. 

"GFs, boosted as high as you can get them," I shout the order to my friends. Hitting multiple targets is our only hope right now, if we want to punch a hole in this blood-bath. I feel Shiva murmuring soothingly behind my temples, then she answers the summons, and I gratefully check out of reality, an all too brief reprieve from the blood-soaked scene.

*  
 **ZELL**

I turn my head at Squall’s order, just in time to see him vanish into the void. Shiva appears, but even as powerful as she’s become under Squall’s careful nurturing, even she only advances our battle a few meters into the carnage. We need to do some serious damage, baby. And we need to do it fast.

I summon Quezacotl, and by the time I re-emerge into reality, Squall has already taken down a Chimera with his gunblade, and is heading for a second summons. Time and the battle and the noise all stop, for me, for a moment, as I see his face before it fades into non-existence. That little frown of concentration he does as he summons which ever GF he has chosen this time. The graceful ripple of his arm as he calls forth the GF. And his wide-eyed, very slightly surprised look as he sees me watching him from over a dozen yards away, as if the geezard and the mesmerise between us don’t exist.

Hyne, he’s beautiful. And then, as he vanishes into thin air, I see the figure standing behind him, tall and blond, and with a smug, knowing little smirk that makes me want to forget the monsters, and take _him_ out instead. 

"Zell, Forbidden! Behind you!" I whirl around at the shout from Selphie, and mutter the incantation for a Flare, watching with satisfaction as the undead monster combusts into a residual dusting of ash. Suddenly, the sky above me darkens, and I look up to see Ifrit’s menacing fireball come thundering down into the mob of monsters before me. Ifrit vanishes again, leaving Irvine in his place, and I receive a cocky tip of the hat from the cowboy. 

"Sorry I couldn’t get here earlier," he drawls, coolly loading Exeter with what looks, from this distance, to be _Demolition Ammo_. "But I always like to be fashionably late." He cocks the gun, aims and fires, round after round into the swarming mass, and with a grin, I throw myself into the fray, putting my fists to the use they were designed for.

*  
 **SQUALL**

I don’t know what makes me look up from my summons, but in the quiet rush before Shiva’s melodic voice becomes a scream of fury, I find my eyes resting on Zell’s, and I suddenly wish I could pull Shiva back into my mind, so I could stand here a moment longer, just staring at the young, lost, beautiful yearning that emanates fiercely from his face. But Shiva wouldn’t have stopped, even if I had the presence of mind to ask her, and when I drop out of the void onto solid ground again, it’s to find that the vision I had just witnessed is gone, his fists instead knocking the wind out of a mesmerise.

A human scream to my right forcibly drags my attention away from him, and I lunge after Seifer, hacking angrily at the swarm of bite bugs terrorising a group of civilians. From their clothes, I note in passing that they are from Timber. Seifer hasn’t lost any of his bravado in battle, and has wiped out half the swarm by the time I get there. As I take out the last bug, he decapitates a nearby geezard just for good measure, and hustles the people down a flight of stairs, into a sheltered shop. It’s not surprising that they’re too shocked and scared to do much more than obey, but as we both turn away from the huddled people, back towards the battle, I hear a quiet but distinct ‘Thank you’ float up the stairs behind him. And I’m struck by a thought that at any other time would have been funny. Laguna was right. And maybe, just maybe, Satan will be skiing tomorrow.

*  
 **SILVER JEROME**

"Man, I don’t believe I did that," Blake sighs in relief, tucking the silver gunblade case under his arm. 

I can’t help but smile at his expression, all worried, and relieved, and protective… all over a metal case? "What’s the big deal about a metal box?" I ask, trying to sound as uncondescending as possible. "I mean, if it was your gunblade you forgot, I could understand being upset about it, but it’s just the case."

He shrugs nonchalantly, his bicep flexing attractively under his shirt, and before he can reply, I blink, falling a step behind him as I realise what I just did. I was totally checking him out! I feel a moment of flushed guilt, as I remember Zell... then hurriedly remind myself that Zell is way off limits. And the only thing I should feel guilty about is trying to cause trouble between Zell and the man he loves.

Thankfully, Blake hasn’t noticed my stray attention. "It’s just that we… I don’t know. Looking after our gunblades is important. We all just got kinda attached to them."

I giggle at the half-hearted explanation, stepping back to let Blake out the cafeteria door first. I’m about to follow him around the corner when he’s suddenly thrown back against me, crumpling to the floor.

I guess those classes in monster biology paid off… the first thing I notice as I bend down to check if he’s okay is the fine white powder spread across his forehead… and then, his deep, steady breathing. He’s just been hit with a _Sleep_. 

I will never be able to explain the clarity of the next few moments. In hindsight, it made no sense – we were in the middle of Garden, not a battle field, not the training center, no one around, no reasonable explanation for what I had just seen, but I react none the less. Pulling on my _Metal Knuckle_ gloves, I junction up, dash out into the hallway and fling my fists at the grat waddling towards the doorway. Annoyed, it swings its pod-like arms at me, and I try to dodge, but don’t make it anywhere near fast enough, and I’m momentarily winding as I get thumped across the chest and shoulder. Hyne, this thing is fast. Which probably means it’s a high level grat. Hyne!

_Fire_ is my next attack of choice, and I succeed in burning one of the long tentacles off the grat, before taking another heavy slap, this time across my face and neck, and I quickly chant the words of a Cure, feeling the painful burn of the blow recede. Once more I hurl myself at the grat, and then from out of nowhere, Blake appears, Revolver in hand, and finishes it off in a flurry of grey metal and green slime.

Blake is wiping the slime off ‘Viper’ when I manage to finally form a coherent sentence, and what comes out of my mouth is an angry "What the fuck was that? And don’t say a grat," I add resentfully, as Blake looks up.

He looks down the hallway with a thoughtful, worried frown on his face, and finally replies with, "I don’t know. But I think now would be a good time to get back to the dorms. Just keep your eyes open, hm?" he adds, as he grabs Viper’s case again, and we both break into a fast jog, back to the main foyer.

I’m one step ahead of Blake as we reach the foyer circle, and I’m suddenly grateful for the sharpened reflexes that allow me to skid to a halt and hurtle back into the cover of the hallway as I realise just what has happened to Garden. Blake is only a second slower, but even then, it’s nearly not quick enough. The central foyer has suddenly become something out of a horror film. No less than three T-rexaurs wander about, and dozens of grats can be seen from our vantage point - in the fountain, waddling away into various corridors, the library, the quad. And one of the grats, the one nearest us, perks up lazily at our sudden entrance and departure, and I thank Hyne when it doesn’t come after us.

"Shit... Now what?" I ask breathlessly.

"How close do you have to be to get a _Stop_ to work?" Blake asks.

I think about that for a moment. "I’ve seen a SeeD do it from 30 feet. My range would probably be less than that."

"Alright... I figure we shouldn’t try taking on a T-rex right now..." Understatement of the year, I think snidely. "...so if we can get to the dorm hallway without attracting too much attention, hopefully we’ll only have to deal with one or two grats once we’re into the dorms."

"That," I point out dryly, "is the most recklessly optimistic thing I’ve heard all day." 

"So you come up with a better idea," he throws back. "I mean, other than scaling the outer hull of Garden." 

"We have a T-rex free opening," I point out sharply, ignoring his last acerbic comment, and launch us both out of the hallway, into the foyer. My range on _Stops_ , I find out, is just over 20 feet. Blake’s is a little better. We stay low, sheltering under the wall of the fountain to hide from the monsters across the foyer, but even so, I firmly believe it’s luck more than skill that gets us into the dorm hallways without a confrontation.

Which is when we make our first, and worst mistake.

Not looking where we’re going properly, we dash round a corner into Kirsten’s hallway, and literally collide with the scaly thigh of a T-Rexaur.

*  
 **LAGUNA**

"Is it me, or are these buggers getting bigger?" We started off with geezards and caterchipillars, now we’re fighting snow lions and wendigos. Thankfully, though, the civilian component in FH has pretty well vanished, everyone finding, or being helped into, shelter away from the carnage.

"One thing I will say," Kiros replies breathlessly. "Fighting monsters was easier when Squall and his friends were floating around inside our heads. There’s an enoyle behind you, by the way."

"What? Holy shit!" I whip around, raising my gun to take a first shot at what is inevitably going to be a long fight, but to my surprise, the huge monster is suddenly engulfed in lightening, screaming a hideous, but short-lived protest before it collapses and shudders to a sizzling death. A cry of excited victory from my left makes me look round, and I see Rinoa, clapping her hands and jumping up and down. 

"Oh yeah, I suppose you think being a sorceress is pretty alright now you can show up the rest of us?" I ask with a broad grin. Nice girl, Rinoa is. I always liked her, even after that strange incident in space with Adel.

Rinoa grins back at me. "Only doing what I can to help, Laguna! Don’t let me steal your thunder, though! There’s plenty more monsters for the taking."

I have to say, I’m pleased she’s managed to conquer her skills. It was a terrible thing to watch, for the first few months after the war. Rinoa was so scared of her own powers, and getting more scared because she couldn’t control them, which, instead of making her work harder to learn to use them properly, made her try to refuse to use magic at all. I’m pretty sure Squall had a big role to play in talking her round, in the end. Ha! Funny that, thinking of Squall actually _talking_ enough to get someone to change their minds. 

I noticed the difference though, when he was in Esthar. Not that he stopped being the stubborn, introverted little prick he can be, particularly where I’m concerned. But he’d changed. Seeing him over dinner, sitting next to Zell, seeing the little gestures, glances, the way Zell was always an inch or two closer to him than absolutely necessary... and the way Squall seemed drawn into that vibrant presence rather than withdrawing from it like he used to do... Something had gotten to him, gotten inside to a place where he actually _feels_ things. And I don’t think it just started with Zell. I think it started before then, when he realised he had friends, comrades, people he could entrust his life to, and who would come through for him in the end, no matter what.

And I’ve worked out by now, after seeing him in battle, that something _has_ gone wrong between him and Zell. Maybe I’ll ask one of the gang about it, if we ever get out of this battle. 

Near the end of the war, when I had the dubious pleasure of seeing the most powerful humans on earth kicking some serious butt... they worked like a finely tuned machine, anticipating each other’s moves, healing each other, enhancing each other’s skills. Now, they seem disorganised, not quite sure where each one is coming from, continuously having to second guess their own choices and each others. But even then, I could have put it down to something else, being out of practice, too many enemies to coordinate themselves properly. I don’t think even they have fought anything on such a monumental scale as this before. 

No, it was Zell who told me what was wrong. I thought I was completely wrong for a moment, that he and Squall were just as peachy as ever, when Zell looked up at my son with that innocent little look of longing, like he was just counting the hours before they could go and... oh Hyne, I don’t want to go there. I don’t need to think about what my son gets up to behind closed doors.... But that’s when I saw it. The sweetness of Zell’s expression was replaced in a split second by a look of black, jagged destructiveness. Jealousy. Hyne, it’s hard to think of a more destructive emotion. Because where there’s jealousy, it breeds distrust, resentment, bitterness... and a kind of empty hopelessness, all working insidiously underneath the surface where people don’t know it’s there and usually can’t stop it before it’s too late. Oh Squall, if you’ve fucked this up, I’m gonna kick your sorry behind into the next millennium!

But what, I think, as I send a round of ammunition into a blue dragon, does Zell have to be jealous about? Maybe Ward would have some ideas...

*  
 **SILVER**

"Back!" Blake yells, grabbing my wrist and dragging me away from the Rex. "Back around the other way!" I don’t argue. There’s no way we can take down a T-rex with just the two of us, and certainly not in the confined space of the dorm hallway. 

"He’s coming after us!" I squeal, suddenly wishing I had a speed junction.

"Keep going. This way!" Blake turns a corner sharply, and I have to grab at the wall to take the turn. The rex keeps coming though, and I can hear the thud of heavy footfalls behind us as we bolt headlong down a hallway. Passing a corridor to the side, I catch a glimpse of a grat, and my chest constricts again in the knowledge that at any moment we could come up on some other monster. Hyne preserve us, let’s hope it’s not another T-rex.

Ducking around another corner at the end of the hall, I’m not watching where I’m going, and while I’m looking back over my shoulder, I trip over something lying on the floor, falling sprawled to the ground. Blake skids to a halt beside me.

"Oh fucking Hyne..." I look round at Blake’s curse, and feel my heart skip a beat as I realise what I just tripped over. A junior student, probably no more than 7 years old, lies on the floor. Her injuries undoubtably tell us she’s dead. The T-rex comes charging around the corner just at that instant.

I’m still lying on the floor, too shocked by our discovery to have the sense to move, and in the dim quiet of the knowledge that I’m about to follow the girl into the peaceful darkness of death, I hear Blake’s quietly muttered chant, though the words don’t register as anything but background noise. 

"Get up!" Blake’s hands are roughly grabbing my jacket and hauling me to my feet moments later. Too shocked still to protest, I look involuntarily up at the rex, hovering menacingly above us, and realise with a jolt that it’s standing quite still, rocking slightly from side to side. Hyne, he just cast a _Sleep!_

"Come on," Blake orders sharply, picking up the frail body of the student and we dash off down the hall again. The dorms are arranged in rows, and by some careful navigation, we’ve come out again outside Kirsten’s room, coming from the other side of the hallway. Unfortunately, a novice’s _Sleep_ doesn’t last long, and the T-rex isn’t far behind us. Praying that the door is unlocked, I jab the entrance panel, and thankfully, the door slides open. I push Blake through roughly, and jab the lock as soon as the door shuts behind us. A split second later, the dull thud of a T-rex tail reverberates through the walls.

We turn around, to find five pairs of eyes staring widely at us. Dimly, I’m aware of our disheveled state, Blake dusted with Grat powder and me graced with a dose of slime. I’m vaguely aware of the sweat dripping into my eyes and the hair clinging to my forehead. But mainly, I’m aware of the lifeless bundle in Blake’s arms.

"What the fuck?" Bailey’s question says it all.

"Anyone got a _Phoenix Down_?" Blake asks, knowing the answer is probably no. Expensive and hard to find at our level of experience, _Phoenix Downs_ aren’t yet part of our every day arsenal.

"Yeah, I do." My breath pretty well explodes from my chest as Andrews replies. "You think it’s not too late?" he asks quietly, rising to look at the dead girl, as Blake places her carefully on the table.

"I say we find out," Blake replies firmly.

Andrews nods, halfway successful in hiding his own shock, and digs around in his pocket for the small crimson bag that holds magically endowed silver-white dust. _Phoenix Down,_ made from the powdered feathers of a GF-like creature, and as he sprinkles the powder over the girl’s body, the golden sparkle of magic tells us instantly that it’s not too late.

*  
 **RICK ANDREWS**

I’ve never had the misfortune of being KOed so far in my career, but I’ve heard it’s a pretty horrendous feeling. So I guess we should have been more prepared for the blood-curdling scream from the girl’s mouth the instant she regained consciousness on the small table. 

For the first scream, we’re all kinda frozen in place, but when she decides to scream a second time, Kirsten thankfully swoops forward, cradling the girl in a hug. She murmurs soothing words that the rest of us can’t here for a while, then finally picks up the girl and takes her into the next bedroom. Poor kid’ll probably take a while to calm down. Hyne knows even we get freaked by a KO the first few times, and we know what to expect.

"Okay, what the hell just happened?" Stan finally voices the question in all our minds. "I mean, you guys..." He gestures to Blake and Silver’s clothes, covered in the unmistakable remnants of battle.

"The short version?" Silver queries. "There are monsters loose in Garden. One of them killed the little tyke in there," she points to the other bedroom, "and a couple of them tried to have a go at me and Blake. And yes, I’m perfectly aware of how insane that sounds," she adds, when no one replies.

"So far we’ve only seen T-rexes and grats," Blake adds, "so I’m guessing maybe they came out of the training center."

Stan shakes his head. "That’s impossible. The doors have an alarm that goes off if they’re left open for more than two minutes. There’s no way anything could get out, and damn well not in mass numbers."

There’s silence for a moment, then Ash speaks up. "But even so, the only places monsters could come from are outside Garden, or from the training center. And seeing as SeeD just went out through the entrance, I’d say it’s far more likely that they came from the training center. And if that is the case, then we better assume the alarm is broken, or the door’s malfunctioning, or something."

"One very negative point about that," I interject. "SeeD - the _whole_ of SeeD - just left Garden."

"Meaning we’re..."

"Alone in a death trap."

"So what do we do now?" The sixty four million gil question, tumbling eloquently from Kirsten’s lips, and she comes back from putting our rescue-ee to bed.

There’s silence in the room for a long, heavy, ageless moment.

There’s only one answer that I can think of. And no matter how insane I know it is, it’s our only option. "We go out and fight them." I deliberately leave no room for argument in my voice, no hint of doubt, no trace of the heart-racing, stomach-churning fear that’s bubbling inside me. "We know not everyone made it back to their dorms," I explain resolutely, "and then there’s the staff in the library and cafeteria, and a bunch of people in the infirmatory that might need help, and since there’s not a single SeeD in the whole of Garden, we are the best people to get a handle on this. Us, and the rest of the specialists. We’re the only ones who can."

"So, we get the specialists together," Ash breaks into the command role without breaking a sweat. "We split into teams, and spread out over Garden. I’d say mission objective should be... ‘search and rescue’?"

I think about that. "Yeah," I agree. "I don’t think we’re capable of a ‘seek and destroy’ objective."

"Agreed," she says. "We’ve gotta get to the rest of the specialists first. I think between us we know pretty much where all their dorms are?"

"Right. We should head out in teams of three. There’s no way we can take down a T-rex in pairs or on our own."

Is it my imagination, or did Ash just blush? "Right," she agrees quickly, and I dismiss her reaction as my imagination. 

"What about the training center?" Bailey says. "If they are actually coming from there, there’s no way we’ll ever get a hold of this. They’re just gonna keep coming, and we can’t keep fighting them indefinitely. I did an engineering course back in Dollet Military Academy," she continues. "I reckon if the doors are actually broken, I might be able to get them fixed."

"The control panel is right outside the doors. Which means the monsters are gonna be coming straight out of the center, and you’re gonna need cover." I volunteer, noticing how that situation puts me nicely on a team with Bailey. Heck, who said you can’t be altruistic and selfish at the same time?

"Um... maybe I should mention that I’ve... er... got a small problem," Ash mutters.

"What?" Bailey asks impatiently. She’s got a glint in her eye that I recognise as meaning she’s fired up for battle. Strange how you notice these things more after knowing someone more intimately...

"I don’t have a gunblade."

"Get it from your room?" Bailey suggests blandly.

"No, I mean I... it’s that..." Ash breathes a nervous sigh, before blurting out, "Shit, I’ve been suspended."

Three dozen thoughts flash through my mind in the next split second, before I dismiss each and every one of them. "You still got your GF?" I snap, cutting off the inevitable questions of ‘why? how? when?’ from the rest of the crew. She nods, and this time, I don’t mistake the blush. 

"Okay, you come with me and Teen to the training center," I order. "You can get a new one from the supply stores there, and help us out after that. Junction up, anyway. You might be able to use some magic on the way."

"Right," Ash agrees. "Sorry," she adds bashfully.

"Later," I wave dismissively.

"Not to be a party pooper," Kirsten announces, "but is everyone aware that this means breaking _every single_ order and regulation we have _ever_ been given?"

Bailey lets out a dry chuckle. "Leaving the dorms after lock down, engaging in battle above level and experience, using lethal weaponry outside designated areas, inciting student mutiny, and, as Irvine would put it, minus twelve points for being an absolute fucking idiot. I’d say that should get us doing detention duty for say... 50 years? Assuming they don’t expel us instantly?"

"I say it’s worth it," I reply, deadly serious, though Bailey was only attempting to lighten the atmosphere. "I’m not gonna let kids die just because I want to preserve rank."

There are various nods and murmurs of agreement from the rest of the group, and then, as if on cue, we all realise that it’s time we got moving, and we junction up, loading and junctioning weapons, checking _Items_ and magic spells.

"Okay, Silver and Dominic, you head left, Kirsten and Stan, you guys go right down the corridor and get as many specialists together as you can manage, then take the left and right wings of Garden. If there’s enough people, send some up to the second level. There’s bound to be some students in the classrooms."

"It’s gonna be a mean fight out there, guys," Ash speaks up, and I’m not surprised that she’s the one giving us a pep talk. She seems to have found her calling as a kind of leader to the rest of us. "Junction up, draw as many magic spells as you need to keep your supplies up. Don’t run away from a fight unless you absolutely have to. And given that we don’t have much in the way of _Life_ magic," her voice catches for a second. "Don’t get dead."

That pretty much sums it up. This little group of friends has become frighteningly close in the few short months we’ve been here, and for the first time, we’re all acutely aware of the idea that today, one or more of us may die.

"There’s just one more problem," Silver speaks up again. 

"Oh Hyne, now what?" Are we ever going to get out of this bloody dorm room?

"There’s a T-rex parked out in the hallway," she apologises, her voice wavering as she points over her shoulder to the reinforced steel door. As if in reply to her concerns, a heavy object strikes the door, reverberating through the walls with a booming thud.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle continues.

**ANDREWS**

"Blake! _Sleep_!" Kirsten screams, diving and rolling out of the way as a T-rex foot comes down inches from her head. Blake obediently mutters the chant, and the Rex stops moving for a minute or two. Somehow, Blake is having more success with that particular spell than the rest of us. Kirsten mutters a _Cure_ , replenishing her frighteningly low HP, and three _Blizzards_ follow rapidly onto the Rex, from Stan, Bailey and Ash.

"Man, we ain’t doing SHIT here!" Silver’s cry comes moments after her second _Scan_ , the reading telling us we’re not even a quarter of the way through slaying this bugger.

"What about a GF?" I ask, as the Rex wakes up, and I dodge yet another tail swipe, watching as a non-reinforced section of wall crumbles under the assault.

"I am SO not letting this thing kill my GF," Kirsten snaps, sending a bullet perfectly into the rex’s abdomen. "I don’t suppose anyone would have a _Death_ spell up their sleeve?"

"Yeah," I drawl back sarcastically, loading up the only round of _Fast Ammo_ I have ever possessed. "Right along with my _Blizzaga_ , my _Tornado_ and my _Quake_. I wish."

*  
 **ZELL**

"Ow! What the fuck?" Squall swings at the bite bug that just stung him, then follows up with a _Cura_ to remove the reddened swelling already developing on his neck where he was stung. "What the fuck are you doing, Zell?"

I sneer at him, not bothering to turn around fully. "Oh, like you can’t kill your own bite bug now?"

"Has it occurred to you that you’re supposed to be watching your team mates backs?" he snaps, and I shrug. Technically, we were within each other’s defensive range at the time, but I still don’t consider that to be fighting _with_ him.

"If you hadn’t noticed, I was trying to kill a bomb at the time," I brush him off. "Or were you too busy with your own battle to notice anyone else’s?" I snipe back. "Oh, how the mighty have fallen." Under normal circumstances, I would be suspended for talking to a superior officer this way. But right now, we both know this has nothing to do with rank or the chain of command. This is _personal_ , baby.

"Squall! Come and give me a hand, would you? These dragons aren’t gonna wait for an invitation!" Laguna calls cheerfully, not deterred by the fact that he’s surrounded by no less than five dragons of various types, but I have to do a double take as he catches my eye for a split second, and winks at me.

Now I know for a fact that Laguna is sharper than he makes himself out to be. People have underestimated me often enough, so I know what it’s like. So I’m pretty sure he’s either worked out, or been told, what’s going on between me and Squall. Kinda makes me feel sorry for the guy. He worked so hard to try and get Squall to open up, and he near as heck burst with happiness when he first found out that his boy and I had hooked up. And as much as I’ve wanted Squall to get closer to his father, it damn near breaks my heart now to see Squall more eager to fight beside ‘the biggest girl on the entire Esthar continent’ rather than stay beside me.

Even though I just set a bite bug on him, and insulted his fighting abilities, which I know are a damn sight better than mine.

Hyne, how screwed up am I?

*  
 **SQUALL**

Hyne, I could almost swear Laguna gets himself into trouble on purpose. There are no less than ten perfectly capable fighters in the area, and he somehow still manages to get himself surrounded by some of the meanest dirtbags in the world. I suppress a shudder without thinking about it, and only afterwards realise that I feel a strange relief at being called away from Zell, at the same time as the heart-rending pain of not being at his side, where I belong in battle, where I have belonged since Seifer’s mocking applause, on the second level outside the classrooms, when we both became SeeDs. Even stranger, I realise, is that it’s not what he said to me that hurts the most. It’s knowing what I just said to him.

Hyne, I haven’t seen this many dragons in one place since I was last on the Island Closest to Hell. Eden seems the only logical choice here, and I take a moment to remind her, Hyne forbid, that even though I’m pissed as hell with Laguna, and he’s in the middle of a mob of dragons, he’s _not_ the target of the attack.

Reality blinks out then, and I somehow, in my absolute naivety, expect things to be better once Eden’s worked her fierce magic, and I step back into FH. Oh Hyne, how wrong can I be?

*  
 **DAVIS**

There’s none of the triumph I might have expected to feel, when, some eighteen minutes later, the T-Rex gasps a chocking last breath, and collapses to the ground. There’s just a dank, bloody smell, a revolting gurgling sound as the air squeezes out of its dead lungs, and the icy knowledge that we’ll have to do this over and over again today, before we can again call Garden our own.

My friends are as stunned as me. "Everybody alright?" Andrews asks finally, and we nod, or mutter a quiet yes, or, in Silver’s case, finish retching as Ash _Cures_ the bloody hunk of flesh missing from Silver’s thigh.

As many noble notions of glory and honour we might have, as hard as we try, as many times as we have told ourselves that we can survive this day, we are not, after all, the battle hardened soldiers that our instructors can claim to be. We’re kids, and we’re tired, and we’re scared, though the battle has barely begun, and it’s a hard, cold truth when it comes down to settle on our tired, narrow shoulders.

"Let’s move out!" Ash barks the order suddenly, snapping us out of our private doubts and wonderings. Hyne, I’m beginning to understand why following orders is preferable some times. It beats having to stop and think about what we’re doing, and how soon we’re all going to be dead.

"Same plan as before, get your asses into gear, people!" Ash is already marching down the hallway towards the foyer, Andrews and Bailey reloading their respective weapons and double-timing it after her without a backward glance. The rest of us sort of jumble ourselves together and slink off towards the specialist dorms. Hyne, fuck knows what kind of competency rating we’d get if we were being tested on this. Heh. Funny, the things that come to mind, ain’t it? I’m about to turn into a snack for a giant reptile, and I’m worried about test results??

It’s half an hour later before I stop and take stock of our situation again, and I’m grateful for the seemingly miraculous progress we’ve made. No less than 50 specialist students are loose in Garden now, and I’m currently teamed up with Branaghan and Stan, working our way through the surprisingly deserted foyer to our designated area, the parking lot. Though I suppose, with the dozens of students that have already come this way, not too many monsters would be lingering in their path. That’s right, they’re not just mean, they’re smart, too. So far, my team has encountered only 8 grats, one of which was a level 87 and on balance, I think that makes us officially Lucky. 

"Okay, we work clockwise around the lot, make sure no one’s in the area, and get the hell out," I whisper our mission plan as we slide through the parking lot doorway, trying to control the tremor in my voice. This is one of the few areas of Garden that has only one exit, now that the roadway is flooded, and being cornered with a bunch of monsters on the loose is making me nervous enough to bust an artery.

We move off without another word, checking inside and underneath the cars, and in the little office at the back for anyone who might be hiding in here. It’s not likely that anyone would be here, but students looking for a private little hole to make out, or smoke, or one of the numerous other activities Garden generally frowns upon could easily have sneaked their way in here. Not many people would disturb them, what with Garden sat in the middle of an ocean, and I don’t want to risk missing anyone. Calling out for stowaways is, of course, out. I don’t know how good a grat’s hearing is, but Rexes are rumored to have hearing better than a dog’s, and I don’t want to test the theory.

We’ve almost made it back to the entrance way when our luck runs out. "Holy mother of fucking Hyne, oh fucking hell, oh bloody fucking shit." Branaghan’s surprisingly fluent curse never rises above a muted whisper, and Stan and I turn to see what we both already know will be there.

A T-rex has parked itself in the doorway, and is sniffing the car nearest the entrance.

I’m amazed how calm I feel as I mutter an innocuous _Scan_. "Level three Rexaur," I breathe. "Stan, _Sleep_ it. Stick with magic for as long as you can." I glance at Branaghan, who has squished his large frame into the space between the car we’re crouched behind and the wall, and I truly think he’d be underneath the car if he could fit. "You ever fought a T-rex before?" I ask him quietly, as I rise into a half-crouch, ready to spring into action. He shakes his head, and clumsily loads _Normal Ammo_ into his Valiant. "Congratulations, Mr. Branaghan," I mutter, a wry smirk on my lips. "You’ve just won a crash course in Rexaur battle technique." With a unruly cry, I spring out onto the open floor, and rattle off a _Blizzard_ spell a split second after Stan’s _Sleep_ has landed. Heck, I think I’m getting the hang of this.

*  
 **SQUALL**

Oh, the dragons are dead, there’s no doubt about that. But there’s a wide-eyed, paralytic sort of fear on Laguna’s face that makes me turn around and face the ocean, to see what he’s gawking at.

"Boss! Big one!" Quistis yells from fifty yards down the road. She’s closer to the shore than us, but even from here, I can see the huge, lumbering figure of a monster. The fact that I have no idea what it is tells me it’s a boss, and before I can weigh up just how big it is, and how much power it might have, it rears up, damn near tripling in size, a gut-churning bellow piercing the air as it unfurls dozens of tentacles, brilliant orange and yellow stripes on a meshwork of black. Nature’s warning signs. I’m poisonous, I’m ugly, and I’m powerful enough to tell the world, the colours say. I _Scan_ it without thinking, and confirm all my nastiest suspicions. It’s HP reading is so far off the scale it doesn’t even register, it’s immune to half the elemental attacks in the world... and Hyne, it can regenerate itself. 

And fucking hell, is it fast! I can scarcely draw breath before it’s hauled itself up the shore, now sitting less than twenty paces from me. Quistis is bowled over, not quick enough to get out of its path, and she finds herself poisoned from the contact. 

I react in the most basic, instinctive way I know. "Zell!" The word is out of my mouth before I can think, and I’m at once grateful, and infuriated, and so very, very relieved as everything I knew for so many months comes rushing back in a flash. He’s beside me in battle again, and I know that nothing in the world could take away what we’ve shared together. And then I know he’s pre-empted me - Hyne, he knows me so well - and the golden rush of _Aura_ sings in my veins.

_Blasting Zone_. One of the most powerful attacks in the world, capable of digging a crater the size of the Lunatic Pandora... and the Boss - Thanatos is its name - shrugs it off like I just threw a spit ball at it. I have enough time for a second Limit Break, and _Lion Heart_ kicks in. Not even I can keep track of the amount of damage I deliver, but even then, Thanatos doesn’t even flinch. 

Irvine steps in then, firing rounds of _Pulse Ammo_. The boss can actually feel that, it seems, and it swings a tentacle round irritably. It completely misses Irvine, though, and hits Selphie square on. Then I feel my gut lurch, as her HP spirals down into nothingness, and she collapses to the ground in a lifeless heap. 

"Squall!" Irvine snarls as he kneels over Selphie, and I meet his gaze unwaveringly. I haven’t seen that look of pure hatred in his eyes since Griever killed Selphie back in Time Compression. "We are taking this bugger _down_!" he growls, and empties a pouch of Phoenix Down over Selphie’s lifeless form.

Meanwhile, Zell has been putting a _Meltdown_ to good use, and Quistis has just summoned Cactaur. Not a bad idea, I think, as I call on Eden once again, and follow Quistis into the void.

*  
 **BAILEY**

"You wanna hustle it up there?" Andrews barks at Ash as she rummages in the supplies closet near the training center. "Just find a gunblade, Katelyn. How hard can it be?"

" _Demolition Ammo,_ " comes the muffled reply, and a bag of cartridges is tossed carelessly over her back. Andrews grabs it, and jams a round into his gun, popping off a grat that comes poking around the corner in a flash. " _Remedies_ ," she adds, turning to hand me a fistful of the small blue pills, before finally pulling a _Revolver_ from the closet. Instead of loading her weapon, though, she leans back into the closet, and I know better by now than to argue with her. I brush off the nagging feeling of guilt about stealing from Garden’s supplies, as I remind myself that these _Items_ may end up being the only things standing between us and a grizzly death. 

" _Phoenix Down_ ," Ash states soberly, backing out of the closet once again, and she hands around the small pouches. We stash as many as we can carry into our pockets. "That’s about it," she says with a shake of her head, flicking the catch on her new revolver’s case and hefting the gunblade. "There’s a pile of shit I’ve never seen before, _Windmills_ and _Curse spikes_ and stuff, that I have _no_ idea how to use, but I do have," she grins almost decadently, "one genuine, bonafide... _Ultima Stone_." She holds out the glowing white-blue stone reverently, then tucks it back into her pocket. "For use only in extreme emergency," she explains. "The kind of thing I only want to use if one of us gets dead. Let’s go see about this door, shall we?" She slips a cartridge into the revolver, and heads down the hallway, Andrews and I on her heels.

"Damn it..." Andrews curses mildly, as we round the last corner. The training center doors are, indeed, wide open, and the trail of slime and foliage around the entrance says they’ve been that way for some time. "Let’s get to it," he snaps, and I take point at that, leading our little group down as far as the control panel, before I glance nervously at Rick. 

I attempt a smile, fail miserably, and opt for a pleading frown instead. "Watch my back, alright?" I ask, not because he needs to be reminded - he knows damn well that my life will be in his hands in just a few moments - but simply to let him know how scared I am, and how much trust I’m placing in him right now. He pulls me into a rough hug, and steals a kiss before letting me go. 

"Always," he answers gruffly. Then, with a last glance around the deserted hallway, I put down my gun, and turn my back to the gaping doorway.

The control panel is as much of a mess as I feared it would be, and I can see where connections have been cut, microchips fried and wires melted. Figuring out where things have gone wrong takes very little time. Working out how to put them back together will take considerably longer.

My heart does a little flip then, as Rick snaps to alert. "Heads up, Katelyn," he barks the warning. "Two grats, headed our way." I turn, and begin to rise, reaching almost involuntarily for my gun, but Rick shakes his head, even as he lifts his Valiant to his shoulder. "You stay there and get these doors shut, sweetheart. It’s the best way for you to make our jobs easier." 

I manage to do so, with an effort of will I didn’t know I possessed. I try my hardest to ignore the sounds of battle from behind me, as I figure out whether the blue wire came out of slot A, or slot B, and it seems a relatively short time later when Rick returns to my side, breathless and smelly, but otherwise unharmed.

"Any idea how long this’ll take?" he asks, and I shake my head, too busy chewing a thumbnail for a verbal reply. I spit out a piece of nail, putting my hand back to a better use, sorting wire from melted plastic on the panel. 

"Total fuck of a mess," I complain to no one in particular. "The alarm system hasn’t just been chewed up, it’s been totally removed, hence the lack of blaring sirens, and the computer doesn’t actually know right now whether the doors are open or closed, so before I can get it to close them, I’ll have to re-prime it so it knows they’re open in the first place." I sigh quietly to myself, cursing the demented moron who would massacre such a fine piece of machinery, and tune out the noises behind me that I know I don’t want to hear.

"Just one question," I hear Andrews ask Ash, sometime later, as I cross two wires, hoping something will happen, and am disappointed, but not surprised when it doesn’t. "Why were you suspended?"

Ash chuckles, and I nearly electrocute myself when I hear her wry reply. "For fighting a T-Rex," she states, as calmly as if she were ordering coffee from the caf.

"Ironic, right?" he mutters, and before I can wonder why, I hear the low grumbling roar of a Rexaur just inside the center doors.

*  
 **SQUALL**

Eden. Funny old bitch, she can be sometimes, and as she effectively hijacks every thought process I possess, I have to wonder whether it’s because I summoned her twice so quickly this time, or because it’s been over three months since I summoned her at all.

When I find myself in the not-darkness of the void, it’s usually unbelievably peaceful. A quiet that goes beyond silence. A tranquility that goes beyond stillness. This time though, I find myself assaulted by a flood of memories. Eden has never been conversational. I think she’s said only three words to me since I junctioned her, and none of those where very pleasant. She has a way of making a point though, never more so than when I’m in the void and she has free access to my mind. I realise that it has never before occurred to me that GFs, while they have to live in our heads, also have to share our experiences, our memories, and our emotions. So for the few moments that are the not-time of my summons, Eden hijacks my memories, forcing me through an experience I have deliberately blocked from my mind for a long, long time. And afterwards, I’m left wondering what the hell Eden was trying to say with this one.  
*

It was a mid-autumn day, maybe two, maybe three years ago. Seifer and I, sparring on the outdoor training circle beside Garden. The same place that, years later, we would scar each other’s faces permanently.

I had been the one to throw down the challenge this time - too much time in the classroom had made me restless, and I had decided to take it out on Seifer. It had started out civilly enough, if a gunblade battle can ever be called civil. We stuck to the rules, we avoided any serious injuries, and we hurled insults at each other that were everything to do with battlefield psychology, and nothing to do with anything personal.

We played by the rules. That was, of course, until Seifer disarmed me with a move I had yet to learn, and I retaliated with a backhanded fist to his face. And then the cocky bastard smirked at me, actually _smirked_ , while blood dripped from his lip and his tongue ran over the blood to feel the cut.

"Now that’s not in the game plan," he said reproachfully, seeming far older than his 16 years in the fading light of the oncoming storm front.

Perhaps someone else would have come up with a witty retort. But not I. "Since when do _you_ follow the rules?" I was too busy thinking about how my gunblade was lying in a pile of rubble, and how I wouldn’t complain about my aching wrist, where he had wrenched the blade from my hand, and how much I suddenly wanted him. The grey sky turned his blond hair a pale ash color, his tanned face bold beneath the fresh blood.

I should have been the one to collect my gunblade from the rocks, I should have been the one to re-initiate the battle, I should have been cold and resentful for his victory over me, and eager to face a rematch, to prove I could be as good as him.

But instead, he walked over to the rubble pile, pulling what was to become _Lionheart_ from the rocks with far more care than I would have used, and he handed me the blade, handle first. He had already wiped the blood from his lip, only a faint redness remaining. "You should be more careful with this, you know," he again reproached me, as I took the handle in my leathered grip. "Gunblades as good as this don’t come around every day."

I stared down at my hands, wrapped tightly around the handle, and let the tip of the blade sag.

"Squall?" Seifer was already in fighting stance, waiting for me to begin the fight again.

Instead, I looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes, careless of the sharpened point he held at throat level, and said, "Wanna fuck?"

It’s hard to say who was more surprised; him, or me. Up until this point, it had always been him asking me, though often it was more of a command than a question. And I had never tried to counter his naturally assumed authority. Seifer was in control of our relationship. He decided when, and what, and how much, and I considered myself favoured for the pleasure he gave me. I hadn’t considered the idea that I had the right to ask for something in return.

Yet I had just asked. 

And so he laughed. Literally, threw his head back and laughed out loud, one hand on his hip, the other letting Hyperion dangle gently from his fingers. "It’s cold," he pointed out, a Cheshire Cat grin on his face, "it’s windy, there’s one hell of a storm rollin’ in, and you’re thinking about getting your meat off?"

I shrugged.

"We’re standing on a fucking rock bed, Squall! What, you want to just throw your clothes off and do it on the rubble?"

I shrugged again. "Yeah."

There was a pause. Then Hyperion hit the dirt with a clang, at the same time as his jaw dropped just slightly. And I knew, with the furnace that had just ignited behind his eyes, that one way or another, he would take me today.

"Fuck, Squall..." He closed the distance between us, manipulating my hand until my revolver was lying in the dirt beside Hyperion, and his hand was dragging my head closer for a deep, wet, fiery kiss. His hands dropped to my waist, fingers undoing my belts deliberately, then his own pants, and I audaciously dropped my hand to feel the hard lump between his legs. His breath deepened and quickened as his mouth lifted off mine. Then I felt the cold wind of the ocean against my bare thighs, my pants dropping to pool around my ankles. I squeezed him in my hand, caring about his pleasure only as far as to consider the quickest way to get him buried in my ass. His hands slid round to pull my groin flush with his, his fingers massaging my bare cheeks. My chest was pressed up against his then, and as I rocked my hips against the rough of his pants, I remembered why I wanted this so much. His hard, powerful body took from me choice and power and will, and the freedom that remained left me reeling in ecstasy.

And then he turned me around, and bent me over the nearest bolder, spreading my legs as far as my pants would allow before he spat into his own hand, rubbing the saliva on himself. 

What followed could have been called rape, if I wasn’t so utterly willing.

I was almost light headed with triumph when he forced himself quickly into my body. His thrusts were rough and ragged, hands controlling my hips, giving me neither time nor space for any kind of protest. It was painfully erotic, Seifer grunting harshly above me, his feet scuffing the ground as he tried to force himself into me harder, deeper, faster. I tightened around him, eliciting a hot-blooded string of curses. I was shoved forward, rasping my gloves on the jagged rock. My body jerked back and forth with his thrusts, and I arched my back into it, letting the rhythm steal away time and place and thought.

Then, just as I felt the pleasure begin to gather in my groin, I heard him cry out and a spurt of wetness inside me, and then he withdrew deliberately before I was ready for him to.

"No! Seifer..." If the first word was a protest - far be it for me to actually complain about something - then the second word was a growl. And Seifer took as much heed as you would a growl from a dog safely tied up on a chain. Back in charge, in total control of the situation, he would give as much or as little as he liked.

And with that same smirk, now slightly breathless, he put himself away and zipped up his pants. "Alright there, sweetheart?"

I didn’t bother to reply, didn’t bother to wonder how ridiculous I looked, standing in the middle of the training circle with my pants around my ankles and a painful erection peeking out from below my t-shirt. Even back then, a full force glare communicated everything I needed to say.

"Why don’t you finish it yourself?" Seifer asked with a sneer, but I didn’t miss the appreciative glance he gave my lower anatomy, a glance that turned into a full ogle. 

He knew the answer as well as I did. ‘I want _you_ to finish it,’ my silence said. Who knows, maybe that’s what he wanted too. Hyne knows, for all his teasing, in the end, he never turned me down. 

His gaze drifted lower, and then suddenly, he dropped to his knees in front of me. But reaching forward, he grasped my booted feet, lifting each one in turn, stripping off the heavy leather boots, then discarding my pants quickly and efficiently. "I never manage to get over how beautiful you are like this," he muttered, fingers tracing heated lines down my now shaking thighs. I ignored the supposed compliment. It didn’t cross my mind for a moment that he would find me equally as beautiful if I wasn’t a willing fuck. He wouldn’t look twice at me if those same thighs hadn’t parted so he could take his pleasure between them. For me, and, I assumed, for him, this was just about sex.

This is the part where, in romance novels, one, or both, of the lovers loses track of time, finding themselves suddenly on the ground, or between the sheets, making love for all their worth without quite knowing how they got there. Sadly, life isn’t nearly as convenient as that. Seifer knew exactly how much I wanted him to take me again, but the moments between him kneeling on the ground in front of me, and him kneeling between my legs as I lay on the ground trickled by with excruciating slowness. I just thanked Hyne he was sixteen. But even then, things don’t happen instantly. He rolled to his feet, stopping for a kiss on the way, and dragged my hand into his, pressing my palm down onto his returning erection. I insistently worked my fingers beneath the waist of his pants, not wanting to risk his wrath if I dared to actually undo them, and worked as quickly as possible to bring his erection back to full life. He undid the zipper again himself, and pushed me to my knees, then onto my back, on the cold grey rock of the outcrop. As he, grunting, worked himself into me again, I felt the first cool splatter of raindrops against my face, gasping in the cold storm air until I could wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him thickly inside me. He had taken off his trench coat, I realised, wrapping my arms around his shoulders while he fucked me again. The sky above us roiled in angry grey and black, and Seifer’s belly rubbed against my erection with each thrust. Beneath us, the dust and rocks bit into my skin, but I ignored them, the combined weight of Seifer and myself on the ground drove blistering pinpoints of pain that were as much a part of the fucking as Seifer’s cock. He buried his face into my neck, or the fur of my jacket around my neck, the fur that was wet in the rain and getting wetter by the second, as the rain began to drive full-force.

One romantic cliché that did hold true - in the instant before I came, and he came, time stood still. His hips, locked against my thighs, our skin hot despite the cold downpour, and that startled, accusing expression that I loved to see when we fucked face-to-face lingered until I was just waiting for the crest to break, and then it did and our bodies convulsed together, out of synchrony.

He seemed to notice the rain for the first time, as he caught his breath. A sneer of disgust at the mud pooling around us, and he pushed off me, onto his feet. His shirt was soaked through, and I knew I was going to have a hell of a hard time getting wet leather pants back on.

The memory had just reached the point of him looking down at me, both of us still standing in the rain, some strange, new, unreadable expression on his face, when I feel the not-blackness around me begin to fade, and I stumble slightly, not quite ready for the summons to be over. And then my vision clears, my thoughts still full of Seifer and sex, and I blink, and find myself face to face with a concerned, frowning, and thoroughly perplexed Zell.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just more battle here.

**SQUALL**

...And then my vision clears, my thoughts still full of Seifer and sex, and I blink, and find myself face to face with a concerned, frowning, and thoroughly perplexed Zell.

"Squall?"

I blink. "What?"

"Hyne, you’ve been standing there for at least 30 seconds, blank as a brick wall."

"Woah, shit!" I duck, instinctively shoving Zell out of the way as a tentacle comes down between us. It catches me in the face on its way back up again, and I lurch at the familiar, nauseating feel of poison. My vision blurs around the edges, and then I feel the almost equally nauseating rush of an _Esuna._

The team has been busy while I was out, I realise. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Bahamut fade, Selphie taking his place, and then a fireworks display from Rinoa, as she hurls something kind of like _Holy_ at Thanatos. He actually flinches at the attack, before revving himself up again, more pissed off than injured.

To my left, Laguna, Kiros and Ward are doing what they can with _Items_ and _Limit Breaks_. None of them have the kind of magical abilities required here, but every bit helps. 

"Cerberus just got his ass kicked, and Leviathan’s KOed right now," Zell fills me in, then he mutters a _Meteor_ spell. 

" _Protect’s_ a waste of time!" Irvine calls from down the shore line, kneeling over a KOed Fujin. "He’ll just kick your ass anyway!" I let out a growl at the news. Bosses that can wipe one of us out in a single blow are few and far between, but even one is too many for my liking.

Zell emerges from the haze of _Meteor_ , and gets caught by a counter _Gravity_ attack from Thanatos. He sags instantly to the ground, pale with the sheen of a critically low HP, and I cast _Curaga_ on him. And realise, in horror, that I’m down to 11 _Curagas_. Not only am I risking running out of the spell, but that means some of my magical junctions will be seriously diminished by now.

Briefly, I consider my GF options. I don’t want to risk calling Eden again right now, after what she just pulled. Unfortunately, Shiva is useless - Thanatos absorbs Ice magic. So Alexander it is. _Holy_ seems to work well, if Rinoa’s attack is anything to judge by, and I tumble willingly once more into the void.

*  
 **LAGUNA**

_Pulse Ammo_ is wonderful stuff, I think happily, as one of Thanatos’s hundred tentacles drops to the ground, severed by my latest round of firepower. Squall fades into a summons again - can’t say I’ve ever envied the SeeDs on that count. The few times I got sucked into the void, when Squall was messing about in my head, the cold, black emptiness scared the shit out of me. So did waking up after a KO, and fighting your allies under _Confuse_ , and a dozen other things that SeeDs seem to take for granted as being part of their everyday lives.

One more thing that scares me? GFs. And Alexander is no exception. He’s a huge hulk of a thing, towering above the shoreline, and I deliberately duck my head and take care of casting _Aura_ on Kiros again. Out of sight, out of mind, always worked for me. Even if Squall has cursed me a dozen times for burying my head in the sand. Realistically, if burying my head means I can carry on the battle without crapping my own trousers, heck, I’m all for it!

Now that Squall is momentarily invisible, my line of sight passes onto Seifer, swinging his gunblade across the far side of the battle field. During the war, he was a ferocious fighter. Now, I find he’s regained much of the natural grace and balance of a gunblade handler, where before he had savage determination, now he has fluidity, where before there was clumsy passion, now there’s a calculated purpose. The gunblade has once again become an extension of his arm, his flesh, in a way I can’t help but admire.

Despite what I told Squall, we have been keeping a close eye on Seifer since the war ended. It disturbs me somewhat that he hasn’t changed much since his service of Ultimecia. He can still be exceedingly devious, manipulative, and selfish. I won’t join Garden, Galbadia or anyone else in the effort to bring him down. I don’t believe he’s _evil_. Just amazingly self-centered. But even so, I would feel slightly better about keeping Esthar out of this argument is he showed some kind of remorse, or regret... or even an every day, common or garden variety of compassion.

My doubt are doubled when he looks away from Thanatos, glancing over to where Squall was standing moments ago, then looking on to Zell. There’s no attempt to hide the malicious sneer, the arrogant conveyance of victory over... goodness knows what, come to think of it. Zell and Seifer have carefully avoided each other since I got here. I had assumed it was a distance imposed by mutual arrangement, Hyne knows more than one person feels uncomfortable with the presence of the Sorceress Knight. Maybe, I rethink the situation, maybe it’s not. Maybe...

Then, from behind Seifer, a black-and-red tentacle comes thrashing down, knocking him flying, and rendering an instant KO. Zell watches the blow land, his body suddenly tense, and I wait for him to revive Seifer. Of the few people who have noticed his fall, Zell is closest. But then, to my absolute amazement, he steps back, his stance suddenly relaxed and diminutive, as he lowers his gloved fists, and turns away.

Hyne above! Never, in my entire life, have I seen a SeeD walk away from a fallen comrade. Whether or not there’s some adverse circumstances between them, I’m flabbergasted at Zell’s calm, cool, ruthless dismissal of life.

I reach for a _Phoenix Down_ myself, but before I can grab the small pouch, I realise I’m too far away, and any attempt to get to Seifer, across the expanse of clear ground between us will only get myself killed by Thanatos. I glance around, desperate for an alternative.

And with timing I couldn’t have wished to be better, Squall rematerialises in front of Thanatos, Alexander banished back into his mind for the time being.

"Squall! Seifer!" I bellow, and point across the clearing. Squall catches on instantly, and mutters to himself, then the graceful gesture accompanying the _Life_ spell, and Seifer’s body jerks, then he stumbles to his feet. Hyne above, I realise, Squall just cast a spell across 30 yards! Every time I think I’ve figured out the limits of their powers, they just come up with something new. What scares me is the idea that maybe they can keep surprising the crap out of me because their powers are, in fact, limitless.

Meanwhile, Zell has made himself scarce, backing off to the far side of the battle, attacking Thanatos’s flank, and then he suddenly vanishes, and I’m shaking in my boots again as Cerberus, the giant three-headed dog, snarls his way into reality. 

With Thanatos distracted by another GF for the moment, I take a second or two to wrap my head around what just happened here. Squall and Zell arguing, Seifer wandering around like the rooster who rules the roost... and Zell’s display of unbelievable callousness. Seifer certainly is involved in Squall’s romantic life, I decide suddenly. And it’s time someone had some serious words with SeeD Dincht.

*  
 **DAVIS**

Okay, dead T-rex... blocking the exit to the parking lot. Hyne above, this just isn’t our day. "Come on, fellas," I drawl boredly. "I’ve had enough of being cornered in this rat-trap. Let’s get moving." I swallow hard, holding back the urge to retch as I begin the slow, stinking clamber over the dead T-rex. Hyne, I’m going to be stinking of rex-sweat for days after this! 

Luck isn’t with us this time, as we head into the foyer circle. Grats have been driven out of hiding by the teams of specialists spreading through Garden, and most of them seem to have congregated here. Our next rendezvous point is with Bailey’s team near the training center. If the doors are actually the problem, Bailey is going to be tied up with fixing them, and their team is going to be down one. The trip from the parking lot entrance to the training center hallway is a slow one, we discover quickly, despite the short distance between the two points. Grats, thankfully, aren’t particularly intelligent, and more than one has already been stung by a specialist’s attack. They seem happy to let a few of their number take us on at a time, rather than mobbing us. Which, ironically, gives us a chance to defeat them before the next one arrives.

The downside to this little development? Some of the grats decide that it’s a little too hot to handle in the foyer right now, and start heading down the hallways towards the wings of Garden again. And three of them make a dash, right in front of us, towards the training center. Hyne... Andrews and Ash - if she got her hands on a new gunblade - are about to have way more company than they can deal with. "Come on, this way!" I snap an order to my team. "Move it!" If we can reach at least one of the grats before they reach Andrews and Ash... they might just stand a chance.

*  
 **ANDREWS**

_Sleep_ , cast for the fifth time on the Rex, and I take a split second to glance over at Justine again. She’s safe, still crouched beside the burnt-out computer, and I mutter a _Blizzard_ , wishing not for the first time that we had something stronger than this piss-weak magic. Even with a _Sleep_ on the rex, I think it would take longer than that to summon a GF, and with no restorative items, getting them KOed now is still a bad idea. Okay, so chucking _Blizzards_ at it is a slow way to kill a Rex, but in the end, it works. Like Ash said about her _Ultima Stone_ , GFs have to be for emergencies only. And as much as I don’t like this battle, it’s not an emergency. Not yet.

"Fucking hell!" I scream as I’m suddenly thrown to the floor by a blow from behind me. I roll, and land on my feet in an instant, facing the foyer end of the hallway again, and mentally counting down the Sleep on the T-rex even before my eyes register what I’m seeing. Three grats, still finishing their deceptively innocent waddle towards us. I knew I spoke too soon... "Reckon this qualifies as an emergency?" I ask Ash, praying she’ll see sense, and use the _Stone_ on the Rex.

"Damn straight," comes the short reply, and I feel, more than see, the blinding flash of magic behind me that says _Ultima_ just finished off the Rex. A grat can’t do enough damage in one hit to take out a GF, and I decide suddenly that I’m tired of this particular battle. Justine has been left vulnerable behind our backs for long enough. I reach into my mind, and call forth Poseidon, my GF, and wait with rapidly beating heart until the summons takes effect.

"Damn, NO!" I hear Ash cry suddenly. I spin around, wondering if I have time to help her, whatever her problem is, before I fade, and that’s when I realise how very wrong I was. The Rex isn’t dead. Injured, certainly, but that has only made him more angry, and he levels a fiery glare at Ash, gathering himself up for another strike.

Then, before I can say another word, I feel the still-unfamiliar pull of the void, and know that I have just vanished from reality, and Poseidon has been set loose. But on the grats? Or on the Rex? Or, I think with dread, since I was looking in her direction last... maybe on Ash?


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eden causes more trouble for Squall.

**KIRSTEN DAVIS**

"Damn, NO!" we hear Ash scream as we sprint down the hallway, and turn the corner just in time to see her and Andrews, trapped between a rex and the grats. And I’m ashamed to say, in the next moment, when Andrews fades and Poseidon appears in the cramped space of the hallway, we are so stunned to see the huge water GF bubbling out of the floor that not one of us even tries to take a shot at the grats. By the time the display of power and magic is over, Ash is cowering under the spray of the magic-induced waves, stunned, but unhurt as the water finally recedes and the rex tumbles to the ground, dead.

Okay, light show’s over, folks, and I curse myself, firing at the grat nearest me as I realise Stan is now _Sleeped_ , and out of the battle. Still, four to three odds is better than what we had a moment ago...

"Kirsten! Thank Hyne..." Ash swings her revolver, neatly slicing off two tentacles from a grat. 

"We heard there was a party in the neighbourhood," I reply, deliberately keeping my tone light. I’m getting the idea that I fight better if I don’t think about the seriousness of this battle too much. "How are we doing keeping those gatecrashers out?"

Two of the grats go down in the next moment by the deft hands of Andrews and Branaghan, and the third is put out of its misery by the newly awakened Stan. We take stock of the damage for a moment, before Ash answers the question.

"Slow going, I’m afraid," she apologises, nodding to Bailey, who spares us a wry smile and a shrug from her place in the corner. "Wiring’s fried, and these buggers keep showing up at the wrong time," she waves at the mess of goo and flesh littering the floor.

Andrews, still looking a little green, speaks up then, expressing something we’re all feeling. "Hyne, it’s good to see you..."

*  
 **SQUALL**

This has got to be the longest battle we’ve seen in recent memory. Pretty much everyone has been KOed at least once... expect for me, of course. Shit, I’ve waited for months to face something in battle that’s actually worth my time, and it doesn’t even bother to _try_ killing me.

I’m out of _Curagas_ , I’m down to my last _Holy_ , Rinoa’s out of the battle for good - over exerted herself, bless the girl for trying - and Zell’s pissed off to the other side of the battle field. And on the fourth _Scan_ , this bugger of a Boss finally has a HP that actually registers. 

And it still hasn’t tried to kill me.

Needless to say, I am _not_ in a good mood. Okay fate... that’s the cue for something else to go wrong... I raise an eyebrow, as Thanatos inadvertently wipes out a herd of Mesmerise with a sweep of one huge tentacle. Unexpected... but useful, none the less. 

"Squall!" Xu screams my name as she comes sprinting down from Garden’s direction. Oh Hyne, here we go... "Garden’s under attack!" 

"What?"

"Monsters loose in Garden!" she bellows, getting the attention of everyone in the area. "It’s a massacre!"

Time either slows down, or my mind speeds up tremendously at that point. In the space of only two or three heartbeats, a volley of thoughts go through my head, each one as clear and deliberate as the next. First: Garden - and my students - are the most important things in my life. No matter what happens to FH, be it that they somehow save themselves, or that everyone dies at the mercy of Thanatos, I don’t care. My kids come first. Second: Whoever put Garden at risk will die a slow and agonizing death for their treachery. Third: Thanatos’s HP is dropping. Take him out quickly and leaving this battle will be a hundred times easier. How best to do that? Limit break...

*  
 **KIROS**

"I’ll kill him. If he lives through this, I’ll kill the bastard." Laguna’s mutter is, I’m sure, meant for his ears only, but I can’t help hearing the low curse. I turn to see his attention fixed, as always, on his son, and witness the heart wrenching panic that plasters itself to his face as Squall takes a hit from a high level Blue Dragon. I’ve seen enough of his battle technique, and forced enough limit breaks of my own, to know what he’s doing. But then, I never had the luxury of a frivolous _Aura_. And he stocks that particular magic by the bucket load.

"Laguna, no!" I place a restraining hand on his arm, not enough to hold him back if he wants to go to his son, but enough to make him think twice about the wisdom of that decision. Nothing short of a typhoon could stop Squall once he gets his mind set on something.

"He can’t do this! Not here!" Laguna, thankfully, recognises the futility of his protest, and stays beside me. Keeping half an eye on the battle, I idly swat a Red Bat away while Laguna stares in dismay at his offspring’s plummeting HP. He should be hitting that limit break any second now...

And then, like a dream, so stunned am I by the impossibility of what happens before my eyes, Thanatos strikes his fiercest enemy, having recognised his weakness for the opportunity that it is. 

And Squall crumples to the ground in a broken, lifeless heap.

*  
 **LAGUNA**

_Life_ , from five different sources, tumbles through the air to settle around the mangled form of Squall, commander of the most powerful paramilitary organisation in the world, hero of thousands of men, women and children alike, leader, comrade, friend and mentor, and most of all, to me at least, my son.

To my right, Zell watches in alarm as his partner struggles to his feet. To my left, Seifer looks on with relief as his once-and-maybe-future lover shakes the fog from his eyes. From further down the coast, Xu and Quistis share an acknowledging smile and sigh of relief as they realise their magic hit its mark together. And my own _Life_ spell... well, I fantasise for just a moment that mine was the one that made the difference.

Selphie and Irvine provide a distraction for Thanatos for a minute or two while Squall regains his feet, and I try to force myself to look away when Zell sprints over to Squall’s side. But hell, no matter how many times I see it happen, it rips my heart out every time I have to watch one of these kids die... even if they’re back on their feet 30 seconds later, and I keep glancing furtively back at them, even while I’m beating down the Bomb that’s wedged itself between me, Kiros and Thanatos. I feel a little flutter of hope in my chest as Zell pulls up with a glad, relieved smile, but my mood plummets as his expression changes to confused, hurt, and finally, angry. I can’t hear their conversation from here, but I’m damn sure I could guess what they’re saying. Zell would tell Squall he’s an idiot for not using an _Aura_ , Squall would say ‘whatever’ or something equally uninformative, Zell would say something about how they’re supposed to work as a team, or watch each others backs, and Squall would.. well apparently, Squall is giving Zell a right dressing down for ‘pissing off to the other side of this god-forsaken battle field like a brain-dead two year old.’ That, unfortunately, was an actual quote, since they’ve raised their voices enough for me to hear them. 

Finally, I see Zell shake his head, and the tell-tale mutter-and-gesture that means a magic spell is on its way. But before the golden glow of _Aura_ can settle around Squall, he fades into the void, and right in front of Zell’s stunned expression of pure disbelief, the vibrant glow of Eden appears.

*  
 **SQUALL**

Okay Eden, I tell the cranky GF. You want to fuck with my mind, go for it. I just want this battle ended. And maybe, I think, remembering retrospectively that she can hear my thoughts, maybe she’ll give me a reason to want to come out of the void this time.

Hyne, I could curse myself for the stupidity of this summons. The whole life-and-death-and-life-again trip seems to have fried any good sense I had left. Waking up, with the smell of fire and dust and blood around me again, I was forcibly reminded of the last time I was KOed, and woke up to the smell of brick dust and blood... and Zell. And I find myself wanting nothing more than to sweep all the mess about Seifer and the past and our arguments under the rug, and collapse into the easy familiarity we had between us for that short time. And then, after I get up and he’s satisfied I’m okay, he decides to do something sensible and productive like cast an _Aura_ on me, and I repay him by vanishing in a fit of temper. Fucking stupid thing to do.

Apparently, Eden agrees. 

And suddenly, instead of the nothingness and the not-darkness and the not-silence of the void, there’s that smell again... leather and evergreen. The smell I’ve come to associate as being so very Zell.

It was the scent of him that first came wafting through the open doors of the balcony back in Esthar. We’d had another long day in the lab, Odine ranting about magic and Time Compression, and my friends and I being poked and prodded for reasons that we were still blissfully oblivious to at the time. So I’d come back to our room, taken a quick shower and gone to watch the city from the balcony while I waited for Zell. 

Heard him come in, heard him head straight for the shower, and then, a little later, heard him come out again, clean and still slightly damp, and smelling of that ‘Zell’ scent that clung to him even fresh out of a hot shower. Heard him pause, his footsteps muffled on the thick carpet as he stopped by the open balcony door.

"Heading for the public exhibitionist style, baby? Dunno if that should surprise me or not."

Oh yeah. That’s right. I was naked.

He came forward and slipped his hand through the one I had let dangle over the railing, in that ‘wanting-to-touch-you-but-not-being-overly-clingy’ way he had whenever he and I were alone together. I tilted my head sideways at him. He had pulled on a pair of shorts and a loose tee, but his feet were bare, and his hair hung around his face loosely, not-quite-dry from his shower.

Then he leaned forward and kissed me softly, almost lazily. Back then... oh gods, it damn near kills me that there even is a ‘back then’, because it means it’s not ‘now’ any more, that ‘back then’ it was different from ‘now’... but back then, comfort, and support, when one of us needed it, was offered as much in the physical as in the opportunity to talk, to say whatever was on our minds and know it would go no further than the walls around us. And he kissed me, and touched me then in a slow, interested way that said sex would come, later, but there was no hurry, we’d get there in our own time. It was the kind of kiss that said ‘I know you’ve had a shit of a day, and so have I, and now that it’s over can we spend some time just being together.’

I turned, only half-conscious that I was doing so, towards him, his hand came up to rest against my waist, to sweep slowly down my hip, again in that lingering, patient way that was in no hurry to go anywhere. His hand slipped downwards to cup my not-yet-hard member, and I smiled into the kiss.

I find myself suddenly back in the void, the scent of evergreen and leather gone, and Eden’s words, not quite a voice but more like a collection of ideas and images echoing in the not-emptiness around me. 

"What?" I demand angrily of her. "I miss him, okay? And yeah, I’m pissed off that you interrupted at that point, I was enjoying that." Hyne above, I’m not about to sulk at a GF, am I??

Her reply doesn’t make any immediate sense, but I get the impression it’s to the effect of "And that’s my problem, why?" Before I can come up with a sharp retort, I’m plunged back into my memories. 

We lay in bed that night, after we’d both come twice and were feeling much more relaxed as a result. Zell had laid his head against my shoulder, but was still fidgeting restlessly now and then, not having yet used his daily quota of energy, and it still being too early to fall asleep. We’d left the balcony doors open, letting the warm desert air drift in. Finally giving in to the need to move, to stretch, to do _something_ , Zell rolled half away from me and sat up on the bed. I wasn’t surprised, or disappointed or bereft by the sudden withdrawal. I was simply expecting, anticipating, _knowing_ , that Zell wasn’t going to lie still for long. The sheet that had been covering our lower bodies slipped low to give me a view of his thigh and left buttock, and I rolled onto my side, appreciating the hard lines of muscle down his back.

"You reckon that anyone out there," he gestured out to the city lights, "knows that their president wanders around after dark in a Galbadian military hat and chocobo-shaped fuzzy slippers?"

I snorted at his back, instantly amused at the randomness of the question, and antagonised - only vaguely, but even so - by the fact that my father was yet again doing something embarrassing and ridiculous.

"...outside the palace grounds?" Zell added with impeccable timing.

"You liar," I murmured dismissively. "Kiros and Ward would never let him..."

He turned to me, a one-fanged grin on his lips. "Ward has the best sense of humor on the entire Esthar continent. And besides, what if Kiros didn’t know?"

I gave him a look that said in one second, ‘tell me you’re joking’, and in the next, ‘No, don’t, I don’t want to know.’

"You think Laguna would consider building a training center in Esthar like the one in Garden?" Zell muttered next, into the warm silence that followed.

"Just so you can go burn off your excess energy on the two or three times a year we’re here?" I asked, not quite as flippantly as the words would suggest. "He probably would if I was the one asking for it." For all that Laguna can be unpredictable and idiotic, he has this odd little habit of listening to me when I least expect it. Which, rather than being reassuring in any way, makes me think twice before I say too much in front of him. The bits he listens to aren’t always the bits I want him to remember. 

Zell’s leg had begun to jitter in a way that said he was fast getting tired of sitting around inside, so I rolled out of bed lazily, and walked naked to the fridge to pull out two beers. Handed him one once I’d twisted the tops off and went to stand outside in the warm night air, still naked, and careless of the fact that the low wall of the balcony was only just high enough to provide any form of modesty from prying eyes.

"I like this city," Zell muttered into my skin, as he pressed himself against my side and wrapped his arms around my chest, the icy bottle in his hand sending shivers over my skin that I ignored. I shifted my beer to my left hand and draped my arm over his shoulders, the scent of evergreen and leather wafting up towards me again. The scent of safety, of peace, of strength in a vibrant, electric, tattooed body.

I’m not surprised this time, when Eden interrupts again. I think I’m beginning to understand what she’s saying, and at the same time, I wonder how much longer she has to finish saying it, in the not-time of this summons.

_Halfway there, but not quite good enough,_ Eden declares in the next moment, and then I’m immersed in the vivid memory, the sound, the feel, the smell of a strong male body riding mine. Zell’s body, knowing mine so thoroughly, not complaining when I fail to call his name, settling for a breathless sigh instead. Running his hands down my back with just the right pressure, in a way that Seifer never did, until my legs are shaking with the effort of staying upright, of standing for long enough for him to finish taking me. Me bent over the railing, him pressed up behind me. Exactly the same position I was in during the last mind-wreck Eden put me through. And as much as the experience gave me a mind-blowing pleasure, I struggle to find any comparison between the almost-rape that Seifer shared with me, and the thorough, sensual fucking I got from Zell. Zell was firm where Seifer was brutal. Zell was willing, where Seifer came and went as he pleased. Zell was honest, while Seifer only ever told me what he thought I wanted to hear. 

Eden crosses my mind in an inky shadow then, and I see instead, Zell’s face, twisted in anger as he cursed me, accused me, walked away from me in the shadow of Seifer’s betrayal in the SeeD Lounge. And I still don’t know if it was my doing, his walking away, or Seifer’s, or whether he has himself to blame for wanting more than I could give him. 

And then I realise I know what Eden has been saying. No matter who was at fault... Zell is the one that I love, I quietly admit to myself. And to Eden, since she insists on listening. 

Again, the jumble of images and ideas that is Eden flitters though my mind, and I’m absolutely stunned as I realise what she just said. _‘Good boy. You get the cookie.’_

Well fuck me, I think, as the not-darkness fades around me, and the ground rises up beneath my feet. The narky bitch has a sense of humor...  
*

With a clarity of thought that surprises me, I drop back into reality and am instantly prepared for a dash back to Garden, to do battle with whatever evil has been set loose there. Now that I’ve made my decision about Zell, I find it easy to put him in the back of my mind for now, until the more important threat of Thanatos and Garden’s safety is out of the way.

Seems that every time I get things inside my own head into order, something in the real world throws a curve ball at me. 

I look up, and see that instead of having been flattened by Eden’s powerful attack, Thanatos is still alive. And is rapidly regenerating himself.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle is finally over. And now the SeeDs have to save Garden.

**DAVIS**

"Here we go..." Bailey mutters, then a clang and a whirring sound fill the air outside the training center. Four different control panels light up while the computer hums back into life. "I think I’ve got it..." Bailey sits back, and we all look round expectantly at the doors. Then to our left, one of the panels hisses, crackles, and explodes in a fountain of electrical sparks. "Fuck," Bailey sums up the situation nicely. "Don’t even..." she adds, when I draw breath to speak, and I hastily close my mouth again. It’s been fifteen minutes since we last saw a monster, and we’re no closer to getting the doors shut. But on the up side, that little explosion filled the air with the pleasant scent of char-grilled T-rex.

A roar sounds from inside the training center - testament enough to the idea that there are more monsters waiting to come out, if and when it suits them, and we all gather our weapons up ready for battle. But, like the last 4 times, the roar and the shuffling footfalls fade again, and we relax a tiny bit.

"It’s quiet," Andrews mutters, after a minute. "Real quiet. Reckon the others have got it under control yet?"

"Hope so," Ash replies, poking at the remains of a grat with her revolver. "Reckon Squall and SeeD are doing okay in FH?"

"Reckon they’ll kick our butts when they get back?" Branaghan asks, only half serious. Honestly, we all know this kind of speculation is a waste of time. No one ever changed the future by worrying about it. But we need something to think about other than the fact that we’re literally waiting around for something to come and kill us. 

"Remind me why I chose this career?" I add my two gil to the discussion.

"Wasn’t it something to do with meeting cute guys in uniform?" Andrews murmurs from where he’s crouched on the floor, a smirk in his voice, and despite myself, I have to smile.

Again the roar sounds, closer this time, and we instinctively form our makeshift little barrier between the center doors and Bailey. Our luck is wearing thin this time, and the rex stops to look twice through the open doors, sniffing with interest at what it probably thinks are nice little pre-packaged meals on legs. Namely, us. And without further delay, it turns, and charges.

_Sleep_ , from five different sources, settles around the rex, but it pays no attention. We struggle to hold our ground, in the face of the natural urge to back away from the charging beast. But the whole point is for us to stay between it and Bailey, isn’t it. We split our strategies in the next round of magical fire-power, me, Andrews and Ash hitting it with _Blizzards_ , while Branaghan and Stan go for another _Sleep_ each. And the rex still doesn’t feel a thing. 

_Demolition Ammo_ is our next choice, at least for Andrews, Branaghan and me, wiping HP off the rex faster than before, but still at an agonizingly slow pace. 

"Another rex, coming out of the training center!" Ash bellows, ducking a swipe from the one we’re already playing with. 

"Holy shit!" Branaghan screams helpfully. 

My own response is not nearly so eloquent. We can barely hold up against one rex. There’s no way we can handle two, and all I see walking towards the open doors is the last stand in a glorious, but ultimately futile battle.

"Keep it up folks, just a few more seconds," Bailey yells over her shoulder.

"So be it," I whisper to myself, in the process completely missing the large t-rex tail swinging through the air until it connects with my body, flinging me like a rag doll against the fried power circuits. In the quiet moments that follow, I expect to feel the cold blackness of a KO any second now. Instead, I feel a deep lethargy, and light headedness, and a sinking feeling settle through my gut as I struggle to my feet.

And then I feel the strangest sensation... lightness, and strength, and a supernatural clarity as the t-rex comes into sharp focus, even as I wonder what happened to the lethargy all of a sudden. Outlined in stark relief, I see the weakest points on the rex, pinpointed by cross hairs as I raise my gun and fire - the throat, exploding in a slurry of blood - the armpit where there’s a break in his natural armour of scales, ripped by my bullets until his arm is hanging by a thread - the underbelly, where the skin is thinner and softer, pulverised in a volley of _Demolition Ammo_ \- and his eye... and Hyne help me, I’m so surprised I nearly drop my gun... but I manage to aim so perfectly, my bullet travels directly through the soft tissue of his tiny eye, past the only gap in the thick skull, and straight into the rex’s small, primitive brain.

And in the same instant that the rex drops dead, there’s a grinding, rumbling sound, as the thick metal doors of the training center slide closed... inches before the second rex reaches the doorway.  
*  
 **ANDREWS**

Holy mother of Hyne... Davis just... Hyne, I’m so caught up in the excitement of the first _Limit Break_ of our little group of friends that I nearly miss the fact that Teen’s got the doors closed. She rocks back on her heels, brushing her hair out of her eyes and wiping soot and dust across her face in the process. I can feel a grin almost splitting my face as I reach down and haul her to her feet, and into my arms. 

"We did it!" Stan yells enthusiastically, answered by a cheer from the rest of us.

"Well done, babe." I tilt Teen’s chin to look up at me. "As always, perfect timing." Again, there’s a round of agreement from the gang, but when I look up, I’m surprised to see Davis clutching the wall, looking alarmingly pale. Oh, shit yeah! She just had her first limit break. Her HP’s gonna be right on critical! Keeping one arm around Teen, I mutter the appropriate spell, and I’m relieved to see color flood back into Kirsten’s face as the _Cure_ takes effect. "Shit, Kirsten... that was awesome!" 

She blushes at me, and shrugs. "No, just lucky, really. I couldn’t do that again if I tried!"

"You don’t get it, do you?" Stan asks, a new found respect coloring his voice.

"What?" Kirsten looks utterly confused. 

"You just limit breaked," I explain softly, expecting exactly the sort of reaction that Kirsten gives me.

"Oh gods... oh gods, I did, didn’t I, I knew that felt weird, I _so_ wanted to do one of them, oh Hyne, that felt good, can I do it again?"

"Guys?" Ash shoulders her gunblade nonchalantly. Hyne, I can just see her becoming an instructor one day. She’s a born leader. "Sorry to break up the party, but we’ve still got some escapees on the loose here."

"We’re on it," I reply swiftly, dropping the empty cartridge from my gun and reloading. As the rest of the gang heads off down the hallway, I see Teen give the closed doors a worried glance, and I hang back for a moment, waiting for her to get her gun and equipment together. "Everything okay?" I ask, nodding pointedly to the door. 

"Yeah, sure," she answers too quickly, then rolls her eyes at me when I look unconvinced. She unconsciously gives the door another look, then shakes her head. "I’ll tell you later, okay? We’ve got a job to do now."

"Why doesn’t that make me feel better?" I wonder aloud, jogging to catch up with the rest of the group.

*  
 **ZELL**

There’s only one thing to do when a boss is trying to regenerate. Hit it hard, and fast, and then hit it again.

Quistis comes through with a limit break, followed by an _Ultima_ from Fujin, a _Meteor_ from Ward, and just to keep us guessing, a ‘Chef’s Knife’ from a batty little Tonberry that’s managed to sneak up on Thanatos.

Thanatos can’t keep up the fight in the face of the hard and fast battering, and he begins to waver, the few tentacles that haven’t yet been ripped off or disabled are lowered to the ground to try and support himself. He’s not done yet though, and I get ready for a _Holy_ , as soon as I get an opening in the battle.

I ignore the golden glow of an _Aura_ , because it comes from Seifer’s direction, and then instantly wish I hadn’t as he steps into my line of fire, Hyperion shimmering as he completes his first limit break of the day. My mother would give me a right thrashing if she heard the string of curses that comes out of my mouth when I see Thanatos stagger, belch, and collapse. We’ve spent over two hours trying to kick the shit out of this fucking boss, and that asshole takes the glory by giving it the final blow. As if I needed another reason to hate him.

I look to Squall, knowing that the look of disgust on my face is likely to piss him off some more, but I need to know what he thinks of Seifer’s little ego-trip. And I’m genuinely surprised when he doesn’t even look at Seifer, just hauls ass off the battle field, back towards Garden. And, for the first time today, I can say I’m proud of the decision I make next. I take off after him, keeping pace, and even overtaking him as we do the bolt back to Garden. Yeah baby, I’m short. But I can be damn fast when I want to be. Those are my students in there, and any monster that messes with them is gonna have to answer to me.


	46. Chapter 46

**IRVINE**

Makes fucking sense now why Ellone and I got hit by a grat earlier. The monsters were bloody well inside garden, not just wandering in from outside. I feel a wave of nausea as I remember what else happened with Ellone, and I glance at Selphie as we run back up the gangway to Garden’s entrance. My conscience is arguing that I should tell her about that little kiss, while something in my gut is still refusing to even acknowledge it happened. Shit, focus on something else, Irvine. Your kids are in trouble. All the kids in Garden are in trouble. Hyne...

"Spread out," Squall barks at us as we reach the observation deck. "Three of you on the upper decks, the rest of you take the elevator down to the ground floor and spread out. Mission objective: Seek and destroy." 

"We’re on second floor," Quistis replies quickly, and she, Fujin and Rajin head down the corridor while the rest of us turn left to the elevator.

"Be ready for anything when these doors open," Squall orders us, as we file into the elevator, the doors closing us in with an electric hum. 

Bloody ironic, ain’t it, I think as the doors open on the ground floor. No matter how prepared you think you are, life always manages to surprise you.

*  
 **ASH**

"Okay people, let’s hit the second floor. Weapons out, who knows what we’re gonna find when those doors open," I drill the gang as we double time it to the elevator. "I know we’ve got a pile of _Phoenix Downs_ now, but we shouldn’t let that mean we get sloppy. My team will head left, Davis, you go right."

We’re just reaching the stairs leading up when the elevator doors suddenly open, and our instructors rush out, weapons drawn and faces grim. Instant recognition and surprise shows on their faces. They skid to a halt, us halfway up the stairs, them, half way down, with only two or three steps separating us. 

There’s a moment’s stunned hesitation as we each register the other’s presence in a place we least expected to find each other. Squall’s eyes travel slowly down my filthy clothes, from blood-stained shirt, to slime-covered pants, my boots, which are dragging mud and rex-excrement across the carpet, and back up again. My hair, I know, is full of _Sleep_ powder, and in my hand, the forbidden and unauthorised gunblade. Hard to know if I should salute them, or put the revolver down, or maybe apologise for the mess.

The silence is shattered as Irvine suddenly raises his gun and fires, and Davis actually screams as the gunshot echoes across the hall. Followed by the wet slap of a grat toppling over. All our nerves, drawn so tightly over the past few hours, are dangerously close to snapping under the weighted tension of the Commander’s continuing stare. 

We’re a sorry-looking lot, really, tired and bruised and filthier than I knew it was possible to be. And as the silence continues I realise that our instructors, too, are looking far from their best, clothes tattered and stained, the tiredness of a long battle showing in their faces.

"Dear gods, are you alright?" Squall’s voice is touched with a strange note of concern, and something I would have recognised as awe if I hadn’t been too busy wondering if I was about to be expelled permanently.

"Well there were the grats, see, and we... and a rex," I try to explain, not sure how coherent this will be. "And uh, one of... one of the kids died, but then we revived her, and the doors were open, so we shut them..." I trail off. Behind Squall, the elevator opens again, and I recognise President Laguna from Esthar. There are two other men with him, and they skirt around our impromptu meeting, and move out across the hall to take care of any stray grats still wandering the place.

Then a panicked voice reaches our ears. "I don’t bloody care, keep running!" Silver’s yell precedes her as she, Dominic and Nick, another of Zell’s students come hurtling out of the Quad hallway, taking the corner at high speed, to be followed at extremely close quarters by a T-rex. Squall, Zell and Irvine are already moving to intercept by the time it occurs to me that we should be helping them out, and as Silver passes the bottom of the stairs, Irvine fires off a round of AP ammo, pulling the rex up short. Enraged, the beast turns on us, but Squall is ready. He mutters a chant I’ve never heard before, and then the most foul smell, and a strange grey smoke waft into the room, and we hear an awful moaning, creaking sound, shaking the entire foyer. And then before our very eyes, the rex turns pale, then grey, and collapses, dead.

Silver’s team have pulled up short, gasping for breath and fighting to stay on their feet as Zell dashes across the hall to them, tossing out a couple of _Cura_ spells. Silver and Nick’s wounds, which have apparently been bleeding badly, close themselves, but the spell does nothing to help them catch their breath, and it’s a long pause until Silver gasps out a breathy "Thank you." 

"Here, sit down," Zell catches Silver’s arm and helps her onto the floor, just before her legs give out. "Nick? You okay?" he asks worriedly, glancing at his second pupil. "You should sit down too, for a minute." Even from here, I can see Silver’s hands shaking, and Zell’s voice drifts off into a soft murmur, telling Silver to take deep breaths and other comforting words.

My gaze drifts around to Squall, who is talking quietly to Irvine, and reloading his gunblade. Over on the far side of the hall, I see President Laguna helping his dark friend off the ground, after they’ve killed a grat. Then I glance up the stairs, and see Rinoa, the sorceress, who fought in the war with Squall, and Selphie, one of the other instructors, and a blond man I haven’t seen in Garden before. Then I notice the scar, running diagonally across his face. Just like Squall’s scar... So this is Seifer, I realise. This is the guy we’re doing all this for. Strange... he looks kinda sympathetic and concerned. From the stories we’ve been hearing, I’d expected someone colder, more aloof. But he’s looking downright worried, as he takes a few steps down the stairs. And Squall has started back up the stairs toward me, I realise, as I look round again.

"Now, can you tell me what happened here?" Squall asks again, but I can barely hear him through the sudden ringing in my ears. I try to speak again, but suddenly find my vision blurred by a rush of tears. Seifer says something to me, but I can’t make out the words...  
*  
 **ZELL**

"Holy mother of Hyne!" I whip my head round, just in time to see Seifer catch Ash as she collapses, saving her from a nasty fall down the stairs.

"Bloody hell..." Squall vaults up the stairs to her side and checks her quickly, casting a _Cura_ for good measure. But I suspect she’s simply suffering from the same ailment as Silver, who’s still shivering on the floor beside me. Stress overload... and Hyne, it’s no wonder, which what these kids must have been through in the past few hours.

"Someone cranked the doors to the training center open, and fried the computer." A lean brunette answers Squall’s question once he’s seen to Ash. She’s one of Irvine’s students, I think.

"Cadet... Bailey?" Squall asks with a frown, and the girl nods. 

"Yes sir."

"Please, carry on," Squall prompts her, one hand raised to his forehead in a gesture I recognise as self-doubt. The poor guy’s probably managed to blame this entire mess on himself...

"Well, we rounded up all the specialist students, since SeeD was outta town, and headed down to get the doors shut. Which is still kind of a problem." She blushes, and is lost for words for a moment. "I kinda had to fry the wiring even more to get the doors shut, and now they don’t open. At all," she adds, just to make the point.

*  
 **ASH**

"And you’ve been... what, fighting your way down every fucking hallway between the dorms and here?" Squall’s question, barked out in an angry growl, hangs over me as I open my eyes again, surprised to find myself cradled in Seifer’s arms, the rest of the students apparently undergoing a drilling from the Commander.

"We had no choice," I interrupt, struggling to sit up, grateful for Seifer’s hand on my back, steadying me. "Not everyone made it back to the dorms, and the alternative was to leave them to die." Hyne! I’m starting to understand why everyone finds Squall so intimidating. I’ve never before been on the receiving end of one of his glares, and only the fact that I’m not entirely aware of what’s going on gives me the courage to ignore the icy stare. "Besides," I add, mutinously. "Just think of all the battle experience we got."

"That’s pretty awesome," Irvine murmurs from the bottom of the stairs, admiration evident in his voice. "I gotta say, I’m impressed."

"Shut up, Irvine!" Squall snaps, and even Irvine flinches. "You’ve been fighting level 87 rexes," he jabs a finger at the t-rex lying on the floor, "and _herds_ of grats," he gestures to across the foyer, where Laguna and co are still fighting one of the green buggers, "on a fucking _suicide_ mission. I want every single one of you either back in your rooms, or in the infirmary immediately." Well, so much for a warm reception, I think, as I haul myself to my feet, wobbling slightly until Seifer again steadies me.

"Thanks," I mutter up at him, and earn a smirk in return.

"No problem, sweetheart," he murmurs in reply.

"Squall, they were only doing what they had to." Irvine speaks up for us, as we gather our equipment and weapons.

"And now they can stop doing it," Squall replies firmly, with an edge to his voice that, Hyne help me, grates on my nerves just a little too much.

"Just for the record, _Commander_ ," I snap, turning back as we were about to head for the dorms, tails between our legs, so to speak, "We all headed into battle today knowing _exactly_ how much we suck at fighting monsters, and how _fucking_ tiny the chances were of us getting through the day alive. And you know what? We _kicked ass_ today. And I’m sorry if you don’t appreciate that, but I reckon the kids whose lives we saved might be a little more grateful." I turn to head after my friends, but then another thought flashes through my head, and before I can think about it, I turn back again. 

"And while we’re on the subject," I continue, throwing all remaining caution to the wind, "I guess you should know that I stole a bunch of supplies from the stores, you know, _Phoenix downs_ and stuff, so we could stay alive, and this revolver," I wave the gunblade in my hand, "the one I just used to kill four t-rexes and nine grats, is completely unauthorised." 

He stares at me for a long moment. "Go to your room, Ash," he says firmly, quietly.

"Yes sir." I drop the revolver on the carpet, know it’s probably the last time I’ll ever hold one, as we’re undoubtedly all headed for a rapid expulsion after this, and force my suddenly shaking legs to carry me back to the dorms.


	47. Chapter 47

**SQUALL**

How could I have done it? Hyne, knowing damn well how many people are holding a grudge against Garden, I left the place completely unprotected. I keep hearing Ash’s words over and over again, when she tried to explain what they were doing. ‘The alternative was to leave them to die.’ But that’s exactly what I did. The students, the staff, the Garden faculty, Cid... they deserve more than this, more than a Commander who can’t keep his eye on the whole picture. I had to rely on a bunch of students to do my job for me, and then they did it a damn sight better than me. I’ve never really known before what it feels like to be a failure.

And at the same time, I’m practically bursting with pride. Those kids faced up to unbelievable odds today, and Ash was right again. They kicked ass. What I want to do most of all is reinstate Ash. I’m kinda disappointed she didn’t have a battle meter with her today. I’ve seen the stats from some of the other students, and they were... spectacular. I think Ash’s battle log would have been something amazing to see. But I can’t reinstate her until this goes through the Garden Faculty. If she even wants to be reinstated. I’ve had seven resignations from students just this afternoon. It would bloody well serve me, and Garden, right. If I can’t protect the kids in what should be their home, I can’t blame them for wanting to leave.

After all the fighting today, you’d think I’d be exhausted. But I’ve been pacing around my quarters for two hours now, after I finally gave up trying to get to sleep. Too many things racing around in my head, my whole body’s too tense and I can’t get comfortable, the light from FH - still awake and buzzing in the clean up after today - is shining in my window, keeping me awake. I’m too hot. Even in just a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt.

I wish Zell was here.

*  
 **ANDREWS**

The showers have run out of hot water, after the entire student body tried to rid themselves of slime and goo and blood. The laundry is going to be crowded out for the next week, and there’s still a stench in the corridors from the shit that got ground into the carpet before the clean up crews came round to take the carcasses away.

Ash and Blake are curled up in a corner together, and Ash has been crying for the past hour. The rest of us don’t really know Squall that well, so I figure we can’t understand what they’re feeling. I guess if Irvine had yelled at us like Squall did, I’d be feeling pretty cut up about it. Though I gotta say, I was impressed with the way Ash bit back like a bloody rattlesnake.

Kirsten Davis is still pacing the short distance from the door to the bed and back... driving everyone nuts, I’m sure, but then, she still hasn’t quite come down from her limit break excitement. I kinda wish I’d managed a limit break myself... just so I could tell her to get over it already and bloody well sit down. Somehow, it just seems too heartless, with the rest of us still having no idea what it feels like.

But then again, someone could always beat me to it. "Kirsten, would you fucking well sit down, or take your stupid adrenalin rush somewhere else!" Shit... Never seen Blake get cranky before, but I gotta say, he does it with style. Face bright red, hand on his gunblade, with a look in his eye that could kill a Thrustaevis at twenty paces. "The only bloody reason you limit breaked in the first place is cos you were about to KO, so I don’t see why you’re so bloody proud of it."

"Oh hell..." Bailey mutters at my side, under her breath. Kirsten has just turned white as a sheet, and she takes a hasty seat on the only free stool in the room.

"Shit, Kirsten, I’m sorry..." Blake is already on the retreat, but Kirsten shakes her head slowly. 

"No, you’re right. I could have died today. I nearly _did_ die today..." 

"Hey, it’s okay..." Thankfully, Silver steps into the role of shoulder to cry on this time. I’d love to help, I really would, but I’ve got enough on my plate right now with Teen curled up against me, not to mention my own emotional roller coaster still in full swing.

"Guys?" I say to the room in general. "Before we went out there this morning, I believed in what we were doing. I said I didn’t give a shit what the consequences were, and I meant it. And I know it’s rough, y’know, in the aftermath and all, but think about it. If you had known this would be the result this morning, would you have done anything differently? Because I know I would have done exactly the same thing, and I don’t regret one single decision I made today."

"You’re right," Ash sniffs, finally pushing away from the wall and standing up. "I’m proud of what we did today. And I’m not gonna let anyone tell me we screwed up, cos I don’t believe it."

"Damn straight." Silver adds, and her response, I think, says it all.

*  
 **ZELL**

_Thump thump._ Pissed off. _Thump thump thump._ Seriously pissed off. _Thump thump thwack THUD._ We’re talking pissed right off the scale here, folks. And there’s only so much a punching bag can do for my mood. _Thump thump thud thwack._

I mean, what the hell was I thinking? Oh, that’s right, I wasn’t thinking. And believe me, as much as Seifer is a total asshole, leaving him for dead was _seriously_ uncool. And what’s even dumber, is that even if Seifer’s an asshole, Squall doesn’t think so, so if I ever want to get him back again, which I don’t by the way, I’d never get him back if he knew I’d done the one thing SeeDs are never supposed to do, ie. leaving a comrade KOed in battle. Not that I want him back, cos he’s an asshole, and I don’t. Just so we’re clear on that. No matter how much of an asshole Seifer is, I should have known better, cos just because he’s a dick, doesn’t mean I have to be one too, and I thought I was above that, but apparently I’m not, so I’m - _seriously_ \- pissed off.

_Thump thump._ And Hyne, where does Squall get off, yelling at the kids today! I mean, they risked their butts doing the job we should have been doing in the first place, and instead of saying thank you, and well done, and you guys rock, which is what they were all _dying_ for us to say, he goes and tells them they can go back to their rooms and chill out like high school teen-queens. Which was _seriously_ uncool. Besides which, half of them looked like death warmed up, and he didn’t even stop to say ‘hey, sit down, take a breather’, just launched into ‘give me my mission report’. Totally uncool.

And the training center is massively out of action right now, which is why I’m stuck here in this stupid, hot little room... for all that FH is an ocean city, it gets some freakish weather patterns... trying to work off my overdeveloped frustration on a piece of leather and padding, instead of on a t-rex’s jaw-bone. Which is very, _very_ uncool. _Thud thumpity-thumpity thump CRASH._

And Hyne, I’m pissed as hell at the kids! What did they think they were doing, going up against T-rexes and swarms of grats, in corridors, of all fucking places! There’s no where to run in a fucking corridor! What if they’d got cornered, and couldn’t get out? What if they got attacked from both sides! What if they’d got killed, and we weren’t there to do anything about it?

The anger all seems to drain out of me with that thought, and I find myself on my knees, fists clenched and tears in my eyes. My kids could have died. And knowing that I was away following orders is cold comfort to the idea that I wasn’t there to do anything about it.

*  
 **IRVINE**

Even the single sheet on our bed is too hot this evening as FH serves up yet another tropical weather system. Selphie kicks it to the side impatiently, then hops off the bed to rip it right onto the floor, when it gets stuck part way there. Of course, I mentally amend, watching her with a smirk, it’d be more than hot enough in here even without a humid breeze blowing in the window. She’s wearing my cowboy hat again... Hyne knows why she started that habit, but it still brings a grin to my lips every time. And now she frowns at me and puts her hands on her hips, absolutely careless of the fact that she’s stark naked, and as intimidating as a puppy with a ball of string. 

"Just what are you smirking it, Irvine Kinneas?"

I glance down at myself, then back at her, and reply with a lazy but mischievous, "Nothin’."

She follows my glance, and produces a smirk of her own. "That’s an awfully big nothing..."

I laugh, partly in egotistical pride, but mostly at the delightfully hungry look she’s trying to disguise as a passing interest. "And it ain’t gettin’ any smaller, Sweetbuns! Come here." I reach for her hand, and she literally _bounces_ onto the bed, straddling me mid-bounce. 

"Long day?" she asks sweetly, wrapping her hand around me and leaning down for a kiss at the same time.

"Long... MMhhmm... day, means a long night, sweetheart. You know me." I pause to nibble her lips, then kiss a path down her neck and over her shoulder, tasting warm skin and scented body lotion. It took three showers, but we finally got rid of the smells of the battle, and banished our worn clothes to the laundry room for the evening. 

"Mmm, are we okay this way?" Selphie asks, referring to our respective positions, as she slithers lower, lips and teeth mapping out my chest as she goes. Not that I usually have any objection to her being on top, but she does tend to set a slower pace than I do, and I know she’s picked up on the tension still coursing through me.

"This is okay," I say laconically, and fit her gorgeous breasts into my palms. Her hips undulate against mine, and I feel a new flush of heat that has nothing to do with the weather.

We take a minimum of effort over the foreplay this time. Selphie is as wound up and ready to go as me, and we can save the tender kisses and murmured endearments for later in the night. I sigh deeply as she lowers herself onto me, feeling her stroking me, seeing her breasts quiver as she rocks against me. As always, the world outside our bed loses focus, I could drown in her eyes, her lips, and she dips her head to kiss me again. 

It’s a slow, simmering rise to climax, and as many times as it happens, I’m always amazed to hear her cry out, then have her tense and trembling in my arms. And then I hear my own voice cry out, and feel her soft weight pressed against me, in the long, heavy breaths of the aftermath. It doesn’t get any better than this.

"Hyne, I love you," I tell her, looking her in the eye. "You know that, don’t you?" I know instantly she has picked up on the hidden meaning behind those words, as she tenses suddenly.

"Irvine Kinneas," she snaps, sitting up, and suddenly oblivious to what she’s doing to my nether regions. She stares down at me seriously, then asks, her voice quiet and calm, "Have you been unfaithful to me?"

"No." My answer comes instantly. "Hyne knows, the temptation was there, Selphie, but no." My voice cracks as I answer, and Selphie breaks the steadfast gaze that has held us until now. I lean up onto one elbow, reaching for her as she avoids looking at me. "Selphie?"

"Who was she?"

"Oh Hyne... you wouldn’t believe me if I told you." The words come out in a breathy rush. Selphie looks less than impressed, and lifts herself off me, sliding off the bed to pace across the room. "Do you trust me?" she asks, turning to face me.

Only two weeks ago, I would have been insulted at the question. But now, I see it in a different light than I would have then. Squall and Zell’s mistakes have taught not only them, but us some powerful lessons, and the importance of honesty has been one of them.

"I trust you." I nod my reply, then cringe in a wave of self-disgust. "It was Ellone," I tell her, wincing at the scornful disbelief that flashes across her face. "Hyne, I know, Selphie," I answer her unspoken accusation. "She’s all light and innocence and purity, she’s got it in spades, and believe me, I thought I was imagining it, or losing my mind or something. But she..."

"She...?" Selphie prompts gently.

"She kissed me!" I explain the whole episode to Selphie in as clinical a way as I can manage, but by the end of it I’m still feeling like a dirty old man.

Selphie is looking frustrated and pensive. "And you just let her kiss you?"

"No, Selphie!" I protest. "I hardly knew what she was doing! And I stopped her as soon as I could."

"Man... who’da thought... Ellone..." Selphie slowly comes back to sit on the bed.

"Forgive me?" I ask long minutes later, watching Selphie pick the lint off the sheet.

She somehow manages to pout and smile at the same time. "Okay... Just...don’t do it again, okay?"

"Love you," I whisper, pulling her into a hug, and I’m rewarded when she wriggles closer. 

"And don’t you forget it," she teases with a grin.


	48. Chapter 48

**LAGUNA**

"Squall, have you seen Odine?"

"What do you mean, have I seen Odine? Should I have?"

"Well, he came with us from Esthar - that’s what I wanted to talk to you about before all the monsters got loose and... well, you know what happened after that. But now we can’t find him."

"Where was he last?"

"In Garden, just before SeeD went out into FH to fight the monsters."

"And I’m assuming you’ve looked everywhere in Garden?"

"How stupid do you think I am? No, don’t answer that. Yes, we’ve looked."

"Then he’s probably hiding in FH. I’ll tell SeeD to keep an eye out for him. There’s still a few teams helping with the clean up."

"..."

"What?"

"You don’t think he could have been eaten by a T-rex, do you?"

"...? We’ll have a look in FH and see if he shows up."

"Okay. Thank you. Uh... Squall?"

"...Yes?"

"Have you spoken to Zell lately?"

"...why do you ask?"

"Well, I was just wondering... are you two getting along all right?"

"Spit it out, Laguna."

*sigh* "He’s a great boy, you know."

"Hyne help us..."

"And you should think about it really carefully before letting someone like Seifer come between you two. He’s devious, and selfish, and arrogant, and he’s not doing anyone any good."

"I know, Laguna, I know, okay? I love Zell. And heaven knows you won’t leave it at that if I say it’s not that simple, but I’m working on it. Okay?"

*grin* "Okay. See ya later, Squall."

"...bye Laguna."

*  
 **IRVINE**

"Miss Davis, please stand up." I smirk, as Kirsten looks around nervously, then stands up. Our first time back in the classroom, four days after what has been christened ‘K-day’, and the first real chance we’ve had to catch up with our students. 

"K-day?" I had asked, when I first heard that one. "What the heck does the K stand for?"

The students had been in the cafeteria at the time, while I was passing through, ordering coffee for me and Sweetbuns, and they’d all looked round like I’d caught them stealing Mega-potions from supplies.

There was a pronounced silence, until I raised a single eyebrow, and predictably, Ash chose to speak up. "As in the day we kicked ass," she explained politely, and I instantly burst out laughing. "Oh Hyne, I can see why Squall likes you so much," I had exclaimed, to her shocked surprise. It had me chuckling for the rest of the afternoon.

From the side of the room, I see Bailey frown, and Andrews show the very beginnings of a glare, as Miss Davis eyes me warily. One thing I can say for my kids - they’re loyal to each other, and I bet they’re just daring me to cross them, or any other student in the class. Well, far be it for me to break with tradition... I have plans to surprise the heck out of them. Same way I have in almost every other class I’ve given. "Class," I call their attention together, amid the hushed whisperings and rumours, no doubt all focused on what punishment had been set for the students. "Would you all put your hands together for the beautiful Miss Davis, the first, and as yet, the _only_ student in this class to have developed a genuine, bona-fide... _Limit Break._ " 

Andrews and Bailey are on their feet first, cheering and applauding, and the rest of the class rapidly joins in, while Miss Davis turns a dashing shade of pink.

"Thank you Miss Davis," I continue, once the noise has settled down. "Next, could we please have Mr Andrews and Miss Bailey on their feet. This dynamic duo is part of the team that courageously and competently set about closing the training center doors. Fantastic organisation and excellent team work, under most difficult circumstances. Thank you, Mr Andrews, Miss Bailey."

It takes a little longer for the cheers to quiet this time, no doubt every student in Garden has heard a version of the heroics that went on down in the training center. "Mr Kenden, please stand up," I continue. "Mr Kenden is to be commended for the bold, yet reckless move of facing a T-rex single handedly! Quick thinking, in a _very_ tight situation! Congratulations Mr Kenden!"

Truth is, I realised after I had checked all their battle meters, that every one of these kids achieved something outstanding that day. Long talks with Squall, Cid and the Garden Faculty reached the unanimous conclusion that the students, far from being expelled, deserved to be highly commended for their efforts. And I’m gonna make sure every one of these kids gets the thanks and prestige they’ve earned.

*  
 **SQUALL**

"I wanted to start by saying that I know how tough the past few days have been for all of you. It wasn’t that long ago that myself and the rest of your instructors were in a very similar position. We were SeeDs the first time we went up against Ultimecia, but we were hopelessly outclassed none the less. And the few days after that battle were savagely difficult." I pause, and glance over to where my fiends are standing off to the side. The entire student body is gathered into the quad, and speaking in such a public arena still rubs against the grain for me. I still try to cling onto the privacy and silence and reserve that was my armour for so long. And as my glance passes over Zell, I wish for the ninetieth time in three days that we had already patched up our differences. "I know first hand how hard it is to deal with the kinds of issues you’re all trying to deal with, and I wanted to say I am... we all are... immensely proud of you, for the battles you fought, for the way you organised yourselves, and for the way you’ve dealt with the difficulties of the past few days.

"I also owe you an apology. Two apologies, actually. The first is on behalf of Garden. We failed you. Garden was designed to protect you and your friends and families from the evils of the world. You are not fully trained, you were not adequately prepared for battle, and you were placed into a situation that should never have happened. And for that, I am deeply sorry. The second apology... is personal. After the battles in FH and Garden, I reacted very badly to the efforts some of you had made. That was completely unjustified, and again, I’m sorry. You all performed exceptionally well, and I owe you all a debt of gratitude for looking after Garden, and each other." 

Despite Rinoa and Irvine’s lengthy chat with me... okay, so it was more like parking me in a chair and yelling until I started to listen... about how the students were feeling and how badly I’d treated them, I still had my doubts that an apology would set things right. But standing here now, I see eyes light up that haven’t even looked my way since the battle, smiles where moments before there were grey frowns, and pride show through where before there was shame and resentment. And a strange and new idea suddenly occurs to me. In the three attempts I’ve made to speak to Zell lately, I’ve hit a cold brick wall every time. Maybe I should start with an apology next time? Even though I’m not entirely sure what I should be apologising for... But now, I inwardly scold myself, I have a job to do.

"There’s one other issue that needs to be discussed. Some..." I stop, unable to look at the student body. I finger LionHeart’s hilt, and take a deep breath. "Some of the students involved in the battle have resigned from Garden, and I’m sure some of you are thinking about it, even if you haven’t actually done it yet. While I thoroughly understand why you may feel that way, I’m going to ask you to reconsider. Please, think over any decisions you make now very carefully. You are all very talented, very promising students, and you all have the potential to become excellent SeeDs. I’m not going to force anyone to stay. I’m just asking you to make sure you know what you’re doing before you do it."  
*  
I knock on Ash’s door, half an hour later, trying to keep the uncharacteristic smile from my lips. I glance down to my right, then quickly look back up as the door slides open.

"Commander?" The greeting, if it could be called that, is hollow and polite.

"Please, Katelyn, call me Squall." She shrugs, and steps aside so I can enter the room. "Did you come to the meeting today?" I ask, once she has closed the door again.

"I heard about it."

"I wanted to apologise personally to you. I understand you were largely the team leader during the battle?"

She nods.

"Thank you, Katelyn. I was... terrified... when I heard about it, that someone would be killed or trapped, and we wouldn’t be able to get to them. You’re a terrific fighter, and a damn good strategist, and you didn’t deserve anything I said then. I’m sorry."

She remains silent, and I’m suddenly rethinking the ‘good news’ I came to tell her. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe she doesn’t want...

"Do you want to stay in Garden?" I ask finally, knowing it’s rather blunt, but at a loss for the tact and subtlety that any one of my friends would find so easy.

"Yes." The answer comes without hesitation.

"Good," I reply, unable, this time, to keep the smirk entirely from my expression. "Then you’ll be needing this," I hand her a bulky envelope, which she looks at quizzically, then rips it open, catching her battle meter and Items in her palm. 

"And, you might want this back," I continue, deliberately ignoring her shocked, delighted expression, and opening the door again. I pick up the Revolver from where it sat beside the door, and hand her the case. "You’ve been reinstated, as of this morning," I inform her, and then I’m completely shocked by her reaction. 

"Thank you!" She flings the gunblade onto her bed, where it lands safely, I’m relieved to note, and then I’m stunned as she collides bodily with me, and it takes me a full two seconds to realise that I’m being hugged... _hugged_... by a girl who is normally calm, calculated and coolly in control. I feel thoroughly uncomfortable with the embrace, but somehow, I manage to reach out and squeeze her shoulders in a return of the gesture, though my version is much more sedate than hers.

"You’re welcome," I reply, in a tone of voice that even I recognise as disapproving, and Ash blushes as she steps back, embarrassed but still ecstatic none the less, as she realises the inappropriateness of her action.

I search for an appropriate parting comment, but fail to come up with one, and so I simply give her a nod, and turn to leave instead. As the door closes behind me, I look back for a second, and see her wide grin, watching me leave, and again, that tiny smirk appears on my lips. And then, to my surprise, it blossoms into a full blown smile. Thankfully, the door has already closed.


	49. Chapter 49

**ZELL**

"Zell?"

"..."

"Do you have a minute?"

"Aren’t you bored of this yet? I mean come on, Squall, four times in three days? I don’t wanna talk to you. Stop trying."

"I owe you an apology."

I stop, trying not to get my hopes up again. "Yeah, really?" I turn to face him. "What for?"

He doesn’t answer, just gives me this blank stare, and I figure pretty quickly that he has no idea what he’s apologising for, he’s just trying to tell me what I want to hear. I roll my eyes at him, and stalk off down the hallway again.

"I should have told you about Seifer sooner," he says quickly, and with a small sigh, I stop and turn around again. 

"He’s no threat to you, Zell." He tells me, simply. "I don’t feel anything for Seifer. I never did."

What surprises me next is not what Squall said, but how I react to it. For the first time, I realise that this is no longer about Seifer. Squall was right, no matter how painful the admission was when I finally admitted it to myself. I’ve been blaming Seifer for a lot of things that should have been forgotten a long time ago. Arguments back in the orphanage, fights on the beach, him teasing me or stealing my toys. But somewhere, somehow in the past few days, I realised that he doesn’t matter any more. I have fulfilled my dreams. I became a SeeD, made my ma proud of me, I have some of the most loyal friends I could have imagined... and meanwhile, Seifer is on trial for his life. I’m not gloating over the idea, either, I’m relieved to find. I’ve simply realised that it’s not a competition any more.

But at the same time, Squall has just reminded me why this is still such a problem. I can’t even imagine how it’s possible to have sex with someone for the better part of three years, and come out of it feeling nothing. Okay, so plenty of guys do the casual sex thing, but don’t you at least have to like the person you’re fucking? I’m perfectly sure that Seifer was nothing more to Squall than a warm body. Which is why I’m so pissed off at him. Why should I believe for one second that I’m not exactly the same thing, a body he can toss aside when he’s done with it?

"You don’t get it, do you?" I ask, coldly, and the blank look on his face is all the answer I need. "I’m not here to be a convenient lay for you, and I’m not gonna stand around and be insulted when you don’t even know what you’re apologising for."

"Zell! I don’t..."

"Go fuck yourself, Squall." I turn around one last time, and walk away.

*  
 **SQUALL**

"Garden came to Fisherman’s Horizon to help you resolve this conflict _without_ violence. We have done everything in our power to ensure a fair, balanced discussion and outcome, and to maintain peace through out that process. I am absolutely disgusted with whatever faction it was that set monsters loose, not only against the people of FH but against Garden... not against the SeeDs and soldiers of Garden, but against children, some no more than five years old, and civilians who had _nothing_ to do with this conflict. Who ever is responsible for this act of cowardice and vengeance will be found, and brought to justice."

Outside the town hall, thunder rumbles across the sky again, as it has been doing for near 12 hours now. I woke this morning at 5:30, to earth-shattering peals of thunder, and instinctively reached for Zell. He loves lightening storms - no doubt a product of his junction to Queazecotl - and I wanted to wake him so he didn’t miss it. Needless to say, Zell wasn’t there.

"Until this faction is found, we have little choice but to continue with this forum as planned. It has become evident throughout some of these discussions that many among you have little understanding of what a sorceress really is, and the powers that are inherent in that position. I have asked the Sorceresses Rinoa and Edea to speak to you today, to explain their powers, their roles in the war, and to clarify the role of a Sorceress Knight. We will have a question time following this session, so if any one has questions, please be patient, you will have a chance to ask them at the end."

I leave center stage, as Rinoa steps forward, and she brushes my hand just slightly as she passes. I feel a rush of comfort from the touch, grateful all over again that my friends are, as always, here to stand beside me, no mater how tangled and chaotic this situation becomes.

"I find a certain irony," she begins boldly, "in the notion that while Seifer has received a great deal of blame for his role in the war, accusations that he chose his place beside Ultimecia, and that he is somehow inherently evil for having done so, I have received no such censure. As most of you know, I was possessed, at one time, by the Sorceress Ultimecia..."

I look across to Seifer, and I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking right now. Depending on how things go today, there could be as few as three days left until this forum ends. Three days of freedom until his sentence is passed down. And I suddenly wish I was anywhere but here...

*  
"Sorceress Rinoa!" Question time is in full swing, and a Galbadian soldier stands up in his place. "It has been said that Commander Leonhart became your Knight for a time, after the war ended. Was he possessed, or did he have a choice in the matter?"

Rinoa looks my way, and I shrug minutely. The question has never occurred to me before, and I don’t know the answer now.

"Squall was my knight in name only. I never asked him to perform any tasks under that title, nor made any objection when he chose to forgo his position as Sorceress Knight, so I believe the question is irrelevant."

A Lieutenant from Dollet asks the next question. "From my understanding of events, the Sorceress Ultimecia was from the future, is that correct?"

"That is correct," Edea answers.

"So does that mean she’ll be rising, for the first time, as it were, in our future?" Hyne, that’s the one question I had hoped wasn’t going to be asked. It’s been niggling at the back of my own mind for far too long now, and I feel the familiar surge of nausea as I contemplate the possibility of facing up to Ultimecia again.

"No." I’m as shocked as the rest of the assembly to hear Seifer’s cool voice answer the question. "That’s what a lot of you people are worried about, right? Maybe she’ll rise again and I’ll step right up to be her faithful knight again?" There’s a hint, but only a faint hint, of sarcasm in his voice. "Ultimecia isn’t coming back. She isn’t coming for the first time. The war we just had was her one and only stand. She’s dead."

"I’d like the opinion of someone less biased than Ultimecia’s knight to answer that question," the lieutenant says firmly.

I step up to the microphone, wondering, in light of my recent conversations with Laguna, exactly what I should say here. In terms of real facts, all he and Odine have told us is that they’re still looking. "Esthar and Garden have been working together to try and answer that question for some time," I reply, deciding that sitting on the fence is sounding like a grand idea right now. "We haven’t come up with any firm conclusions yet, but we are still examining a lot of the information we’ve gathered. At the moment, the answer to that question is that there is a distinct possibility she will rise again, though whether or not it would be in our lifetime is unknown."

As I sit down again, I watch as Seifer smirks, shakes his head and sighs loudly. He seems pretty damn sure of what he’s talking about. Now if we could just find Odine, and get some answers out of him...


	50. Chapter 50

**LAGUNA**

"Odine!"

"Laguna! Vhere have you been?"

"...??"

"Ve must go to Sqvall! Ve must tell heem about Ultimecia!"

"...?"

"Laguna?"

"Where the f&*%# bloody f$#*& have you been?"

"Ze mayor of zis city gave me noodles!"

"What?"

"I vas very lost during ze beeg fight, so I run and run and run until I come here! And zen zis man gives me tea and noodles and says ve vait until ze fighting stops."

"That was four days ago."

"But he iz a nice man."

"..."

"Laguna?"

*mutter*"I am so going to kill you..."*mutter*

"Vhat? Ve must go now! And see Sqvall."

*mutter*"A nice little date with my machine gun should do nicely..."*mutter*

"Vhat iz zis muttering you are doing?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Come along."

*mutter*"Stvange man... alvays muttering..."*mutter*

*  
 **SQUALL**

How do you get over someone who is lightening personified? Zell _is_ energy, raw and unrefined, and vibrant as hell. Without him, I realise my quarters have become dull and ordinary. The unopened soda in the fridge has been there since we split, and I predict it will stay there indefinitely. I don’t drink it - it was there for him and there’s no way I’m going to remove it.

The forum ended peacefully today and since returning to my quarters, I’ve been pacing back and forth, trying to find an outlet for the surplus energy that, not so long ago, would have been channeled into a warm, vibrant, tattooed body.

Standing in front of the open refrigerator, I feel the shock of cold air against my hot skin, and realise once again that the frustrations of the day will need a physical release... and the training center is still out of action.

I reach down to adjust myself through leather and studded belts, and contemplate spending another night finding comfort in my own hand. Yes, probably, I concede. Coping with the physical frustrations of this mess on top of the emotional drain from both Zell and FH is more than I want to be dealing with. I sink down onto the couch, beer in hand, fingers teasing my thigh through the leather almost unconsciously. I imagine, for the moment, Zell straddling me, kissing me, running his fingers through my hair. My eyes have closed, and when I open them, the image vanishes, and it’s just me, a couch and a bottle of beer again. I let them drift closed again, remembering the taste of his skin as I kissed along his neck and shoulder. I groan aloud as I remember how his t-shirt kept the scent of him, even the next morning when I picked it up off the floor, because he’d forgotten it, along with the rest of our clothes, the night before. I remember standing in the middle of the room, half dressed, holding that damn shirt and wondering if the scent would linger in my room forever, until Zell poked his head out of bed finally, asked me what the fuck I was doing, and told me to either put some clothes on, so he didn’t have to be teased by the sight of me standing half naked out of his reach, or damn well get back into bed.

My eyes snap open and I leap halfway off the couch as the electronic beep of my doorbell sounds. "Fucking hell..." I know better than to kid myself that this could be Zell come to visit. I don’t know who else would be bothering me at this time of night, and if it’s not Zell, I don’t fucking care. They’re interrupting something far more fun than one of my friends chewing me out for whatever my latest fuck up has been.

"What?" I snarl, as I press the door release, then my eyes widen for a fraction of a second in pure surprise, before I replace the look with a cool scowl. "What the fuck to you want?"

*  
 **ZELL**

I lie on my back, on my bed, wondering for the forty-third time today why I haven’t at least tried to talk to Squall. Or let him say whatever it is he keeps trying to say, since I still don’t know what I want to say to him. Ever since last night, since Squall’s latest attempt to reason with me, it’s felt like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I don’t hate Seifer. Granted, I’m never going to _like_ him. He’s still a selfish, arrogant asshole. But it’s not personal any more. 

I run my fingers up my penis again as I imagine Squall doing the same thing, his fingers squeezing my shaft while he licks the sac beneath. Hyne! I shift on the bed slightly, feeling the cool sheets drift against my skin, and remember how Squall’s skin felt, cold and smooth against me, when we were making out straight after one of the icy showers he insists on taking when he comes out of the training center. Hyne, I tried to join him for one of them once. I can understand cooling off after working up a sweat in that place, but I’d assumed he was going with a luke warm kinda cool. Refreshing but civilised? But no, Squall being Squall, he was satisfied with nothing less than freakin’ _ice_ coming out of the tap. ‘Course, I made sure he ‘apologised’ properly for not giving me a warning. The kind of apology that involves a bottle of chocolate syrup, a tube of lube, and a set of sheets that house keeping is _never_ gonna get the stains out of.

And speaking of apologies... my hand stills at the thought, as the image of Squall licking syrup off my erection is replaced by the crestfallen look he gave me last night when I told him to go fuck himself. Despite how far he’s come, Squall still doesn’t have enough social skills to get himself out of a paper bag. But Hyne knows, he was _trying_. Cutting him some slack would be a step in the right direction.

Impatient suddenly, I put the crestfallen image out of my head, and concentrate on a far more masturbation-worthy image. Squall, fully clothed except for his pants, which were unbuttoned and sitting low on his hips, with that fur-lined jacket acting like a mane around the Lion’s neck, the leather of his pants pressed up against my bare ass... I like the image, I decide, and slow my hand long enough to replay the whole scene, detail by minute, sordid detail.

It had been another of those days that Squall hates so much, SeeD missions wrapped up in red tape, since Cid never fully reinstated Squall as Commander, and dispatches officially still have to be passed through him. Four requests had arrived for SeeD assistance, and it had taken Squall an entire six hours to work through the dispatch role, mission details, payment agreements and time limits with Cid. That, on top of the classes he had to teach, new enrolments for next semester and the usual bullshit that comes with being Commander.

So, no surprises when he came storming into his quarters that evening, ready to slice a hole or two in a convenient wall with LionHeart. I was already there waiting for him since my last class finished a full hour before his. I raised an eyebrow at him, from my seat on the couch, he rolled his eyes in response, already detaching LionHeart from its holster and replacing it in its case. I rose from the couch and sidled up beside him.

"Rough day?" I asked succinctly, already reaching up to grasp the back of his head, and it was a long, breathless moment before his mouth was free again to answer. 

"Fucking bureaucracy..." was his only answer - one I understood perfectly, after having been in Garden as long as I have - and then the conversation ceased, his mouth firmly against mine again. He lifted me into his arms, and I readily wrapped my legs around his hips. He headed for the couch, but we never quite made it - not that I was complaining - and I found myself perched on the back of it instead, Squall’s hands sliding up underneath my t-shirt. He disposed of that piece of clothing rapidly, hands suddenly occupied with stroking my neck, my back, dragging my hips closer to his in a demanding passion.

I reached for his shirt, trying to lift it over his head, but he stubbornly refused to cooperate. "No, this way..." He grabbed my hips, setting me on the floor and turning me around to hold me firmly against the back of his couch. My shorts were quickly undone and dropped to the floor, and he barely gave my time to step out of them and avoid tripping over as he stepped back, bending me over and fondling my ass while undoing his belts and pants single-handedly. Amazing what you can achieve given the right motivation. I spread my legs willingly as I felt a finger pushing inside me, and I clenched around it involuntarily, the cold lube sending shivers down my spine and blood rushing to my groin. Now me, I prefer doing it face to face. Standing, sitting, up against a fucking wall... I don’t care so long as I get to watch his gorgeous face when he comes. 

But Squall liked it this way now and then, pressed up behind me like a rutting stag. He slid a second finger into my ass, reducing me to a trembling pile of hormones as he rubbed and pressed in _all_ the right places until I would have been begging for it if I was coherent enough to find the words. And then he pushed into me, that damned leather rubbing against the back of my thighs, the fur of his collar brushing the back of my neck as he leant down over me, effectively pinning me to the couch as he thrust hard and fast, groaning into my ear in time with his body jolting against mine. I spread my legs wider, wishing I had something to wrap them around, glad he had a tight grip on my hips, as I doubt I would have stayed standing if he hadn’t. My arms shuddered as I was thrust forward into the couch again and again, and I cried out loudly, spasming around him as I came. My arms nearly collapsed under me, but Squall grabbed me around the chest, hauling me up to lean against him as he kept thrusting, whispering my name into my ear as the upright position pressed his shaft against me in new ways. Exhausted, limp and boneless, I let him fuck me with a careless lust that makes it hard, oh so hard, back in the present, to still my hand as I nearly come. But I want this to last longer, I remind myself, gripping the sheets as my hips thrust involuntarily into thin air. 

A moment or two’s deep breathing, and I regain a little control over my body. There’s a second memory that surfaced along with that first one... something that came to mind when I remembered being up against a wall... Squall’s taken me a few times that way, on the few occasions I’ve been too relaxed or mentally exhausted to bother arguing with him. And I’ve secretly loved it, feeling the cool wall against my back, the raw strength of Squall’s body holding me up. But I’ve only ever gotten him into the same position once. We had both just finished combat classes, running students through the basics of sparring in our respective areas, and a shared shower seemed like a perfect idea. 

I didn’t actually take him in the shower, just concentrated on washing him clean, making sure to soap him all over... and whoops, was I rubbing his ass just a little too long? Accidentally pressing up behind him when I reached round to soap his chest? Then we shut the water off and toweled each other dry... an interesting exercise when I was _trying_ to concentrate on the drying, and Squall was trying to spend as long as possible with his tongue down my throat. And I didn’t object to the fact that he was completely distracted, continually trying to get his hands round my waist, get a grip on my wet-and-therefore-slippery arms, while I was hampering his efforts at every turn... whoops, was the towel in his way again? And finally, I had him backed up against a wall, while he wasn’t objecting... yet... because I _finally_ had my hand wrapped around his cock and was doing something more interesting that toweling him dry. And it was a very short step from there, arms around his waist, knee pressing oh so innocently between his legs, to hauling him up the wall and forcefully spreading his legs as I hooked my hands under his thighs. "Zell!" 

I moan as I remember the way he yelped my name, as he realised just what I had planned. He struggled, but I simply held him still, my weight pressing him firmly against the bathroom wall, while the steam on the tiles made them too slick for him to get a decent grip to fight back. I simply grinned up at him, in that way that I know drives him crazy, and took his nipple between my teeth, biting and nibbling until he was trembling in my arms, all thoughts of protest forgotten. And only then did I flex my hips, shifting his weight and giving him enough room to allow me to enter him. Oh Hyne, I loved the way his thighs tightened around my hips, his erection pressed hard against my stomach. His head fell back against the tiles, and I remember the open, passionate, carnal expression on his face, mouth hung open as he panted for air, eyes closed, tongue sneaking out to lick his lips...

"Uh, Squall..." I don’t hold back this time, allowing the memory to rush straight for my groin, and I gasp and moan as I finally come, hips bucking into my own hand. And in the warm, post-bliss numbness, I find myself gloating slightly at the shadow of Seifer’s past. Gloating... _just a little..._ because Squall chose me over him. Because even though we’re at each other’s throats right now, even though we haven’t exchanged a civil word in nearly two weeks, he still hasn’t gone running back to Seifer. I keep that thought ticking over in my mind as I shower, and finally reach a decision as I pull on a clean set of shorts, my hair still wet and dripping down my back.

Heck, I should at least go and hear him out. Right?

*  
 **SQUALL**

"Thought you’d be a little happier to see me," my visitor shrugs nonchalantly as he pushes past me into the room. "But heck... if you’ve still got your knickers in a twist over the chicken... I guess I can understand that."

"Seifer..." It’s a growl, there’s no other word for it, but the warning in my voice slides off him like water off a duck’s back.

"Babe..." He turns to face me, smirking that infuriating, captivating smirk that has had me jumping to obey him so many times in the past. But not this time... "Who are you kidding?" he purrs smoothly. "You used to threaten to kick me out of your room every other day. And we both remember how often you meant it."

I do remember. I meant it once. Only once, after I’d told him I was done being his bed warmer. The one and only time he’s tried to change my mind since. And yet, here he is again...

"It didn’t work out with Zell, huh?" 

"Mind your own fucking business." 

I expect a sharp retaliation, a witty sting of some sort, but he doesn’t reply. Instead, he walks slowly around the couch, sliding one lazy hand along the back of it. An image flashes through my mind of Zell’s hand, where Seifer’s is now, gripping the backrest tightly as I pumped into his warm, willing body...

"Nice place," he remarks casually, a dead contrast to the warning tone of my last statement. "Must be strange, having all this space to yourself." 

He’s mocking me. Less than a year ago, I wanted nothing more than some space of my own, a place where I could mind my own business and be left alone. And now I find it empty and cold. He’s always loved a sense of irony.

"What do you want, Seifer?"

He sighs, seating himself precariously on the back of my couch. "Blunt as usual. Alright, Squall, we’ll get to the point," he says, in a voice that implies weary patience. "I’ve missed you. I’ve missed what we had together, and at this point in time," he presses on when I try to interrupt, "I don’t care if you think I’m talking about the friendship, or the competition, which I know damn well you enjoyed just as much as I did," he points an impatient finger at me, "or just the plain old sex. I want you back, baby. And I’d move heaven and earth to get you."

There’s a prolonged silence, during which I reflect that Seifer knows me better than I thought, if he’s willing to wait for an answer, no matter how long it takes. I’m also... relieved, as fucked up as that sounds... to feel a sharp upwelling of desire. And I take a few more seconds to let that piece of information drop into place. I had forgotten... it seems so long ago that I had first let Seifer lead me to bed, I had honestly forgotten why I let him do it. And why I kept coming back for more. But now I remember why. Desire. Simple, old fashioned lust. Seifer has, I reflect coldly, an amazing body, and I’m unable to stop my gaze drifting appreciatively down over sculpted forearms, a rock solid abdomen, and firm, powerful thighs. An amazing body and a more amazing knowledge of how to use it, and how to use my own body against me.

"No, Seifer." I shake my head, frowning slightly as I work to understand the decision myself, before I can explain it to him. "You are a friend, one I’d like to keep. And yes, there’s still physical desire there. But it’s not enough."

"And Zell... he is enough, huh?"

I nod slowly. "Yeah."

There’s a pause, and he finally breaks his gaze to let it settle on the floor. "You’ve really made up your mind, haven’t you?"

I nod again.

"I figured you’d say that," he murmurs, the smirk firmly back in place. "Fujin gave me a right ear-chewing a couple of days back. Said I was gonna lose your friendship as well as everything else. And you’re right. I want to keep our friendship. So..." He folds his arms, his tone suddenly more confident, "since you’re so sure that you want Zell, why the fuck haven’t you two got back together yet? Go apologise, get down on your knees if you have to, blow the little tyke if that’s what it takes. Just stop making yourself and everyone else miserable."

I snort in disbelief at the sudden tactical about face. Only Seifer... "You came here to patch things up between me and Zell?" The sarcasm couldn’t be more obvious if it was lit up in neon lights.

The smirk wavers. Even he realises that’s too unbelievable. "No," he admits finally. "I came here to find out what you want. If you’d said you wanted me, I’d have taken it. But... I promised myself that if you wanted Zell... well... you deserve him."

"It’s not that simple..." I begin, before I can think better of it. On an ordinary day, I would seriously have to question the wisdom of confiding in Seifer...

"Pissed him right off, have you? The kid’s got a temper like a T-rex with a toothache. But you haven’t given up on him, have you?" Suddenly, something in Seifer’s expression sets off warning bells in my mind, though I can’t figure out why. "If you had, there’d be nothing standing in the way of you leaping into bed with me." What? "Even if it’s just to relieve a little of the tension in your pants?" He hops smoothly off the back of the couch, moving with panther-like grace to stand in front of me, not a foot away. "Just plain, ordinary hollow sex." He’s purring now, his tone turning from sympathetic, to persuasive, and finally to a breathy seductive that sends shivers down my spine. "For old times sake? What do you say, Squall?"

He steps closer once again, and I can feel the heat of his body through our clothes. His hands settle around my waist, and then slide downwards, over my belts, to land between my legs. I feel him, even through the leather, taking my member in his hand, squeezing and stroking... not coaxing pleasure from me as Zell would have done, but forcing it upon me, demanding that I feel his touch, his heat, his pleasure. I suddenly realise something that surprises the hell out of me, surprises me even more than the fact that I’m still standing here, frozen in place while he fondles me. 

I’m hard. 

Oh shit...


	51. Chapter 51

**SQUALL**

I part my lips in response to Seifer’s kiss, accepting his tongue sliding over mine, exploring his mouth as he explores mine. My hand slides down to grasp his wrist in a bone-crunching grip, but not even I can tell if it’s to push him away, as my conscience is demanding I do, or to press myself harder against him, in response to the sudden fire in my groin.

And before I’m forced to make a decision, he wrestles his arm free, gripping my waist and yanking my hips hard against his. His thigh presses firmly against my erection, his arm reaching round to cup my backside. I can suddenly picture him again, taking me rough and hard against the floor, and I gasp his name, unable to stop the flex of my hips to rub back against him, harder.

Then suddenly, he stops and pulls away. "What did you just say?!"

I look back blankly, perplexed by the swift change from lustful predation to annoyed confusion in his expression.

"You called me _Zell_." In his absolute arrogance, he actually dares to look offended, as if he has the right to complain about my choice of lover.

Instantly, I replay the last few seconds in my mind, and realise that I did, in fact, gasp Zell’s name, when I had thought Seifer’s would come most naturally from my lips. I freeze in amazed surprise for a long moment. And then I laugh. A rich, husky, genuine laugh, for the first time in weeks. The laugh is mockery enough, I don’t need to add any words to tell Seifer exactly what I think of him, and he growls in what is rapidly becoming genuine anger now.

And then he has me pinned up against the back of the couch, halfway bending me over backwards as he slams his mouth against mine, yanking me closer by the collar of my jacket when I don’t respond quick enough for him.

*  
 **ZELL**

My finger hovers over Squall’s doorbell, where it has been for a good two minutes while I’ve stared at the floor, trying to rehearse whatever the hell it is I’m supposed to say to him. The more I think about it, the less sense it makes to just turn up on his door step, demand that he spill his guts to me and leave again. I should at least have some idea of what I want to say, or where I want to go from here. 

I drop my hand, and take a few steps away, then, damning my own indecision, turn back to stare at the silent, shut door again. The problem with that is I won’t know what I want until I get some answers from him. I need to know how he feels - or whether he’s actually capable of feeling anything for me - before I can decide if it’s worth trying to put our relationship back together. And then there’s the question of whether he even understands why I was so pissed off in the first place. I still maintain he should have told me about him and Seifer. So it wouldn’t have been a pleasant conversation, but hell, I went to the trouble of explaining my own painful little initiation into male-male relationships... I also need to figure out how he really feels about being a shoulder for me to lean on. I’ve calmed down enough to realise that a lot of angry words were said that day in the SeeD lounge when we ripped each other apart, and that a lot of them had no weight behind them. But I got the impression that that one, Squall did mean. ‘I’m tired of being a halfway point between any current world crisis and your traumatic childhood.’

It’s a part of who I am, my past at the orphanage, with Seifer, with Garden. And yeah, I do need to lean on my boyfriend now and then, because no matter how grown up we think we are, the past has a way of coming back to bite us. And I need him to understand that sometimes he can lean on me, and sometimes we can stand on our own two feet... and sometimes, I need a little support in return.

But how the hell do I explain that to a guy who fucking _invented_ self sufficiency?

*  
 **SEIFER**

For an indeterminate length of time, there’s relative quiet in the room, punctuated by the scuffing of boots against carpet, the shuffling of clothing against clothing, the creak of leather, an occasional moan or sigh escaping between lustful kisses. Squall’s jacket has been flung over the end of the couch, my own trench coat has dropped to the floor to be kicked aside and I’ve finally managed to work my hand up inside Squall’s t-shirt... I know exactly how he likes it, and damned if I don't put that knowledge to good use. 

Without warning, Squall suddenly pushes me roughly away from him, holding me firmly at arms length. His face is flushed and he’s unable to meet my eyes. "Leave, Seifer..." he demands quietly. "I love Zell."

"I’m not disputing that, Sweetheart," I reply softly, reaching up slowly, carefully, to brush silky hair out of his eyes. "Shit, the kid’s been hanging over you for years," I tell him sincerely. "It’s hardly a surprise you finally sat up and paid attention."

Then Squall’s jaw drops, as, quick as lightning, I unzip the fly of his pants, and slip my hand inside. 

"Unngh, Seifer..." I don’t know if it’s a moan of protest or of pleasure, but I like the sound coming from his lips, and increase the pressure of my steady strokes.

"You know you like it, baby," I whisper into his ear, as he clings onto my shoulder, his breath hot against my neck as he grabs onto my wrist again.

*  
 **ZELL**

Thinking logically has never been one of my strong points, and it’s starting to give me a headache now. Think about this sensibly, Zell. After six months or more of being practically joined at the... well, for politeness sake, at the hip... you’d think I’d have picked up on a few clues about what he’s thinking. Okay, so what clues where there?

Number one, he talks to me. Not like the conversational chatter that most people do, but when he’s got something to say... or more importantly, when something’s worrying him... he will actually tell me about it. Okay, one point for Squall cares about Zell.

Then again, most times that he actually opened up to me was right after we’d fucked each other’s brains out. One point to Squall wants Zell for sex.

Number two, he’s really patient with me. Like when Fujin first came to Garden, he spent hours talking me into giving her a chance, not just so I’d agree with him, but so I’d feel _comfortable_ with having her around. Another point for Squall cares about Zell.

Then again... he’s really patient with everyone. Even when he found out that one of his students had been using their revolver as a spit for roasting marshmallows on a camping trip, and he had to explain to them for over two hours why setting fire to something that had been endowed with paramagical properties was a _really_ bad idea. So does that mean he still cares about me, or that he’s just a really patient guy, full stop? Second point for Squall wants Zell for sex.

Okay, here’s number three... He was _really_ considerate when I decided to be bottom for the first time. Hyne knows I was scared enough without any additional pressure... but shit, that whole scenario was about sex in the first place, so I can’t really count it either way... 

Fuck, I am _so_ confused! 

*  
 **SQUALL**

I’ve managed to get his damn hand out of my pants... but it could hardly be called progress, given the fact that I have a now-unclothed raging hard on, and he’s rubbing the rough cloth of his pants against me, doing an even more effective job than his hand did. I reach down to zip myself up again, despite the discomfort it causes, and in the moment I leave his hands unattended Seifer has reached up to massage the back of my neck, knowing _exactly_ which pressure points will have the greatest effect on me.

Hyne, enough of this...

*  
 **SELPHIE**

"Zell?" His head snaps up in surprise, like he was just caught doing something extremely naughty, and I have to giggle. Okay, so I was surprised to find him lurking about in the hallway outside Squall’s door, but its hardly a hangable offence. "Hey, Zell. Am I interrupting something?" I ask playfully, eyeing up Squall’s door meaningfully.

He looks at the door quickly, then away again. "No." He’s looking ashamed, guilty and decidedly embarrassed. "Nah, Selphie, I was just..."

"Hey, it’s okay!" I assure him quickly. Geez, the guy looks like he’s about to bust an artery or something. "It’s nice that you’re, y’know, thinking about him and all."

"Yeah, I was kinda wondering if I should..." He scratches the back of his head awkwardly, then shakes his head. "Ah, forget it." He turns to leave, and I quickly call him back. I honestly didn’t mean to make him so uncomfortable.

"Seriously, Zell, if you want to go see him, I can just vanish down the hallway." I make little running motions with my fingers, and he looks sideways at me, trying to weigh up the options.

Then, to my dismay, his shoulders slump. "Nah. I just... I don’t think I’m ready for this yet." He shrugs, and tries a half-hearted little reassuring smile, then walks slowly away down the corridor.

I sigh softly watching him go, until he turns the corner at the end of the hall, and I turn and walk back the way I came to my own quarters. Poor guy. Not to mention Squall, I remind myself, and stop at the end of the hall to stare back at his doorway for a moment. I can only imagine what he’s feeling right now, and it can’t be any better than what Zell’s going through.

Suddenly, I gasp in surprise, as Squall’s door opens, and a tall, blond... oh sweet Hyne, it’s Seifer... comes hurtling through the door, crashing into the wall and landing in a heap. Then, that grey coat of his flies out the door as well... followed by a _very_ angry Lion. I back away slowly until I’m around the corner, then turn tail and walk _very_ quickly in the opposite direction. Okay, so maybe it’s better that Zell _doesn’t_ try talking to Squall right now...

*  
 **SEIFER**

I don’t even have time to voice my surprise before my back crashes hard against the hallway wall, and I land in an undignified heap on the floor. I half expect Squall to follow through with a punch or two, but instead, I look up to see my trench coat sailing through the air to land on top of me, and I snatch it from my face, scrambling to my feet as Squall comes stalking through the doorway behind it. Been a long time since I managed to get him this pissed off...

"Heck, you’re further gone than I thought, if just thinking about the little tyke gets you off better than the real thing with me." Shit, sometimes I think I should just seal my own mouth shut...

"Get the fuck out of my room, and off my case, Seifer."

"Why? You gonna throw me up against a wall again?" The comments is as lascivious as I can make it, and he grabs me by the shirt collar, hurling me to the floor further down the corridor.

"Get the fuck away from me!"

I open my mouth for another sting, but close it quickly as his glare turns from black to pure murder. "Alright, alright!" I hold up my hands defensively, taking a step back for good measure. I wait for a second to make sure he’s not going to rip my head off, then I reach down and pick up the trench coat and shrug into it, aiming for _casual_ , since I don’t think I could manage my usual _cool, calm and collected_ right now. I reach down to adjust my crotch in the process of straightening my clothes, and force a smirk onto my lips when his eyes flare again with barely-restrained anger. "I get the picture," I tell him, forcing my tone to remain light, just a notch off teasing. "Party’s over." The smirk drops, and I find myself unable to summon it back again as I turn and walk away, my voice surprisingly, thankfully, smooth as I call back over my shoulder, "Just wanted to be sure you know what you’re doing." He doesn’t reply, and I’m grateful. The lump in my throat would make any more conversation... unappealing.


	52. Chapter 52

**ZELL**

I’m sitting in my room, cross legged on my bed, staring at the same damn piece of paper I’ve been holding for over half an hour.

**‘Application for Transfer to Galbadia Garden’**

It’s all filled in, signed with my scrawling, messy signature at the bottom, detailing when I’ll go, how long it’s for, how many classes I’ll teach, how much I’ll be paid... all printed in that neat, generic font that ignores the fact that this is one of the most life changing decisions I could ever make. 

If, that is, I ever get around to making it.

A few hours ago, this was the furthest thing from my mind. I’d told Galbadia Garden I wouldn’t give them an answer until the forum was over, and I meant to stick to that plan. I was wrapped up thinking about talking to Squall, and increasing security at the forum, and whether I needed to tell Selphie to keep her mouth shut about finding me in the hall outside Squall’s room. 

But now, even though the forum is still going, and will be for a few days at least, the world has spun on its axis, life has turned itself upside down, and in a way that I never imagined possible, I’m suddenly free to make this decision.

*  
It started mid afternoon. Laguna had finally tracked Odine down, and we were all called to the SeeD lounge for one of our famous meetings... the kind that always seem to end in political, global or personal destruction. Hyne, my head is still spinning just thinking about it.

It was kinda crowded, the entire gang squished up with Rinoa, Cid and Edea, Seifer and Rajin, Laguna, Kiros and Ward, and of course, Odine, waddling about at the front of the room like a demented wind-up toy. He said he had some news about Ultimecia. He didn’t put it in so many words, but we all figured he meant he’d worked out when she was coming back, so the tension in the room was thick enough to cut with a carving knife.

"Ve had most exciting rezults!" Odine had all but shouted as he waved at the temporary screen that had been set up, since he declared a pressing need to display ‘lotz of diagramz, many picturz for you!’ "Ze situation is unspeakably complex. Ve have, zee here, little lines for everybody, traveling back and forth in time. And ve have traced ze lines from ze present here in Garden, back srough time, to Time Compression. And zen ve traced zem back furzer, to before Time Compression." He waved a marker at the screen erratically, and I could just about work out which diagram he was referring to. Though the relevance of it eluded me at the time. "And zen ve traced zem forward again, srough Time Compression, back ze ozzer way, to Garden here now. Now I dizcovered fascinating zingz vhen I found ze Time Compression. Ultimecia’s line iz not coming out of Time Compression, zee? Because time is not coming in a straight line. Time occurs in ‘clumps.’ And ze Time Compression ‘clump’ vas all around Ultimecia, and it is not zhere any more."

There was silence for a good minute, while we all tried to figure out what the hell he was talking about, and then slowly realised that that was the whole speech... no further explanation was on its way.

"Does anyone have a clue what just happened there?" Irvine finally voiced the opinion everyone was thinking. "Because I know _I_ missed the point of that little explanation."

"Time does not have straight lines!" Odine screeched, waving at the screen. "It iz in clumps! She iz abzorbed into time! She can no longer have been going to have happened!"

I think more than one person would have throttled the little guy at that point, if finding out the answer to whatever he was ranting about hadn’t been so important. Finally, Kiros had stood up and volunteered to explain it a bit more simply. He said he’d spent some time looking at the results before coming to Esthar, so he had a grasp on what was going on.

"Time compression didn’t drag you into the future where Ultimecia was. It also didn’t drag her into the past. It actually dragged all of time together, into one place, into one moment. As for Ultimecia herself, I think this will be the easiest way to explain it..." 

After Odine’s convoluted explanation, I was expecting something fairly intricate, even coming from someone as level-headed as Kiros, and so the simplicity of his next statement took a moment to register.

"In the moment that you defeated Ultimecia, you didn’t just defeat her in our time, or just in the future. You defeated her in every second, every microsecond, every _moment_ across time. And as a result, she has ceased to exist in reality as we know it. She can’t rise again in the future. Because when you killed her, the time line continuum that contained her essence ceased to exist."

*  
That was it. It was over. The war, Ultimecia, global destruction, Pandora. Seifer’s involvement in the forum suddenly seemed like a petty border squabble, rather than negotiations to avert a global war. In the space of a fifteen minute meeting, life as we knew it, our lives, our purpose, our future, had once again been turned on its head. The only thing that actually registered for me after that was Seifer’s voice, arrogant and sad, stating softly, "That’s what I’ve been saying for the past three weeks, if anyone cared to listen."

I think Laguna might have made some apology for getting us all wound up about Ultimecia in the first place, though I was a little too shell shocked to pay much attention. The meeting must have split up and somehow I found my way back to my room, because that’s where I am now, staring at a piece of paper without seeing it, because there are too many voices clamouring for attention in my head.

I am no longer needed to fight a future war of epic proportions, SeeD won’t have to go up against Ultimecia again, we don’t need highly elite warriors to save the world. We’re back to square one, where war consists of people killing each other with guns and grenades, rather than penultimate magical spells and giant towering battlements of paramagical devastation.

And so, on reflection, with my relationship with Squall still in tatters and a fifty-fifty chance it will _never_ go anywhere from here, I realise with soul-shaking relief... I no longer need to be here.

I look down at the form in my hands again, and I’m startled to see the fresh, clean print being smeared, as my tears wet the page.


	53. Chapter 53

**SQUALL**

I felt an odd peace that night in my quarters after hearing Odine’s news. I know some of the gang were shell-shocked by the whole thing... especially Rinoa. I think she’s been having a rough time of it, no doubt imagining being possessed again - with more disastrous consequences now she’s mastered her Sorceress powers. Cid turned white as a ghost, stuttering gratitude and pledging loyalty to Laguna for his help and support through the whole ordeal. As well as being the headmaster, he’s like a father to us all. Must have scared him to bits to see his kids go off to war. Zell went real still and quiet, which with him, is rarely a good sign. I think Laguna pulled him aside for a pep talk and sent him back to his quarters. I should thank Laguna for that at some point.

Personally, though... I didn’t find the news shattering. Mildly surprising, maybe. When Seifer said Ultimecia wasn’t coming back, I took him seriously - not to say I thought he was right, but I believed he had a good reason for believing what he did. And the possibility that Odine was way off the map had already crossed my mind.

Speaking of Seifer... It’s been over 24 hours since his little display in my quarters, and I’m still trying to figure out exactly what happened there. Why would he bother going to such an effort to get me to have sex with him, when it was obvious I didn’t want him there? Well, okay, letting him kiss me and stick his hand down my pants probably confused the issue. But I get the impression it’s not just about the sex. Sex with Seifer was great. Wild and adventurous and certainly very satisfying.

I know he’s jealous of Zell. But jealous of what? The fact that we sleep - oh sorry, _slept_ \- together? The fact that I let Zell into my life, my quarters, my routine, in a way I never let Seifer in? Zell got the whole package, not just the surreptitious hanky panky behind closed doors. Or jealous of the friendship, the closeness I have with Zell? Seifer can see that I care about him, even if Zell can’t. But I still fail to see why Seifer would be jealous of it. We were adolescent boys, looking for some physical release and a challenge to keep overactive minds and bodies occupied. Maybe that was when I broke it off with Seifer - when I started to grow up a bit? But neither of us are kids any more, and the kind of relationship we had then could never work now.

Maybe that’s the point. He’s decided he wants the whole package? I shrug to myself in the darkness of my bedroom. That’s more than I’m willing to give him. Why? Because Seifer was always willing to meet me on my own terms. He never pushed me to learn, or grow, or expand my way of thinking. Strange to think that way, since he was almost always the aggressor in our dabblings, ‘demanding’ a new position or location, ‘insisting’ on a time or day, whether it suited me or not. But once I’d set the boundaries, once we had an agreement going, he never pushed. 

Zell pushes me on a daily basis. Starting with the kiss I gave him in the Training Center, that very first day I admitted to feeling anything for him. I never let Seifer touch me in public, never consented to any public affection or intimacy. With Zell, while things never went too far in public, his simple enthusiastic demonstrativeness meant I couldn’t bring my self to hold back as much as I did with Seifer, and now, we think nothing of holding hands, hugging, or even sharing a quick kiss - though that last one is only in front of close friends - in Garden’s communal areas. 

And honestly, I enjoy the challenge. I enjoy being made to think about the way I do things, and re-evaluate my own predetermined limits and bend the arbitrary rules I’ve set for myself.

Hyne... here I am, trying to work some sense into whatever the hell Seifer is up to, and I end up day dreaming about Zell.

Restlessly, I flip on the lamp beside my bed, and pad out, in only a pair of boxer shorts, to the kitchen. Beer is cold, a nice change from the humid, too warm nights, and the alcohol will help me sleep, so I ignore the little voice of conscience that says I should cut back on how much I’m drinking lately. When the bedroom window is fully open, the breeze blows directly onto my couch, and I sit sprawled in the cooler air, in the dark, eyes closed and so still I can hear the sparkle and fizz of the beer above Garden’s mechanical hum.

And I remember that last night brought no satisfaction to the fantasies of Zell I was entertaining when Seifer arrived. I take a deep, calming breath, feeling myself harden slightly at the thought. It’s so easy to remember...

A day, not unlike this one, in the height of Balamb’s summer. Humid, sticky and too hot to spend the evening doing anything but sitting around half naked on his couch. Zell has a leather couch. Feels fucking fantastic against bare skin.

I had stripped off my shirt and jacket, still wearing my leather pants but minus the boots, sprawled on Zell’s couch in much the same position I’m in now, slouched down, legs spread. Zell wore nothing but his shorts, riding low on his hips, bare feet slung up onto the couch... and coincidentally, directly across my thighs. I’d gradually noticed his foot stroking my thigh, in the innocent subconscious restlessness that is Zell, but my groin reacted none the less. I had stopped talking, breath slightly hitched, and Zell had taken quick notice of my state of arousal. He grinned his trademark grin, like a cat who ate the canary. Without a word, he glanced up at me, the grin turning heated and suggestive when I gave him a tiny nod of acquiescence. He slunk onto the floor with the grace and litheness of a panther, nuzzling my groin through hot leather in a breathless, decadent promise of more to come. Then, as I groaned at his hungry expression and the stimulating thought of what was to come, he licked, kissed and nibbled his way up my abdomen, until he reached my throat, chin, and finally my mouth, engaging in an erotic worship of hot, wet pleasure as his tongue played sensuously with mine.

Back in the present, I stretch awkwardly backwards on the couch, and shift my boxers down my hips, feeling soft upholstery rubbing my ass when I sit down again, hardening me further. I take my cock in my hand, cold and wet from the condensation on the beer bottle, and begin to stroke myself slowly, eyes closed again and vividly remembered images of Zell flickering through my mind.

By the time he had kissed his way back down my chest, he had my pants open, cock sitting hot and hard in his hand, and then his eyes flickered up to meet mine, his tongue licking his lips slowly and lustfully. His head dipped to wrap his mouth around the tip of my erection, tongue working over the slit, lips alternately pressing and stroking. And then he slid down my length, hot, wet pressure all around me and I placed my hand on the back of his head, urging him forward with pressure that was encouraging, but never demanding.

I can feel myself getting closer to the edge, with my hand running firm strokes, faster now, my ass rubbing slightly against my couch as I rock my hips into my own hand, and a random thought suddenly occurs to me, that if anyone interrupts me now, they’ll be getting LionHeart shoved up their ass.

I remember him sliding his arms under my legs and dragging me forward into a full slouch, giving him better access to my groin. He squirmed his hot, sweaty hand down to cup my balls, kneading and stroking in rhythm with his mouth on me... That’s when he started moaning, satisfied little sounds from deep in his throat as he picked up the pace... oh Hyne...

One hand gripping the couch cushion, I tense, gasp and spurt warmth and wetness into my own hand. I welcome the slow creep of numbness as I relax, and the next thought through my mind is oddly satisfying. Fuck Seifer. Zell is more important.  
*  
 **SQUALL**

Morning brings news to my office, and I’m grateful I’ve already had my second cup of coffee when the SeeD comes marching through the door. 

"Commander, sir!" he snaps a sharp salute. "We have identified and captured the members of the rogue faction, sir! There are several members missing, and the faction leader claims that these members were killed during the battle with Thanatos, though we have yet to determine whether these reports are accurate."

Oh Hyne... I have too much on my mind to be dealing with this pile of shit. The end of the forum is scarcely days away, I’m worried about Seifer and how he’ll react to all this... and I now have to figure out how to explain Time Compression and Ultimecia’s ultimate defeat to a bunch of people who still think ‘Back to the Future’ was complicated. Try explaining to them how cause and effect works in a universe where time has ceased to exist...

And then there’s the fact that behind my desk, beneath the cool, calm, slightly irritated exterior... I have a major erection. That’s what I get for thinking about Zell and desk-sex, sitting in my office at 0830.

"We are keeping the faction members in FH’s detention center. Do you wish to question them further?" the SeeD asks briskly. I guess my long silence was uninformative for the poor man.

I take the time to sigh deeply while I mull over my answer. Lesson twenty three of ‘How to look intelligent without saying anything’ - frown, look worried and sigh a lot. "I want a full report on how, when and where the monsters appeared, and all the information you can get on Thanatos. Follow up those reports about missing members. Then the faction can be handed over to FH authority for now. We’ll help FH with legal proceedings after the forum has concluded."

"Yes sir."

The SeeD leaves the room as swiftly as he entered it, and I check my schedule for the rest of the morning. I wonder if there’s time for me to jerk off before my meeting with Cid...  
*  
 **SQUALL**

"Laguna?"

I step into his quarters after he opens the door, and feel a sinking sensation at the state of the room. He’s packing. Clothes litter his bed and are spilling out of a carry case sitting on the floor.

"Squall! Come in, son! How are you doing?"

There’s an odd note of concern in his voice, and I know he’s referring to the news about Ultimecia. I answer the question, along with the hundred unspoken concerns I now know he has. Even in the past few days, we’ve both been making an effort. Ironic, isn’t it? Hooking up with Zell wasn’t enough to repair my relationship with my father, but losing him has actually made a difference. "I’m okay. Right now I’m just relieved it’s over."

He nods, seeming pleased with the answer. "Oh, look at this!" He bends over and pulls one leg of his trousers up, revealing a standard Esthar army boot and... Oh Hyne... a bright purple sock. With a blue patch fixed to the top.

"Look!" He bends down and presses the blue circle, and instantly, a mechanical version of ‘Twinkle Twinkle little star’ chirps from the sock. "Musical socks!" he points out the obvious cheerfully, waving his foot toward me. "Kiros found them for me in the FH shopping center. Aren’t they great? And look, the other one," he switches legs, "plays ‘The Grand Old Duke of York’."

Humour him, my mind tells me. You want a favour from him, so humour him. "Yeah, they suit you," I reply, keeping the sarcasm down to a good humoured wryness. 

He grins up at me... he heard the double meaning in my reply, and isn’t offended by it. He chuckles again, and finally drops the leg of his trousers. There’s a pause, while he looks at me expectantly.

"You’re leaving?" It’s more a statement than a question, and I don’t bother to keep the disappointment and concern out of my voice.

His grin fades. Somehow, I think he was expecting to have this conversation with me sometime. "Well... yeah. I mean... Ultimecia’s all finished with, isn’t she?"

I sigh again, seems I’m doing a lot of that lately, and wonder how to broach this next topic. "Laguna... About Seifer..."

"Squall, I know you want me to stay for the forum." He shrugs apologetically. "I know it’s important to you, but Esthar has no business-"

"Please." The word is quiet, charged and meek. And it has, for the first time in my life, the desired effect of rendering Laguna speechless.

*  
 **LAGUNA**

Oh Hyne, help me. My sense of duty and good old common sense is saying I should get out of here before an overdeveloped sense of guilt and longing to connect with my boy cause me to do something stupid. But I think it’s already too late. I can count on one hand the number of times Squall has come right out and asked me for something. And despite the fact that he’s standing here with a look that says he’s all business, it breaks my heart to... disappoint him? Hyne, is he even capable of feeling disappointment? Something else to add to the endless list of things I don’t know about my boy.

"Esthar has no problem with Seifer, be it in FH, in Esthar, or in any other part of the world. And even less so now that Ultimecia’s out of the picture," I remind him, even as I feel my own resolve begin to crumble.

"Does that sense of indifference extend to letting an innocent man be condemned unjustly?" He’s calm, cool exterior is, I’m sure, just a cover for a young man who cares deeply for his friends, and is trying to protect one of them the only way he can.

"I think you well know that Seifer is anything but innocent. And you said yourself, the point of this forum is to find justice. If they condemn him, they do so with good reason." By now, I know I’m staying, even as I continue to argue politics with Squall.

"Then stay and tell the world that Esthar doesn’t see him as a threat. Tell them you think he’s insignificant. Too insignificant for you to worry about. Just let the world know you actually have an opinion!"

"You mean like Garden is doing?" I snap, reminding him of his own stubborn refusal to get Garden involved in the debate. Okay, so that was below the belt and I know it. Squall has some good reasons for keeping Garden out of this, both personal and professional, and quite honestly, I’d be a lot less respectful of his position here if he had jumped in and let all that personal bias direct the outcome of this forum. But, I suppose, the point he’s trying to make is that despite sitting on the political fence, Garden is still here, overseeing proceedings, making sure things don’t get out of control. Letting the world know they have an interest in its welfare, even if they won’t dictate the outcome.

He’s gritting his teeth and looking thoroughly pissed off, and I know I’m pushing too hard here. "I’ll stay," I murmur, before he can snap out some acidic reply, and his head snaps up in surprise. "We won’t be making any political contribution to the forum, but we’ll stay and see it through to the end. And," I concede apologetically, "you can stop taking all the heat for Esthar’s silence. It’s time we started answering for ourselves."

"That’s... that would be appreciated." Okay, so it’s not quite gratitude... but it’s pretty close, and coming from Squall... ah, heck, I’ll take what I can get.

There’s a moment’s silence, then to my faint surprise, he speaks again, rather than escaping from the room. "I saw you talking to Zell after Odine’s meeting."

Bullseye! I knew he had a reason for coming here. I mean a real reason, not the responsible, ‘I have to protect the world because I’m the Commander’ crap he goes on about. A real, heartfelt, groin-tingling reason. "Yeah. Nice kid. He was kinda worked up about the whole not-the-end-of-the-world thing, so I thought talking him down might be nice." Truth is, I think there was more going on with Zell than simple relief that Garden was out of the woods where Ultimecia was concerned. In actual fact, now I think about it, he even looked a little green, like the news wasn’t entirely welcome.

"Thank you." 

Oh Hyne, now I know he’s in love... not that I didn’t know that months ago, but I’m privately hit by the significance of his words - He can manage to thank me for taking care of his boyfriend, but not for playing a role in the forum. And knowing how important his job is to him... Hyne, it must be love. I hold back a chuckle. The situation would be funny if it weren’t so damn painful watching him and Zell drift away from each other.

"Squall? You still haven’t worked things out with him, have you?"

He shakes his head reluctantly. "He doesn’t want to talk about it yet-"

"For fuck’s sake, Squall, do you even realise what you’re doing?" Hyne, I just can’t stand this any more. Standing back and watching the two of them fuck up this one chance they have together is more than my patience can deal with. "You two keep dancing around each other like you’re at a fucking high school prom. He’s one of the most important people in your life, and you can’t even see that you’re about to lose him for good. Since you hooked up with him, you’ve been the happiest I have _ever_ seen you, and a good few of your friends think the same thing. And I think you care about him too much to just let that slip."

He’s angry now, and I brace myself for an onslaught of lion-flavoured wrath. But instead, his voice is tightly controlled, and held dangerously steady. "Zell has his own opinions, and I respect him enough to give him the time and space to decide what he wants."

"Zell is as stubborn as you are and he doesn’t need any damn space, Squall. He needs a good hard kick up the ass and a firm shove in the right direction."

"I’m not going to just barge into his room and demand that he listen to me."

"Why not? You’re afraid he just might realise how much you care about him?" Squall looks genuinely taken aback by that, and I think I’ve struck the right chord. "I have had an earful of this from every one of your friends, who are being a damn lot more insightful than you are. Zell doesn’t need space. He needs to know that you actually give a shit about him. Believe me, Squall, you don’t have forever to fix this. But you might regret it for that long if you don’t."

"Zell knows I care about him," Squall says quietly, and I honestly have to wonder whether he truly believe that, or if he knows he’s kidding himself.

"When was the last time you told him that?"

I’m pretty sure I’ve thoroughly pissed him off by now, so I’m not surprised when he moves smoothly to the door. "I have work to do," he excuses himself quietly. "I’ll see you at the forum." He hits the switch on the door, and disappears silently down the hallway.

Pissed off? Yeah, he is. In denial? Probably. But is he going to go think about my advice anyway? I’d bet my life on it.


	54. Chapter 54

**SQUALL**

"And so, both the Estharian government and the leaders of the Shumi have assured us that Ultimecia is no longer a threat to our world, our civilisation or our way of life. I hope you can now all understand the implications of Seifer’s continued presence in Fisherman’s Horizon. His role in the war, as a Sorceress Knight and as any form of military leader in Galbadia is finished. To those of you who perceive a continued threat from Seifer, may I remind you that that threat is only to the extent that any human may be a threat, and that Seifer controls no weapon or ability, physical or magical, that cannot be harnessed and used by any ordinary human, given the appropriate training. 

"And now, to conclude their argument and make the final remarks on this forum, I call upon the Mayor of Fisherman’s Horizon. May I also take this opportunity to thank both the Mayor and the people of Fisherman’s Horizon for their patience, hospitality and good will, during what has undoubtedly been most trying circumstance. And now, the Mayor."

"Thank you, Commander. First of all, I want to thank everyone for their cooperation. As Commander Leonhart has told you, the one faction which chose to disregard their respect for civilisation and justice has been detained in jail, and will undergo trial under FH law next month. The rest of you have behaved admirably, both during the forum, and during the battle here on our shores. I fully understand that tempers, passions and everyone’s need for justice have been running high during these discussions, and I thank everyone for maintaining calm and for not resorting to violence. I’m grateful to Garden and SeeD for overseeing this debate, and to the leaders of each of the nations and organisations for their willingness to cooperate in finding a peaceful solution to this dilemma.

"I also wish to express my gratitude to everyone who fought against the monsters - SeeDs from Trabia, Galbadia and Balamb, Galbadian and Dolletian military, FH’s own civilians, where they were able, and most particularly, to Commander Leonhart and his team, who took control of the situation, and, I’m thankful to say, reduced our losses to only four casualties, thanks to their remarkable talents as soldiers, and their generous use of curative medicines. To the friends and families of the four dead, I can only say we are truly sorry for your loss, and those responsible will be brought to justice.

"On a note that may surprise some of you, I also wish to thank Seifer Almasy, and in doing so, I also conclude FH’s argument for the acquittal of Seifer for his past evils, and the return of his civil liberties, at least here in FH, if not in the rest of the world. During the battle, Seifer was among those who fought along side Commander Leonhart. I have talked extensively with the Commander about his role in the battles and his fighting abilities, and it has become clear to me that he played an admirable role in the fight, performing to the very limit of his abilities to protect and serve the people of FH. He showed tremendous team spirit, joining the Commander and his allies is attacking Thanatos, the single biggest threat that FH has ever seen. He also showed tremendous courage as a solo fighter. I now refer specifically to a report from Timber, wherein they detail how Seifer single-handedly rescued a group of their unarmed, and untrained civilians from a swarm of bite bugs. I believe these actions show that Seifer has left the evils of his past behind him, and made a new and very positive start to joining our society as a useful and cooperative member.

"In conclusion, I ask the people of this forum to consider that his punishment, if he is to have one, or his fate, whatever it may be, should be decided in light of _all_ of his deeds, both good and bad. Remember, my fellow citizens - we are not here to seek revenge. We are here to find justice. I’ll now pass you back to Commander Leonhart."

"Thank you, Mr. Mayor. Having concluded these discussions, we will have a two day adjournment, before holding a final vote to determine Seifer’s fate. Please use this time to discuss the issues which have been raised within your own factions, and to contemplate what your decisions will be, both individually, and collectively. Thank you all for your time and patience. Meeting adjourned."  
*  
 **ZELL**

My doorbell chimes twice, and I dump my revised teaching plan on the coffee table and move to the door, sneaking a look at the clock on the way. 21:43. A little late for a social call, though seeing as we have tomorrow off, with the forum adjourned and all, I suppose it’s possible... I hit the switch, and the door opens. Oh Hyne...

Of all the fucking people who could have shown up on my doorstep, it had to be him, didn't it. I don't speak, I don't let him in. I just stand and glare.

He glares back for a moment, then his trademark smirk kicks into place. "Been learning that from Squall, have you? Not many people in the world can glare as good as he can."

"What do you want, Seifer?" I'm in no mood to chat, and I have absolutely no objections to taking it out on him.

"I think you and I should have a little chat," he replies.

"Not in the mood." I go to close the door on him, but he’s quicker, pushing past me into the room even as the door tries to shut him out. 

"Hear me out," he says, in a voice that’s not quite a question, not yet a demand.

"I think I've heard enough from you," I snap irritably.

"You're an idiot if you let him go, Zell."

That gets my attention, for two reasons. One - the last thing in the world I ever expected Seifer to do was... is he actually trying to get me and Squall back together?? It sounds strangely like it. And two - and I could hit myself for the patheticness of this stupid little thought - for the first time in my life, Seifer just called me by my real name, instead of Chicken or Chickie or Wuss.

But even as I mull over those ideas, Seifer is already talking. "I don’t know what your problem with him is. Face facts, Zell, pretty much everyone in the world has an ex or twelve tucked away in some little dark corner. Squall’s no virgin, and I’ll bet he wouldn’t be nearly as interesting if he was. Now I appreciate the idea that you hate me, but so what? If his ex was a short, brunette, computer-nerd from Balamb, would you be as upset as you are now?"

"Get the _fuck_ out of my room!" Hyne, I am _not_ hearing this from _Seifer!_

"You wanna know something cool?" He is arrogance personified, almost purring now, and I could quite happily rearrange his conceited, smirking face... "I would _kill_ to get Squall back... if it would do any good. If there was even a chance he’d turn around and say ‘heck, Sei, please, jump back into my bed’, I’d take out _anyone_ who got in my way. Sadly for me, that’s not an option. It doesn’t matter what I do any more, I’m never gonna get him back. And it’s not because he’s not interested in what I can offer him. Back in the day, the sex was pretty fucking amazing, but he’s not even interested in fantastic meaningless sex any more. And the reason why he’s not interested is something I can’t do jack shit about." He takes a step towards me, and a surge of anger means I hold my ground undaunted. "You’re the reason, Zell." He shrugs as if this is the most obvious piece of news in the world. "He’s in love with you, so no matter what I offer him, he doesn’t want to know."

His voice is smooth and calm and so damned infuriating I grit my teeth against the urge to do him a serious injury.

"You know, the other night, I tried. Getting Squall back, I mean. Went over to his quarters, tried to get him into a little tonsil hockey... got up close and person with the Little Commander, know what I mean?" He chuckles, a deep, bitter sound that has me hypnotised, even as I see redder than a raging bull. "You know what he did?"

I lunge for him, swift and deadly and silent as a ghost. Fortunately... or unfortunately... he sees it coming a mile away, and I realise he must have some junction or other at work, because he’s a hell of a lot quicker than he should be. Only just quicker than me - even unjunctioned - but he manages a neat little side step and block that sends my fist into the door. Which, not surprisingly, doesn’t even suffer a dent. Reinforced doors, baby. Best idea Garden even had.

As quickly as it boiled over, my temper is back under control again, but I wonder how long that will last, as he starts talking again, whether or not I want to hear it. 

"First of all, he’s getting all hot under the collar, looking fucking gorgeous, by the way... and he calls me _Zell_. Now do I really look like some short, tattooed freak who bounces off the walls?" I don’t answer, so he continues. "I didn’t think so. And then, just to prove he’s serious about getting jiggy with you instead of yours truly... he picks me up by the fucking _collar_ , and _throws_ me out his door. Now, doesn’t that stroke your ego even just a little?"

I try to speak again, and I’m ashamed and shocked and breathless all at once to realise that my voice sounds strangely chocked. "You want me to go forgive Squall because he nearly slept with you? Are you out of your _fucking_ MIND?" I grab him by the edges of his coat and haul him up against the wall. Now I may be short, but I can do some damage, baby, and from the look in his eyes, I’d bet half my junctions he knows it.

"Zell," he keeps talking, only a slight hitch in his voice indicating there’s anything odd about being slammed against a wall by someone nearly a whole foot shorter than you. "You’re a dick. I don’t like you, I’m damn sure you don’t like me. But we’ve got something in common, kid. We both love Squall." He’s sincere, as amazing an idea as it is, and I loosen my grip slightly. "And believe me, this is ripping my _fucking_ heart out, but in the end, I want him to be happy. And I know I can’t make him happy." I’ve let go of him by now, and I take a step back. He straightens his coat nonchalantly, the momentary fear gone from his eyes. "And I know you can."

"Get out." He doesn’t move. "You’ve made your point, now get out." It’s hardly more than a whisper, but he sighs softly, and turns for the door anyway. I feel a wave of relief - I need some serious time alone to work this out - but he’s not quite done yet. He turns back, just as he’s about to leave.

"Here’s something for you to think about, Zell. Is your hatred for me... stronger... than your love for Squall? Don’t hurry to find an answer," he mocks me, that bloody smirk rising on his lips again when I remain completely silent, too astonished now to even be angry with him. "Just think about it. And hope that he’s still waiting when you find your answer." He stares at me for a moment longer, then shakes his head, and lets himself out of my room.

I stand there staring at the door for a long moment, all of what he said forgotten as I focus in on a single idea. 

Hyne. Squall loves me.


	55. Chapter 55

**SQUALL**

"Thank you all for your patience. I trust that the past two days have been productive and informative for you all, and that you have, both individually and within your respective factions, reached a conclusion as to the future of Seifer Almasy. The voting procedure has been explained, and is detailed in the booklets which were handed out this morning. If you have any further questions, please direct them to one of the SeeDs inside the Town hall. Voting will take place this afternoon, by secret ballot. Please make your choice carefully, I’m sure I don’t need to impress upon you how important this decision is. The votes will be counted by Balamb Garden Faculty and the results announced from the Town Hall steps at 1900 hours. Voting must take place between 1300 and 1700 hours. Thank you for your attention."

* Hours pass... *

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Officers, Mr Mayor. The result of the vote to determine Seifer Almasy’s furture was decided by a clear margin, with 68% of voters declaring that Seifer is free to live within, travel within and conduct trade and commerce within those territories whose governing bodies shall, under their own free will, declare him a free citizen. The territories of Fisherman’s Horizon and Esthar have made such a declaration, and allowed free passage of Seifer Almasy within their borders, and so he shall be confined to these territories for the duration of his natural life, until or unless additional territories declare that he shall have free passage within them. The territory of Balamb has declared that in one year’s time, they will conduct a review of Seifer Almasy’s conduct, and providing that no misconduct has taken place in any territory in that length of time, Balamb shall also open its borders to Seifer Almasy. 

"This decision shall be upheld by Garden, by any of its members traveling within foreign territories, or by the local military or civilian authorities within any given territory. Local authorities are not to act outside of their jurisdiction in this matter. Thank you all for your time and attention."


	56. Chapter 56

**SQUALL**

"Garden will be leaving Fisherman’s Horizon at 1700 hours. Would all personal prepare for departure, and teaching staff ensure all students have returned to their quarters by 1630 hours. SeeDs who have been assigned to stay in Fisherman’s Horizon, please report to my office for briefing at 1500 hours."

It’s over. I sigh deeply as I settle back into my chair, and feel the predictable tiredness and nervous tension that comes with the end of any long battle, where the mind is saying it’s time to rest, and the body is still so worked up that rest becomes impossible.

Seifer is staying here in FH. Despite the freedom to travel to Esthar, he says all he actually wanted was to be able to stay here, where he’s been since the war ended. It still amazes me that he could so easily settle for a simple life. And makes me wonder, if I was in his place... what would I have done? 

Laguna has already left for Esthar - with an open invitation for me to visit any time. I think now, I’ve finally learned to respect him. I have to laugh at that. There was a time I would never have believed I would say that about Laguna. But he showed me that he believed in an ideal for his country - to keep them out of any potential war over Seifer. And war was a real possibility, I now realise. For all Garden’s efforts to keep things here under control, only a few pieces on the game board would have needed to be different for it all to have collapsed into chaos. But Laguna had a set of beliefs about the welfare of his country, and he stuck to them, despite pressure from me, Garden and the rest of the world for him to waver. And I can’t help respecting him for that.

Rinoa said she’d hang around here for a few days, then head back to Timber. We finally had the chance to catch up with how things are going over there. The political situation has calmed down considerably with the new government in place. Rinoa says there are still a few protests going on - no one expects the government to get everything right first time - but the protests have been peaceful affairs, focusing on making the people’s voices heard, rather than forcing their issues through violence or destruction. It seems that finally, after everything that’s happened, an age of peace may be on the horizon. And the thought sends a warm shiver through me.

There’s still a few hours to go until Garden has to leave, but I’m not surprised by the knock at my door, and even less surprised when it is opened irreverently before I have a chance to answer. He comes swaggering in, more playful than arrogant, now, and I have to wonder if he’s found some of his own peace in the forgiveness the world has given him. Or if he even cares what they think, after all. He seats himself gracefully in the chair opposite me, and we sit, and stare at each other for a long moment, the silence companionable, not uncomfortable.

"Isn’t the bit where you ask me what I’m going to do now?" Seifer asks finally, and I can’t decide whether it’s amusement or irritation in his voice.

"I did what I came here to do," I tell him softly, gently. "I figure what you do now isn’t really my business."

"Yeah well..." He stares out the window. "Not like there’s a whole lot of places I _can_ go, right?" For all that it’s a complaint, it’s said in good humour.

I let the silence gather again, and then break it gently. "You plan to follow the forum’s rulings, then?" It’s not that I distrust him. I have simply learnt not to take anything Seifer does for granted.

"Yeah," he states firmly. "I said I would, back when Garden first arrived here." His expression darkens quickly, and he bites out, "Shit, Squall, I respect you more than that. I wouldn’t just throw away all the effort you put into this for me. Damn it, you know that."

My expression doesn’t change at his acidic tone, and I think, maybe, I’m finally beginning to understand him. "It’s been good seeing you again," I say, perhaps as a final peace offering between us. Perhaps just because it’s true.

Seifer stands up, knowing it’s time for him to leave. "You know... you have changed, Squall. Since you hooked up with Zell." He pauses, considering whether to continue, and then finds the words he’s looking for. "It’s a change for the better."

I almost manage a smile as he walks out the door. "Whatever..." 

It’s not that I’m indifferent to him. I’m relieved that he’s okay, glad I can return Garden and myself back to what passes, in some sick world, for my ‘normal’ life, and grateful to him for not fucking things up more than he did. Am I happy with the way things turned out? Yeah, for the most part, I am. 

Will I miss him? No, probably not.  
*  
 **SEIFER**

I took a walk through Garden, before I finally left. There’s a lot of memories wrapped up here.

Our childhood, if it could be called that, after we left Edea’s orphanage on Centra, was spent inside these walls. I remember so many things - admiring Squall so much I could hardly think straight, teasing Zell just because it made me laugh to get a rise out of him, meeting Fujin and Rajin, learning to fight, earning my first gunblade, nearly falling over in surprise when I actually managed to get Squall into bed that first time. Then the disappointment of seeing him walk away, once he was done with me. 

The only thing out of it all that I actually regret is not making it into SeeD. It was what I’d worked for for so long. Then Ultimecia popped up, and I took the road that she laid before me, instead of the one Garden had mapped out for us all. The road less travelled, and all that shit.

I guess sometimes, we have to give up on one dream, to achieve another.

I see Zell, heading for the elevator, as I finish my trip down nostalgia lane. He seems more grounded, now. Steadier and more clear-headed. I think maybe he’s changed as much as Squall has.

And I realise, as I pass out the observation deck doors for the last time, that I don’t regret leaving Garden. There’s nothing left for me here.  
*  
 **ZELL**

Tonight is exceptionally peaceful. Garden left FH as scheduled, and is now humming its way across the ocean. We should reach Balamb before dawn. It’s getting late, and the halls are pretty much deserted, the students wisely getting some rest in before classes resume in full swing tomorrow.

So why am I out, wandering the halls late at night instead of getting my own share of sleep? I’ll give you one guess.

I've been standing outside his door for almost half an hour, now. For about five minutes after Seifer stormed into, and out of my room that night, everything looked clear and shiny and simple. Seifer was right, I love Squall, more than I hate Seifer, and enough to at least try to work past whatever this block between us is. Even if it’s a rough ride, and even if I’ve pissed Squall off by ignoring him and I have to kick the crap out of him to get him to listen.

Kind of a shame he didn’t do that to me in the first place...

Like I said, that whole sentiment lasted for five minutes, and then I was back to tripping over the what ifs and the buts and the maybes. But in the end, and the reason I’m hovering outside Squall’s door, is that, as screwed up as it sounds, I owe Seifer this. He gave up Squall, and walked away, for the sake of making Squall happy. So I figure I should at least do my half of the bargain.

So that’s why I’m here. Because I love him, and because he’s worth it. Without another thought, I press his doorbell.   
*  
 **SQUALL**

The beep at my door isn’t too surprising. Even after hours, there’s likely to be some administrative or political issue that needs my attention, given all that’s happened in the past few days, and with Garden due to reach Balamb just before dawn... when I’m sure no one would be willing to come and wake me up. I’m not paying full attention when I open the door, expecting to see Xu, or Cid, or maybe even Nida come to ask me some inane question that any one could answer, but that I have to, because I’m Commander. 

And so I’m surprised, and thrilled, and even a little scared at the little flip my heart does and the way my breath catches in my throat when I look up from the floor, and see a blond, tattooed face frozen in indecision in my doorway. 

"Squall, we need to talk."


	57. Chapter 57

**ZELL**

It's only been a week since Garden got back to Balamb, but it already seems like we never left. The Training Center doors were finally repaired, with some advice and help from the FH engineers. Of course, the monsters inside had done a good job of multiplying, with no one going in to cull the ranks, and it was a good three or four days before you could get three steps past the entrance without running into a Grat. Once we got it under control, the Faculty decided to add some bite bugs to the fauna collection, to give the beginner students a little more variety.

In the end, we only had three students resign. More are expected to leave come exam time, but it’s always been that way, people finding out whether or not they can deal with the pressure and planning their lives accordingly. Classes have resumed, everyone has finally been released from the infirmary, and life is, as far as I can tell, back to normal. As normal as Garden ever gets, baby!

I’ve said it before, though I’m sure, last time, it was with a touch more cynicism than I use now. 

This is the calm between the storms. 

Not the calm before - there are too many storms behind us to say this is any kind of ‘before’. And not the calm after the storm. That would mean that there are no more storms to come. And I know that is a lie.

But I don’t say that with any kind of bitterness. Because I think I understand now. We - Squall and I, Quistis, Fujin, Irvine and Selphie, Rinoa... even Seifer - we are soldiers. We are warriors. And, to the rest of the world, we are heroes. We have gone through the darkness and faced our fears. And so we are heroes, not just for the past or the present, but for the future as well. Heroes, it seems, are forever.

And now, I'm back in my combat class, preparing my students for their first SeeD exam. Four of my twelve students are taking the test this time around, and I have every confidence in them.  
* 

"Zell? What's a _Quake_?" Stan asks, in the middle of our Advanced Junctions tutorial.

"Huh?" Yep, that’s me sounding as intelligent as usual.

"Well, I won a _Dino bone_ after I killed a T-rex, and my tutorial says it refines into 20 _Quakes_. I was just wondering what a _Quake_ is."

"Oh, it's an earth magic. A pretty powerful one, at that. It's kind of... What the hell were you doing fighting a T-rex?"

"It was during the battle on K-day! The rex dropped a bone! What was I supposed to do, leave it there?" He’s doing a good impression of ‘wounded pride’, which I promptly ignore.

"I thought you were supposed to report any and all items, found, bought, borrowed or stolen during that battle to Squall?"

"I did report it. We all filled in those forms about skills developed, GF abilities, Items and all that stuff. And no one said anything about the _Dino Bone_ , so I figured that meant I was allowed to keep it."

"An unfortunate oversight. Sorry, Stan. Hand it over." It was a tough decision to make, seeing as all the instructors felt the kids had earned their toys and prizes from those battles. But, as Squall pointed out, some of the Items they’d gathered were seriously powerful weapons, or could be refined into magic that the kids simply had no control over. There’s more to using magic than just stocking a spell, and chanting an incantation. It takes a lot of mental discipline to control where the magic is aimed, even for simple spells like _Blizzara_ and _Thundara_. And with spells that cause widespread devastation, like _Quake_ or _Meteor_... a student who wasn’t concentrating could end up wiping out a whole wing of Garden.

Stan sighs, but drops the bone onto my desk and returns to his seat. "Any one else, anything you think you shouldn’t have? I know it’s a drag, and you earned this shit... stuff, sorry, but we’re only doing this because we don’t want you guys getting hurt."

Three minutes later, I have three _Dino Bones_ and two _Star Fragments_ on my desk. Silver had a _Dragon Fang_ , and since she couldn’t really do herself any harm with it, I let her keep it.

"Back to the lesson then. Some of these junctions you’re probably not going to really understand until you get more experience with them. Unfortunately, a lot of you have developed abilities with your GFs way ahead of schedule, thanks to you all fighting T-rexes left, right and center..."  
*  
 **IRVINE**

I would never have thought at the start of the year that I’d get this attached to my class. And the best thing about that is that once they pass their SeeD exams, most of them will be staying here, and will be my colleagues, instead of my students. Garden isn’t just an institution to us. It’s a family. Which means that I get to look forward to the exams with a whole lot of excitement, rather than any of the sorrow that I’d feel if my kids were going to leave Garden once they graduate.

"I have some news for Miss Davis, Miss Bailey, Mr. Andrews and Mr. Branaghan. As you know, the four of you are due to take your SeeD exams, and in preparation, you’re allowed to fight T-rexes in the training center. Okay folks, the party hasn’t started yet," I remind them when I’m met with four loud cheers. "I know you’ve fought these buggers before, but I still recommend facing them in teams, and remember, if you’re getting in over your head, running away is always an option. I also suggest you take a few trips into the countryside around Garden and play with some of its wildlife. Understand that in the exam, you’ll be fighting monsters you’ve never fought before, and there’s no way of predicting what you might run into, so I wouldn’t recommend focusing your studies on memorising enemy stats. That’s what you have _Scan_ spells for. Instead, make sure your battle techniques are as good as you can possibly get them, and revise your battle strategies. And in any of you have the stash to upgrade your weapons, now would be a good time to do it."

"Now, having let you loose on a bunch of seriously high-grade enemies, we’re going to cover some of the more powerful magic you might want to use against them. And the rest of you, it’ll only be a few months until you’re out there as well, so pay attention. Let’s start with a _Quake_. Some of you will have noticed these can be refined from _Dino Bones_. A _Quake_ is a multi target magic, and it’s a lot more complicated than a single target magic like _Blizzard_ , or even the higher powered spells like _Blizzaga_. With those spells, as you know, you aim for an enemy, then basically let the magic do its thing. 

"Multi-target spells are more complicated. You can’t just pick a bunch of targets and let the magic go. Because it’s moving from target to target, there’s a certain amount of distortion to the energy flow, and throughout the entire spell, you have to keep guiding it and directing it, keeping it focused on the two, three, four targets, and avoiding letting it come and kill your own team. That can be really hard, with some of the visual effects going on. I’m sure it wasn’t so long ago that you can’t remember your first _Fire_ spell? You stand there and look at the monster, do the little chant and then a fireball falls out of thin air and you fall over backwards screaming ‘what the fuck was that!’ A _Quake_ is about a hundred times worse..."  
*  
 **SQUALL**

Since arriving back in Balamb, there’s been one administrative headache after another. Three complaints from organisations demanding to know why Garden hasn’t filled their requests for SeeD assistance - sorry, we were busy saving the world again, guys - four reminders from the Garden Faculty wanting to know why I haven’t organised the upcoming SeeD exam yet - sorry, I had other things on my mind, like global destruction, saving my students lives, the downfall of Ultimecia and, privately, a small blond whirlwind - and one complaint from Balamb about the local wildlife getting over-populated - sorry guys, we were out of the country, besides which, since when did SeeD become responsible for Balamb’s garden pruning?

I pause before sending that reply... and wonder when I became so irreverent. There was a time I would never have responded to any request in such a flippant way. Commanding SeeD is a serious business, one that often determines the difference between life and death. So why am I being so careless now? I hit ‘send’, as the answer comes to me. It’s not that I don’t care about these complaints, or the issues that could affect these people’s lives. I have simply developed a higher perspective on things. And, Hyne forbid, a sense of humour when regarding other people’s hang ups. Does it matter if the SeeD exam is this week or next week? To a few highly strung students, the answer is probably yes. But in the realm of causality, when I look at it with the perspective of ‘is anyone going to die if the exam is a week late?’ it pales into insignificance in the face of all we’ve seen.

I should get a mission dispatch out to Galbadia, to answer that request for assistance...

Later that day, I find myself back in the training circle outside Garden, watching my students spar with each other. The SeeD exam is, barring my own lack of organisation, coming up soon, and I have to decide which of the kids is ready for it. "Ash, change partners. You and Scotts pair up, and let Blake have a go with Noland." The switch is made, and I watch carefully, seeing how they react to a new partner, at a different skill level to their own. It’s not just about how well they can fight. It’s also about how well they read their team members, how well they can adapt to new situations... 

So many memories are tied up in this place for me... Seifer’s challenges, sparring before our own SeeD exam, fucking on the cold hard rock... I glance up at the sky, half expecting to see dark storm clouds rolling in, but the sky is bright and clear, and the gentle breeze is disturbed only by the muted clang of gunblade against gunblade. I can almost hear the crackling rush of Fire, as I heard it ringing in my ears the last time I fought here. But as I glance back at my students, the sounds fades, and I can barely remember what it felt like any more.

Life is moving on before my very eyes, and it’s a new generation of SeeDs who will fight the next battles.  
*  
 **ZELL**

"Zell, thank you for coming," Cid greets me at the door of his office warmly, and welcomes me inside, indicating the empty seat opposite his desk. "Zell, I’m sure you remember Lieutenant Davidson, from Galbadia Garden?" he says as he takes his own seat. 

"Of course. Lieutenant, sir," I shake his hand, feeling at once nervous and calm. I knew this was coming, and I know I’ve made the right decision. The question is only whether he’ll like it or not...

"Zell, I appreciate that this was a big decision for you to make, and that you’ve had a lot of commitments recently with SeeD, but I was hoping you’d come to a decision about our offer to you? Just to clarify the situation, we initially offered you a six months appointment at Galbadia Garden, to bring our instructors up to speed with the techniques Balamb Garden has developed. I now understand that Balamb Garden is about to graduate it’s own team of specialist SeeDs, and so I hope you would seriously consider our offer of a permanent position in Galbadia. Your skills are quite remarkable, and both Cid and I feel it appropriate to spread some of the talent throughout Garden, rather than letting it all focus into Balamb."

None of this catches me by surprise. Despite all the stuff going on around here, I actually hadn’t forgotten. And making the decision, after the way things turned out with Squall, was actually a whole lot easier than I expected. The only thing I really regret is not managing to work out whether I would have said yes or no if he and I hadn’t talked... But I figured out the answer in the end, so I guess all’s well that ends well.

"I have made a decision, Lieutenant Davidson, but I don’t think it’s quite the answer you were hoping for..."


	58. Chapter 58

**IRVINE**

The warmth from the sand radiates up through the towel I’m lying on, creating a pleasant heat beneath us since our little spot of beach is now covered in shade. Not that we could ever complain about being cold, lying on a deserted beach on the Timber coastline in the middle of a perfect, sunny, cloudless day. Come to think of it, right now I don’t think I could complain about _anything_.

There’s a little resort where Selphie and I are staying, about 20 minutes walk from here, just on the outskirts of Timber. It’s far enough from this isolated little spot that we’re not likely to be disturbed for the rest of the afternoon. The noble and gracious Commander Leonhart gave me and Seph a week’s vacation - something to do with thanking us for keeping things under control in FH... Hyne, has that guy mellowed, or what? Anyway, I’m never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so we said yes, thanks very much, and hightailed it out of there on the very next transport. Timber in summer is a beautiful spot. Quiet enough to get away from it all, but only a shuttle ride into town, if we decide we want company. Which, I smirk underneath the cowboy hat covering my face, isn’t likely to happen any time soon.

I feel cool breath being blown across my naked skin, and chuckle, peering out from beneath the brim of my hat to watch Selphie, sprawled on her towel beside me, alternately blowing and placing delicate little kisses down my chest and belly. I’m utterly naked, save for the hat, but she still has on two scraps of fabric that could hardly be called a bikini. Something tells me, from the way she continues on southward, that she’s not going to be wearing them for long.

I tip the hat back ever so slightly, and reach a lazy hand down to run contented fingers through her hair, and she pauses what she’s doing to look up at me. 

"I thought you were asleep," she states happily, part mischievous reprimand, part gleeful discovery of deception.

"Just dozing," I murmur back, feeling a light tingle begin in my groin. "But I wouldn’t want to sleep through any of the fun parts."

She pouts adorably at me. "And here I thought I’d have the pleasure of waking you up."

"I could always go back to sleep," I suggest cooperatively, laying back and tilting the hat to cover my eyes again, and murmur into its soft fabric, just loud enough for her to hear, "pleasure’s all mine..."

Her hand closes around my growing erection, and she giggles. "You bet your cute little buns it is."

I groan under her touch, anticipating the feel of her mouth on me, and shifting my hips just a little in encouragement when she doesn’t oblige me straight away. Her hands are warm, though, and practiced in their touch, and the anticipation brought about by not being able to see her - without spoiling her fun, that is - makes me want it all the more. I feel her shifting her body about beside me, and then she spreads my legs a little, and then... Yikes! Her tongue traces its way up the inside of my thigh, lingering on my sac for just a moment before moving back down to worship the other side.

I grin wryly beneath my hat, and thrust towards her again, hoping she’ll get the message. But at the same time, I’m thrilled by the rare chance to leave everything in her hands for now, and in a way I’m just as pleased when she ignores my invitation and... oh Hyne... I feel her hair gliding over me, tickling slightly in the breeze, then she wraps it firmly around my length and rubs up and down... Damn, the girl is talented. Her hands are massaging my thighs, reaching higher bit by bit, and then without any warning, I feel her wet mouth and tongue glide down around me.

"Fuck, Selphie..." I groan out her name, slipping one hand into her hair. She allows me to guide her at first, up and down at my own pace, and then she breaks the rhythm deliberately, sliding me as fully into her mouth as she can and sucking hard... That’s it, I’ve had enough waiting. I flip the hat off my face and sit halfway up, gripping her hair and pulling her face towards mine in a gesture that’s 100% command, yet stays gentle and considerate, allowing her to pull away if she really wants to. But instead she grins up at me, a daring expression that promises both pleasure, and inevitable torment, and she slides her body slowly up mine, every single inch of her flesh rubbing over me as she lifts her mouth to meet mine. 

Sometime during the wanton kiss she undoes her bikini top - I’m far too distracted to be interested in exactly when, and then my hands are full of her breasts and my groin is pressed flush against hers, only her ridiculously small bikini bottoms separating us. She thrusts her hips against mine, leaning forward so that I’m forced to lie down again, and then I’m treated to the feel of full body contact, her legs wrapped sensually around mine. The sun is behind her, and it lights up her hair in a halo of colour and highlights. She runs her hands up my sides, pausing kindly to visit my nipples, then stroking her way down my arms until our hands and fingers are as entwined as the rest of our bodies. Her tongue plays over mine, and then I slip an arm around her waist, tumbling us over until she’s beneath me.

All traces of playfulness have left her face when I finish kissing her and break for air. Instead of the carefree girl, she is a sensual, sexual woman with the power of her femininity held over me. And I would fall so willingly under her spell. Her hands at my hips nudge me into cooperation, and I smoothly remove her bikini, settling confidently between her legs and stroking her entrance as a final preamble to our joining.

"Love you," I whisper as I slide into her. I'm sure the joy I see in her eyes is reflected in my own, my heart feeling just about happy enough to burst. There are so many other things I want to say. I want to tell her that I'm overwhelmed by how beautiful she looks right now, that she's the most amazing woman I've ever known, that I've never been so in love in my whole life, that she means the absolute world to me, that I can barely stand the way she feels so soft and warm and sensuous beneath me. But none of those words seem to say just what I want them to, so I say the ones I've already used again, unable to express it any better. "I love you."

She reaches up to kiss me, then whispers, "Love you too," while she wraps her arms around my shoulders, and I know that she does.

Our coupling is slow and lazy, allowing us both to approach climax several times without actually reaching it, and when she finally tightens around me, her body bucking beneath me, I see stars, exploding behind my eyelids as I shudder and groan and gasp for breath as I follow her into paradise.

A long time later, we’re both lying on our backs, Selphie nestled comfortable against my side. "What do you think of making a trip to Trabia?" Her sleepy voice drifts out from her nest beneath my arm. 

"Hm?" I’m too relaxed and exhausted and happy to reply more.

"They lost a lot of their instructors in the war, and I know they’ve finished rebuilding the Garden, but they still need people to teach the kids up there. I thought we could go, for a few months maybe, and help them out." She has lifted herself onto her elbows, and is looking down at me seriously. 

I consider the idea for a silent moment, then smile, and pull her down for a gentle kiss. "Sounds like a plan," I agree happily. "We both need to finish our classes in Balamb, but as soon as we’re done, we can twists Squall’s arm into letting us go."

Selphie grins, and kisses me more fully. "You are... absolutely the best."  
*  
 **SQUALL**

There are fourteen students lined up in front of me. Specialists from each of the classes, as well as three students aiming to become regular SeeDs. Some of the faces I know well, others I have only seen in passing. Quistis and Fujin are among the SeeDs attending the mission, and are waiting off to the side. Cid is also hovering in the background, but thankfully it looks like he won’t be interfering in this meeting. It still amazes me how I can stare down a Chimera without flinching, but listening to Cid telling me how to organise my troops sets my nerves on edge like fingernails on a blackboard. Xu arrives - she’ll be heading this mission - and I begin my address to the SeeD candidates.

"Good morning, everyone. Welcome to your SeeD exam. I know you’ve all been waiting for this eagerly." The students have been on standby for nearly 48 hours now, waiting for a suitable request to come in for SeeD, and prepared to go into battle at a moment’s notice. "Garden received a request for SeeD assistance only four hours ago, from Dollet. Back at the beginning of the war, a SeeD mission to Dollet encountered a monster called ‘Elvoret’. It was a powerful flying monster living in the Dollet Communications Tower. The tower has long been a nesting ground for monsters. Elvoret was defeated, but it’s presence made the Dollet authorities aware of the possibility that the area was a breeding ground for unusually potent monsters. They have been monitoring the area for the past year, and recently, one of their patrol squads went missing. A team from Dollet Military was sent to investigate, and they too, did not return. The authorities suspected at this point that they were dealing with a monster of high paramagical abilities. They assembled a squad to deal with the problem - Dollet Military has a paramagical division - but four hours ago, before they could respond to the situation, the monster, whatever it is, left the tower and descended into the city. 

"Casualties so far have been minimal, but the town is in a state of lockdown. All civilians have been ordered off the streets. Our mission is to seek and destroy the monster, and to inspect the Communications Tower for signs of further activity. Should we find any problems in the tower, SeeD will sweep the area and remove any threats. You will be assigned a region of the city to scout. There may be other monsters present, and these must also be eliminated, but remember, your primary target is the flying monster. Despite some brief reports from Dollet, we have no real information on what we are dealing with. It could be another Elvoret, it could be related to the Elvoret, or it could be something completely new. If you encounter the monster, you are to engage it in battle. If it flees, you are to pursue it as far as the edge of your assigned region, and no further. Should you become overwhelmed in battle, you may withdraw, but try to gather as much information as possible about the monster as you fight it. 

"Eight SeeDs are going with you. Work together as a team, follow their orders, and complete the mission." I feel a twinge of pride as I repeat the word Cid said to me two years ago. "Should you fail, SeeD will get the job done. They always do. Prove yourselves worthy to become SeeD members. Good luck, everyone."  
*  
 **ASH**

The transport boat to Dollet takes less time than I imagined. On the way, Fujin gives us our specific assignment - the south-west quadrant of the town - and we study maps of the area, and figure out contingency plans in case we need a bolt hole or an escape route. Fujin watches us and listens closely, but offers little in the way of advice, and I don’t know if we’re supposed to ask her for help, or she’s being quiet because we’re supposed to figure this out on our own.

I’m teamed with Davis and Silver. It’ll be a new experience, fighting with such a range of abilities. I’m more used to being pair with other gunblade students. And as we head for the landing dock of the boat, it occurs to me that it’s more than just not knowing my team mates’ tactics in detail, as I do with my own class mates. There’s a heck of a lot I don’t know about how their weapons work, and what they are capable of. I suddenly find myself wondering how Silver will fight against a flying monster. Not like she can really reach it with her fists. Although, I have seen Zell hurl himself onto a monster’s back just to get a good swipe in... wonder if Silver would try that? Or just stick to magic and GFs? What if the monster has defences against magic? Will she switch to attacking with items, or take defensive, and work on _Cures_ and _Dispels_ for us?

Davis has been made squad leader for our group, and I bite down on the wave of irritation that that brings. Squall and SeeD know what they’re doing when they assign teams, but I still feel more comfortable when I’m able to make my own decisions and take control. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe they want to see how I handle taking orders from someone else...

Last thing before we step off the boats, we have a brief junctioning meeting, and I have to stop myself from the automatic impulse to run the discussion. But I’m relieved when Davis proves herself capable of organising things, as we trade magic spells and switch abilities to produce the most effective combination between us. Fujin hovers in the background, quiet as usual, but I’m surprised when, just before we leave, she gives us a parting wave, and a firm, reassuring "Good luck". As if she already knows we’ll succeed and return triumphant.  
*  
 **DAVIS**

Dollet is eerily quiet as we sprint through its deserted streets. The military has already been badly hit, according to Garden’s latest reports issued to us on the boat over here, and keeping a cool head when we still have no idea what is hunting us is damn hard work. It’s good to remember that, I find - that we are the hunted here, as well as the hunters. The only question will be who finds who first. For all we know, some damned beast could swoop down and snatch us off the bare streets before we even see it coming. It keeps us alert, nerves on a hair trigger and senses straining for the slightest change in scent, or light, or wind direction.

I hear Loki, my fire GF, rumble in my head, and an instant later, I’ve hurled myself at the two taller girls ahead of me, pinning all of us to the ground with a shout. It’s not an easy feat when they both weigh more than me. Holding a gun doesn’t need nearly as much strength and body mass as hand-to-hand combat, or flinging that bloody great gunblade around. 

I briefly thank Hyne that Loki learnt his _Alert_ skill before today, as a huge dark shadow swoops down the street ahead of us, having missed grabbing us by mere inches. I’m on my feet instantly, firing my Valiant into the air after the pterodactyl-like creature. I hear Loki grumble once again, not a warning this time, but a complaint. He’s a temperamental bugger, never happy unless he gets summoned at least twice in a battle, and happiest of all when he gets to kick some serious butt.

Ash is up beside me, hurling an _Aero_ at the creature, and it tumbles in the air, off balance for a moment, and collides with the side of a building. Silver is on top of it the moment it hits the ground, aiming some vicious blows at its wing joints. Presumably to try and prevent it from flying again, or at least from flying as well as it did before. Not a bad tactic, I reluctantly admit to myself, even as I curse the girl for not scanning the creature before she leapt into battle, or at least taking a second look for secondary weapons on the monster, like its beak or the barbs on its wing tips I suddenly see glinting in the light.

"Silver, look out!" I scream, seeing the left wing hook over and strike her in the shoulder as she retreats after her assault on the creature. She gasps with surprise as the sharp point digs into her flesh, and then I shudder as a grey pallor creeps up her skin, and she freezes, a stunned, horrified expression fixed permanently to her face. _Petrify_... Hyne... I dig a _Soft_ from my pack and squeeze the slimy liquid haphazardly over Silver, while dodging a swipe from the monster’s beak, and not quite making it. I feel a nasty gash up my left side, and the telltale wetness of fresh blood. Feels like hand-lotion, I think randomly as I wipe the remnants of the _Soft_ from my hands, feeling a _Cure_ settle around me and I throw a grateful glance at Ash. A moment later, Silver is back, and she backflips out of the bird’s way, her face concentrating in a brief _Scan_. 

"Absorbs fire, weak against wind, HP is up around 30 000," she rattles off the stats as she receives them, and I cringe against the roar from Loki. Now he knows he’s not going to get to play any time in this battle, and he’s not above complaining loudly about it. I give him a mental shove and tell him to shut up as I reach into my mind for an _Aero_.

It knocks the monster back off its feet, and an irritated screech comes from its mouth. Okay, so we pissed it off, but can we kill it? Apparently not, I decide, as it lunges for Ash, the closest one of us to it, and sends her crashing into a wall. Then it leaps awkwardly into the air and lurches off down the street. It can’t get very high yet, but it’s traveling at a lively speed, and we’ll be hard pressed to catch it.

"Dude, I seriously _never_ want to go through another _Petrify_ ," Silver mutters sharply as she helps Ash off the ground and we make chase. The bird - goodness knows what it is, it looks like a cross between a bat, a hawk and a goat, of all things - is heading further into our section of town, traveling north-east. I don’t know who is assigned to the next quadrant over, but unless we can slow this thing down, they’re going to have company real soon. Silver grabs a grenade out of her pack as we run - Hyne, I’m jealous of her agility sometimes! - and hurls it at the bird once we come to a straight stretch of road and it has no side street to swerve into. The grenade explodes in a wave of heat and noise, and does its job of bringing the bird back to the ground. _Aero_ again, and then Ash summons her GF. Lightening crackles around the monster, but it seems to have some kind of magical shield up now, and the hit isn’t nearly as big as we had hoped. It stops to take a swipe at Ash again, sending her to the ground with critical HP, and by the time Silver and I have _Cured_ her twice, it’s gone again.

"This way!" Ash dashes down a back road, and we come out in front of the monster as it heads straight towards us. We brace ourselves, magic and GFs armed and ready, but just as it reaches our battle range, it swerves, taking a sharp left into the northern quadrant of the town.

"After it!" Ash bolts away down the road, Silver on her tail, but I hesitate, just for a second, and curse myself for the indecision. If I’ve learnt anything by now, I should know how to make a decision and hold to it, rather than start second guessing myself.

"No! Wait!" I order loudly, thankfully bringing my team to a halt. 

"Come on, it’s getting away," Ash barks back, hopping in agitation as she edges her way after the monster.

"No can do, Ash," I say firmly, reminding myself that I’m the team’s leader, and it’s my job to give the orders... even if it still feels wrong. "It’s in the northern quadrant now. Our orders were to pursue to the quadrant boundary, then leave off the chase. Let the next team deal with it now."

"...But we can catch it! It’s wounded, and it’s slowing down! By the time the other team gets here--"

"No!" I snap, reloading my gun and stalking back the way we came, not bothering to check if she’s following. "Those are our orders and we’re sticking to them."

"You bitch!" Ash screams after me, still waiting in the middle of the street. Does she think I’m going to change my mind? "You’re a coward, just letting it get away!"

I swivel on my heel, turning to stare her straight in the eye. She glares back, meeting my gaze angrily. I think she’s actually surprised when I don’t back down, holding the stare for at least 30 seconds. The time drips by slowly, as Silver stands on the sidelines, watching silently, and in the distance, I hear the sounds of battle, as the next team catches up with our winged friend.

Finally, just as I’m beginning to think she won’t do it, Ash drops her gaze, and lowers the gunblade she still held ready for battle. "Yes, Ma’am," she acknowledges briefly, and I’m gratified to hear that the words are completely devoid of any bitterness and resentment. It’s a simple acceptance of an order, rather than the mutinous rebellion it could have turned into.

"Come on," I say, turning away again. "Let’s check out the rest of this quadrant, see if any monsters are about."


	59. Chapter 59

**ANDREWS**

" _Scan_ it! For fuck’s sake, _Scan_ the fucking thing it before you throw bloody magic at it!" Branaghan just threw a _Fire_ at the bird-monster, and we witnessed the thing perk up and work itself into a frenzy as it absorbed the magic - which is when I started cursing. I don’t wait for him to respond, casting a _Scan_ myself.

"Zephyros," I announce, out of the dark haze of the scan, as I learn the creature’s stats. "It’s called Zephyros, and it absorbs fire. Weak against wind. HP is about 25 000."

"It’s got some kinda magical shielding," Blake tells me, as I finish the _Scan_ and Zephyros brushes off his _Aero_. "I’m gonna try a status change."

"Right with you," I agree. This thing is damn fast, and right now, our best chance at slowing it down is hitting it with a _Blind_ , or _Sleep_ , or maybe even a _Slow_ , if it’ll work. A few minutes later, and we’ve resolved that it’s immune to pretty much all of our magical attacks... and has stepped its shielding up to a _Reflect_.

"Don’t bother," I yell at Blake, as he attempts a third _Dispel_. "It’ll just put it right back up again."

Dollet said this thing had paramagical abilities. I’m starting to doubt that. It seems to be negating all of our magic, without actually using any of its own. "Physical attacks, guys," I order my team. "And watch out for its wing tips. Nasty spiky things." I’m grateful we have two shooters on my team. Long range attacks are more within my comfort zone, with a beast that looks as big and unfriendly as this one. Still, it’s slow going, as we chip away its HP in 10s and 20s. There has got to be a better way to deal with this... "Branaghan! Use Pan!" I shout, dodging another swipe from the huge, hooked beak. Branaghan is the only one of us with a non-elemental GF, and I’m just dying to see if Pan can cut us some slack.

Suddenly, before Pan can work his magic, Zephyros begins to hack and splutter, making sounds that make a cat with a hairball sounds like an evening at the symphony. We step back a little, not sure whether to hit it harder, or run for cover.

Fortunately, there’s one thing Garden taught all of us that holds completely true now. Expect the unexpected. And it’s just as well we do, as the coughing abruptly ends, and we find out just why this thing has been causing so much trouble. A plume of black and red dust comes pouring out of its mouth, enveloping us before we can get out the way... and I feel the predictable light-headedness and disorientation of a _Blind_ , as my world goes black.

I’m hit from the side, and the dull swish of a gunblade tells me it was Blake - which probably means he’s _Confused_ \- as well as my own diminished reactions telling me I’m now on _Slow_. A harsh coughing from Branaghan suggests he’s _Poisoned_ , and I find myself praying that Zephyros lays off for just a minute or two, so we can regroup before we have to hit it again.

And pile of _Esunas_ and _Dispels_ later, with a _Cure_ thrown in for good measure, and my eyesight finally clears and we survey the empty street before us. Zephyros is long gone.   
*  
 **QUISTIS**

Herding the tired, grumpy and filthy SeeD candidates back into the transport ships is a lot harder than I would have imagined. Last time I did this, the kids were literally sprinting for the ships, Squall just barely making it last of all, and all of them more than relieved to be heading home and away from the shattered remains of Dollet. But today, every single one seems to have something vitally important to tell me, preventing them from just forming a nice neat queue and climbing aboard - there’s a Bomb loose in the north-east quadrant; one of the buildings on the west edge of town is unstable and should be demolished; Zephyros spat a lot of ‘this weird dust that causes blind’ and it’s still floating over the northern shore.

I do my best to assure them that Dollet Military is capable of cleaning up whatever mess is left in the city, now that Zephyros is out the way. It was SeeD that finally cornered the monster and disposed of it, when it returned to its nest in the Tower. It’s HP was down to 9 000 by then - encouraging to think the students were able to do that much damage on their own. Though they took their fair share of damage in the process.

They’re a sorry looking lot, as they file past me. Silver has _Soft_ liquid smeared all over her - I know from experience it takes industrial strength detergent and about six washes to get that out of a uniform, Ash’s eyes are glowing a brilliant and slightly unnerving green, thanks to her _Eye Drops_ , Branaghan is covered in soot, which he says is from getting too close to a self-destructing Bomb...

But their spirits are high, their courage is intact, and all that remains of the mission is to review their battle meters and analyse the results. All in all, not a bad day.  
*  
 **QUISTIS**

"Do you think ‘summer starburst’ or ‘tropical calm’ would look better on the walls?" I ask Fujin, back in our quarters. We have a half day off, and in something of a monumental decision, Fujin and I have decided to move in together. The rooms we have are more than big enough for two people, though it’s still something of a new idea to me. Not even Irvine and Selphie ‘officially’ share a room, though I doubt Selphie has actually seen her own bed for over a week. At one point there, I thought Zell and Squall might even be the first to take the plunge. I smile a little sadly at the thought of them now. Still, it’s the right decision for them, so that’s what counts.

Back in the present, Fujin and I are looking through piles of color samples trying to choose the new paint for our bedroom. And I have discovered that whoever is getting paid to give these colors such ridiculous names should either be kicked out to go and get a real job, or be congratulated for their skill at getting paid for doing nothing. "Let me translate," I continue, to Fujin’s wryly amused look. "Would you like pale yellow, or sky blue?"

"Yellow," she replies succinctly, handing me a furniture brochure from a bed store in Balamb. She doesn’t explain, but I guess the bright red circle around one of the beds is supposed to be a hint. 

"Does it come in queen size? A double is going to be too small for the long term."

"No, but..." Fujin leans over and flips the page. Another circle indicates a similar, but slightly different design, that comes in double, queen or king size.

I stare at it for a moment, then let a slow smile creep onto my face. "I like it," I decide, and turn the smile on Fujin. On impulse, I lean in to kiss her, and am rewarded when she pulls me closer, brochures tumbling from my lap as I’m hauled over sideways onto the bed, Fujin’s hands tangling in my hair. I have a feeling it’ll be a long time before we do any more thinking about redecorating the room.  
*  
 **DAVIS**

Sitting around in the cafeteria waiting for the results of the SeeD exam has lost its thrill, now that we’ve been here for nearly two hours. Practically the entire specialist division is here, some of us waiting for our own personal results, the rest waiting to see if their friends got through. Strangely, there is no jealously here at all. Those who didn’t do the exam are genuinely hoping their friends get into SeeD. They all know their own chance will come in a few short weeks or months, and then they may well be wishing for the relative peace and quiet of living in Garden, rather than trotting about the world protecting people and killing monsters and being generally homeless and cold and dirty... heh... why did I sign up for this again? 

The cafeteria staff are being terrific, despite probably being driven insane by fifty nervous and restless students. They keep bring round more coffee and hot chocolate and even made some pastries to keep us occupied until the results come through.

Suddenly, static crackles over the PA system, and Cid’s voice announces the results of the exam. Nine new SeeDs in all, out of fourteen taking the exam. We listen, holding our breath... until the last name is read out, and a collective cheer rises from the crowd... and from our table in particular. All six of our little group who took the exam have passed - me, Bailey, Andrews, Silver, Blake and Ash. Stan is grinning no less than the rest of us, despite not having been able to take the exam this time around - like I said, there’s no ill will here. And he’s only a week off completing his prerequisite time in the training center, so he could be joining us in no time.

"This calls for a celebration," Andrews announces, when he finally finishes lip-locking with Bailey. "Any chance we could get clearance for a trip into Balamb this evening?"  
*  
 **SQUALL**

The sun is setting, turning the whole sky bright orange. A cool breeze is blowing in my office window, and I know without looking that it’s nearly 1930 hours, and about half an hour before it’s time for me to head downstairs to where Zell will be waiting for me. I drag my thoughts back in the window and quickly finish reading the letter from Laguna, still sitting on my computer screen.

**We’ve finished dismantling the Lunatic Pandora. Some of the components are being sealed in space, since the paramagical readings we’re getting from them are off the scale and we’re not sure what they do. I daren’t let Odine anywhere near them to figure it out, especially since he’s started asking to do more tests on Ellone again. Ellone said she’d get Kiros to take away all my comics if I let Odine within ten feet of her! She’s a harsh girl sometimes, but I agree with her. Maybe it’s time we reigned Odine in a little.  
A lot of the higher officials in Esthar Military have asked for the same thing, and I have a feeling a slight restructuring will be needed to smooth down the ranks. I’ll keep you posted on that one, but they’re good men, and I don’t expect many problems.  
Thanks for the slippers you sent me. The pompoms on the toes are adorable, and Kiros says they make me look like an overgrown elf. I honestly think he was scared when I put them on. Ward says it was because I started singing ‘Santa Claus is coming to town’, but I don’t think my voice is all that bad.  
Well, time for me to go. Enclosed are our reports on Seifer’s activities, as you requested. Be kind to him, Squall. He’s a good kid, if a little confused at times.   
I was a little confused myself, about what you said about Zell in your last letter. Seems like a strange decision to me. I know you adore him. Maybe you could explain it next time you write.  
Take Care  
Laguna**

I feel a smile coming on, as I close the file, and I think about repressing it, then think why bother, and let the expression creep up onto my lips. And Zell... well, even if this isn’t what I would have chosen, I can finally feel at peace with the decision we’ve made. I’m just about to turn off the screen for the night when a new message flashes at the bottom of the screen. I open it, noting that it came on a secure channel, and read the brief message.

**Request to Garden: From Galbadia. Riot in D-District prison, beginning at 1500 hours today. 17 prisoners involved, resistance movement currently holding levels 3 through 5. Number of prisoners involved likely to escalate. 4 Guards injured. Request urgent SeeD assistance to control situation. D-District Prison is located above ground to accommodate SeeD arrival.**

I quickly run through the mission parameters, and a mental list of possible SeeDs who can take the mission. One team of three should be able to handle it, along with the rest of the guards. I don’t know if it’s good or bad that I’m already familiar with the layout of the prison, considering the circumstances under which I viewed the inside, but I know those narrow stairways between levels will prevent a larger team having much effect. Cadet Bailey - or rather, SeeD Bailey - has become an excellent marksman. Having a sharp shooter on the team could avoid a lot of the close-range combat in such a tight space. And SeeD Dawkins has a few years experience already. He should be able to lead the team, and he’s an excellent strategist. I briefly think about sending Ash on the team, but reconsider. She’s too volatile to be in such a confined space... SeeD Blake would be a better choice. He’s more able to keep his cool under pressure.

By the time I’ve chosen a team and planned a dispatch time, I’ve already paged Cid to get himself into my office ASAP. I take a deep breath, reminding myself that running the dispatch teams via upper management is for the benefit of the team and the security of Garden... even if it just seems like a waste of time to me.

Cid, when he arrives, is strangely calm. Usually when he has to plan out a mission with me, he ends up worried, anxious or just a little confused. Today though, we breeze through the mission parameters and have the team ready to leave within half an hour. I close down the computer system, expecting Cid to bid me goodnight and let himself out of my office. Instead though, he lingers in front of my desk, until I look up, giving him a mild yet quizzical glare, in return for the searching stare he’s giving me.

"Was there something else, sir?" I ask as politely as possible. I know I’m getting irritated - much more of this and I’ll be late to my meeting with Zell - and it shows in my tone.

"When we first reinstated you as Commander," he begins conversationally, and I get a dreadful feeling that this will take a while, ‘we weren’t sure you were up to the job. And as much as you hated the idea, running missions through me and other arrangements through the Faculty was a necessary step in protecting Garden." He seats himself across the desk from me, and I force myself to stay calm. He’s not about to remove me from command, is he?

He pauses for a long moment, giving me that searching look again, and I feel a cool mask of indifference settle over me. Damn it... not what I need when I’m going to see Zell, or he’ll chew me out again for shutting things - namely him - out.

"I think you’ve done a superb job so far, Squall. Maybe it’s time we stopped running these dispatches through me?"

I feel the warm sting of surprise internally, and it’s over before I can relax my barriers enough to let it show even a little.

"Assuming the Faculty approves it, of course," Cid continues amiably, "but I don’t think they’ll have a problem with it."

"I’d like that," I finally admit quietly, and Cid smiles in a way that says he knows me well enough to know I’m pleased, even if it doesn’t always show.

"I’ll meet with the Faculty in the morning and let you know first thing," he finishes, finally getting up and heading for the door. "Have a good evening," he calls in parting, and then he’s gone.

This time the smile, when it comes, is unhindered. I shut off the lights and hurry out the door. I’m very nearly late, and I don’t want to keep Zell waiting.


	60. Chapter 60

**ZELL**

Would it be strange to say that I find cooking soothing? It’s true though. All the rest of life makes so much mess and fuss and chaos. But when I come into my kitchen, it’s a simple case of add x much of ingredient a, y much of ingredient b, stir for exactly n minutes and voila... a delicious meal. It’s neat, precise and organised, and it’s a release from the disorderly chaos of daily life.

The marinated Mesmerise steaks in the pan are filling the room with a spicy aroma, the pasta sauce is starting to bubble ‘just so’, and the lemon tart for dessert has finished baking, and is cooling in the refrigerator. A bottle of red wine sits waiting on the counter and all that is missing is the love of my life.

A mechanical swish lets me know the door to my quarters just opened, and I grin, checking the meat quickly before I duck out into the living room. Squall is shrugging out of his jacket, and I have him in a bear hug before he can even drop it on the couch. The chuckle that rumbles from his chest is the sweetest sound I have ever heard, as his arms encircle me, returning the embrace with equal enthusiasm.

"Zell..." He says my name with a husky longing that ends in a slight groan as I press harder against him.

"Mmm, I have missed you," I pause to sneak in a kiss, "so much. With all the time," another kiss, "we’ve been putting into teaching," a kiss and a slight grope, "and the SeeD exam," ooh, his hands are massaging my butt... I love the way he does that... "and all your Commander stuff..." He pulls me in for a longer, deeper kiss, and I slide against him, his hard muscles warm against me, even through our clothes, and the familiar, sexy smell of him and his hot, hot mouth against mine. I pull away with a laugh, and take his hand, leading him to the kitchenette. "If you keep that up, we’ll never end up eating dinner," I get the idea that he doesn’t much care, with the way he pins me up against the counter, attacking my neck, and I smack his butt in a mild reprimand, "and I’ve put too much effort into cooking it to let you get away with it," I tell him firmly, and he finally relents, with a sigh and a wry smile.

"There’s wine over there, if you’d like to do the honours," I say, as I return to checking the meal.

"I had a talk with Cid today," he says from behind me, where I can hear the clink of glasses. "He’s going to talk to the Garden Faculty and see if he can get me reinstated fully as Commander, instead of running everything through management." There’s a note of wonder in his voice. It’s perfectly obvious to everyone else - including Cid, it now turns out - that Squall did an amazing job of keeping things together back in FH. Holding the threads of an entire planet together, at the same time as arguing with his father and, I cringe, with me giving him shit, most people would have quit before they were even half way through. But Squall never even considered the idea that he wouldn’t succeed.

But somehow Squall doesn’t see himself as having done anything special - or at least, his ego is completely unaware of it, even if the logical part of his brain will admit how difficult it was. I turn to him with a smile that tries to be excited, but comes out warm, pleased, and affectionate instead. "That’s great. You’re pleased, right?" I press, when he doesn’t answer.

He shrugs, then smiles, and ducks his head to try and hide it. "Yeah," he finally admits, and soft, approving tone in his voice tells me it’s true.

I sidle closer to him, and slip my arms around his waist as he turns to meet me. "You’ve earned it, baby," I tell him proudly, before leaning up to kiss him slowly and thoroughly. Things are beginning to get more heated when the timer on the stove suddenly beeps, interrupting us, and I ease reluctantly from Squall’s arms. 

Neither of us speak as I finish the final preparations for the meal, but the silence isn’t uncomfortable. I’m actually amazed at the _lack_ of awkwardness that we’ve been having. And again, I wonder, when getting back together was, in the end, so easy, why didn’t I try harder to do it sooner?

*  
 **ZELL**

"Squall, we need to talk."

He’d stared at me in shock when I appeared outside his door that night. Thankfully, for once, running away again never even occurred to me. I’d decided to clear the air with him, to explain myself, and ask for his side of the story, and damned if I was walking away without saying everything I’d come to say.

"Come in." He stepped back, allowing me access to the room, and I frowned at the forced politeness in both his tone, and his body language. He was holding me at a distance, and as justified as he was in doing so, I didn’t like it one bit.

"First of all, I wanted to apologise for telling you to fuck off," I began in a rush, hoping he realised that I was genuine in this attempt at finally moving beyond our past. "It’s taken me longer to figure things out than it should have done, and I’m sorry." I wasn’t looking for a counter-apology, and he didn’t offer one. I’d come here to start talking, and I had no problem continuing with no input from him.

"There’s a lot of reasons why I want to patch things up between us... I don’t know if we’re gonna hook up again, or just be friends, or what, but I’d like to be able to have a civil conversation with you, at the very least. And something you probably haven’t heard about, knowing the way Cid runs things..." Here goes nothing... "I got an offer from Galbadia Garden. They want me to transfer over there, for at least 6 months, and maybe permanently, as an instructor. And..." I took a deep breath, and rushed through the rest of my words in a breathless tumble. "I’m gonna regret it for the rest of my life if I walk away from here without ever finding out what I’m walking away from and what could have happened if I’d just put in the effort to talk to you."

"You’re leaving?" It was said with just a hint of alarm, and I immediately launched into a denial.

"No! No, babe, it’s just an idea Cid’s been playing with. I haven’t said yes."

"And you haven’t said no either?" The tone was skeptical, and it took me a moment to place the expression on his face. I was surprised when it neatly labeled itself ‘yearning’, and equally surprised to discover that we had closed the distance between us, and were standing less than a foot apart.

"I’ve had... a lot on my mind," I explained lamely. "And it’s not a decision I wanted to make without at least asking you what you thought of it. Just as Commander, at the very least, even if..." I left the ‘even if we never manage to forgive each other’ unsaid, figuring he would work it out anyway.

"Cid didn’t tell me," he murmured, almost sadly, and I could almost hear the ‘discussion’ he would be having with our esteemed headmaster in the morning. And then I realised we had drifted further into each other’s personal space.

It wasn’t an embrace, not as such. We were standing less than an inch apart, our breath mingling in the space between us, staring up into his eyes while our lips just barely brushed each others. "I don’t want you to leave," he whispered into the warm air between us, as if the admission was too personal to be voiced where mortal ears could hear it. I felt his fingers just barely touching my sleeves as he lifted his hands, heat suddenly radiating between us in a way it hadn’t done for what was now approaching _months_ rather than weeks, and so when I felt his fingertips brush my neck, I suddenly found myself back peddling without quite knowing why.

"No, Squall, no..." I pushed him back, apology and concern both radiating from me while I explained. "It’s just... we’re probably gonna have to have a huge argument and talk about a whole lot of things before we can patch things up between us, and it just seems kinda cheap to sleep together before we get pissed off at each other, so can we just do the arguing first and then... maybe have sex later?" By the end of the sentence, I was sounding utterly sheepish, aware by then that I had made a whole pile of assumptions about Squall’s intentions and my own desires which were really completely unfounded, and if he wanted to, Squall could pretty well humiliate me at this point without even trying.

Until, in the half-second of silence that followed, I dismissed any malicious intentions on Squall’s part, and settled into knowing that he wasn’t like that, he never had been, and he had no reason to start now.

He took a small step back, sighed deeply and nodded. "Yeah, we should... heck, I don’t want to argue with you, Zell... but we should... talk... first."

A small silence followed, and I resisted the urge to sit on his couch, knowing that in only a few moments, I would have been back on my feet, pacing the room.

"I don’t... understand you," I said to the back of the couch. It was hard enough trying to put my thoughts together without maintaining eye contact at the same time. "I don’t understand how you could have slept with Seifer for three years, and felt nothing at the end of it. I don’t understand how you can do that, and then sleep with me and decide it means something." I stopped talking, and looked up at him. I wasn’t sure if there was an explanation for this, but I was willing to wait and see. 

"I didn’t understand it myself for a long while, and then Seifer reminded me why we used to... fuck each other," he finished crudely, and I could only assume it was deliberate. "Zell, please don’t take this the wrong way, but he was... very attractive. Physically, and his personality... he was always a commanding presence in the room, he got whatever he demanded, he always seemed older than me, and that boiled down to a lot of lust and raging teenage hormones. I was wrong when I said I felt nothing for him; there was a great deal of physical attraction. But it never... he never got inside that. The thing about us - you and me - is not that we slept together. It’s that we were friends long before we got into bed, and like you said, even if we can’t get back to where we were before, we both still want to be friends if we walk away from here."

I nodded slowly. Out of the murkiness of years of history, bits and pieces were starting to make sense.

"I’m not going to apologise for my past," his voice was edged with just a hint of sharpness, and for the first time, I agreed with him, that he had nothing to apologise for. "But I will apologise for not telling you about it sooner."

"I... blamed you," I began my own admission of guilt, "for a lot of things that weren’t your fault. For a lot of... I don’t know..."

"You were jealous of Seifer," he said, summing things up with perfect clarity. "I never understood why. You had so much that he had never had from me, and you still made it sound like it wasn’t good enough, and you wouldn’t listen when I tried to explain it. He makes people think he’s better than them, but he’s just the same as the rest of us."

"Yeah, I know, he... But he always has been. Better than me, I mean. I always felt like I was being measured up against him, back when we were kids, and he always came out on top. It’s an old bone, and you were right, I should have let it go a long time ago. But with Seifer not around any more, I’d forgotten it was there, and then he came back all of a sudden, and it was there in front of me before I had time to get a handle on what was happening. You’re important to me, Squall. You were, then, and... It was like you were the only thing I’d ever gotten right, more than Seifer had, and then I found out that he’d..."

"He’d had me as well?" Squall offered softly, when I trailed off, and I cringed at the explicit idea.

"It hurt," I admitted, trying to keep my voice clear of any accusation. "I can’t even remember if it hurt more that he had had something I wanted, or that you hadn’t trusted me enough to tell me. And for the record, I’ve moved on from both those things, but that’s why I reacted the way I did back then."

He was silent for a long moment, and then he finally spoke, in a small voice. "I won’t be... a trophy for you. I won’t be just something that Seifer couldn’t have."

He said it with such sadness that I found myself instantly heartbroken. "You’re not, Squall," I denied vehemently. "That was the only time I ever... you’re not. It’s not about being better than Seifer any more, it’s... we worked together. We fitted... we stood behind closed doors for so long, Squall, just the two of us... do you really believe I would... use you?"

"No." There was no doubting his sincerity. Then, his next question threw me for a loop. "Do you believe I would use you?"

Hyne, I knew my own words would come back to haunt me. I had accused him of using me as an easy lay. Had I believed it when I’d said it? Did I still believe it now? Finally, after a long silence, I gave him the only answer I could, while remaining honest, and hoped that it was enough. "I don’t believe it any more."

His smile was forced, for just a moment, and then a real, genuine, heartfelt smile broke through the forced optimism. "That’ll do," he conceded roughly, and pulled me into a hug that I returned gratefully. Hyne, keeping my hands off him for the past few minutes had been torture!

Then suddenly, I pulled back. "Just... one other thing?" He nodded, and then, as I struggled to find the words I was looking for, I could feel my expression become pained, and his arms loosened, sensing that whatever was coming was important, and, potentially, antagonistic. "I don’t mean to throw your words back at you, but when we were talking about Seifer, you said that you were tired-"

"Of being a halfway point between any world crisis and your childhood. I remember," he admitted contritely. "And for the record, I was doing the same thing to Laguna, and he chewed me out about it, and for the most part, I’ve stopped. Zell... I..."

"We all have a lot of history," I supplied for him. "And sometimes I need to lean on you. And I need you to be okay with that." It was a lot to ask. And in the past, others had asked more of him, without remorse, but that did not make me feel better about asking it now.

"I need to learn... how to lean on you," he admitted, haltingly, and I felt a warm kiss pressed to my forehead, as I leaned my face into his shoulder.

"Are we okay?" he asked, some time later, pulling back from our tight hold of each other, and looking searchingly into my eyes.

"I missed you," I admitted, blushing slightly. "And I stopped being angry a while back, so yeah, we’re okay."

He smiled, that small, secretive smile of his, and my heart wobbled at the thought that it had been weeks since I saw that expression. There were some things Squall never brought out from behind closed doors, and I felt amazingly privileged once more, as I got to see things that other people could only imagine.

I leant up to kiss him, and was half-aware of his hands slipping my jacket off. Then a moment later, I helpfully moved my arms out the way, letting his jacket follow mine. "Me and Seifer made peace," I told him conspiratorially, as he hooked a hand into the waist of my pants and guided us to the bedroom. That stopped him in his tracks for a moment, and he stared at me like I’d just announced I was becoming a woman. 

"You... what? How?"

"I’m not saying we’re ever gonna like each other. But we... reached a mutual understanding." He still seemed kind of overwhelmed by the idea, so I slipped a hand up inside his t-shirt to distract him. 

"That’s... good," he acknowledged cautiously, moving into my hand a little. 

"Just thought you’d like to know," I smiled coyly, tugging him in the direction of the bed again.

In the bedroom, he kissed me firmly, then sat me down on the edge of his bed, bending to undo his boots and remove them, and then my shoes as well. After he tossed them aside, he glanced up at me from his crouch on the floor, and my mind supplied a helpful pile of images of previous times when he’d knelt before me, his head at waist level... and his glance at my groin told me he was thinking much the same thing. He knelt up, leaning towards me as one hand found my thigh, and a question hovered in his eyes. I leant forward to kiss him, holding his mouth to mine when he tried to pull away, until we were both breathless.

"I want you, Squall," I said concisely. "I want to put this behind us, and get back to being your best friend and comrade and boyfriend. Can we do that?"

"Oh Hyne, yes.." He pulled me into another heated kiss, his hands exploring my torso, then the top of my pants, as he undid them with practiced hands and I gasped as he slipped inside.

"Oh gods... Squall..." I bucked into his hand, weeks of frustration that had only been partially relieved by my own touch spiraling into my groin as I felt the first touch of hot breath against my skin, then warm wetness, and words spilled from my lips before I think about them. "...gods, I love you..." 

His eyes flicked up to meet mine, without his mouth leaving its activities. Maybe there was doubt in my eyes, or hesitation, because he let my cock slip from his lips and rose up to kiss me quickly, hand stroking my cheek. "Love you, too," he murmured, looking me directly in the eye, then he hoisted me backwards onto the bed more fully, and slid down my body, lifting my t-shirt out the way as his tongue traced a warm line back to my groin.

I came fairly easily, then wondered if I should have tried to last longer, as he slid up beside me, removing first his own clothes, and then mine, from my lax and sated body as I waited for the world to settle back onto its axis, and the sloppy grin to fade from my lips. Eventually the world did stop spinning, as he nestled into my side, but the grin stayed, and he smirked down at me, no doubt feeling like a proud little bugger for being the one to put it there.

He seemed content to lie there indefinitely, and as much as I was enjoying the feel of his hands running in lazy patterns over my body, I had waited long enough to feel his body tightly inside mine again. One long stretch towards the nightstand procured me a tube of lube, and a timely nudge of my thigh confirmed just how ready Squall was as well, and left him gasping and groaning and fumbling suddenly urgently with the tube cap.

Preparation took too long for my liking, even though he wasn’t being all that thorough. "Fuck, Squall, now, do it now..."

"It’s... Zell..." he shook his head, giving me a final stretch as I wiggled unhelpfully away from his fingers. "It’s been a while..." he protested half-heartedly, while I shifted to position him at my entrance.

"I want to feel you..." I never got to finish the sentence, as he pushed inside me, and I was left gasping incoherently. Oh Hyne, it had been so long... He groaned into my neck as our bodies rocked together with his thrusts, and I nearly came just from the feel of his hot skin against mine... I had not forgotten, but had perhaps ignored the memory of solid muscle under smooth skin, and the pressure of strong hands holding my hips, and the exact pattern of fine scars tracing his skin that I knew better than my own body.

I had not forgotten how to drive him mad with pleasure, how my hands down his spine made him jerk and swear, how he would retaliate by slipping a hand between us and exploit my own weaknesses with no remorse. I hadn’t forgotten the taste of him, when he bent down to kiss me, sweat clinging to his skin. Or the hot rush of him inside me, his hands fisting the sheets as he choked out my name again and again.

With morning came the return of Garden to Balamb, and classes restarting, SeeD missions resuming and all the little bits of life that had been put aside when we had left for FH. With dawn came waking up in Squall’s arms, daylight flooding in his window, and thanking every higher power I could think of for a second chance.

*  
 **ZELL**

Back in the present, in my small quarters, dinner passes civilly, with only a few heated looks interrupting the otherwise companionable atmosphere. I know he’s been waiting all day for this, and damn it, so have I... but even so, I like the rare chance to built a little atmosphere before we just throw our clothes off.

Dinner finishes with a renewed glass of red wine and a shift to the couch for us both. We haven’t had enough to be drunk, but we’re both pleasantly relaxed from the alcohol. And more than a little hot under the collar. Despite the resident passion glowing in his eyes, we both know tonight will be a long and slow one. It’s a special occasion, after all. 

We linger on the couch for a while, alternately tasting the wine and each other. What begins as a comfortable snuggle gradually progresses to a warming embrace wherein we both lose track of time, and I finally ease the wine glass from his fingers and set both glasses on the table to avoid spilling them. I sit back on the couch and slip a hand behind Squall’s head to hold him in a longer kiss, wondering, as our mouths meet softly and his warm hand finds my thigh, how I could ever, ever have considered giving him up.

His second hand slips under my shoulder and I feel his warmth from both hands spreading through me in a delicious lassitude. Finally, we pull back, facing each other, heads leaning against the back of the couch, and as corny as it sounds, just stare into each others eyes for a while. I idly note my hand lingering at his waist, while his is stroking my thigh softly. Before our break up, we would both have been slightly uncomfortable with the close intensity of this moment, and one of us would have pulled away. Now though, we hold the moment, seemingly indefinitely, recognising it for what it is - a long and silent declaration of how close we’ve become, and how close we want to be. I find it strange to think that it’s possible to become closer to him that sex can bring us.

Finally, he does break the moment, but instead of dissipating the tension as I expect him to, he raises it a few notches. "I love you." If my heart was singing before, it’s soaring now.

I nod, my throat feeling just a little tighter than it did a moment ago, and I slide forward to smoothly straddle his lap. A long quietness follows, punctuated only by the gentle rustle of clothing, the rasp of skin against skin, and the occasional whisper of breath moving past lips. Somewhere along the way, I relieve him of his shirt, only noticing in passing when he returns the favour, and pay slow worship to the hard lines of muscle across his torso. Sliding down onto the floor happens naturally, and I can’t help but smirk up at him, as he regards me with passion-glazed eyes, half-lidded in the dimmed lights of the room, his mouth parted, panting slightly in accompaniment to the tension and desire of his body. Seeing him so in control the rest of the time makes these moments of release all the sweeter.

He’s sprawled decadently before me, legs spread, pants open and his hard member standing erect and red. He groans when I lower my mouth over him, moving slowly at first, just to tease him, and then faster, when his hand tangles in my hair and his incoherent cries lets me know just how much he’s enjoying this. Soon he’s thrusting his hips towards me, head thrown against the back of the couch, and then his breath hitches, and a second later I feel the warm spurt of him into my mouth.

Once he’s finished, I crawl back up onto the couch and drape myself halfway across him, grinning in reply to his sated smile. Even more satisfying than the thought that I’m the cause of his post-ecstasy bliss, is the thought that the night has only just begun. And there’s a lot more where that came from, baby!

I let Squall recover, helping with a few soft kisses and the odd grope here and there, and it’s not long before we’re tumbling across the couch, his groin pressed against mine and his hips moving restlessly to gain friction against my shorts. Suddenly, he hoists me into his arms and strides into the bedroom, depositing us both on the bed. I make short work of his pants, and then try to remove mine, only to be hampered by his efforts to get his hand down the front of them while I’m trying to undo the zip. A strangled moan escapes me as he succeeds before I do, and I let him play for a while, deciding the shorts will come off in their own good time.

Eventually we’re both naked, and I roll him onto his back, reaching for the tube of lube waiting on the nightstand. He spreads his legs, and I reach between them to slip first one, then two fingers inside him. He arches onto my fingers, his breath quickening and deepening as his hands grip the sheets beside him. Despite his eagerness, I take my time, stretching him slowly and deliberately seeking out that sensitive spot inside him that makes him jump and groan.

And then finally, I kneel between his legs and slide into his warm, willing body, the feeling of coming home stronger than it’s ever been before. Sweat creates a sheen on our bodies as we move together, hands entwined, his legs hooked over my waist and thigh. I try to get lost in the rhythm and feel of him beneath me, joined to me, and find that I can’t, needing instead to watch his face as he tenses, shudders, and cries out, his body clenching around mine in sweet torture until my own world bursts in waves of pleasure.

*  
Later that night, Squall is spooned up behind me. The bed sheets have been rumpled into a ball at the bottom of the bed, and slide to the floor in a faint rustle as the bed continues rocking in rhythm to our breathless pants. He pushes into me again and again, our bodies locked together from neck to thigh, our legs intertwined; we’re so close I’m damn sure our hearts are beating the same frantic rhythm together... can’t stop it, don’t want to stop it, never want it to end... relentless thrusting of his hips against mine, hot pressure of his length inside me, helpless rocking of my body and his, joined together so perfectly, too intimately. His head is nestled against the upper side of my neck, his arm holds me close to him around my chest, and his other arm grips like a steel band around my waist, and for all that I’m a martial arts expert, with his cock buried inside me like a column of pleasure and fire, I couldn’t release myself from his hold if I tried. For the first time in my life, as I moan and squirm against him and feel his hold tighten further, I may be truly helpless against him. I cry out as he hits that magical spot inside me, and I feel safer and more free, in his relentless grasp, than I ever have before.

I feel the rumbling moan inside his chest before I hear it, and pleasure shoots through my groin as I know he’s about to come. His arm, about my waist, shifts its grip until his hand is wrapped tightly around my cock, and he jerks me roughly, letting me lose myself in the mess of sensation he’s inflicting upon me before I climax, only moments before him, and sight and sound and sensation all blend together in a sweeping rush of ecstasy...

*  
 **SQUALL**

Standing in front of Garden today, in the bright morning sun, my heart is in my mouth and I feel a dreadful combination of pride, elation - mainly about last night, which was, by all accounts, _amazing_ \- and sorrow.

Zell stands in front of me, and a crowd of students has gathered behind us - almost the entire specialist body and a fair few regular students, as well as a handful of SeeDs that he’s worked with over the past year. Irvine and Selphie made it back from their trip just last night, and they’re here as well, with Fujin and Quistis. Cid and Edea complete the line up, and I can tell Zell’s a little overwhelmed with it all, even as he’s honoured and affirmed by the mass farewell.

His bags are already on the transport, waiting patiently in the driveway, and he’s saying his goodbyes to everyone and promising to write, while I watch him move with that unconscious grace he always has, and try not to think about how unbelievably incredible last night was, and how much I’m going to miss him.

*  
 **ZELL**

I finish saying goodbye to the gang, wave a generic farewell to the students, and give a hug to the kids in my own class, and then it’s time to _really_ say goodbye to Squall.

It’s only for six months. Six months in Galbadia Garden, getting their instructors up to speed and passing on some of my techniques to a new generation of SeeDs. It’s well short of the permanent position Galbadia and Cid were hoping for, but they’ve both admitted it’s better than nothing. In the end, it just seemed too selfish to deny Galbadia Garden, and the world, the benefit of proper training just for my own selfish reasons. It was Squall who finally convinced me to go. Ironic, really, when he was the main reason for me staying here, after we finally got our differences sorted. But like he said, being a SeeD means we have a duty to the world, over, above and before our duties to ourselves. 

And in six months, if the instructors are worth anything, they’ll be able to teach their own flock of students... and I’ll be back in Balamb, by the ocean, with Squall. 

And now I wonder... Squall and I said our goodbyes - in spectacular fashion, I might add - last night. And again this morning. I almost have to blush at the thought. I mean, sure, we’re only... 18? 19? but really, how many times in one night can we... And as much as I think a public farewell now would embarrass him to bits... it would be worth it, just the same. Without a further thought or objection, I step forward and cup the back of his head in my hand, pulling him down for a long, slow, very satisfying kiss goodbye.

*  
 **SQUALL**

The catcalls, cheers and general applause are hard to ignore - and I’m going to have to strangle Irvine for being the one to start it all - but the warm pressure of Zell's lips and tongue against my own allow me to tune it all out for long enough to show him just how much I’m going to miss him. We finally draw apart, both a little flushed, though whether from embarrassment or something warmer, it’s hard to say.

Then, just for fun, I glance up at my friends, and _smirk._

Irvine tips his hat to us, Selphie blushes adorably, and Quistis and Fujin just laugh, from where they are standing with arms locked about each other. Edea is wearing a look that implies patient tolerance and amused disapproval at the antics of two of her boys. 

"Looks like we’re gonna have to set the fire hose on these two," Irvine drawls amiably. "Come on, guys, it ain’t so bad. Time to get your ass on that bus, Zell."

It’s a timely prompt, and one we probably needed. Hyne knows, the longer we stand here, the harder it’s going to get to let him go, and I force myself to push him away firmly, knowing he needs the prompt as much as I do.

Zell sighs, and then ducks back into my arms for one last, desperate hug.

"Love you, babe," he whispers into my ear.

"Love you too," I reply, tightening my hold before I finally let him go, and he backs away, not letting go of my hand until the very last moment, nearly tripping up the steps onto the transport in his effort to watch me, all the way.

He's only going to be gone for six months. Just six, short, simple months, then he's going to be back, teaching classes again, and bouncing off the walls in the SeeD lounge, and reminding me just how much better than me he is at hand-to-hand combat. 

He's only going for six months.

'...whatever...'

Hyne, I miss him already.


End file.
